Starlaw (16 page)

I have to do this. I have to do it now or it's over.

The oath she'd sworn echoed in her head. To serve. To protect. To defend.

Self-loathing bubbled up. She cried out in rage as her free hand balled into a tight fist.

“Goddammit!” she whispered as she lowered the weapon, took a deep breath, and put the safety back on. “Damn me to hell!”

A long moment passed. She stared at the deck.

Voices in the passageway outside the stasis area faded. The crew was looking for someone with a stolen weapon. This might be the last place they expected to find a thief but find her they would. Once caught, she'd be locked up forever or maybe even put to death. This entire plan had come to nothing. And she'd still pay for it. All because she couldn't pull the damned trigger.

“It may be hard to believe right now, but you've done the right thing.”

Laurel lifted her head, briefly closed her eyes, and slowly turned. That deep, baritone voice was all too familiar. She gazed into the shadows as a very large, looming figure stepped into the light.

He put out one hand.

She squared her shoulders and placed the weapon on his upturned palm. Her gaze met his. She refused to look away, ready to accept punishment. No excuses. She'd expected disdain or even triumph, but the expression in his eyes was surprisingly gentle. Still, she knew the consequences and accepted what he'd do.

“I knew this was too damn easy,” she admitted. “Why did you let me get this far? Or was I tonight's entertainment?”

Darius moved so that he stood inches from her. “I didn't believe you'd be capable of going through with it. You're an enforcer, not a murderer. But
you
had to know it, too!”

“I-I don't understand.”

“I've stood in that exact same spot, wanting Goll dead. I might have done what you just attempted except I suddenly realized that what's waiting for him will be far worse than anything I could ever do. Trust me, Laurel … he won't get away with his crimes.”

He turned his attention to Goll for a moment. The brief silence that followed puzzled her. “Aren't you going to call for your guards?”

“No. I'm not.”

When she would have voiced more questions, the hatch suddenly opened, and Barst walked in with a half-smile on his bear-like, amiable face. “The uh …
drill
… we arranged is over. I'll take the weapon back to the armory.”

Laurel glanced between the two men. They both bore expressions of amused conspiracy. As the commander handed over the weapon she'd stolen, she nodded in understanding. “Of course! All the other weapons were locked away in containers I couldn't get to. There were just a few available, on open display. I'll bet that thing isn't even armed, is it? None of those I could have grabbed are armed.”

“Correct,” Barst answered. Then he turned to his superior. “The security chief is a bit confused but I'll calm him down. And I've called an end to general quarters. As far as anyone knows, this is another one of your impromptu tests, sir.”

“Good,” Darius responded. “I'll escort
her
back to her quarters and fill 'er in on the story,” he advised as he nodded toward Laurel.

She simply stood there blinking. She was apparently not under arrest, nor was she to be charged with a very serious crime. Somehow, with Barst's help, the commander had made her escapade look like some kind of training session.

Filled with questions, she opened her mouth to speak but he held up one hand to silence her.

“Wait until we get to your quarters. We'll talk there.” He nodded toward his second-in-command. “Let me know if there're any problems. I'll see you tomorrow morning for briefings.”

Dumbstruck, she let him take her arm and guide her through the many passageways, back to her small space down the hall from the med bay. They met a few crewmembers along the way. All greeted their superior cordially. None of them seemed the least bit put out by the alarm or her presence with their commander.

Once inside her quarters, with the hatch closed safely behind them, he walked to her miniscule view port and considered the sights before him before turning to speak.

“Go ahead now. Ask what you will,” he instructed.

“How the hell did you know I'd even do such a thing? How
could
you have known?”

“You've been aboard for less than a month but I've seen this coming. I've ordered the security chief to take the guards off the armory hatches. I've issued orders to allow you full access to that area, and instructed personnel to let you take unarmed display weaponry at your discretion. I didn't know
when
you'd do it, but there was no doubt about your eventual intent. If it wasn't tonight, it would have been the next night or the one after.” He lifted one brow and nodded. “After that rather angry and uncalled for display I put on in the galley, I figured I'd pushed you into acting tonight. I was correct.”

She unceremoniously plopped down on the edge of her bunk. Shock and utter amazement kept her from gracefully taking a seat. “You pissed me off on purpose. But … I still don't … I don't … ”

“I told you. I understand better than anyone else what you're going through. A few nights after you came aboard, I took a fully armed weapon from the armory and meant to blow that damned, savaging bastard all over this part of the galaxy.” He took a deep breath, briefly closed his eyes, and continued more calmly. “I couldn't do it any more than you could. We aren't Goll. We could never kill unless it was in self-defense.”

“But you didn't know for
sure
.”

“That was why I allowed only unarmed display weaponry to be made available. What I wasn't sure of before, I know quite decisively now. You couldn't do it. You'd have always wondered had I not allowed you to make the decision yourself. And now that we know, we'll both sleep better.”

She shook her head in confusion. “But h-how will you explain my actions tonight? And yours?”

“Section heads have been told the entire thing was another of many drills I occasionally think up. I was the one who issued the general alarm so as to make the circumstances seem realistic. The theft of the weapon from the armory was to have simulated a real theft by someone having full access to that area of the ship. What was being supposedly tested wasn't the actual theft, but the crew's
response
in searching the passageways and living quarters.”

“But—”

“The particulars won't matter. The crew will believe what I tell them. Trust me when I say I've thought up far more bizarre drills. Tomorrow, I'll issue critiques on the crew's response times, and they'll be better off for the experience.”

“Normally, someone like me would have never even been allowed so near the armory. Is that it?”

He simply nodded.

She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and watched as he sank into an oversized console chair across the space. “You wanted this to happen, didn't you?”

“There was no other way, Laurel. I went through it. I knew, from the look on your face when I confirmed your friends' deaths that you'd end up wanting blood. I just pushed enough buttons to make you ready. My actions only facilitated the inevitable. I let you make a choice to the good of your soul, and without any harm being done.”

Angry that she'd been so easily manipulated, Laurel clasped her hands in her lap and stared out the view port for a long time. If he knew her that well in such a short time, what else could he glean? And when had she become so transparent to begin with? The man had almost turned psychic where she was concerned, and his understanding of her rage was frightening.

He leaned forward. The position put him very close to her.

“Would you like to hear a story that better explains my actions?”

She lifted one shoulder and let it fall. The gesture was far more nonchalant than she felt. Of course she wanted to know where he was coming from but was afraid to ask.

He leaned back in the chair and stared into the distance.

She got the impression he was trying to find the right way to say something that wasn't coming easily.

“About thirteen years ago, a young woman boarded a transport vessel with her two-year-old child. They were bound for Tarsus Minor. It's a garden world but a few weeks from Luster. She … she'd … decided to escape an unhappy relationship.” He paused as if he was trying to keep his composure. “The … vessel wasn't heavily armed. Not many luxury class ships really are. The trip should have been uneventful.”

Laurel's mouth went dry. Some part of her didn't want to hear what he was about to say. The commander got up, paced around the small space, and then finally sat beside her on the small bunk. The expression on his face was terrible. His deep green eyes were almost glassy as he stared into the distance.

“A vamphiere pirate contingent happened upon the ship. A short battle ensued when the transport captain wouldn't let the pirates aboard. He made the mistake of trying to outrun his attackers. It didn't take more than a few minutes for the pirates to blow the transport into a thousand pieces. Of course, there were no survivors. But the vamphieres were successful in making an example of the captain's escape attempt.”

For a very long time, they sat in silence. He kept staring at the far bulkhead. She sat there, staring at him.

“Who w-was this woman and child?”

“My wife and little girl,” he softly told her. Then he shook his head slightly as if trying to rally. “The leader of the vamphiere contingent was a man named Gorm. He was Goll's sire. Goll was said to have been at the helm of the pirate ship when the order was given to kill eight hundred men, women, and children who were only emigrating.

“My god!” she whispered.

“Gorm openly bragged from one end of the galaxy to the other. He was particularly proud about that …
victory
,” Darius bitterly said. “I spent the next two years of my life chasing him. From one nebula to another, from one sector of darkest space to the next … I finally caught up with him and had him cornered on a small mining colony in the Vega system. My superiors ordered me to hold off making any arrest. They wanted him cornered to stand trial, and being so personally involved with the man's deeds put me in a precarious position.” He sneered. “I didn't give a damn! I issued an ultimatum for total surrender. I knew Gorm would never accept and that he'd attack a better armed war class Constellation League bird-of-prey rather than submit to arrest. Vamphieres are nothing if not arrogant bastards!”

“You killed him,” she whispered.

“I ordered truncheon bombs aimed into parts of his hull where he and his minions would surely survive long enough to suffer. I wanted him to live just long enough to know who'd beaten him. I drew the situation out for as long as possible, just for the satisfaction of watching his ship and every one of his henchmen burn.” He turned toward her. “Fire is one of the things they fear most. I felt nothing but satisfaction when I saw their vessel burn from bow to stern.”

“But Goll—”

“Wasn't aboard. For whatever reason, Gorm's misbegotten by-blow escaped. But I later learned he was alive and where he might be. I went after him with all the zeal I'd used to chase down his sire.”

Laurel swallowed hard. Clearly some part of the vampire legend didn't hold true if the species could breed. Sadly, Goll was a result of that mistaken mythology. She wasn't sure she wanted to know more about the creatures than she already did.

She licked her lips, moved closer to him, and gazed up into his eyes. Rage had darkened their color. Anger over his behavior in the past now warred with pity. In the past half hour, everything had changed between them and she wasn't sure she could deal with the difference.

“I-I told you I took a weapon from the armory and fully intended to go to the stasis center and see him fry.
Slowly
. All I could think about was Kyrie … ” His voice broke, his hands clenched into fists, and he quickly stood and faced a bulkhead. “She was so little. She shouldn't have had to suffer the fear she must have … in the moments prior to … there were other children on that … ”

“Stop! Please stop,” Laurel begged as she got up to join him. She put one hand on his back and stood by his side.

He finally faced her.

The expression he wore now was stoic and fearsome. “Astral and I shouldn't have quarreled. My duties kept me away from home and we'd grown apart. She hinted she'd leave but I didn't believe her. She threatened to take Kyrie away. I warned her about even trying. I wasn't about to let anyone separate me from my little girl. She and I couldn't … ” His words trailed away and he simply stopped talking.

In telling the reason for why he'd wanted Goll dead, he'd revealed how he'd risk his career and probably his life toward that end. He'd begun to explain the history behind his hate.

Laurel didn't want to hear it. The gut-wrenching tale made him seem all too human when she didn't want to recognize him as anything but an autocratic, arrogant bully.

There was no denying the validity of every syllable. Before her stood a man who'd have broken any rule and ignored any order to take down creatures responsible for his family's death. He'd probably been brought up on charges stemming from his actions and it might have taken a very long time to recover from the circumstances. But he hadn't mentioned caring about any of that.

The thought that a child had been involved was too awful to contemplate. But she now understood exactly how and why he'd known
her
intentions.

On his face was the rage and deadly resolve she'd felt. To keep her from ending up another victim, through killing an unarmed vamphiere in a stasis cell, he'd set up a scenario by which he'd let her decide what was right, and mitigated the circumstances all at the same time. But why go to all the trouble? If she'd killed Goll, two of his worst problems would have been solved. Goll would've been dead. She'd have been charged with the murder and probably executed for it. That was her summation of the situation. So all that really needed answering was
why
.