Star Woman in Love (33 page)

And fuck all the rest, I though. Fuck your family. I didn’t believe in families after all. Their security is only limited. I believed in empowered individuals of whom I was one. And a very powerful one at that. In the past they would have called women like me witches, enchantresses, magicians. You had called me a magic woman before. Now I would show you the power of my magic again. And the taste of my midnight kiss. So I sat still on the bench, breathing deeply to calm my nerves, waiting for you to appear.

It didn’t take long. You and Takota walked up the stairs. Your hair was still wet. You looked sublime. I spoke first.

“Hello, you two.”

“Hi...” was all you could say.

You stepped over to the bench, moving so slowly I thought you were waiting for something to transport you there. Takota shook my hand and laughed. When you got close, we hugged. It was the easiest thing to do, easier than saying anything. We could read each other’s minds again. We were still in love with each other. It was the longest hug I ever gave and received in all my life to date. It was like slipping into eternity. When we finally let go, our return to the reality of being embarrassed ex-lovers was harsh, especially as we had just merged our energy fields: the story they told us was so different from what was standing in front of us.

“Been a while,” I said. “You look well, Oscar.”

Your Adam’s apple was going up and down. I couldn’t keep my eyes off it. Would you ever say anything to me? Takota kept looking at you and me, grinning with amusement.

“You look...”

More silence.

“Stellar...”

Your cheeks went red. Poor baby, still as shy as the day we met. Still as clumsy. It didn’t matter that you knew every bit of my body like the back of your hand. And I knew every single freckle on yours. We stood in silence, staring at each other. Perhaps Takota felt a bit out of place and decided to quietly walk away. In a second I found myself back in time, at a random junction the second before one of the countless kisses I had given you. So I kissed you. And you let me. We kissed sweetly. Our tongues asked for the forgiveness we couldn’t articulate in words. I was melting in you and you in me. And then my heart pulled out, having reached the wound you had inflicted on it.

“Sorry, Oscar.”

I stepped back and put my hands on your mouth. You took them in your hands. I shook them free and ran away, up the road to the Strand. I saw Takota by the Martello Tower, waiting for you. I waved a quick goodbye.

“See you next week.”

I kept running till I reached my car, started the engine and drove straight to the Transformation Centre. I couldn’t think about one single logical thing throughout the journey. Twenty minutes later I was parking my car along the quays when I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

“Cassandra, hello! Are you going to the Centre?”

I was surprised to see my faery friend Tage De Vries. He always seemed to be the first familiar face I would meet whenever something important happened between you and me.

“Tage, hey! Yes, I’m going over. Would you have time for a chat on the way? Something’s happened between Oscar and me just half an hour ago. I feel confused and I need to calm down. Perhaps you can help me interpret the situation without any fear?”

“Sure, my pleasure,” he said.

We sat down in a nearby cafe where I relayed the recent events. Tage insisted he couldn’t see what the problem was. Perhaps it wasn’t obvious from his point of view. So I tried to enter into the details of my blockage.

“I have a wound in my heart. It causes fear. It’s deep and it strikes when I least expect it. I thought I was ready to reconnect with love, and destiny presented me with the opportunity. I could hear Oscar’s thoughts. He kept saying in his heart, silently, that he loved me, that I was beautiful. He kept asking himself ‘why did I hurt you like that?’ I thought my love was strong and I could get over his doubts. I forgot about my own too. Then time stood still and it felt like we were both back in time, before anything bad had ever happened between us. I kissed him. I initiated the kiss. It was perfect. As if we were still the same Cassandra and Oscar, the Twins who had made it together to Shambhala, and he was still the king under whose feet the Lia Fáil had roared. I was still the woman who was meant to change the course of history. It felt wonderful, I felt like I was me again.”

My cappuccino was getting cold in its cup. “Then it all came crashing down. I remembered we had lost our opportunity. Oscar was capable of great hatred towards me. What was I doing? He had chosen a different pathway. Not to mention that we are no longer journeying together on the road to Shambhala. I remembered Matt, who loves me constantly and in the present. I don’t know... Suddenly the element of time returned to my perception, and I was jolted back into the reality of a lifetime in which I have to come to terms with the wrong choice that Oscar made. Which involves me, as we all know, unfortunately...”

“Cassie, perception makes reality. Everything is possible. It depends on what and whom you set your mind on, and the frame of mind that you are in. I don’t think anything bad happened. It’s early days. You’ve got to start afresh, you have to learn that the past doesn’t really exist. To get what your heart wants now you only must remember that you come from the future. You have forgotten, Cassandra. You think you’re a loser. But not in the future. In the future, you are an angel.”

I stared at my cappuccino trying to figure out what Tage words meant. Two years earlier, you couldn’t even see me and I couldn’t hear you. That had been a freaky experience. I thought I’d lost my mind completely. This time I felt I was going to meet you, and I did. Just five minutes later you emerged from the water like Venus, naked and reborn in front of me. The symbolism was strong and perfect. We even kissed like two fourteen-year-olds and we reconnected with the Plan. Then I had to pull back. Tage said that my mistake had been due to the fact that I thought I was coming from the past, when in actual fact I was coming from the future. It somehow made sense but not in a rational, logical way. I wanted to understand. That would require some time.

“I think I’m in love with him, Tage.”

“You are, you don’t even need to tell me. I see it in your face and in your eyes. What would you like me to tell the Masters?”

“That I need their help and guidance now more than ever. I feel lost and hopeful at the same time. I don’t know which to a greater extent.”

“They’re two equally useful dynamics. Help from above is always forthcoming, as long as you’re willing to accept it. Are you?”

“I am, absolutely. But I don’t want anyone to get hurt this time.”

“You can’t help it. You can’t save people from their karma. People get hurt only when they allow themselves. You should have learned as much by now. Cassie, this is not what you’ve come here for.”

My ‘eureka moment’ finally arrived.

“Oh, Tage, I get it now! I have been time-travelling, I’m visiting from the future. The Masters have sent me back! I am coming back from the future and you have accompanied me to make sure I won’t get lost. The famous signpost-date, 21.12.2012 is the direction I am heading from. I should stop trying to remember the past if I want to stop recreating it. Now I have to reconnect with the future, I have to use my imagination. That is the only way I can actually heal the tear in the Plan that Oscar’s abandonment symbolises. I am starting to figure things out. At last. If he accepts me for who I am now, the world at large is going to be ready to welcome our race of angels in its midst.”

I looked at my fairy friend’s broad smile. He agreed.

“Okay, back on track. Let’s go to the Centre now and see what’s in store there.”

Still wearing my yoga gear and with a real faery in tow, I walked the cobblestones of Temple Bar among crowds of tourists and artists. We lingered for a couple of minutes in the main square to listen to a busker while he was singing an up-tempo ‘Over the Rainbow’. Then we reached the Centre at the far end of Essex Street. I could see a person in the distance, waving at me. The sun was shining in my face so I couldn’t tell who it was. As I approached, Mr Harker’s silhouette stood out clearly by the entrance door. What was he doing there? Wasn’t he supposed to be in Peru that week?

“Good afternoon, Cassandra. I have come back early from my holiday as you can see. I have to show you something very important!”

Tage gave a knowing look to Harker, and the Englishman winked back at him. Neither of them wanted to offer any explanation as to their behaviour. I wasn’t meant to ask. When you come back from the future, all information that can direct you back there has to come from the inside, it has to emerge from your heart.

The three of us went inside the building and straight to my office at the back of the ground floor. Conor was in the music studio at the entrance. He saw us walking in and joined us with the pretext of asking us if we wanted a cup of tea. Robert produced his laptop from his bag. There was some footage he wanted to show us. He had filmed it himself the week before.

“Wait till you see this. It’s a photo of the snow-capped Andes. Tell me, who is this? ”

My eyes almost popped out of their orbits. The play of the shadows on the snowy peaks had drawn a very familiar face: my own.

“And this is not all. Look at this; it was taken in the Rain Forest two weeks ago. The local tribe has started worshipping the Tree Lady, as they call her...”

And there I was again. This time my features emerged from the buttress roots of a massive tree in the Amazon. It looked as though my face had been sculpted from the tree trunk. Close inspection, however, revealed my features were made of tiny roots and knots that sprouted from the tree itself. I looked at Tage for an explanation. He raised both eyebrows to mimic great amazement. At one rate I thought they were pulling my leg. But those images were real. Conor looked puzzled.

“Why me, Robert? Who am I?”

I wanted to cry. My memory was going in the wrong direction. The weight of my responsibility for something I couldn’t quite grasp, something I may even have lost forever, crashed on my shoulders. Loneliness descended upon me. What force was calling my face to appear on the Andes, and in the Amazon Forest? What and who was I supposed to remember here? Or who was supposed to remember me? What was I supposed to do? Where was I coming from? Where was I headed? An hour before I was in your arms, tasting your kisses again. Now I was the Tree Lady worshipped as a nature spirit.

I had not a comment to offer that could make even the most remote sense. Conor was speechless. By contrast, Tage was laughing his head off. Harker, ever so quick to capitalise on the opportunity for some further profit, was in great spirits.

“This is the best advertising campaign we could ever hope for. And the most original. The Centre is ready to multiply the number of its followers. You are going to be big, Cassandra. Huge. Stellar!”

When he mentioned the last word, a light-bulb was switched on in my mind, spelling out two words: Lady Meta. I was Lady Meta, the daughter of Lady Venus and Lord Sanat Kumara. Cassandra was my human identity, something like a middle name, like a suit you wear for a job interview. I was processing too much information too quickly. I felt dizzy all of a sudden, and fainted on the spot.

* * * *

Oscar watched Cassandra run up the road and disappear in the distance. The girl had wings at her feet. She couldn’t wait to get out the situation that together they had brought into being. One second she was back in his life, as if nothing had ever happened but love between them. Then, in a flash, she was Cinderella running to get to her coach before it turns into a pumpkin. Oscar didn’t feel like Prince Charming though, and definitely no crystal slipper was left for him to pick up and trace the runaway back. She was gone like she had meant it. First she had initiated the kiss, and then she had stopped it. She was obviously confused.

He wanted to follow her but his feet couldn’t move. His heart and his head seemed to have different ideas. Again. What had he done? Why did he betray his family so easily? Or did he? He had felt alive holding Cassandra. Like he hadn’t in ages. He scratched his head and started pacing up and down the pavement. Ten minutes later, he was still there. Takota went over to check on his friend.

“Oscar, man, let’s go and get a drink. It’ll make you calm down. The power that girl has on you is as strong as ever.”

Oscar turned his absent-minded eyes away. He was thinking about the following week when he would have to see Cassandra every day. They were going to have to talk and interact with the rest of the participants throughout the event. He thought he was over her though he had always suspected that he was lying to himself. The truth was that he was still madly in love with his ex.

“I think it’s time for me to take a journey,” he said at last. “I should go on my own. But perhaps a drink to calm my nerves wouldn’t be wasted on me right now. I have to go home and tell Charlotte I need some time off. She might take it as the final straw...”

The two men went to a pub on the main street. They drank their pints of Guinness in silence. We had been observing them for the entire afternoon. Takota, of course, was one of us. He had already reached the destination and was travelling back from the future. His presence was enough for us to detect Oscar. Otherwise our monitors in Shambhala wouldn’t have been able to pick his signal and project his actions on our screens.