Step Up and Dance (18 page)

‘What's going on, Saph?' He had his head tilted up to me, a pained look in his eye.

What
was
going on? I didn't know anymore.
You're a fake. No, you are.
Harmless pranks to prove a point. How did I let it go this far?

‘Brett said you . . .' Jay started. ‘But I couldn't believe it. I mean, you know how important basketball is to me . . .' He kept stopping and starting as if he was choking on the words. ‘And I thought we were . . .'

My throat was tight. After all that had happened I felt furious and guilty at the same time. This was as much Jay's fault as it was mine. I shook my head, not even able to look at Jay, and cut diagonally down the steps, up the path and away.
Just get away.
Saph: the extreme escape artist.

Jay got the idea after that. I hardly saw him for the rest of the week. He sure wasn't looking my way. And if he did by accident, he'd get a cold, blank look in his eye and glance away.

Good.
Life without Jay was fine with me. No more bimbo jokes. No more watching my back. No more learning about tactics. No more goofy grins.

No more Jay to turn my feelings upside down.

On Saturday night on the way to Zoe's party, I told myself I was feeling good. Finally my life was going to be sweet sixteen and jellybean easy.

Summer and I skipped up Zoe's front steps hand in hand, laughing at nothing except the promise of a fun time.

The house was huge; crisp and clean with polished floorboards that reflected the sound of high heels and laughter from room to room. There were speakers everywhere too, somehow all connected to the main stereo. For an awkward moment we stood in a front room, not sure what to do. Then the music changed.

‘Ooo, I love this song!' Summer smiled, eyes soft and dreamy.

In the next room, someone yelled
woohoo
and started singing the lyrics wrong.

‘Come and dance?' Summer pulled at my hand, already swaying her hips.

I let her lead me into the other room, singing the lyrics like an anthem. I felt good – free in my body, safe in the dim light. Happy just being with Summer.

The dance room was crowded, definitely the place to be. Bright light shone through an archway from the dining area. I kept dancing, looking through the archway to see a table with food and drinks, and people yelling to be heard. Then I saw a red cap moving through the bodies – Jay. He was alone, straining his neck and scanning the munchie room. Looking for someone.

Summer was bounding around me like a puppy dog at a disco. I kept swaying. Smaller moves now, no more singing. I kept my eyes on Jay.

Soon he was leaning in the archway, head almost touching the top, squinting into the darkness of the dance room.

Two seconds . . . three . . . Then his eyes stopped roaming. He was looking straight at me.

I stopped dancing, feeling the tunnel between us, holding us together and somehow blocking out everything else. And in a flash I knew what I had to do. I had to end this properly.

‘I'll be back, okay?' I screamed at Summer's bouncing hair. She flicked it back, nodded, and disappeared again into the music.

When I reached the archway, I looked up at Jay. Then I motioned for him to follow and kept walking, drawing him away from the noise.

In the kitchen I stopped and leaned against the sink, a jumble of sharp feelings inside.

‘Jay, I'm really sorry.' My arms were crossed, my eyes focussed on a blue button on his shirt. ‘Getting you kicked off the team? It was overkill. Way out of line. I promise, no more tricks.' I bit my lip and peered up at his face.

‘You did it as a prank?' Jay shook his head in disbelief.

‘I'll speak to your coach. I'll explain it all.'

Jay sighed, pushed back a tray of sausage rolls, and leaned on the bench. He was so tall he was almost sitting on it. ‘Nah, I sorted it out. I'm playing tomorrow. It's …' He trailed off, frowning and shaking his head.

For a time we said nothing. Jay's body was stiff, but his eyes darted across the floor tiles.

Then his thoughts seemed to boil over, pouring out of his mouth. ‘How could you do that? I mean . . . Far out! You know I live for my team!'

My throat felt tight, but it wasn't enough to hold back the hurt and anger in my chest.

‘You just don't get it do you? All you can think about is basketball.' I stood up from the sink, determined to feel tall, even though I was tiny compared to Jay. ‘Don't you see, Jay? The way you feel about basketball is the way I feel about dancing! And I nearly got kicked off the troupe because of your stupid whistle. It made me wobble and pretty much wrecked our whole routine!'

I glanced up at him, savouring the surprise and sudden guilt in his eyes. I kept going. ‘All you care about is basketball, Jay Wilson. But there are other things that matter too. Lots of other things.'

‘Saph …'

I shut my eyes.
Don't say my name like that. Not now
. . .

‘I care about a lot more than basketball.'

In the other room someone put on the Rolling Stones, accompanied by whoops and groaning.

I let my head drop back, pleading with the ceiling. ‘I'm so sick of it all: the letter, and school basketball, and . . . that whistle. You started it all and
you have to stop.
'

‘Stop? I . . .' Jay threw up his hands, looking totally confused.

‘No more practical jokes.' I held my head high, nose in the air, and walked past him, out of the kitchen, not sure where to go next.
So this is the end.

‘Wait!'

As I passed the munchie table, Jay caught me and grasped my shoulders. His face was close to mine. ‘Listen, Saph.'

For the second time in an eternity of weeks, I felt the warmth of Jay's hands.

‘Listen,' he said again. ‘School basketball wasn't a
trick
. I signed you up so you could learn about the game. I thought you'd
enjoy
it. Basketball's your job.' I glanced up at his pleading face. When our eyes met, he smiled. ‘Would I
joke
about basketball?'

I pouted and shrugged.
Don't smile, Saph.

‘Anyway, it worked, didn't it? You're smart about basketball now. You picked it up really quickly. And I see you at Magic games – you care now, don't you? You watch the plays.'

‘So?' I shrugged and flicked back my hair. ‘That doesn't explain the whistle. Or the fact that you told your friends embarrassing stuff about me. You laughed at me behind my back.'

‘The whistle was
meant
to be a compliment. But as for the other stuff, what on earth are you talking about?'

‘Chook said you told your whole team that I was totally unco and laughed about me all the time.'

‘Saph, I
talk
about you all the time. I can't help it. Chook's an idiot if he can't tell the difference between laughing
at
someone, and laughing because that someone makes you smile whenever you think about them.'

Great. Now I wasn't sure what to say or how to hold my arms. Had I really been reading this all wrong?

‘But the letter . . . That was so mean!'

‘Saph, that letter wasn't meant to hurt you. It was …' Jay trailed off. A shadow fell over his eyes, hiding his thoughts from me.

‘What?' I waited.

But Jay just shook his head. ‘Anyway, I'm sorry too.' He seemed to grow taller, his body moving away from mine. ‘It won't happen again.'

‘What were you about to say?'

But Jay shook his head again, stronger now. He turned, slid open a glass door and disappeared outside.

But I had to know. This war (or whatever it was), how exactly had it started? And why? Now it was my turn to follow.

Outside, the air was still and cold. The spotlights on the deck were strong in places and dim near the edge. Jay was heading down the steps towards the path running up the side of the house.

‘Jay?'

He didn't stop.

I took a running leap off the end of the deck and landed just in front of him.

‘The letter,' I said. ‘Tell me . . . What was that all about?'

Jay sighed. What was that look on his face? I couldn't read it at all.

‘Please tell me.' I repeated

‘The letter was true, Saph.' Jay put his hands in his pocket and looked down at his feet.

‘What!?' I pulled my
yeah right
face and put my hands on my hips. ‘Like Damien Rowsthorn
really
wrote me a Valentine's Day letter.'

‘No.' A sigh from Jay, his shoulders drooped. ‘
I
wrote you a Valentine's Day letter. Then I got cold feet and signed another name. But everything else was true.'

He shrugged and stepped past me heading up the path to the front of the house.

I watched him go, unable to move. Not much had changed, but suddenly my entire universe was different.

As the puzzle took shape in my head, I turned and walked slowly inside.

To Saph, I have watched you dancing for a year.

My brain was slow to take it all in – fitting the final pieces into place.

The things you do with your legs! And your body. You dance like a goddess.

I stood near the munchie table, not sure where to go. I wanted to find Summer and go home.

I can't get you out of my mind.

How could I be so daft? An invitation to play basketball, an encouraging whistle, a letter from a secret admirer. Things I had seen as enemy tactics were simple offers of friendship – sweet and kind.

The lights were dimmer in here now. Kids were crowded together on a couch and around it on the floor. The dance room was louder than ever – full of bodies moving to the beat. Summer was sure to be in the middle of it all.

Finally my brain pulled back one last step. I could see the whole picture, not just Jay's part in it. Finally I could see myself. My own tricks: humiliation by rose at assembly, humiliation by announcement at the Magic game, tricking the coach into pulling Jay off the court. How had I taken it so far?

The final piece was in place, the puzzle complete. And I didn't like what I saw.

Oh crap
. . .
I'd been such a bitch!

CHAPTER
12

‘What's wrong?' Summer found me at the munchie table staring at the dip tray and biting my bottom lip.

I looked up and started laughing at her wild party hair, loosening the lump of guilt in my throat.

‘Summer, I'm an awful hideous person who deserves everything I get!' Half an hour ago, I'd ripped into Jay because he only cared about basketball. Far out! I'd been so much worse about dancing and myself.

‘Come on.' Summer rested her arm on my shoulders. She led me to a corner room, and we flopped together into a beanbag.

‘You're not a horrible person, Saph,' said Summer, once I had explained everything about Jay.

‘The thing is …' I leaned back into the beanbag, resting my shoulder on Summer's hip. ‘I like him. I mean, you know, I think I really like him.'
Of course I did. Why else did he annoy me so much? Why else did I delight in getting him back?

I turned my head so Summer could see my face. ‘But he hates me now.' Somehow I couldn't stand the idea of Jay thinking of me as cruel.

‘Heeeey,' Summer's voice was calm and soothing. ‘Jay adores you. It's obvious, Saph.' Then her head tilted and her forehead wrinkled in a way that I'd seen somewhere before. ‘Anyway, I'm the one who's a bitch. I kept egging you on, especially at the Bats game.' Her voice was suddenly tight, as if it was hard to get out. ‘I dunno, I think I didn't want …' She trailed off, frowning.

I hitched myself higher in the beanbag, and leant my arm on her leg.

‘It's not your fault, Sum.'

Summer sighed. When she started talking again, her voice was shaky. ‘You're my best friend, Saph. I didn't want you to leave me behind.'

The worried tone of her words pulled me in to her for a hug, comforting us both at the same time.

Summer's favourite song was playing again. I heard it finish, and then start again. Someone must have put it on repeat.

I pushed on the quicksand beanbag and slowly stood up. ‘Come and dance,' I said. I wanted to be moving again. Anything to stop thinking about what I had done.

‘That's my girl!' Summer tried to stand, fighting with the beanbag, then fell backwards laughing.

The dance room was less crowded now, a row of people were flopped against the wall. A few were still dancing, spread out and enjoying the space of the room.

Summer did a thumbs up at two other girls from our class and started swaying beside them – head back, eyes half closed, her hair shining in the soft light.

It felt good to be moving. My arms floated soft – space to move and time to feel. I remembered again the yearning that comes over me when I dance.

Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Summer pointing towards the archway. She was smiling and nodding as she swayed.