Statistic (14 page)

“I miss you too, buddy. A whole ton!” I take the iPad from the bed, and pull the covers up. “I get so bored without you home.” I laugh and press a kiss to his forehead.

“Mommy, why are we moving?” Liam asks while he looks around the superhero bedroom I took a month to decorate for him. I am sure he is already upset he is going to have to leave his cave of coolness behind, as he calls it.

“I found this really neat house. It has a big yard, and there are tons of little kids your age who live in the neighborhood. Doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than all the old people who live in our complex now?” I smile as his face lights up at the mention of other kids. Something he has constantly been asking for since we moved out of the house Colin and I brought him home from the hospital in. The home I thought we would have grown our family in.

“I guess that sounds like a cool place.” Liam admits. I guess he is too cool to get overly excited about the possibilities the new house holds for us. That is definitely something that he has gotten from his father. I can’t hide my excitement about anything. All my emotions are constantly worn on my face, which is exactly why I wouldn’t open the bathroom door for Colin to see exactly how his choices and changes in life have had a personal impact on me. Even after we are divorced.

“Mommy will make you an awesome new superhero room in the new house and we will also have an awesome space for a real play room so we can take a ton of your toys out of the storage unit now!” And with that, he is totally on board for the new move.

“Sleep tight baby boy.” I give him another kiss and stand up from the bed.

“Mommy, I’m not the baby anymore. Daddy and Jillian’s baby is the baby of the family.” A tear slips from my eye and I try to hide it from my little boy. I shouldn’t let him know how much Colin’s life is impacting me.

“Oh, Liam… you will always be my baby boy.” I smile and close his bedroom door before sliding down the wall to sit on the floor in the hallway and having my second good cry of the day. But this time it isn’t about Colin or all the ideas I once had for life, it is about my future and watching my little boy growing up knowing I want to be able to build a bigger family but knowing I will likely end up alone in the end.

As I am getting ready for bed, the last nights we will be in this condo before the big move, the same move I am completely underprepared for I make myself comfortable in the sitting room at the front of the house to read a book. I would be lying if I told you it was some kind of fantasy action adventure. In reality, I am just another hopeless romantic reading steamy romance novels hoping that one day it will become my life. Tonight my book boyfriend is Jared in Changing His Game, by the wonderful Justine Elvira. God, her books just make me melt

I am deep into this book when I hear a noise outside the front window. Normally I would try and ignore something like this, but after the break in, I just can’t ignore something like that. Without missing a beat, I stand up and make my way to the front door, securing the lock which is something I should have done hours ago when I got Liam ready for bed, but with everything else on my plate… I just freaking forgot.

I walk back into the living room and pick my kindle back up from where I sat on the couch, jumping back into the erotic love story of a porn star and the virginal assistant who had no idea what she was getting herself into. The scenes get steamier and I am half tempted to
take care
of a little business when I hear another noise outside of the window. My heart begins to race and I am too scared to go to the window and look out. I know it is probably a neighborhood cat, but even thinking about Mrs. Powell’s strays isn’t going to help put me at rest tonight.

Instead of continuing my book, I mark my spot and go upstairs to spy out of the window in my bedroom and hope I can see the front of my condo from there.

When I finally make my way into my bedroom and nosily peer out the window, I can’t see anything but the back of a blond man who is walking to a pickup truck parked in the lot. Seems pretty harmless, I think to myself and give up on any kind of reading for the night.

Maybe I need to see someone about this anxiety I am having?

Maybe get on some medication, so I am not so flippin’ paranoid all the damn time.

Logging onto Facebook I notice a message notification. Opening my inbox I see a link from Callie, messaged nearly two hours ago. The title of the CNN news article,
Modern Day Dangers of Online Dating.
Lovely. As if I wasn’t down enough on myself already. Instead of sitting here and reading through everything I just take the time to scan the article, checking out every point that is highlight in bold print.

Diseases in the Age of Careless Sex

He Isn’t Who He Says

When He Doesn’t Understand No

The Reality of True Love

Skip the Net

But it is the last bold that catches my attention the most: When it Becomes Obsession. Which includes recent news stories and links of online dating gone wrong. Mainly with murders. My heart skips a couple beats before jumping up into my throat. I can’t help but wonder if the break in to my house could have been more had that person actually found me at home.

Instead of closing my laptop, I click on my web browser and open up my Fish in the Sea account with one and only goal in mind. Canceling my account and praying I haven’t already done too much damage when it comes to the scary world of online dating. Yes, for many people it may just be fine, but clearly I am the one percent of the population that just attracts the fucking unstable nutcases!

Before I click on the cancel button, I notice one message sitting in my inbox. It isn’t the norm. In fact every time before this I have logged on, I have had lots of messages. Ten, fifteen, even more on some occasions. I go back and forth in my mind, almost not caring who sent me a message but just like in the weeks past, I can’t keep myself from looking. The one plus is I don’t obsessively check my messages like I once did when I first started on this stupid website.

I am glad that I opened my inbox because the one message left hanging is from Jeremy, the man I constantly put on the back burner. I don’t plan on striking up a romantic relationship with him, but it would be rude of me not to reply.

Aurora,

Once again I am sorry I’ve gone missing in action. I’ve had to travel home to deal with

a loss in my family. It seems like fate is not on our side at all huh? I hope you can accept my apology.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Jeremy

I feel bad for everything he has had to deal with. A loss must have really sucked, I mean… whether he was close to the person or not, no one really wants to deal with a family member passing away. Even though I am going to delete my account, I type out a quick message to him including my cell phone number. It will be the only way he can get ahold of me after this.

I press send and hit DELETE ACCOUNT in the subscription settings.

Like that, my venture into online dating is gone. I can only hope that the drama that has been going along with it makes an exit as well. The only thing I have left to do is send Wesley a long Dear John email, because after everything that has happened, there is just no way I would be able to see him again. We both really threw caution to the wind that night. But I just can’t live with the thought of what I did.

Yes, it was freeing to be such a
slut
. But on the other hand, the way I felt after the fact took away the power and high that I got from just saying fuck it for a couple hours of my life.

Wesley,

I hope all is well with you. Life has been nothing short of crazy for me this week.

I never wanted to send this email, but I think it is something we have been both expecting since our

dinner date. While I don’t regret the choices we made, or the brief fling we shared, I don’t feel as

though we will ever be able to build a real relationship from a dinner and a cheap fuck in a public

bathroom. I hate to sound crass, but honesty is the best policy.

You are a very charming man and any woman who does win your heart will be very lucky. I

know this for a fact. I do hope you find the one.

Xoxo

Aurora

I don’t want to say goodbye to Wesley, because in all honesty he is sexy as sin. But, it will be better off in the long run of things. Better off for me and him. Most of all… better off for Liam. I have to keep telling myself the whole dating thing is just different when you have children. Not only that but I have to focus on moving… not looking for a happily ever after. I will get it if it is really in the cards for me. But I need to stop searching for it.

Isn’t that what they say? Your happily ever after will come when you are least expecting it.

As I closed my eyes, I could hear my phone buzzing on the nightstand. Instead of the typical one buzz of a text message, it kept going off. I open my eyes, and look at the nightstand to see Jackson’s name flash on the screen of my phone. It is late and he is calling, but I don’t want to ignore him. I want to talk to him because despite the craziness of the day, I have continued to think of him in the back of my mind all day long. Through the craziness I now call my life.

“Hello?” I say in my sleepy tone. A couple minutes later and I would have been in a deep sleep and he would have completely missed me.

“Hey, I know it is late but I wanted to talk to you before I fell asleep. I crawled in my bed and it smelt like you.” I can’t help but smile hearing his sweet words.

“Aww, well aren’t you sweet?” I giggle into the phone. The flirty nature of the conversation easily flows. Just like most of our interactions.

“When do I get to see you again?” Jackson asks me, and I honestly have no idea.

“Well, I am meeting with Chris McKenzie for a tour of the house and to sign the lease tomorrow. Speaking of that house, what kind of favor did you call in on my behalf? You know you really shouldn’t have done that.” I can’t help but smile into the darkness while I lay here and talk to him.

“Oh it wasn’t a big deal. I've been doing his lawn for years. I just told him I would give him two months free. I kinda did it for selfish reasons anyway.” He lets out a deep boom of laughter that sends goosebumps all over my body.

“Selfish reasons huh?”

“Well, there is the fact that you will live on the same street as me. That is kind of a huge plus for me.” He admits. I only hope that it ends up truly being a good thing, and not the worst mistake I’ve ever made.

“We’ll have to see where this all goes…” I trail off.

“Oh, Aurora. I have nothing but high hopes for us.” And instead of feeling put off or worried, I feel at peace with his words. Excited about the possibilities. Just like I once felt with Colin so many years ago. But I won’t get my hopes up, not just yet. This damn day has been an emotional roller coaster.

“I kind of wish I was there with you,” before I realize what I am saying the damage is done already. I want to be honest, just not that open.

“I can’t think of anything else I would want right this minute. I know I was a gentleman, but I would do just about anything to get you back in my bed, Aurora.” I let out an uncomfortable giggle. I was drunk, and he was exactly how I wanted him to be after the shit show of a day I had… a gentleman.