Straightjacket (23 page)

“Perfect. You’re a born fisherman.”

“You know it,” she said with an eye roll. “Now what?”

“Well, now we wait, although it won’t be long before something bites. I’m telling you, these fish love hot dogs.”

“I guess we’ll see.” She stretched her legs out in front of her and balanced the pole across them. “So I guess we should be quiet,” she whispered. “Or else we’ll scare them off.”

“I guess so,” he whispered back. They sat in silence for only a minute or two before Anna’s line jerked violently.

“Oh, you got one already! Show off.” Caleb laughed, letting his hand fall away from hers as he stood up. “Jerk your line back.” She tried to lift the fish out of the water, but she almost dropped it since she could use only one of her hands. He leaped over and grabbed the pole before it fell, manipulating it in ways that his hands had never forgotten, no matter how many years had gone by. Although the fish put up a fight, Caleb pulled it up and out of the water with a simple flick of his wrist. The fish flew up into the air, all twelve inches of it wriggling furiously.

“Get the net,” he said, and she scrambled along the floor of the boat, scooping it up and bringing it quickly to him. He dunked the net into the water and guided the dangling fish into it. It wriggled and tried to escape, slipping away from him for just a moment, but with a firm tug he brought it back toward him and scooped it up and into the boat. Almost immediately he pulled the fish out by the line and whacked its head firmly against the side of the boat. Its eye was black and completely blank.

“So you need to slip the hook out as carefully as you can,” he said slowly as he tried to do just that. “And that’s how it’s done!”

The look on Anna’s face was one of complete horror.

“What’s wrong? You did great! Look how big it is.”

“That was terrible! We put a hook into it, pulled it out, and tortured it!”

“We did
not
,” he said, trying to hide his amusement. “He didn’t suffer. And we’re going to eat him. He didn’t die in vain. I just have to clean him and he’ll be ready for you to cook him up into something delicious.”

“What?” she screamed. “I am not watching you pull that thing apart and then
eating
it. That’s disgusting.”

“Well, then he’ll have died in vain,” he answered, trying to be serious. “You’re making him into a martyr, and word will get around. Don’t ever expect to catch another fish in this lake again.”

“Fine with me. I don’t want any part of this.” She sat down and sighed loudly, crossing her arm over her sling.

“Well, then you might not want to watch this part.” With the fish secure along the seat, he squatted down and got to work, cutting off the head with his pocket knife and then making a careful slit down the belly.

“Don’t look.” His fingers dug into the cavity before throwing the head and guts back into the lake. She groaned. “I told you not to look!” He scraped the inside of the spine with the knife. “There, all ready for the frying pan.”

Anna’s face was pale.

“You okay?”

“Gross. This is the first and last time I’m going fishing. And I’m
not
cooking that for dinner.”

“That’s fine. Not only can I catch ’em, but I can cook ’em!”

“And I’ll be making myself something else. Something
vegetarian
.”

“Suit yourself.” He sat back down and was about to take his own fishing pole back into his hand when a thick fog crept into his mind.

No, no
. The words wouldn’t come out. His body grew heavy. He had time to rest his hands on his knees, and then his body, limb by limb, stopped moving. The loneliness and darkness swallowed him in seconds. The shock of it made him panic. He needed a way to fill the hole that was quickly boring its way through him; it was excruciating. Anna was just a few feet away, and his awareness of her eased some of the pain. He clung onto the information desperately and repeated it over and over to himself, terrified he’d forget and plunge back into the darkness.

But then the peace came over him.

Back in the bright room, the room without walls, with Samuel standing in front of him.

“I told you never to bring me back here!” He could scream despite all the calmness. “Bring me back to her! Bring me back right now!”

Samuel remained calm and quiet, allowing Caleb to finish yelling before he answered. “And I thought if I let you feel what it was like without me, you’d want to be here. Guess I was wrong.” He shrugged his shoulders but carried on. “Caleb, I told you that you can’t choose. Your fate isn’t up to you. You need to accept that.”

“I’ll never accept it. I won’t go back.”

“There’s no use in arguing with me about this. You pretty much did what you were supposed to do, even though you did a shitty job going about it. But your mission is over. I’m gonna be nice, though. I know this is hard for you, so I’m gonna give you a little more time, a chance to wrap things up with Anna and make peace with what needs to happen. Then you’re coming back with me.”

“No,” Caleb snapped. “You’re not listening to me. I won’t go back.”

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Samuel said, shaking his head. “The next time you see me, I’m taking you home.”

Caleb walked up to Samuel until he was very close, looking him straight in the eyes. “I don’t want to see you ever again. If I do—”

“If you do, what? You’re going to kill me? Don’t think that’s going to work.”

Caleb needed to think. There had to be some way he could fix all of this.

“Remember, the next time you see me…”

Caleb drowned out the rest of what he was saying, and suddenly he was back in the boat. The light and warmth of the room were gone, an overwhelming sense of loss having taken their place. His body was still frozen. Even though Samuel was gone, the stupor wasn’t. It was his instinct to reach out for the peace of the room, but no matter how much he wanted the relief it could bring him, he resisted and thought of Anna.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“Well,
I’m
making pasta, and a big plate of vegetables,” Anna said as she laid her fishing pole across her lap, hoping to make it clear that she was retiring it for the day. But there was no response. Caleb sat rigid, with his hands resting on his knees. Although he was staring in her direction, it was clear that he wasn’t seeing her.

“Oh no. Caleb?” She bent down in front of him, her face level with his. “Caleb?” Her voice was louder now, but it didn’t matter.

She sat down facing him on the closest wooden board. Her mind raced, and soon her body followed suit. The panic took hold. Her heart beat harder; her breathing became shallow and uneven. And then the sickness in her stomach settled in and threatened to spread.

But she was angry. She wouldn’t let herself give in to it, not right now. It was her job to keep them both safe, and she would no matter what. With a vengeance she slowed her breathing, making sure each inhalation and exhalation lasted for at least five seconds. With her hand resting on the back of Caleb’s, she breathed. At first the process was painfully slow. Her body put up a terrible fight as she tried to feign calmness. But after a while, her heartbeat slowed. The crippling sense of doom was gone, and she was back in control.

Now that she could think more clearly, she sorted through her options.

Call for help
. She searched Caleb’s pockets, hoping he’d brought his cell phone since she hadn’t thought to bring her own. But she came up empty and cursed herself for her stupid lapse in judgment.

Row us back to shore
. But it would be difficult using only one arm.

Do nothing.
The episode at the hospital before they left hadn’t lasted long, and surely they were safe enough to sit it out.
Yes, do nothing
. With her hand glued to the top of his, the boat drifted them aimlessly across the water.

It was so quiet in the middle of the lake without the sound of another voice. After a while it grated on her.

“I miss you.” It comforted her to hear a human voice among all that silence, even if it was only her own. “I hope you’re okay right now. I’ll take care of you, like you take care of me.”

Again, no response. His eyes were dead. She hung her head down sadly, scolding herself for being hurt by his indifference.

She spotted the fish in the net near her feet. Its scales hung loosely on its hollow, headless body, which was split right down the belly. She swung her body around as fast as she could and hung her head over the edge of the boat, making it just in time to vomit into the water. Her stomach muscles ached and the foul taste in her mouth triggered more nausea.

She couldn’t stand to be in the boat with the fish for one second longer. One bang of the net against the side of the boat sent the fish sliding back into the water. It floated for a moment and then sank under the surface, its outline disappearing slowly into the murkiness until all that was left were small swells of water forming their rhythm over the empty spot.

The shore and its trees and the logs that formed the cabin gave her some comfort. She tried to narrate the details of each of them to herself, hoping to make time pass more quickly. He could come out of it in a few more seconds or a few more days—she tried not to get ahead of herself. All she needed to do was get through the seconds. As each one passed, she came that much closer to living again.

Caleb’s face made her feel easier, too. She memorized everything from the slope of his eyebrows to the angle of his chin. Having exhausted every detail of his face, she moved to his hands and traced the blue veins on the backs with her finger. Her own hand slipped underneath his palm and held it so that his fingers rested on the inside of her wrist. He still didn’t budge, but at least the muscles in his hand were soft enough to give way to hers.

The hours passed. Her hunger came and went. The sun fell behind the trees and it grew cooler. Caleb hadn’t moved an inch. She needed to get them back to the shore before dark.

She managed to balance one of the oars over the side, easing the paddle into the water. Rowing with her one hand proved to be impossible—the paddle just slipped and rotated awkwardly, getting them nowhere. She dipped it deeper into the water and started to row more forcefully. This time the boat began to move, but it soon diverted from its straight path and turned in a slow circle.

I’m being an idiot
. She slid herself across the board she was sitting on to the other side of the boat, and dipped the oar into the water. After a few strokes, she moved back to the other side and rowed a little bit more. In this way, the boat moved in a straight line toward the house. The work was exhausting, but she tried not to think about it. At least it was something to do.

When she was finally close enough to the shore, she jumped out into the shallow water with her flip-flops still on. With her one hand, she grabbed onto the stern and pulled as hard as she could, leading the boat toward land until the bottom eased into the sand and came to a stop. After one last pull to make sure it was secure, she collapsed heaving onto the shore. Pain and exhaustion flowed through her arm. She couldn’t stifle a moan when she tried to boost herself up with her hand.

Caleb looked like a photograph in his eerie stillness. She’d been so focused on getting them to shore that it wasn’t until now she realized she’d have to get him out of the boat and into the house. Even with two working arms, it would be almost impossible to lift him out and drag him 150 feet by herself.

A guttural cry rose up into her throat and escaped into the air. Her hand, which had curled up into a fist, beat the sand next to her. She yelped in pain once it hit the ground and the vibrations moved up into her sore arm. Her limp body settled back into the damp sand. She, too, was motionless now. Her mind began to wander again, but this time it hit on something that made her jump up and bolt into the house.

Where is it?
She scoured every surface, every corner of their bedroom until she found Caleb’s cell phone buried within the folds of his jeans. Her frantic fingers scrolled past Dr. Hillman’s listing twice before she could gain enough control to go back and click on it. She hit the send button twice and waited as the ringing tone droned into her ear.

The answering service picked up, and through her anxious stuttering, she was able to convey that she did in fact have an emergency. The apathetic voice on the other end told her to expect a call from the doctor within the next fifteen minutes.

Caleb’s dark figure still sat motionlessly in the boat. She jogged down the path toward him, finally stopping beside the boat, the phone gripped tightly in her hand.

“I’m getting help. I’m going to get you in the house as soon as I can.” Every few minutes she’d hold the phone up, checking the number of bars to make sure she could still get reception. She also checked the time obsessively, staring at the phone’s dimly glowing screen and watching the minutes on its clock tick by.

Eleven minutes later the ringtone cut through the stillness, scaring Anna so much she dropped the phone into the sand. She fumbled to pick it up and answered quickly.

“Dr. Hillman, it’s Anna, Caleb’s friend. I need you to come over right away. Caleb is—needs a doctor…No, we don’t need an ambulance. I just need you to come over and—I can’t tell you exactly since I don’t know. Will you please come…thank you, oh, thank you.”

She climbed into the boat next to him. “Your hand is freezing!” she said as her fingertips touched his icy skin. “I didn’t realize it was so cold out. I’ll get you a blanket.” She rummaged through the closets until she found two. Back outside, blankets fluttered all around him until one was draped over his lap, the other around his back. She pulled the blanket hanging loosely over his arms around his chest and cinched it there, holding it in place with her hand.

“We’ll be inside soon.” The sky behind Caleb was dark purple now, and the points of light that were the stars poked out of the darkness. She focused on the crickets’ chirping and the lapping of the water onto the shore, which was interrupted by the low hooting of an owl every now and then. Still sore, she tried to rest her elbow on her knee as she held the corners of the blanket together around him. She wouldn’t let go.