Starring Me (30 page)
Ma nodded, her eyes wide.
The doctor pulled a small steno notebook from his jacket pocket. “I’ll be in there, taking notes.”
“Can we come with her?”
The doctor looked at the room full of people. “I’m afraid that wouldn’t be a good idea. Just one or two at a time, until we know for sure what we’re dealing with.”
“Please, Ma.” Kara spoke quietly into her mother’s ear. “Let me come with you.”
She looked at her children, all of whom nodded their agreement. “Okay, Kara. You gotta help me, though. I don’t want Ralph to think I’m scared.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Kara walked beside her mother as the doctor used his ID badge to open the doors leading to the ICU. The hallway smelled like stale bleach and plastic. It was cold too, and the temperature combined with her nervousness made Kara shiver. She peered into rooms with patients sleeping in beds, monitors beeping, and IV bags dripping. The nurses greeted Ma.
“Good to see you, Ruthie.”
“We’re taking good care of him.”
Their smiles were genuine, but Kara could see the concern behind their eyes. Kara swallowed hard.
Please, God, let Pop be okay
.
The doctor pointed to the last room on the right, and Kara entered behind her mother. Pop was pale and an oxygen tube was in his nose. IVs led from his hands to two different bags at the head of his bed. The green hospital gown hung below his collarbone, revealing a neat row of stitches from the top of his chest below the neck of his gown.
He looks so helpless
. Kara watched her father’s eyes ease open and focus on her and her mother.
“Ruthie.” He smiled.
Kara’s heart beat faster.
He knows us!
“Ralph.” Ma took his fingers in her hand. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“What happened?”
“You had a heart attack. Triple bypass surgery.”
Pop winced. “Explains why I feel like I got an elephant sitting on top of me.”
“I need to ask you some questions.” Ma wiped the tears from her eyes. “Dr. Busti wants to make sure your brain is all right.”
Pop let out a weak smile. “Too late for that.”
“Do you remember our anniversary?”
Pop closed his eyes. “I remember seeing you in your dress. You were beautiful.”
“But do you remember the date?”
Pop sighed. “No. Did I used to remember it?”
Ma looked at Kara.
“What about my birthday, Pop? Do you remember that? ”
The blood pressure machine beside the hospital bed came to life, causing both women to jump. Ma’s expert gaze watched as her husband’s temperature, pulse, and blood pressure reading appeared on the screen.
“My birthday, Pop? Remember?”
He took a deep breath. “I’m tired. I can’t think right now. I’m sorry.”
Kara looked at the doctor.
“That’s all right, Mr. McKormick. You get your rest. Your wife and daughter can come back later.”
The doctor motioned for Kara and Ma to leave the room.
“Can’t we stay?” Kara asked the doctor.
“He’ll be asleep for a while. I’ll send a nurse for you as soon as he wakes up again.”
“He couldn’t remember dates,” Kara said.
The doctor walked beside Ma. “That doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t remember them. I’m encouraged that he knew both of you and that his speech wasn’t impaired. Both of those are good signs.”
“Good.” Kara nodded. “So he’s going to be all right? ”
Ma held Kara’s arm. “The first couple days will tell us whether or not he’ll recover.”
“B-but he’s awake and t-talking,” Kara stammered.
“I know, sweetie, but that doesn’t mean he’s out of the woods.”
Dr. Busti touched Ma’s shoulder. “Sometimes being too knowledgeable about medicine is a bad thing.”
“What do you mean?” Kara asked.
“Your mom has seen a lot of cases. Not all have ended well. But your father is strong.”
“You have to say that,” Ma said. “But we both know Ralph’s heart is weak. And a triple bypass . . .”
“Positive thoughts, Ruthie,” Dr. Busti said before walking down another hallway.
Positive thoughts? What do those do? Pop needs more than positive thoughts. He needs a miracle. Positive thoughts don’t bring miracles
.
The double doors opened, and Kara and her mother were assaulted by family. Kara couldn’t stand the thought of hearing her father’s condition repeated, so she pulled Addy out and into the elevator.
“That was quick.”
“Pop’s tired.” Kara tried to force herself not to cry. “But he knew us.”
“That’s good.”
“Ma says he’s still not out of the woods.”
The girls were silent as the elevator stopped at the fourth floor and a woman stepped on. Kara remained silent as the elevator inched its way to the bottom floor. When the doors opened, she made her way outside, to the small garden someone from the hospital had donated in memory of a loved one who had died.
“What if he dies?” Kara picked a purple flower from a bush.
“Don’t think like that.”
“It’s possible, Addy.” Kara looked at her friend, tears in her eyes. “I have to prepare myself. Thinking there’s no God and nothing after life is fine when everyone you love is healthy. Things change when your pop is lying in ICU, fighting for his life.”
Addy sat on a bench. Kara joined her.
“Both your parents died.” Kara remembered the story of how Addy’s parents had been killed in Colombia, South America, when Addy was just six. “How did you deal with it? ”
“It was awful. I was so young, I don’t remember what I thought about it. Just that I missed them.”
“But you believe you’ll see them again, right?”
“I do.” Addy breathed deeply.
“But if my pop doesn’t believe? Then what? He’s a good person. God wouldn’t send him to hell, would he?”
“The Bible makes it clear that there’s just one way to heaven.” Addy’s smile was sad.
“Yes, but this is my pop.” Kara’s tears streamed down her face and she felt like her lungs would explode. “He can’t—What kind of loving God would send a man like my pop to hell, just because he didn’t believe in him?”
Addy held Kara’s hand. “Kara, God loves your father more than you can imagine.”
“Then why did this happen?”
“I don’t know. Why did my parents get killed for doing what was right? Why do innocent children die in Africa because of diseases we have cures for? Terrible things happen here on earth.”
“So what good is God, then? Why doesn’t he fix all this? ”
Addy sighed. “I heard a quote once that said our lives here on earth are like a one-night stay in a really bad hotel.”
“What?”
“Eternity is forever.” Addy motioned to the sky with her hands. “Compared to that, this time here on earth is short. It’s not perfect, but God never promised it would be. He even told his followers that they would experience difficulties.”
“So what’s the point of following him?”
“Because those who follow Jesus have him to help us through those difficulties. And we have the hope of being with him in heaven forever.”
Kara thought about that. “But Jesus healed people, right? In John, he healed tons of people.”
“He did.” Addy nodded.
“So he can heal my dad.”
“He can.”
“So what do we have to do to make him heal Pop?”
“We can pray, but God isn’t a genie.”
“So we can pray and he can still let Pop die?”
“He could.”
“What good is your faith, then?”
“My faith isn’t in God healing me here on earth,” Addy said. “My faith is in him helping me through life and then allowing me to spend eternity with him in heaven.”
“But I want Pop to live.”
“I know, and I’m praying he will.” Addy rubbed Kara’s back. “But even if he does survive, he’ll eventually die.”
“Thanks.”
“We all will. We die of old age, or we die from heart attacks, or we die at the hands of others. But we all die.”
“God could stop that.”
“He could, but heaven is so wonderful that for those of us who believe, death isn’t something to fear.”
Kara turned to Addy. “How can you not be afraid of death?”
“Because even the greatest joy we can experience here is nothing compared to the joy we’ll have in heaven. There will be no tears, no pain, no loss, no sin. Just pure joy. My parents are experiencing that right now. I’ll get to be there with them someday. I’m not wishing for death, but I’m not afraid of it.”
“I want that, Addy.” Kara pulled her knees to her chest.
Tears fell from Addy’s eyes as she spoke to Kara. “Then tell Jesus. Tell him you want him to save you.”
“How?”
“Talk to him, like a friend.”
“Out loud?”
“If you want. Or you can pray silently. He’ll hear you either way.”
Kara laid her head on her knees. “God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ignored you. I’m sorry for refusing to believe in you before. I do believe you love me. I believe you can forgive my sins.”
Kara’s tears fell onto her jeans. “I want to know you, God. Help me know you. And, please, let my pop be all right. I know you don’t have to. But please make him better. Give him some more time so he can know you too.”
Kara couldn’t speak. Cleansing tears poured from her cheeks and she let them flow, feeling a sense of peace like she had never known before. God
was
real! He was right here with her. She knew it in a way she couldn’t explain. But she knew it. He would be with her no matter what happened. He would help her. She wanted everyone she knew to know this feeling.
“I have to tell Ma and Pop.” Kara jumped up. “I have to tell everyone.”
As the girls walked toward the elevator, they saw a tiny woman with electric blue hair, dressed in a tie-dyed shirtdress, at the visitor’s desk.
“Flora?” Kara ran to her and lifted Flora in a huge hug, her crutches falling loudly to the floor.
“Is your father all right?”
“I don’t know.” Kara put Flora back on the ground. “But I’m all right. Better than all right.”
Flora looked at Kara’s face, then at Addy. “My sister!”
“What?”
Flora held Kara’s hand. “When you become a Christian, you join the body of Christ. So you are now my sister. I knew God was after you. I told you that.”
“You were right.” Kara hugged Flora again.
The elevator opened to allow the three women on.
“Wait, Flora . . . How can you be here? What about the auditions?”
“Oh, Kara.” Flora smiled. “The auditions are over. Most definitely over.”
I
don’t understand.” Kara tried to take in what Flora was saying. “Those weren’t really auditions? ”
“Oh no.” Flora’s hands waved. “They were most certainly auditions. But we were auditioning your character, not your talent.”
“We?”
“Yes, I represent the family of the young man who is going to star in the show.”
“Who is he?”
Flora shook her finger. “We want you to meet in person. As friends and costars. We don’t want you intimidated by his popularity.”
“He’s famous?” Kara said.
“He’s a wonderful young man with whom I believe you will share a beautiful friendship—both on- and offscreen.”
The elevator’s bell announced that the trio had arrived at the sixth floor.
“I can’t . . .” Kara looked at her family in the waiting room as the elevator doors opened. “I have to stay here.”
Addy tried to stop Kara, but she ran into the waiting room, speaking as loudly as she thought the hospital would allow. “McKormick family.” Kara held out her arms, and the twenty people sitting and standing in the room looked up at her. Bloodshot eyes and wadded tissues attested to the heartache they were all feeling.
“Listen up. I need to tell you something. God is real. He is real and he wants to help us, and he wants to speak to us. We can’t make this better, but he can. He can help us through this.”
Kara’s family was frozen. Kara wasn’t sure if their looks were skeptical, patronizing, or genuine. But she didn’t care. “I know we’re not really church people. And I know we’re good people. Ma, you and Pop are the best people I know. But there’s more than being good. Addy here and Flora have been teaching me that, and I finally got it. I got it! And it’s amazing. And Pop has to wake up and get better so I can tell him.”
Kara felt light-headed, and she realized she hadn’t taken a breath at all during that speech.
Ma stood to hug her. “We need all the help we can get right now, Kara.”
Flora put a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “I have some good news too, Mrs. McKormick. Your daughter has been chosen to costar in Teens Rock’s newest show!”