Succumbing To His Fear (5 page)

“She was running around on me and I kicked her ass out months back. Stay clear of her, man. Shutter will not only fuck her up, but whoever is with her.” Fuck! That was just perfect.

“Thanks for the heads-up man.” I hung up and turned around to see Tula sitting in the street. “You stole from Shutter and then go to Hayley…? You care that little about your daughter and grandchild that you take your shit to her door?” How humiliating that I came from her. “Get the fuck out of here and don’t go anywhere near Hayley again,” I hollered, crouching down right in front of her and taking her chin between my fingers. “Do you understand me? Stay the fuck away from us.” Tula stared at me then ripped her face from my hands, got up and walked away.

“Fuck man. Are you okay?” James, who had been silent the whole time, asked.

“No,” was all I could say. I was so close to losing my shit, the less I said the better.

Walking back into the shop, I went straight to my station to clean up for the night. I left it to James to share what’d happened with the others. With so many things in my head, I couldn’t deal with talking about Tula anymore that night. And no matter how much I tried to deny it to myself, I couldn’t stop thinking about Alfie. I was considering that I might have finally lost it. For fuck’s sake, I only spent two hours with him, and I had a million more important things I should’ve been thinking about. So why in the fuck couldn’t I get him out of my head? Shaking my head to rid it of the image of his mouth, I got on with cleaning my station. I’d get over it. It’s not like I’d ever see him again.

Alfie

Three long months of being the responsible big brother had passed and I was exhausted. I loved Griffin and Lily, but between Lily’s nightmares and the daily world war-scale battle to get Griffin to go to school, which he hated, I was running on empty. It didn’t help that I felt so alone in it all.

I talked to my Mum on the phone a couple of times a week and tried to check in with my friends back home whenever I could, but they all had lives and the time difference made it difficult to stay in touch except for an occasional email. The only conversations that I had with anyone over the age of seven were with teachers complaining about Griffin’s lack of interest in class or the checkout girl at the local super market.

I felt about a week away from the asylum. I’d always been surrounded by people, be it family or friends. But in our new hometown, it was just me, Griffin, and Lily. I loved them to bits, but not having anyone to call or just drop by and visit was really starting to get me down, not that I let the kids see it.

I had a night out planned, though. Griffin had a sleepover with a friend from school, Nathan. Nathan’s mother Yvonne, a teacher at Griffin’s school, offered to not only have Griffin stay the night but Lily, too. I wasn’t sure if I should, but I talked to Mum and she said that if I didn’t take the opportunity to get the break when I could, I would burn myself out.

Griffin was excited about spending the night with his friend and Lily was over the moon happy to go when she found out that Nathan had two little sisters around her age. With everyone happy, I figured I would go out and try to release some stress, relax, and be around people my own age. And who knew—maybe I’d get lucky.

I didn’t think I’d ever gone so long without sex since losing my virginity at 15 to Louise Attfire.

I felt better immediately upon walking into the bar. It was dark, loud and most of the booths were filled with groups of people chatting and laughing. Seeing just how crowded it was ramped up my nerves some, so I headed straight to the bar.

I didn’t want to get trashed in case the kids needed me, but a cold beer sounded perfect. I was so focused on my goal that I didn’t see who was sitting in the corner booth. I may not have stayed if I had. 

The music coming from the jukebox was so loud that I had to shout to the bartender to order my beer. When he put it down in front of me it struck me that I would never have gone out alone if I were back home. I wasn’t left to dwell too long, as a tall and very slutty looking brunette and her equally slutty looking friend walked over.

They weren’t my type at all, but I wasn’t looking for a love connection; it was just so nice to be talking to someone. Anyone. I smiled when I thought I should and flirted back when I was meant to. But what I quickly realized was that no conversation at all was sometimes better than a very bad conversation. The “Oh, your accent is so sexy,” or “I’ve never been to England, maybe you can take me one day,” were quickly making me miss the quiet.

As much as getting laid seemed like a good idea, I was not interested in the quick fuck in the back room that these women kept hinting at. I was about to cut my losses and head home when I felt someone sit down on the stool next to me. Glancing up to see who it was, I was met with a smiling face and a knowing wink.

“Hey man, want to come join us?” Turning to see who Tate was pointing to, I saw James, Carter, a man and woman I don’t know—and Fear. Seeing Fear again sent a shock of electricity through my body.

He was so big and intimidating. It was hard not to be in awe of a man with that type of power. Not giving myself the opportunity to think about it, and to be honest, thankful for the escape route, I said bye to the ladies and followed Tate to the crowded booth.

The woman was the first to speak. “Hi, I’m Hayley.” Long, dark hair hung loose over her shoulders and striking blue eyes shone brightly. I was sure those eyes got her out of a lot of trouble, she had an air of mischief about her.

“Alfie,” I said, shaking her hand and taking a seat in the only open chair. Unfortunately, the only open chair was right next to Fear.

Drake was the next to introduce himself; he was another artist from the tattoo shop. His hair was neon green and styled in a tall Mohawk. I could tell right away that in contrast to his outrageous appearance, he was much quieter than the others, but no less friendly.

After getting hellos from the rest the table, I settled into an easy conversation. They started telling stories about some of their most unusual clients. James was talking about someone who had come in for a tattoo and passed out before he’d even made it to the chair.

Fear wouldn’t make eye contact with me and other than a grunt or a nod every once in a while, he remained eerily silent throughout the entire conversation.

In spite of Fear and his standoffish attitude, I was starting to enjoy myself and was glad I’d managed to get out.

__

The moment I opened my eyes I wanted to close them again. My first thought was
Oh god! I think I’m going to die.
My second thought was
Where am I?
My third was
When did I get naked?
And finally,
Who the fuck’s hand is on my ass?

Turning my head slowly, because it was all I was capable of, I came face to face with a sleeping Fear.

A very naked, sleeping Fear.

My mind was spinning and scrambling to remember what had happened the previous night. I remembered meeting everyone at the bar. I remembered phoning Yvonne to make sure the kids were okay. I even recollected her asking if she could take them swimming in the morning. But after that… nothing.

The more I tried to recall any details, the worse I felt. My head was pounding, my mouth felt like I’d been eating sand and I thought I might throw up at any second.

Okay, so now what should I do? How would I get out of there without waking the sleeping giant whose fucking hand was on my naked ass? I had no idea how I ended up in bed with Fear or how we both ended up naked. All I knew for sure was that I needed to get the fuck out of there. And find my clothes!

With some serious acrobatic type moves, I finally made it to the bathroom. I looked like shit.
Fuck. I’m never drinking again. What the fuck happened?

Not wanting to spend more time than necessary, I quickly finished up in the bathroom and went in search of my clothes. As I crept around the bedroom looking for my belongings, my mind was still reeling, going over and over every possible scenario. No matter how hard I tried, nothing explained why I was there. With no clothes. In bed with another man.

I just didn’t understand. I mean, the man had made it pretty clear that he didn’t even like me very much. He barely spoke to me. No, no, I wasn’t going to think about that.

Concentrate on one thing at a time. First objective, find clothes and get the hell out of dodge. I can flip the fuck out about everything else when I get home.

Finding my underwear on the floor by the bed, I quickly put them on. I found my jeans next and just as I was pulling them on, I nearly had a heart attack when my phone rang from inside the pocket. The sound made me jump so high that it might’ve been comical under different circumstances. I pulled it out of my pocket as fast as I could. I really didn’t want the noise to wake up a still very naked and sleeping Fear.

“Hello,” I whispered, walking out to the living room.

“Hi Alfie. Sorry to disturb you so early, but when I asked if Griffin and Lily wanted to go swimming, Griffin said that he had to check with you first. I tried to explain that I’d already asked you, but he wanted to make sure himself. To be honest, I think he just wants to talk to you.” Hearing from Yvonne that Griffin was missing me made me smile, but feeling that if I didn’t sit down I was likely to fall down, I perched on the edge of the couch.
God, I am so hung over.

Returning my attention to the phone, I heard Yvonne telling Griffin to come talk to me. When he heard my voice, I could hear the relief in his. “You okay, buddy? You having a good time?” I asked, putting on a happy voice.

“Yeah, we played video games and Miss Yvonne said that me and Lily can go swimming with them if we want to. Can we go?” He had me chuckling at his excitement.

“Do you both want to go?” I asked, but something told me I already knew the answer.

“Yeah, but….” Hearing the hesitation in his voice made me worry. Since Dad and Claire died, Griffin sometimes had trouble with finding the right words to convey what he wanted to say. He was nothing like me in that way. I tended to word-vomit. 

“What is it li’l Nugget?”

“After swimming... After we finish playing… We still get to come home after?” Right away, my stomach clenched. He was so scared that I was going to leave him.

“Griffin, of course you do. How about I come watch you swimming a little later? Ask Miss Yvonne nicely if she can message me the address of the swimming pool and I’ll meet you all there.” Griffin seemed happy with that and excitedly started talking about all the things he was going to show me. I spoke briefly with Lily to make sure that she was okay and that she was happy to go swimming. Getting the all clear, we finally said our goodbyes. I was relieved that at least Griffin and Lily were okay and having fun.

My happy feeling didn’t last long though, because as I stood to put my phone back in my pocket, all the hairs on my body stood up, and I knew without doubt that Fear was standing behind me. If my body’s reaction wasn’t enough, the room suddenly felt intensely electric.

What did one do in that situation? My fight or flight instinct kicked in and was making my already sensitive stomach worse.

Okay, Alfie, so what, you woke up naked in bed with another man touching your ass. I’m sure it’s happened to tons of people.

“You finished freaking out?” Fear’s deep voice said from behind me.

“No, not yet,” I answered quickly, still not turning around to face him. Of course, I was freaking out. Taking a deep breath and putting on my big boy pants, I asked what I wanted to know even though I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answer. “What… What happened last night?” Nothing but silence followed my question.

Turning around to see if he was still there, I was immediately on alert. Fear wore a deep frown, and the tightness with which he was holding his body was like a coiled spring ready to snap.

“You really going to play it that way? Fuck. Fine. Nothing, man. Nothing happened.” But he was shaking his head as if he was disappointed. “Your car is out front. Tate brought it back for you last night. See you around.” With that said he walked away and slammed his bedroom door with such force I thought everyone for a mile heard it.

Torn between wanting to run as fast and far as I could, and the need to find out why Fear reacted the way he did, I stood frozen in place. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but I knew that I couldn’t keep standing there like an idiot. I knew the easiest option was to leave, but I didn’t want to walk away from the only group of potential friends I’d met since I’d moved. And seeing Fear so… I didn’t even know what he was, but I knew I didn’t like it. With that thought, my decision was made and I went down the hall to Fear’s bedroom.

Fear was sitting at the end of the bed, his body bent over and his head in his hands. He looked so distraught it took my breath away. What the fuck had I done? The urge to go to him and fix whatever I’d done to hurt him was so strong I was across the room and standing in front of him before I even realized my legs were moving.

“Fear?” My voice was quiet, but I knew he had heard me when I saw his body tense. “Fear, man, talk to me. I swear I’m not playing games with you. You and the guys are the only people that I’ve met here. I really don’t want to fuck this up by saying or doing something stupid.” Fear huffed but didn’t answer.

I didn’t know him well enough to gauge how to fix the situation. Did he prefer to be left alone? Should I try to make him talk? I was so out of my depth. “Do you want me to just shut up and leave?” I’m not sure what I expected. I guess a part me thought I would get more silence. But what actually happened was not something I had considered in the realm of possibilities.

In one fluid motion, Fear was standing in front of me. His hand shot out and hooked the back of my neck, and his mouth came down on mine with such force that if he hadn’t been holding on to me I would have fallen.