Succumbing To His Fear (8 page)

“What I
am
going to do is survive each day as it comes. I’m going to take care of my little brother and sister. What I would really like is if you and I could be friends. No… more than friends, but to back up about a million steps from where we were the other night.” Fear was looking at me with such intensity in his eyes that it took everything I had to get out what I wanted to say. When he didn’t respond, I tried a different tack. “I want you in my life. Do you want that?” He nodded, but still didn’t say anything.

“I just figure that if we take it back to the beginning, we can start as friends, real friends. Then whatever grows from there is based on something real. Something that we don’t have to second guess.” Fear reached out, and in a move I was already coming to love, snagged the back of my neck and rested his forehead against mine.

“Sounds good,” he whispered. We stayed like that for what felt like hours but was more like minutes. Fear was the first to pull back; he looked into my eyes and kissed me on the forehead. “Go on to bed Alfie, I’ll stay on the couch and keep an ear out for Griffin and Lily. Catch up on your rest and tomorrow we can all start over.” I made the conscious choice not to argue and stood to make my way to the hall.

“Thank you for not shutting the door on us, Alfie.” His voice was so thick with emotion that I didn’t turn around when I responded. I was afraid to face his feelings and my own.

“The door is wide open for you. Night, Fear.” I didn’t wait for a reply, just walked back to my room.

Fear

When I heard his bedroom door shut, I released the breath I’d been holding. Alfie said that he wanted to start as friends. I got it, the feelings he was having were all so new to him. He told me how he felt and didn’t sugar coat it. His honesty only made me admire his willingness to be open that much more. It also didn’t hurt hearing that I was the best kiss he’d ever had. My biggest fear was that he would run, but knowing that he wasn’t going to eased some of my worry. I also liked that he wasn’t jumping in with both feet. He had the kids to think about.
I can wait. I will wait.
My last thought before falling asleep was
I am going to be the best fucking friend he ever had.

The whispering in the kitchen woke me up and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Why is Fear on the couch?” I heard Griffin ask.

“He stayed over last night,” Alfie replied in a whisper

“Oh. Is he coming with us to see Nathan and Miss Yvonne?”

“No, I don’t think so. But keep your voice down, okay. We don’t want to wake him up.” I couldn’t hear the end of the conversation. Evidently, Griffin had listened and was whispering. But Lily, having not realized I was there, or just too excited about the prospect of breakfast, started to shout for pancakes. I couldn’t help but chuckle when Griffin shouted even louder for her to be quiet so she didn’t wake me up.

The rest of the morning went better than I expected. I guess a part of me was worried that it would be awkward or Alfie and I would be tiptoeing around each other, but it wasn’t like that all. We worked as a team to get the kids fed and dressed. Alfie got Lily washed and dressed while I helped out Griffin. In short order we were all ready to leave. I had to go into work, Alfie and the Nuggets, as he called them, were off to Griffin’s friend’s so Alfie could watch the kids while their mom visited the hospital. It all seemed so domesticated.

I walked all three McKenzie siblings to their car and helped strap the kids in.

“If you need anything, give me a call,” I told Alfie, trying to emphasize that he really could rely on me.

“Thanks, I’ll call you later, regardless.” The confirmation and the look in his eyes made me believe he truly meant it; he really was going to do this with me. Feeling relieved and nodding one final time, I waved goodbye to the kids and headed to my truck.

The shop was a hive of activity. All the stations but mine were in use and the reception area held at least ten people either waiting for customers being worked on or waiting to see an artist. It looked like Hayley was already missed. At the thought of Hayley, I checked my watch; I only had a few hours before I was to go collect her from the hospital. She sounded tired on the phone when I called her on the drive over to the shop. Tired but happy.

I ignored everyone as I walked through reception and headed straight back to talk to the guys.

“Hey man,” Tate shouted above the music, not bothering to look up from what he was working on.

“Hey, you guys need anything? I can be here for a few hours. After that I have to go get Hayley and JJ.”

“What is up with this picture?” James asked, staring at me from his station. His question caused everyone to stop what they were doing and look at me. “Is it me or does he look…?”
Here we go, like I need shit from these fucking assholes.
“I am almost afraid to say it, but does our little Fear look… What’s the word I am looking for…? Could he be… happy?” James, being the idiot that he was, whispered the last word.

Shaking my head and walking away, I headed to my office. I was not going to let those clowns ruin my good mood.

“Come back, Fear. Talk to us.” I heard Tate shout. Ignoring all of them, I sat at my desk and tried and organize the schedule so one of us could be covering reception while Hayley was out being super mom.

I got an hour of uninterrupted peace before the three stooges and Drake arrived for their dose of gossip.

“Tell us everything,” Carter demanded, sitting down across from me. “We know that it’s not only about Hayley and JJ. I saw an almost lip twitch. A lip twitch, I tell you… It’s unheard of.”

“Fuck you,” was my very intelligent response. I knew that if I didn’t give them something I’d never get rid of them, and I really didn’t have the patience to let them carry on. “I ran into Alfie last night. We squared shit away and he agreed to start over.” Four large smiles met my statement; they got how important this was to me. They may not all have understood my sexuality, but they cared enough about me to want me to have whatever would make me happy.

After organizing the shop and making sure that everyone had everything they needed, I went home to shower and change so I could head to the hospital and pick up my sister and nephew. Everything was going perfectly until my phone rang.

Answering the phone shouldn’t change your whole life, but after hearing Alfie’s story, I knew that anything was possible.

“This is Detective Unders, am I speaking to Mr. Hunter Williams?” a voice asked very abruptly.

“Yes,” was the only answer I could get out. Everything else seemed to be stuck in my throat.

“Mr. Williams, I need you to come down to the morgue on Fifth Street. A body has been found along with the identification of a Mrs. Tula Wilson. As far as we can tell, you are her next of kin.” My initial reaction was anger. I’m not sure why that was the emotion that hit first, but it was, and it hit hard. My whole body started shaking and the fist at my side clenched tight. All I could do was listen to the detective.

When I was finally able to ask a question, the only thing he would say was that he couldn’t discuss any specifics, but needed me to come and identify the body. After agreeing to meet him in a couple of hours, I hung up. I felt numb.

It took a lot longer to reach the hospital than it should’ve. I had no idea how I was going to tell Hayley about Mom, or even if I should. Maybe I should wait until after I met with the detective. There was no point in ruining what was supposed to be a beautiful day for her. She had enough going on.

The whole way to her room, I debated the pros and cons. But when I walked in and saw the tears streaming down her face, I knew I wouldn’t say anything.

“Still haven’t gotten ahold of John?” She hiccupped and sniffed and shook her head. Ever since Hayley’s water broke, we’d all been trying to reach her husband. “It’s going to be okay H. You got me and the guys here. John will call as soon as he can.” It was understandable that when someone was off fighting a war it wasn’t always easy for him to pick up the phone, but looking at my sister’s face, I would do anything to make it happen.

“What if something has happened?” I knew she’d be worrying that the worst had happened. It would be hard not to. I just didn’t want her to keep thinking about it. I quickly changed the subject.

“Come on, sis; let’s get you and JJ home. I can make sure you’re both set up. Sort you out some real food and a nice cup of that shitty tea you like. It’ll all work out.” She didn’t respond, but she helped me pack up everything and get JJ into his car seat. He really was a cute little fucker, a miniature John with little bits of Hayley thrown in. 

I finally managed to get Hayley home and settled. I was even super uncle and got JJ to sleep. If only I could’ve gotten his mother to sleep as easily. The only time she seemed to calm down was when she had her phone in her hand. I really hoped John called soon and I fucking hoped he called before I had to tell her about Mom. Leaving Hayley to relax, I stepped out to make a phone call. I was going to need the guys’ help with Hayley that afternoon. Carter answered the shop phone and once I filled him in on everything, he promised to let the others know and that one of them would come over to be with H and JJ. 

Without thinking as to what I was doing, I pressed a button to place another call. “Hello?” The moment I heard his voice I felt a calm settle over me.

“Um, Alfie, you got a sec?” Something in my voice must have tipped him off, because the next time he spoke, I heard the urgency in his own.

“Yeah, of course. What’s wrong?” Everything was wrong. My sister was falling apart. Her husband was MIA. And my mother was probably dead and lying in the morgue.

“I got a call from a detective this morning after I left the shop. They need me to identify a body. The cops think it might be my mom.”

“Fuck, give me five minutes and I’ll call you back,” he said and hung up. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it. For the next few minutes, I stood frozen on my sister’s porch. I didn’t want to go back inside and face Hayley. I knew that made me a big fucking coward, but at the moment and in that situation, I was completely okay with that. My phone’s ring interrupted the thoughts circling in my head. I didn’t even get to say hello before Alfie started talking.

“The kids are staying with Yvonne for a few hours. She seemed relieved, actually. I think Griffin and Lily are helping distract her kids from what’s going on with their dad. And she doesn’t need to be back at the hospital until tomorrow. So tell me where to meet you.” The sudden urge to cry came completely out the blue. It wasn’t like I’d never had people I could rely on. The guys and Hayley had always been and would always be there for me. This was different. I hadn’t known when I called him just how much I needed him to come through for me. It was as if my instant feelings for him were somehow now justified. I never cried and wasn’t about to start, but I did have to clear my throat before I could speak.

“Thank you.” What else could I have said? I really didn’t want to do this alone and I needed Tate to stay with Hayley. James and Carter were needed at the shop. But I knew even if they were able to come, I would never ask.

“Fear, tell me where you are, and I’ll come and get you. We can do this together.” I gave him my sister’s address and he told me he’d be right there. As I was saying bye, Tate pulled up. When he got out of the car, I could tell he didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t the only one with a problem communicating.

“She doesn’t know anything and I want to keep it that way until I know for sure that it’s Tula.” Tate nodded in understanding. He didn’t stop walking toward me, and before I could say anything else, he pulled me into a strong hug.

“Anything you need man, you know that.”

“Yeah,” I said, because it was true and we both knew it. “She still hasn’t heard from John, so she’s barely keeping it together. JJ just ate and was taking a nap when I came out. As long as she has her phone in her hand, she’s staying semi calm. Alfie is on his way to pick me up so I can go meet this detective. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” I knew he wanted to say something about Alfie, but thankfully, he held himself back. We both walked inside to find Hayley fast asleep; her hand still tightly gripping her phone, like a lifeline. JJ was happily dozing in his bassinet right next to his mom. I figured it was as good a time as any, so I left Tate to watch over mother and son and headed out to wait for Alfie.