Sunlit Shadow Dance (9 page)

Now Janie also
had a part time job doing this too, covering days when Thea was
extra busy or not available. When neither was working they would
meet up for a slice of cake and a cup of tea, mostly at Thea’s
unit. During work, when required they could share the child minding
though Thea mostly brought her children from Unit to Unit as the
tidied them and Jane had started to do the same with her children
when Vic was not at home.

Vic liked
Thea, but he was wary of her becoming too curious about their life.
He tried to skirt around the occasional questions she asked; about
where they were from or had lived and worked before. He just said
he came from Alice Springs and had both been living and working up
in the Cape before they got together. But Thea was a keen magazine
reader and TV watcher. This gave Vic bouts of anxiety, lest she
make the connection to such a well-covered media story.

Vic found his
mind returning to their trip down the coast. Along the way, as they
had travelled, he had tried to make a weekly phone call to get news
of developments with the legal case in Darwin. At the same time he
would pass on news of Jane for parents and friends. Wherever
possible he used payphones to avoid his mobile lest it be
traced.

His concern
was about a mole in the NT police or court system. His first
suspicions had been well founded; within a week of them leaving a
vague rumor had been aired about sightings of Susan, still alive,
in a town in north Queensland, fortunately with no location
specified. This story seemed to have more of a ring of truth than
the previous Susan sightings.

At least there
were no new names and no current photos, his Janie now had her hair
cut in a short bob and her face had plumped out, so the ability to
link her to the Susan released from jail in Darwin nearly two years
before was fading, the pasty faced, heavily pregnant girl of the
old media photos was very much changed to his Janie.

His first
telephone conversation had been with Buck. Vic identified himself
and told Buck they were together and all was fine, avoiding more
specific news.

Buck himself
had two pieces of news, one that Susan’s parents had tested the DNA
from the handkerchief and had confirmed that David was indeed their
grandson, though Vic’s doubts of this were well gone without the
official confirmation. The second was about the rat in the ranks of
NT government who was feeding some information to the press,
fuelling the speculation which was now hotting up, as evidenced by
the Queensland sighting. So, as Buck said, this meant they had to
be really careful about any communications and particularly about
any locations and names.

On the inside
of NT government Alan and Sandy were informally aware of DNA
result. Alan had been talking to people unofficially in legal
circles about how to proceed, whether to seek to reopen the court
case and seek a change to the conviction or alternatively to try
and have the sentencing concluded to a level where Susan was free
to lead her life, or perhaps to some find some other way of
removing the legal requirement for her to return to custody for
having broken her bail.

There had been
some speculation about Vic having a role in her disappearance and
some calls for an arrest warrant to be issued for him, based on the
suspicion that he had in some way aided a convicted prisoner. But
the story Buck let slip of his going to Canada had been accepted;
after all he no longer flew his helicopter. And Alan had done a
good job of calming the horses from the inside and thus far no-one
had formally attempted to locate him for questioning or pursue more
serious matters.

The second
conversation Vic had was with Anne. This happened when they were
staying in Yeppoon one night where they had checked into a motel.
They had just spent three glorious days on Great Keppel Island,
staying in a small and basic bunkhouse a short walk back from a
pristine white sandy beach, dotted with corral atolls spread
through the deeper water. Another couple with small children were
staying nearby and they all became instant friends, and sharing
meals and drinks while their children played together. They had
also taken turns to babysit their combined children while the other
couple went for a swim together, out amongst the corral.

It was not
something Vic had done before but Janie knew all about it, even
knowing the names of many of the fish and pointing them out to Vic,
glowing with enthusiasm as they explored. She was delighted this
part of her knowledge carried over from a former life, later having
intensive discussions with the husband of the other couple, Eric,
who was a marine biologist. Vic loved seeing this part of Jane’s
adult personality and memory return.

That night,
having returned from the island, with all the activity of the last
three days, Janie and the babies were exhausted and fell asleep
together in a tangle on the large bed. Vic had been reluctant to
use his own mobile too much, since he had talked to Buck, lest the
police try and trace him through it. It did have a new number but
still he was not sure he could not be traced.

So he had eyed
off the room phone and decided to chance it. Buck did not pick up,
so he thought who else to try. Alan and Sandy were a bit risky and
he did not want them to have knowledge they might have to deny.

That left Anne
or David, neither of whom he knew well, or perhaps Susan’s parents.
He was not yet ready to talk to them though he had taken a picture
of Janie and the children to send to them on his phone camera.

He thought
about waiting for another day, but chances were not easy to come
by. In trying to understand this person he was with he really
needed to know more about her and, after all, Anne was Susan’s best
friend, had been so from school, so who better to fill him in on
her early life, little snippets that he may be able to use to see
if they triggered any memories.

So he rang
through and she picked up on the first ring. “Anne here,” a more
businesslike manner than he was used to. However, after a minute of
making polite conversation, he found himself comfortable talking to
her. He explained. “I felt like I needed to touch base with one of
her friends. She and the children are fine. They are asleep on the
bed next to me as they are tired.

“
Now that we know it is her, I am trying to think of ways to
help her remember. At the moment she has no memories of before
being here in Queensland with her babies. But the amazing thing is
that she has full knowledge of some things, like working computers.
Today she was talking to a marine biologist about Barrier Reef fish
as if she was as much an expert as he was. But she does not know
where she was born or grew up; she does not know how to cook a meal
except for eggs and sausages, or any of those other things which
would come from her past memories. So I am trying to find out
things that she might know about, as it will help us to have things
to talk about and it may also lead to other memories which she
can’t reach now.”

In the end
they talked for over half an hour and he got lots of the detail of
Susan’s early life. He also promised to text her the picture with
Janie and the babies so that Anne could pass it on to Susan’s
parents.

After that, as
they travelled on Vic had used his new found knowledge to try and
open up more of the past Susan’s knowledge and memories. He had
found her knowledge of what she had studied at University was
remarkably good, though she had no knowledge of the courses of
study or the people she knew at University. Now they could talk
about archaeology or medical technology, even though these fields
were not Vic’s strong points. But, in this, Janie was a great
teacher. She seemed to be able to retrieve vast stores of
knowledge, building Vic’s interest in these unknown fields.

He really
liked seeing this side of his companion; in these things she was
the master and he was the apprentice. It brought more balance into
their relationship. It also seemed to satisfy a need in her to have
more meaningful things to think about and discover. Now she would
collect inexpensive books on these topics in second hand bookshops
and devour them voraciously.

But in all
other things she stayed a child, and in most ways she seemed
unaware of her childish state. She had no sense of what clothing
suited her, she had no sense of how she should cut her hair or
apply makeup, her food and cooking knowledge was rudimentary, her
knowledge of normal children’s development was abysmal.

One day she
told him she could not see colors. The way she had identified and
told him the names of the fish on the reef, describing their
patterns and shapes, it had not occurred to him she could not see
colors. It came out as she told him more about her singing in the
church and how it let her see the color blue when the world around
was only greys. And she told him how she now could see the brown
color on the skin on his arms when he held her children, but only
in that place and that time. She said that one day she hoped she
would be able to see some other colors, but for now she was happy
that she could see these two colors as they were so beautiful.

The thing he
most loved and marveled about in this new woman was her positivity.
She had lost almost everything she had ever known. And yet, in the
things that she did have, her children, him, and the two colors she
saw she conveyed irrepressible joy. The eyes that looked at him,
her blue eyes, gave him total attention and were for him alone. She
looked at and played with her children the same way. They basked in
this joy as he did.

In the months
that had passed since Jane had come away with Vic, she did not
understand what caused her to trust him so much that when he asked
her to come, but she had said yes without hesitation.

Her life
before in Cape York had been simple and she was contented. But yet,
when Vic came into her life, he brought his color to it, and David
trusted him. So she trusted him too. Now she was overwhelming glad
to be with him. But she was starting to sense that their life
together was missing something.

As she thought
about the life she had now her principal emotion was one of
profound happiness. The words that her mind held to describe
emotions, based on past memories, were limited things. So she
struggled to verbalise what she felt towards this nut brown man who
shared her life. In books she read about a concept called love.

She felt this
“love” thing must be something more spiritual, akin to her emotions
when listening to singing in church. Her feelings towards this man
were earthy, she smiled as she thought of the smell of the sweat of
his body when he worked in the hot sun, she liked how the muscles
in his brown arms corded and stood out when he strained to move
something heavy. Most of all she smiled inside when she thought of
how he played with and held her children. They looked at him with
simple adoration; he was good and kind, he always had time for
them, he cared for them in a simple and uncomplicated way, the same
as he cared for her.

All in all it
made her feel warm inside when she thought of him. She felt trust
and affection and many more things besides, for most of her
feelings she could find no words to fit, but the sum of all was
simple happiness.

And yet there
was more, she had tiny glimpses of another life where she knew him
too. These were like the tiniest reflections of light sliding
through gaps in a fog which covered all the surfaces of her past.
These flashes had slivers of anxiety attached to them, they did not
spoil her happiness, but they were there and she knew them for what
they were, warnings to leave well alone whatever had been
before.

Sometimes she
thought she should ask him to tell her what he knew about her from
before. Was she the girl in the photo that he had shown her when
they first met, the one he was searching for on that first day? Or
was she someone who looked like that girl and who had taken over
her place in his life? These were little puzzles that her mind
glimpsed. She trusted he would tell her when the time was right.
Buried deep also was a fear to know what had come before; she did
not want a shadow cast over her life now.

And there was
something else about him that she could not define; it was part of
the happiness but different. It was something to do with him being
a man. She had glimpsed his naked form, as he had hers, and it
stirred other emotions which she did not understand. She had felt
hardness at his middle, where his belly muscles joined his legs,
and it stirred similar emotions to his naked form, but again she
did not understand.

Sometimes,
when he slept in the night, his body touching hers, he had pressed
this part of his body against the place where her legs joined her
body. Then she had wanted this feeling to go on and become more,
but she did not know what followed from here. So, after a minute of
enjoying it, each time she had turned away, but felt regret in the
undoing of this contact.

And sometimes,
when she could feel him wound up and tense, she had this vague
sense of wanting to do something more with her body to relax and
pleasure him, to help relieve his tension. But again she did not
know what.

It was not a
big thing; it did not spoil her happiness. But sometimes she wished
she had a sister who she could ask what else she could do with her
body to give this man more comfort and pleasure.

She was also
slightly uncomfortable about them living in the same house and
sharing the same bed when they were not really married. The
minister, at the church, where she went each Sunday, talked about
living in sin. He did not say it directly to her as he thought she
was married. But he would speak about it to the young grown up boys
and girls who came to the church. She did not understood what this
meant, but gathered it had to do with a man and woman living in the
same house and sleeping in the same bed before they were married.
She had seen weddings at their local church, and knew that she and
Vic had not done this wedding thing; it was something she was sure
she would have remembered.