Statistic (9 page)

“I’m sorry about that,” I apologize to Jackson.

“No need to apologize. You clearly have friends everywhere you go. I like that. Is he an ex-boyfriend or something?” Jackson asks.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. We actually met on Fish in the Sea, but didn’t click. We have an awesome friendship now. Our boys have become great friends.” I answer honestly. I feel like I can talk with Jackson about almost anything. There is just that comfort factor.

“How about ice cream too?” Jackson asks. “I don’t want to say goodnight… yet.” he admits.

“I think ice cream sounds great. You found my weakness.” I wink at him and we start the short walk across the parking lot to the building next door that houses Neighbors Ice Cream, a little mom and pop homemade ice cream shoppe. Also my favorite place in the whole damn town.

Jackson

Why doesn’t she want me?

She is perfect.

But I am forced to take a back burner as she dates all these random men. I will patiently wait for my turn with her because I know in the end, she’ll be mine.

I wonder what these men have that I don’t?

What can they provide for her that I can’t?

How have they caught her attention when I still can’t get her to give me the time of day?

The more days that pass, the more she ignores me. Treating me like some kind of second class citizen. Not worthy of her love or touch. While she gives it away to any man that shows the slightest bit of interest in her.

Not anymore.

It stops today.

It stops now.

I won’t let her push me away anymore.

I deserve my chance like all these other men have gotten.

I won’t let another woman walk out on me.

It is supposed to be a game, but it has become so much more. She is so much more to me than any of the others ever were. I shouldn’t have feelings for her, but I just can’t help it.

Aurora Alexander will be mine in the end. No matter what the fuck I have to do to get her.

To say my date with Jackson went unexpectedly well would be an understatement. It was amazing. Everything about us together as a couple would be perfect. The only problem now is the fact that I am seriously torn between two men and still nursing my obsession with talking to men on this stupid dating website.

It is hard to explain.

I have become obsessed with the attention this site gives me. It is a high. A boost in the low self esteem I have been nursing for years. I crave the full inbox and the flirty connections I make. Even if I don’t want these men, or will never make the time to meet them.

I feel disgusting. Like an internet whore. But God, it feels so good.

Yes, I have two very sexy and charming men in my life. But after being the object of no one’s desire for so long, the attention, the compliments, the feeling I get when I open my page and see a half dozen new messages just does something for me.

Will I add any more men into my dating mix? Nope, because I already have far too many. I’m just not ready to give up the interaction I have on that website. I lay in bed scrolling through my inbox and see all the messages that have come in within the past forty eight hours when my phone vibrates. Brent’s name flashes across the screen, signaling a text.

Your date looks like it went well.

I giggle knowing we totally got caught out. I appreciate the fact that he continues to check up on me after all my dates. I wonder if it is awkward for him to think about, given the fact that we started out on a date before he was friend zoned. But then again, the feeling was mutual.

It went great. I like him. We’ll see what happens.

Looking at the clock, I notice it is only nine, and the sun is shining. I think a relaxing day at the beach is exactly what I need to mentally weed out the men in my life.

What are you doing today?

Brent asks, probably forgetting Liam is with Colin this weekend. The past two weekends we have gotten the boys together for a variety of activities. From the rec center to the brand new playground they put in off of Sawmill Road. Everything that would get the boys out of the house and enjoying the gorgeous summer weather. God knows in another month it will be too hot to do much of anything outside besides go to the pool or beach.

Catching up on some work. Liam is with Colin.

Work is always a good idea when my house is peaceful. Maybe I will call up the girls and see if they want to go to dinner. It has been a couple weeks since we had the chance to get together. Although, I have kind of been putting them off too.

My phone vibrates once, twice, three times and when I finally look down I see a phone call instead of a reply text from Brent. Jackson’s name reads on the display and I nervously answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey Aurora. It’s Jackson.” he nervously answers.

“Hi Jackson. How are you?” Could I sound like anymore of an asshole? Seriously? How are you? What are we? Business associates?

“I was wondering if you had some time this afternoon? I was gonna take the boat out to Disappearing Island and wanted to know if you would like to join?” The girls, or Jackson in a bathing suit? Shit. What a difficult decision. Ha!

So much for sitting at home and trying to figure out my damn life because I am totally going to jump at the chance to spend more time with him. When I am with him, I just feel something different. Something I haven’t had in the past, not with Colin or even Wesley.

“Sure, I would love to. Mind if I bring a bottle of wine?” I laugh, hoping he will let me. It certainly would help take the nervous edge off. Not that I really should be nervous around Jackson at all. Everything about him is warm and welcoming. Genuine and loving.

“Of course. I can pick you up in an hour. Will that be enough time for you to get ready?”

I roll over and look at the clock. Plenty of time to shower, throw on a bathing suit and do something with the rat’s nest on top of my head.

“Yeah, that should be enough time.” I say while I jump from the bed and start pulling my bathing suit out of my underwear drawer.

“Aurora, I need your address.” He laughs.

“I will text it to you. See you soon!”

I want to be nervous about letting my guard down enough with Jackson to actually share my address with him. I know it is stupid, but this is the only place I consider safe. The only place that is truly mine and I don’t want to sacrifice that under any circumstances. Yes, it is easy for him to just pick me up and I am sure I will text him my address without second thought. But, I think it is because I feel so comfortable with Jackson in general.

He is safe for me. He isn’t like Wesley. He doesn’t have that personality I know I should really keep at bay. I wonder if today will help me make my choice between the men. Although the more I think about life with either of them, the more my mind chooses Jackson. Just because he isn’t Wesley.

I stand in the small living room area waiting for Jackson some time later. My pink floppy sunhat on top of my head and my huge black sunglasses firmly in place. I am sure I look ridiculous, but this is my usual beach attire. Completely suitable for a day on the boat. I pick up my oversized beach bag and head for the door, locking my condo up behind me.

Sitting on the small porch swing I fought with the condo association over, I smile when I see Jackson pull up in the blacked out SUV I parked next to the previous evening. I would have taken this for a police car of some type, just because of the sticker on the back, but then again I totally had one of those on my last car. Colin got it from a buddy who was an officer so I could avoid getting pulled over for my
erratic
driving. I happen to think I am a damn good driver though.

“Heading to the water, pretty lady?” He asks from the car. His face is cleanly shaved and his smile is damn near blinding. It is nice to see him looking fresh. What I imagine he would look like right after a shower. In fact, as I start to approach the car, I can see that his hair is still damp. I can’t help but be turned on. Everything about him is delicious.

“Can I catch a ride with you?” I tease him back as I open the door of the car. He smiles one of those genuine, heart melting smiles and I am kinda a goner. I shouldn’t be letting my guard down for anyone, let alone someone I just met, but he is impacting me on a level I would have never expected.

“Come on, let’s get outta here.” he laughs and opens the door for me. After turning around and making sure my front door is locked we head off on our adventure for the day.

“Sorry, had to make sure the door was locked. I am super bad at remembering to lock it half the time. I am pretty sure I would forget my head if it wasn’t physically attached to my body.” I laugh but it is the truth. I am so damn scattered it isn’t even funny. Calendars, lists, and organizational apps have no impact on me. I am a lost cause. Believe me, I have tried just about everything.

“So you need someone to take care of you?” he jokes, but I can tell he is partially serious. The thought is nice, someone to take care of me for once when I have always been the caregiver. Whether it was with Colin or now Liam. Not that I mind taking care of my son. That is my job as a mother. But I am kinda over taking care of men. Do you really blame me?

“Maybe,” I smirk as I answer him in a flirty tone. With Jackson, it all has just been coming too easy to me. It isn’t forced. I don’t think about what I am going to do or say and that is when I realize the difference between Jackson and Wesley. With Wesley I am always thinking about my actions and how he is going to react to me. How he will handle something I say. How I will touch him or what we will do together. Overthinking, plotting, planning. That isn’t how a relationship should be. I can’t be myself because I am just too worried about whether he will like me or my actions.

If things are like that now, what will it be like a month from now? Two months from now? A relationship would simply never survive.

“Earth to Aurora!” Jackson laughs and I am snapped from my thoughts of another man. Shit.

“Sorry, I totally just spaced out.” I laugh. He probably thinks I am a total head case. Crap! I just couldn’t help but try and sort things out in my mind. I overthink. I may not be organized, but I for sure a deep thinker.

“It’s okay. So, you are good to be out on the boat all day. Maybe we can grab some dinner later on? I mean, depends on how the day goes.” he winks at me again and all the reservations I have had sitting in the back of my head slowly begin to melt away. Yes, shit in my life is confusing, but whatever. What’s it the kids say today? Yolo? I guess I really do only live once and I am sick of never taking a chance.

“That sounds great.” I wanted to say I would totally make him dinner later, but I am not going to let the cart get before the horse. Yeah I want to jump in head first with him but I am also not going to sabotage myself.

We pull into the marina, row after row of expensive yachts. Nothing like I have ever been on before. I turn to look at Jackson and he smiles politely back at me. He looks like a little kid in a candy store as he turns to the backseat, grabbing a small cooler.

“Everything okay?” he questions. I probably look as confused as I feel.

“Yeah, I’ve just never…” I trail off looking at the sheer size of the boats.

“Mine isn’t that big. It’s parked down at the end. A friend owns the marina so I get to hang with the big boys.” he laughs. “I mean, shit.
Mine is big…
Never mind.” he nervously tried to backtrack his statement.

“Wait. What are we talking about?” I laugh and poke fun at him. What good is a dick joke if you don’t play into it? I almost feel like a twelve year old boy, but it feels good not to be overthinking everything I am going to say.

“Sorry, I’ve been hanging around the guys way too much lately.”

“It’s okay. I am used to it.” I grab my bag and we start heading toward the dock.