Submissive Beauty (34 page)

Whether his actions were fueled by guilt or not, she had no idea, and thinking about it made her head throb even more. In the blink of an eye, she’d gone from a blissfully happy submissive to two men to once again alone with not even a best friend to turn to anymore.

Which one hurt more, the loss of Thomas or Angel, she couldn’t say. Something had fractured inside her, and if she examined it too close, she might lose herself in a complete and total breakdown. Much like her friend had.

She turned into the pillow, willing the tears not to flow. She was sick of all the damned crying. After hours and hours of it, how could she have any left?

Her best friend had lain claim to Thomas, Thomas had lain claim to no one and David, well, she didn’t know if she could give to him without thinking of Thomas every moment. Where one began, the other continued until the three of them had become a cohesive unit that worked.

And if the constant pain in her chest was any indication, the sudden loss might be more than she could bear.

“I’ve brought you something to eat.”

Gabby rolled her eyes. “I’m not hungry.”

“I didn’t ask if you were hungry. I would, however, like to know if you are feeling nauseous or light headed or experiencing any sharp pains.”

Did the ache in her chest from her heart being ripped out count? “I’m fine. Just want to sleep.”

She listened to him place the tray on the bedside table he’d set up once he’d gotten her in the bed. He fussed worse than the nurses did. What part of she wanted to be left alone did he not understand?

“If you’re not nauseous then you need to eat something. It’s been a long time since lunch.”

She wasn’t going to bother telling him that her lunch had gone uneaten either. It had been more than twenty-four hours since she’d eaten, and that was fine with her.

His body walked into her line of vision, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “Please, David, I just want to be alone.”

“Open your eyes, and look at me.”

Reluctantly, she did as he asked to find he’d squatted down to her eye level. His beauty still took her breath away, and seeing the worry in his eyes triggered the impulse to comfort him. He wanted her to let him in, and eventually, she would. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she wouldn’t be able to deny him for long. She believed in his feelings as much as she did her own, although her instincts had failed her miserably when it came to Thomas.

“I’ll give you as much room as I can, but it probably won’t be what you’re hoping for. I can’t stay away from you, no matter how hard I try. I need you.”

No way was she getting any words past the lump in her throat. When would she learn that life sucked?

“You eat some of the soup, and I’ll give you some peace and quiet for a while.” His fingers brushed her cheeks, wiping the stray tears still clinging there. “You shouldn’t cry. One way or another, things will work out.”

God, how she wished she could believe in that. Giving in, she pushed to a sitting position and allowed David to place the tray over her lap. The scent of her favorite vegetable soup wafted from the bowl. Mmm…comfort food. Maybe David was right, and the food would be just what she needed.

“How’d you know this was my favorite?” She grabbed a spoon and took a bite, savoring the warm liquid sliding down her throat.

David smiled. “You had three times as much of this kind than any other in your pantry so I took a wild guess.”

“Guess that’s why you’re the investigator around here. That incredible sixth sense of yours.” She smiled even if it was a little tight.

“Careful there, or I might think you’ve been faking all evening.”

Not faking, but in a sudden moment of clarity, she realized ignoring him while he was here in her house wasn’t going to work. He knew how to push every one of her buttons, and the need she’d let bloom and grow wouldn’t be suppressed again that easily.

“Just being a realist.”

“Well, I’ll take that for now. Eat up, and I’ll get you some more pain meds and water.”

Minutes later, Gabby stared at the bottom of the empty bowl. She shrugged and pushed the tray away. Her eyes felt gritty, and already, the exhaustion of her ordeal was moving in. She curled back under the covers, trying to get warm.

“Good girl with the soup.” David lifted the tray from the bed and set it on the table next to them. “Now, take this then you can get some sleep.”

“I’m so cold.” She shivered and swallowed down the pills, chasing it with the water before handing it back to him.

“Cold, huh? I can probably help with that.” He pulled back the covers and slipped in behind her.

A thought of protest hovered but died quickly when she got the first taste of his warmth as he curled against her backside. One more night wouldn’t hurt. Tomorrow she would have to send him away, but for tonight, she could fall asleep with his fingers caressing her skin, comforting her.

David’s magic hands massaged her muscles from her shoulders and back to the backs of her thighs. Her breathing slowed, and she let some of the worries fall to the side. When his fingers slipped underneath the band of her panties, her skin flashed hot and warm with a rush of arousal she couldn’t act on but certainly could revel in. Here in his arms, she felt safe. Her shoulders relaxed, and she faded toward sleep.

Her last thought was about Thomas. David clung to her, but her arms were empty…

Chapter Twenty-Three

Two weeks later, Gabby found herself right back where she’d started. Alone. David had reluctantly agreed to give her the space she needed, and thus far, she had refused all contact with Thomas. She’d returned to her old routine of work and gardening but had started trying her hand at gourmet cooking.

She’d lost some weight, which didn’t bother her at all, but she worried that her lack of desire for eating wasn’t a healthy move. So she’d finally decided to put her herb garden to work on a regular basis, and along with the Food Network channel, she’d begun to create some amazing dishes.

Her appetite hadn’t improved, but she did a lot of sampling when she cooked or baked and figured that was better than nothing.

“I always thought you a goddess, but seeing you like this makes it a definite.”

Gabby jumped up, startled. Her hand clutched at her heart even after she realized that it was only Jeff, Angel’s former Dom, who’d wandered into her garden.

“Holy crap, scare a girl, why don’t you.”

“Oh, Gabby, it’s so good to see you. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me though.”

“Of course, I do.” She moved into his embrace and snuggled against him like the teddy bear she’d always thought he was. “I’ve missed seeing you.”

Try as she might, being in his embrace brought every emotional thought she’d tried to suppress racing to the surface. For the first time in days, she cried—not slow gentle tears she tried to hold back but a torrential flood that would not be restrained.

She sobbed into his chest as his hands stroked up and down her back, comforting her.

“Let it all out, sweetheart. You deserve it.”

“And what about you, Jeff? Who takes care of you now?” she sniffled.

“Oh don’t worry about me, hon. I can take care of myself. I’ve had plenty of practice.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“I know, Gabby. Don’t worry. I came here to discuss it, but I think you needed this far more than I realized.”

Her tears fell harder, and Gabby simply clung to him for support until the moisture dried up and the dry heaves shook her shoulders. When her cries died out, she pushed from Jeff and took a few steps back. He wasn’t her Dom, but just being in his arms reminded her of what she missed so much she ached from head to toe.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall apart like that. I’m so embarrassed.” She cast her eyes down and let her hair tumble around her face, imagining what a mess she must look.

“Stop it.”

His firm tone captured her attention, and she raised her head to look at him.

“You have nothing to be sorry to me for. I understand how you feel. Betrayed. Whether we understand it or not, whether it’s true or not, the perception of being betrayed by the ones we trust the most is one of the most devastating thing we can experience.” His hand reached for and cupped her chin. “You’ve turned away from your Doms, which is your right, little one, but going cold turkey hasn’t left you with a clear mind.”

“But I—”

“Don’t interrupt. It’s not polite.” His eyes sparkled with mischief.

Gabby compressed her lips and tried not to smile.

“You know I’m not talking about sex.”

Oh God, she didn’t want to talk about sex with Jeff.

“That blush is so cute. One of the many traits I knew Thomas would love.”

“You knew? I don’t understand.”

“Well, that’s what I came here for. To check up on you as well as have a talk. A confession of sorts. Maybe then you can find the solution you need.”

“I’m a little confused.”

Jeff paced over to her pond and stared down at the Koi aimlessly swimming in the small body of water. For a minute, she could have sworn she recognized the look of resignation crossing his face. No, it had to be a trick of light. Although…

“How is Angel?”

He turned and looked at her, surprise written all over his face. “Not very good, I’m afraid. They say she’s suffered a complete mental break from reality. That her obsession and beliefs are singularly focused, and she’s unwilling to even consider anything else.”

“It’s Thomas,” she whispered reverently, afraid to say it too loud.

“Yes, she fixated on Thomas a long time ago, more than I ever knew. How she managed to hide it from me for this long is beyond me. She and I have been through some emotional scenes over the years, and not once, did she ever falter. It’s troubling to say the least.”

“Did Thomas train her?” Finally, she’d voiced the question that had been plaguing her for days. That kind of devotion didn’t come from nowhere. Not usually. Yes, she believed there’d been an emotional breakdown, but more often than not, it originated with a broken heart.

Jeff sighed, tunneling his fingers through his hair until some of the strands stood on end. “Thomas and I trained her together.”

Oh God.

The truth was as bad as she’d thought. Nausea rolled through her stomach, forcing her to turn away from Jeff. She’d wanted to believe everything was a lie or some other truth would exist that would make it all make sense. Not this. Definitely not this.

“So everything Angel said was true.” Not a question anymore, a simple statement of fact.

“There’s a little more to the story than what you’re thinking. An explanation that should come from Thomas. But you haven’t given him a chance to explain, have you?”

“I don’t want to hear that the man I trusted with everything I am thought so little of me. That everything we did and everything he said was some sort of act. Don’t you understand? To hear Angel say what she did clawed into me, if I have to hear Thomas say it as well, I might not survive.”

“I don’t want to belittle the pain you feel, but don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? Not to mention making a lot of assumptions?”

Anger pulsed through her as she listened to Jeff.

“Can you tell me I’m wrong? That Thomas didn’t do the same thing to me that he did to Angel?”

“Dammit, Gabby, listen. He didn’t do anything to Angel. We offered to train her together, and we both told her what the outcome would be. I was fairly new to the scene, but I didn’t want a gem like her to pass me by because of my experience. So Thomas offered to work with us both. Hell, he wasn’t sure it would work because he’d never tried it before. But I pushed him to help me, even called in a favor he owed to get it done. Little did we all know it would become his only way. But he has his reasons for not taking on a sub of his own.”

“What? What reason could he have for misleading me?”

Jeff shook his head. “Some things have to come from him.”

Exasperated, Gabby flopped down onto her chaise. She’d wanted a simple life. She’d carved out a nice independent professional life, but personally, she’d wanted something entirely different. But submission couldn’t be based on lies or half-truths. Everyone had to be open.

“Gabby, I encouraged Angel to send you to Thomas. I’ve known him a long time, and I saw in you the woman who could be different for him. And I still believe I was right. If he never told you that you were being trained for David then I think subconsciously he didn’t want to do it. But we both know old habits die hard, and admitting that you’re in love, even to yourself, is not an easy thing to do. Especially not for a man like him. You need to talk to him.”

Her hands rubbed at her face. “I love them both.”

“I know you do.”

“Then you see my dilemma?”

“No.”

“I can’t take one without the other.”

“Then tell them that. You owe it to yourself to at least try.”