Star Woman in Love (35 page)

You had set out on a mission to fight that darkness. To stop it from boycotting the good the Universe was sending in your direction. To stop you from hurting yourself and those who loved you, like me. It would take time. You were vulnerable while I had become immortal. The Dark Side was going to jeopardise the Plan through you this time. I had become invincible so they couldn’t even try to trick me. But you were a bright light in the darkest of nights. You were an easy target. I wanted to help you but I knew I couldn’t interfere with your last bit of karma. I told my heart to shine even more brightly as you were to enter the World of your Fears. I tried to figure out how I had managed to overcome my darkness and find myself in Shambhala. Perhaps I was stronger than you. Perhaps I was more aware. Most importantly, my DNA was programmed to make me ascend. And even if I understood what had worked for me, what was the point? You were still going to have to do your own work alone. This was the nature of the final initiation. This was the last chapter of the transformation, when one’s nightmares become true.

I was going to be drawn into your World of Fear. I had no choice but to comply with your soul’s request. Of course, I wasn’t afraid. At this stage I had realised that the web of illusions the ego spins melts like snow in the Light of one’s True Self. Whatever terrible background you were going to set against me, it was going to be like role-playing to me. I knew the Truth. By contrast, it would look abominable to you. You were still searching for the Flame in your heart, without whose Light the distortions of the ego seem very real.

* * * *

Dublin, September 2001

On the first day of September we both went to a spiritual gathering in Leap, West Cork. We had found our true feelings for each other again. That kiss in Sandycove had acted like a portal that took me back to the Akashic Records, and threw you back into your shadows. Whilst you were busy reconnecting all the parts of your life that one terrible event had shattered, I was having the time of my life in my newly ascended body. I could now visit Shambhala as soon as I needed to recharge my batteries. Of course you were not there. Lady Myriam was also companionless: her Twin Flame and mine were still battling it out with their self-images on the three dimensional Earth.

Shambhalians were already celebrating my victory on the White Island. From time to time, however, according to the drama you were playing out, I would visit the Earth to take part in the performance you were creating for me. But my days on the three dimensional Earth were numbered and my visits became more and more sporadic. Just like Peter Pan, the purpose of my travels back to Earth was to free my shadow: you. The only reason I couldn’t stay in the now uninterruptedly was your absence. I would always be looking for you. Our destinies are always intertwined.

In your days of deep forgetfulness, our higher selves communicated through astral projections and planned for us to meet in a place or in a situation that would help you recover the memories that were still eluding you. The spiritual gathering in Leap was one of these occasions, although it also had a more universal relevance. It was a rendezvous of highly evolved souls and time-travellers to counteract a massive blow that the Dark Side was about to deal on the fragile mental stability of humanity.

The planet was plagued by fear and terror. The Dark Forces were about to stage an impeccably crafted attack on the sense of security of the most powerful country in the world. The time coordinates of this event would become one of the saddest dates in modern history: 11.09.2001. A group of powerful Lightworkers had gathered in Leap to hold ceremonies and create a strong centre of Light on the planet before the low frequency of fear would hit the Earth in all directions. The party of approximately one hundred adepts met in the location of an important time portal, indicated by the stone circle of Drombeg. This recumbent circle is made up of seventeen standing stones and has its altar stone lying to the South West. It’s a portal to various dimensions. It looks like standing stones to the uninitiated. Through the second sight, however, one can see that it is in actual fact a very complex mechanism, a time-travelling machine that looks like a palace made of crystals glimmering in the Light.

I arrived in Leap with Matt, Tage and Conor in tow. While we drove through the only street, it became obvious that we had entered a timeless dimension. The place looked as if it was made of gel. This was the sign that matter and form were not that clearly defined here, and there was plenty of space for potentiality.

We were staying at the only hotel in the place. As soon as we arrived we found you in the hall, checking in on your own. You had a big canvas bag across your shoulder and carried your inseparable drawing pad, just like you did on the day we met. You avoided eye contact and continued filling in the form with your details. You just about managed to greet your brother and nod at us. Matt clenched my arm as if to assert his presence in my life where you had once been. You disappeared in a matter of seconds. As brief as it was, that was our first contact in the third dimension following my complete transformation. I was time-travelling and even the sight of you in such a low state of vibration couldn’t wipe the Truth from my consciousness.

We didn’t meet again until the following day. We joined a small number of adepts, a group of tribal elders and shamans from various parts of the world, and a handful of Lightworkers from Ireland to perform a ritual at Drombeg. Our intention was to bring down the Light from higher dimensions to the third dimensional Earth in order to create a protective, invisible vortex. It would continue spinning for the next couple of days. Without it, the inhabitants of the Earth wouldn’t stand much of a chance to survive the third world conflict that the Dark Forces were trying to initiate. They were about to stage a fear-laden event that would shake the very foundation of human society for years to come.

At the site, we bumped into each other in the meadow. I had gone for a walk in the fresh morning air, leaving all activities behind for a couple of minutes of solitary appreciation of nature’s beauty. The view on the sea from Drombeg is breathtaking and vast. I wanted to gaze at the water and feel at one with it. I sensed your presence behind me. You wanted to talk.

“Cassandra...”

“Hi, Oscar.”

I smiled as I kept my eyes on the horizon and my back firmly on you. The vastness of the view that stretched in front of us made the awkwardness of silence taste sweet. A soft breeze was blowing in my face and the atmosphere was momentum.

“One day you will be a god”,
I thought.
“Ah, the things we could do together then.”

In slow motion, I turned to face you pretending you were the ex-lover you thought you were.

“So...”, I said.

“I thought it would be better if I spoke to you in private, Cassie.”

Your eyes were dilated with excitement and you were blushing. You avoided meeting my eyes as you talked. Your body language was such a clear giveaway of your emotions. I kept my distance not to confuse you any further.

“Sure,” I said. “If it’s to do with the other day, Oscar, I think we are big enough to disregard it as an instance of old habits dying hard or something.”

A smirk was plastered on my face. You laughed nervously but didn’t seem very convinced. The more I looked at your face, the more I realised you were deeply in love with me but fear forced you to deny your feelings and not to listen to your poor, beaten heart. It was ironic that I could heal everyone who came close to my magnetic field, but one person: you.

You nodded. “Yep, that’s what I wanted to say. I just wanted to check with you that you were okay about it.”

“I would never come between you and your family, Oscar, if that’s what you’re afraid of. And I don’t want to hurt Matt either. It was really nothing, let’s face it.”

I kept wondering why you were so unwilling to admit you had feelings for me, and that all that jazz which had juxtaposed itself between you and me in the past was just delirious stuff compared to the depths of our love. I was also puzzled as to why you had not invited your family to the event. You didn’t offer much of an explanation apart from standing next to me for a long while.

You gave me a knowing side-glance and a laconic smile. “I’ve just come back from a walkabout. We’re standing on the cusp of something huge here. I needed to clean my head and I could only do it on my own. You know how I can get. I’ve not changed that much since the old days...”

You’d not changed, it was true. You still craved your solitude like a desert needs a shower. I had learned to keep my frequency still and not to reach out and harmonise mine with yours. But old habits die hard. As I was paying intent attention to this new ability I had acquired, I didn’t realise that my hands were doing their own thing. They placed themselves on your heart. I noticed I couldn’t shelter it as I could so many times in the past. For all the powers I had, I had lost my ability to help you. I had to keep it in mind from then onwards, to avoid embarrassing you as I had just done. I removed my hands in haste and placed them in the pockets of my combat trousers.

“Sorry... that was unnecessary and patronising. You can look after yourself very well, you don’t need me to mother you... really, I apologise...”

I had offended you. “You see, Cassandra. You think you own the world. But you don’t. You don’t own me. Can’t you read my lips? I am happy solo as things stand. Solo from you. That’s why I didn’t bring my family over here. I know you would look down on my wife and child as if you were someone superior and your life was so much better. But they understand me, and they don’t force me to relate to them all the time. Like you did. I heard the things you teach. You think everything and everyone is in a relationship with you. Not everybody needs to mirror themselves in you, you see. You think you are the centre of the world. Well, you know what I think? Your head is still up your arse, girl. You’re not half as good as you think you are.”

You hissed every word you said with disdain and the intention to hurt me. I didn’t mind. I was immune to hurt of that kind in the Light I could now hold. I disagreed with your view of my teachings. Everybody is the centre of their world, and indeed we are all relations, we all mirror each other. However, not to disturb your dream of lies and illusions, I continued playing my part, and feigned resentment. I wanted to make sure you believed you had hit the target, so I started to cry. You thought I meant my tears but they were only a well-staged act on my part. I drew a long, deep sigh and continued to defend myself.

“You’re entitled to your opinion although it cuts like a knife. I didn’t mean to offend you. And I really didn’t know you were so angry with me. But so be it. I’ll keep my distance. For the sake of this gathering and the urgent Light-Work we must accomplish over the next week or so, let’s raise a white flag. Our souls must lift themselves over whatever grudge we must be carrying. We have great deeds to do and our minds must be immaculate. Here.”

I offered you my hand. You shook it firmly and said:

“Deal. Okay, I’m off now. Chin up.”

You walked away as fast as you could, back to the marquee where food was being served to the participants. I stared at your aura as you trailed across the meadow. It seemed to be made of dense black clouds but the golden Light of your soul was still filtering through.

“Ca-hax! Want to eat something?”

Matt was running towards me with a sandwich in his hand and a bottle of mineral water. I raised my thumb up as I realised I was completely famished despite the huge breakfast we had had in the morning.

“Come and see the pretty view! The mist has lifted and we can cast our glance for miles and miles. Do you think that’s France over there?”

“It can’t be,” I said. “It’s just an island off the coast, silly!”

Matt threw himself on top of me and kissed me passionately. He didn’t say a word but I understood his message very well. He felt threatened by your presence and needed reassurance. I looked into his sincere big blue eyes and wished we could always be that close. But my need for his help was starting to become redundant and our goodbye was approaching.

* * * *

Drombeg, 10 September 2001

On the last day of our gathering, a captive audience of holy men and women congregated to listen to Cobar Sims address us under a perfect blue sky. The Aborigine elder would tell us a story. Through his words, the creation myth of the land of Ireland, on whose soil we stood as humble soldiers of love, came alive. The ancestors walked through the portal encircled by the standing stones, to join us in our meeting. Nature spirits, angels, star folks and totems filtered in from higher dimensions.

Takota told us to collect stones from the surrounding area, and bring them in our pockets and bags to place them in a spot to the North of the circle. We would make a heap, or cairn, to mark the site where our requests had been formulated, and to kick-start their manifestation. Our wishes had to be asked for the highest benefit of all concerned. That way we could be assured immediate delivery by the Universe.

You stood up next to your two friends and mentors. The cotton shirt you wore was the same colour of the sky. I could see the king you are in all of his splendour. The Light of your soul radiated from your Core Star. You looked spectacularly handsome and I rejoiced at the sight. You glanced at me for half a second. Our eyes met. All the knowledge we shared came pouring through our heart-connection. Like a moonbeam of pleasure, rapture erupted from the seat of my soul to yours. I didn’t plan to do it. It happened naturally. We were reconnected by an invisible thread. My mission was accomplished, despite the shape of things to come may indicate otherwise.