Sunlit Shadow Dance (6 page)

It was not her
fault that she had ended up in that impossible situation but the
thought that it had almost driven her to take her own life and, but
for an almost miraculous intervention she would have succeeded, was
horrific to him. He did not think anyone else knew just how close
it had come, she may have told Anne. But fate, or God, or something
had intervened to keep her alive then. If it had intervened, yet
again, to bring her to safety in this place he would allow nothing
to threaten that.

And yet her
vanishing had torn a hole through the lives of a whole lot of other
people, they all had a raw vein of grief running through them too.
It was particularly her family and Anne, but others who knew her
too were also in that place, particularly Alan and Sandy who had a
great sense of guilt for their own role in bringing her to this. So
they deserved some light to come from this, if light there was.

His initial
inclination, as her saw her face fade from view, was to just find a
way to come back here to work, day after day, month after month. As
he saw her time after time he would slowly befriend her and then he
would win her confidence, maybe even win her heart anew.

He needed so
much to have her back in his life and the thought of trying to woo
her and win her, when she knew him not, was hugely appealing. He
felt he had been given a chance to start all over again with her,
as if they were each discovering the other for the first time. In
this vision she was for him alone to know and find.

But now, as
these thoughts rolled around, he realized that it was too unfair to
deny others the knowledge he held if it could ease their own pain.
Still, balanced against that, and even more important, was the
imperative of protecting her from the hostile outside world which
had almost destroyed her once before. Even if that meant he could
see her no more, he would choose that so as not let something bad
like that happen again. In the end he just did not know what to
do.

As these
thoughts kept circling around and around inside his head he
realized he was approaching Normanton where he had to fuel up for
his next leg. He decided to would ring Buck and seek his wise
counsel; he was the best friend he had left. He should be at home
today at lunch time, it was Sunday after all. So, once he had
fuelled up, he pulled out his mobile phone. It had reception at the
airport.

Julie, Buck’s
wife, picked up on the third ring. He heard her holler for Buck to
come to the phone after exchanging a few pleasantries. At first
Buck was his usual blunt self, “Why are you ringing me on a Sunday
at lunch, just when I have gone for a siesta, barely shut my eyes,
can’t it wait till you see me next week?”

Vic gave him
back, “Now you are turning into a pussy, a big fat pussycat who
needs a midday sleep in the sun. Some boss you!”

Then it all
came bubbling out in a rush. “Buck, I think I have found her,
Susan, up at a blackfella place on Cape York. It looks like her, it
sounds like her, but she does not know who I am and I feel like I
am just imagining it. But it fits; she had two kids the right age,
named David and Anne. She has taken the name Jane Bennet. I could
have sworn it was her until I saw the blank look in her eyes and
now I really don’t know.”

Buck said,
“Whoa there, slow down, too much information all at once. Start
again from the beginning.”

So slowly and
carefully he told the full story and this time all Buck could say
was “Jesus, Well I be fucked.”

Then Buck’s
rational brain took over. “Where are you and what are your
movements? I think you and I need to get to Darwin pronto and talk
to Alan and Sandy. I know they won’t spill the beans and we’ll all
need our thinking caps on for this one.”

Vic filled him
in on the rest of the details. Buck told him to stand by in
Normanton while he sorted out arrangements. Soon Buck had it
organized, cover for Vic’s job tomorrow at Anthony’s Lagoon
Station. As he organized this he had Julie on the computer looking
up a flight for Vic from Cairns to Darwin. On a second phone Buck
confirmed it all with Alan, he and Sandy were available
tonight.

Vic could hear
Buck talking on the other line, Buck did not tell Alan the content
that Vic had relayed, just that something of critical importance
about Susan had come up and they all needed to talk tonight.

Soon Vic was
on his way for a five hour flight helicopter flight back to Cairns,
from where he was booked on a late flight to Darwin this evening.
Buck and Julie would take the station plane to Darwin this
afternoon. Vic’s flight arrived about 9 pm and they would all meet
soon after at Alan’s flat.

It was after
9:30 that night when Vic arrived and the others were seated out on
the verandah around a big table. He was surprised to see three
extra people and felt apprehensive at seeing them, Susan’s mother,
father and Anne. Alan broached it directly with Vic.

“
Mate, I am sorry to put you on the spot like this, but these
others are flying out in the morning, returning to the UK after
meetings over the last week with the police and coroner. We
promised each other to immediately share any leads we get, no
matter how small or inconsequential. Plus we all have exactly the
same interest, to find Susan and help her anyway we can.

“
Buck has been tight lipped about what you know but I can read
between the lines and I know it has to be significant. You would
not have flown half way across the country and them up from VRD at
the drop of a hat, not unless it was really important.

“
I don’t want to have to relay what you say, so it just seemed
the best solution was for you to tell your story to us all at once.
We have already agreed in advance that nothing you say will leave
this room and none of us will take any action on it without your
agreement.”

Vic felt
pressured; he really just wanted a frank one on one chat with Alan
and Buck, to toss around what it all meant and what should be done.
But he took on board what Alan had said; they all had the same
right to know, he could not bear the idea that someone else would
have held back from him news this significant.

So he nodded
and took a deep breath. Buck and Julie were nodding too.

“
I think I saw Susan yesterday and again this morning. But she
did not show any sign of knowing me and I really am not sure about
it,” he begun.

Vic saw the
shocked and dazed looks on people’s faces, struggling to take in
this naked fact and make sense of it.

Buck put his
hand on Vic’s shoulder. “Mate, you should just start at very
beginning and tell it as you saw it, not what you think now.”

Vic nodded and
the others nodded. So he began again. He told the story of his
week, deciding to leave out the exact location. He told of
mustering in Queensland, then about the booking to muster the
aboriginal station. He told them about him standing by the yards,
thinking he might head away, but how he enjoyed chatting to the
local kids; then how they called out, “Miss Bennet, come and see
the cattle.”

He told how he
looked around to see who this Miss Bennet was and how his heart
almost stopped when he looked up and saw someone who looked just
like Susan walking towards him. This person was holding a toddler
with each hand, a boy and girl who walked at each side of her.

He told of the
excruciating moment when he searched her eyes for a sign of
recognition and found none. Then he told of the barbeque and the
singing in the church, and finally how he showed her the photo and
she said it looked like her but it was someone else who was no
longer there. He told them how he asked others about her and found
out she had first come there around the time Susan vanished and
that her children were the right age, sex and names, that her name
was Jane Bennet fitting the Mark identity.

He finished by
saying. ”My mind says it is Susan, my heart so wants it to be
Susan, and yet I really don’t know.

“
When I asked Rick, the station manager, about her he said she
seemed like someone who was nobody, a person you could look through
and see no one there, a person without a soul. I don’t think that
is right, but if it is her, she is not the person she used to be. I
don’t think she remembers anything from when we knew her before.
The minister’s wife, who is her friend, said that once Jane asked
her how old own children were when they first walked. She said she
would have asked her mother how old she was when she first walked
but did not know where her mother was.

“
So my best guess it is Susan. But if you go there expecting
to find the person you once knew she is no longer there. The best
way I can describe her now is she has a calm flat surface, as if
she is happy and at peace. But it is like the surface of a frozen
pond, a thin shiny layer which covers something else underneath
which she cannot see. And, if you look hard, you start to see
cracks running through everywhere, just below the surface. It is
like, if someone broke the ice on a pond, and smashed it into a
hundred pieces. Then the bits of ice refroze and made a new
surface, but underneath are all the broken bits. With the cracks
running all through it you can no longer see anything reflected in
it properly, just mixed up bits. It has shapes that look familiar
but with most bits from before jumbled and gone.

“
So now there is this person who looks like Susan and who
sounds like Susan, but it isn’t really the Susan that any of us
knew. And this new Susan is like a piece of ice that is really
thin. One tiny knock could break it all apart and then there would
be nothing left that we know.

“
So, before I tell any of you where she was when I found her,
I need you all to promise you won’t rush off to see her and make
her try to remember and you will not let anyone else know where she
is unless we all agree.”

Vic looked at
the stunned faces one by one, all struggling to come to grips with
this new information, hope and heartbreak in equal parts. One by
one they met his eyes and nodded. So he finished the story with the
where.

When he
stopped talking Susan’s mother came over and sat by him, taking his
hand. Her shoulders were shaking with emotion as she said, “Thank
you so much for rushing back to tell us all, it means so much to me
that there is hope that my daughter is still alive no matter how
broken she may be inside. And not only that, but perhaps we have
grand children, a double blessing. I will trust you to tell us when
you think it is safe for us to go and see her. When you next see
her could you please take a picture of her with her children so
that we will have that to remember her by?”

Vic had never
really talked to Susan’s mother before apart from the cursory
greetings. But now, as she talked earnestly, he could see Susan’s
mannerisms and personality in reflection. He felt a flood of warmth
for her. He started to talk to her about the children, how the boy
had sat on his shoulders and patted his head like a dog, how the
lady, Jane, had told him. “David has never willingly gone to
another man before.” He told of how David had fallen and cut his
lip at the barbeque and how he had picked the boy up and taken out
his hanky to dab the blood from his cut, and then, once done, the
boy had pushed away his tears and gone back to play. He said how
this seemed to have happened in another life and it was hard to
believe it was only last night.

Sandy was
sitting next to Susan’s mother, talking quietly to Anne. She must
have caught the edge of their conversation. Now she turned to Vic
and said, “Did you say you have a hanky with the David’s blood on
it?”

Vic frowned,
needing to think what he had done with it. All his dirty clothes
had been put in his bag in his helicopter. Then he had left them at
a laundry in Cairns to collect on his return, except the clothes he
was wearing now, the same ones he had worn last night. He had
figured on buying another set or two of clothes in Darwin tomorrow,
before he returned. He felt in his pockets. Sure enough the hanky
was there with a small dark spot of blood in one corner.

Sandy reached
over and took it, looking closely. “That’s more than enough for
what we need,” she said.

Others looked
at her, puzzled. They asked, “For what?”

“
To know who she is,” Sandy answered. David’s DNA is there, we
have both Susan’s and Mark’s on file, and we have Mark’s uncle’s
DNA on file too. We could even get yours if we needed,” she said,
indicating to Susan’s mother and father.

“
So we can match this DNA to any of those other people’s and
we will know whether this boy is related. It appears that there is
no dispute that he is this woman’s child. So, if his DNA matches
our record for Susan, or matches any of the others then we will
have confirmation of the identity of the mother as Susan. If it
doesn’t we will know it is not her. I am assuming we all really
want to know, right?”

Sandy looked
from person to person. All thought for a minute and then
nodded.

Only Alan
shook his head. “We need to think carefully before we go there. If
we submit an official sample and it comes back positive, what do we
do then and can we withhold the information? Both Sandy and I are
officers of the crown. We will be obliged to report our findings
and act on them, not to mention that these samples will have to be
logged in our database when we seek to match them to Susan’s
identity. There are others who will have access to that database.
So once this information is in there I am far from sure we can keep
this to ourselves.

“
If it is Susan I am not sure if it is in her best interests
for it to come out so quickly. At the moment all we have in
anecdotal information saying this person may be her. This gives me
a basis for further investigation but does not oblige me to release
information suggesting that it is her. A positive result changes
all that.