Subfrenzy (the Subfrenzied Series) (16 page)

No
blood or unaligned knuckles, either. The quiet after we got into the car was strained, but neither of us spoke. After he had smiled, the lethal edge I'd felt from went away. I relaxed the slightest bit. Smoking helped pass time again. He lit up shortly after I did, smoking less angrily than he had been when we left the bar.

“
You mad?” he asked tersely.

“
I'm worried you are.” I couldn't bring myself to check. “Are you?”

“
No. I'm not. … I don't want you to think I go around assaulting people all the time.”

“
I'm not afraid of you because of what happened, Quinn.”
What was happening in his head?
“What did he say that was so bad? I couldn't hear anything.”

“
Good.” I let the silence tick by for a few seconds
.
“
He called you something you're not. It bothered me.”

“
You've got amazing self-restraint, you know.”

He
snorted quietly. “You have odd definitions for self-restraint.”

“
You could have hurt him a lot worse than that, but you didn't. I'm sorry I didn't handle the situation sooner, myself.”

“
You would have done a lot more damage with your knife than I did, I'm sure. What were you doing with it?”

“
Scaring him into letting go of me. I hoped it would give me the time to get back inside.”

“
Did he hit you? You were on the ground.”

“
No, he didn't hit me. You got there before he could try. ...I really am very, very sorry that happened.”

“
He didn't land any punches.” Quinn shrugged casually.

“
Your hand?”

“
I've had them look worse. This is nothing. He might not have scared you, but you're okay? Really?”

“
I'm fine. He didn't get the chance to hurt me. I just really wanted to get away from there.”

“
Yeah... I didn't want to deal with any of that either.”

I leaned my head back against the head-rest, thinking back to our first conversation. “
You told me you're worried about finding another unbalanced submissive. I don't think I've made the best impression.”

“
Have you ever been arrested?”

“
Have I-- what?” I asked dumbly. “No. No, not ever.”

“
Honestly?”

“
Yes. … Why?”

“
I was just curious.”

“
Have you been?”

“
Once. Twice,” he amended. “For pot.”

“
That doesn't count anymore.”

“
Exactly.”

Quinn
parked and got out without looking at me. He waited at the end of his car, but the silence was tense as we walked to his door. Fear was white-hot, churning low in my stomach. He wasn't going to change his mind about having me stay his submissive...? The surety I felt wavered in and out, though I tried to trust what I had seen and heard, how he reacted.

He
was quiet in a different way once we got inside. We both excused ourselves, me into the bathroom to shower while he... I wasn't sure what he did.
My reaction time had been slowed because of the pain I'd taken at
Rack's,
I tried to rationalize. High heels and a short dress were bad for fighting large men on concrete.
If police had been patrolling, or if they had been called
... but they hadn't been.
Quinn had been hurt
, I winced, mentally seeing the bruises on his hand.
So, I'd use every bit of my submission to...
I adjusted the water so it ran hot, a cloud of steam smelling like soap, the strong, spicy scent of his shampoo...
do
something
that would make him feel better.
I was ready to try.

The
towels held traces of his cologne. I left the two new ones he had put out for me, for him. Without letting myself think about it, I opened the door and went into the living room.

“
Hey there.”

“
Hello, Sir.”

Quinn
got up and went into the kitchen again just as I was thinking about moving closer.

“
Drink?” he asked.

“
A second of whatever you grab is fine.”

He left a bottle of water and a large can of iced tea on the coffee table.

“I'm not going to leap on top of you,” he warned me.

“
Uh- Okay.”
There went every plan I had.

“
Relax. Unwind. I'm going to shower quick, too.”

Before
I could say anything, he was gone. I laid sideways on the couch, tired, feeling something that was close to sadness.
He was mad
. But innate submission told me he wasn't. Not really. His shields were stronger than mine. When he didn't want me to read him, I couldn't.
Why didn't he want me to?
Because he was mad, the endless debate raged. When I heard the shower stop running, I made myself sit up and put the pillows back where they belonged.

Quinn seemed much calmer when he came out in boxers and a black t-shirt
. He breathed in slowly, sitting down, and looked at me with inscrutable eyes.

“
I want to thank you for intervening. You didn't have to, and... thank you.” I said, unable to find better words for what I felt. 

“
But?”

“
That was all.” 

“
Are you still suffering from sub frenzy?” he asked at last.

“
Not after the first few sessions we had, Sir.”

“
It really wasn't supposed to get that intense, at
Rack's
. You kept correcting your position against the pillar. It made me want to see you break a little. Just a little...”

“
That happened.” Remembering those few moments of unbearable arousal made me shudder. “When you give me pain, it makes me want you so much...”

“
I know it does, baby.”

Taking it with Rhys had been cathartic, an outlet for my frustration, dissatisfaction. Fighting to take pain that made the clawing darkness go away was more effective than screaming into a pillow, or investing in a punching bag. Once I felt confident in my threshold for pain, I had reached a calmer, more accepting state of mind. It was one I struggled to hold onto, no matter how sub frenzy had pushed at me. Shields had raised over my normal defenses, walls were built to help me retain control. Quinn, in only a few sessions, had shaken them down to the foundation.

Submissive standards would have had me stay in position for him and take punishment pain without complaining. Quinn had made me want to do so much more for him than that. He made me want to stay in position, just because he wanted to see me that way. I wasn't afraid to take punishment pain from him, because I wanted to be a better submissive for him, around the new, higher standards he set. I liked hearing him laugh in surprise when he thought I'd safeword, when I remembered to thank him for pain. When he decided to have me say it, I knew he'd feel pleasure from hearing it. He wouldn't be disappointed or mock me for not being able to take more.

“
I can feel when you're close to safewording. You were right, I-- What?” He noticed me staring at him.

“
I was thinking about safewording, too, Sir. You knew I was close to saying it, at
Rack's
?”

“
I knew when you needed me to slow down, and when you couldn't take anymore. but did anyway. I was worried the floggers would make you bleed. Can you handle pain sessions that last longer than an hour?”

“
Yes, Sir.”

“
You really trust me a lot.” He kissed the top of my head. “We'll have one, soon as the marks are gone from tonight.”

“
Yes please. Thank you, Sir.”

The
warmth I had hoped to feel from him was back, but
Quinn watched me without reacting. I was ready to kneel in front of him when he leaned back, his arm resting on top of the couch.
He wanted me sitting next to him?
I slid over and got to my knees, trying to understand what he wanted me to do.

Did
he not want to--
I kissed the right side of his neck, stopping when he still didn't react. As I knelt back, I saw his left hand, the bruises on his knuckles, a cut that was puffy and pink. I turned so I could press my lips against his right wrist, stopping after I slid my tongue over two knuckles on his uninjured hand. “I really am very sorry, Sir.”

“
I've never had a submissive like you.” I froze, surprised by the intensity in his tone. 

“
I've never-- I--”

He
tilted my head up so I could look into his eyes, “I like you, not just how you submit.”

“
It's not just your Dominant side I like, Sir...”

“
When you look at me like that-” The barrier to his self-control finally dropped. His body was hard with tension, and desire, and more than a little aggression. He had me straddle his waist, then stood with me wrapped around him. I saw my reflection over his shoulder in the closet mirror. Shock took all emotion away for a few moments. There were dark red lines that spread outward from the middle of my back. I liked that they looked a little like tiger stripes. When I remembered the pain, it made me gasp in pleasure. He lowered me down onto the bed, kissing me hard, then harder.

“
What scares you?” He got a better grasp on my hair and pulled my head back.

“
... what? What do you mean, Sir?”

The
silence ticked by, but he refused to answer.

“
Not knowing what to do scares-” I lost what I was going to say when
Quinn held both of my wrists in one of his hands.

“
You want this?” he asked, his fingers slowly curling around my neck.

“
Yes, Sir, please-?” I stopped being able to breathe again, nearly choking as he applied more pressure. Just when I thought he'd stop and move his hand away, I relaxed into breathlessness again. The bed felt like it was rocking underneath me, swaying as though we were on a ship. Quinn wasn't moving. I wasn't either. Panic was swept away once my lungs filled with air.

“
Thank you, Sir!”
For not wanting me to pass out.
I didn't have breath enough for the rest.

“
Yes, you did...” He dropped his head to my shoulder. I felt him breathe in, out, his heart pounding over the middle of my body. “I'm going to get you a collar tomorrow.”

Pleasure
burned, subspace beckoning. “Thank you for giving me a collar, Sir.”

“
A real one, you've earned it. What a good answer...”

I breathed deep when he held my knees down against the bed. He grasped my inner thighs hard enough to hurt, then harder until heat prickled under my skin. Keeping his hand flat, his fingers together, Quinn smacked high on my thighs another eight times. He grasped my legs again, above my knees before holding me still so I couldn't move.

Pain built slowly, leaving my skin sensitive for the six bright flashes of pain. When I focused, I could feel where the floggers had left bruises. He pinched one of them after lulling me into quiet submission, defenses down and unprepared for how much it hurt. I cried out, going with him when he knelt back, still wanting to feel him against me. Shock hit when he grabbed my wrists, quickly bring them behind my back. He didn't move when I leaned against his chest, his heartbeat suddenly faster under my cheek.

When his cock slid inside of me, a strange desire threatened submission. I wanted to claw my nails down his back, bite into his chest-! But I didn't want to actually
hurt
him... I didn't know what the emotion was. Everything I felt was channeled into fucking him back. I closed my eyes when the palm of his hand pressed against my lips. My lips brushed across the outside of his hand before I took two of his fingers into my mouth. The inside of my legs were painfully sensitive, but I liked feeling the hard muscle in his thighs as I rocked my hips over his. And when I thought about wearing a collar for him...

“
May I come, Sir? Please?”

“
Yes,” he said, purposefully stimulating my g-spot.

The
orgasm throbbed through my body, making me moan raggedly, barely able to breathe. I felt him, though, his aggression that became dominance for me, the passion that made me feel so much pleasure.
'Power,'
the word drifted through my head.
'So give some back...'