Super Sexual Orgasm: Discover the Ultimate Pleasure Spot: The Cul-De-Sac (4 page)

Now that you know where the PC muscle is and what tightening it feels like, I want you to flex and relax the PC without using your finger to help. When you flex, hold it for

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two seconds before you release. Continue to breathe slowly and evenly the whole time, and use the belly breath if you need it. (If you are still having difficulty isolating the PC muscle from other pelvic muscles continue to use your finger as an aid; or perhaps you will find that flexing it to stop a flow of urination helps you determine what the action of the muscle feels like.)

Do a pattern of flexes, holds, and releases three times a day. In your first week, do six flexes in each set, the second week do twelve flexes in each set, and the third week do twenty flexes in each set. At this three-week point you’ll have the firmness of muscle you need to achieve an SSO, when utilized in conjunction with the other techniques that follow in this and later chapters of the book.

After your initial training, I encourage you to continue doing these flexes every day (three times a day would be best), not only for the sake of your sex life and SSO but for your entire spectrum of health and well-being. The great thing about these flexes is that you can do them in the shower, on the bus, in the car, while you are watching television, just about any time. They can make even a boring mandatory company seminar or an endless homeowner’s association meeting have a hidden appeal.

There is another huge payoff for dutifully performing your PC crunches: When used in combination with the other techniques you will learn in this chapter you will have the ability to literally grip objects that are inserted into your va-gina—including your lover’s penis! This will be a fantastic source of sexual pleasure not only for yourself but, as you can imagine, for your partner as well. Talk about motivation!

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Now for those type-A personalities out there looking to be the speed-demons of sexuality, do not turn this into the Kegel 500 and do more than a few minutes of flexing three times a day. All you’ll do is give yourself PC burnout. After all, the PC is a muscle and as with any muscle, if you overuse it, you’ll feel tired and sore in that area. For those women who have had children, are over fifty, or who have not pared down to their desired weight yet, consider taking an extra week or weeks if necessary to build up to twenty flex repetitions.

Be attuned to what is going on with you. Don’t just read what I write and apply it blindly. There is room for give and take in everything I’m describing in these chapters. Give yourself the time and attention you need to adjust all the exercises in this book to a timetable that personally fits you. Your body will recognize the respect you are giving it and do its very best for you.

Advanced-Degree PC

Once you have worked up to twenty flex repetitions three times a day for a week, you’re ready for the next level of PC fitness.

In addition to your twenty flexes, three times a day, add in ten slow repetitions that go like this: Gradually tense the PC muscle for five seconds, hold for another five, and release for a last count of five. You should be able to feel your PC muscle slowly push in and then push out. Try doing two of these to start, three times a day, and work up to ten of them (in

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addition to your twenty fast flexes). It may sound simple as I’ve described it, but it does take a good deal of stamina so allow yourself at a minimum two to three weeks to work up to the full complement.

I cannot overemphasize the contribution these beginning and advanced PC muscle exercises make not only to sexual pleasure but also to pelvic-genital health. So please, place the work you are doing in a total, lifetime context and continue to do your flexes along with other practices of good personal self-care and hygiene on a daily basis.

Let Your Fingers do the Walking

Now that you are confident in your ability to identify your PC muscle and have brought it to a new level of strength and tone, you are ready to acclimate the PC muscle to flexing and relaxing in the presence of an object in your vagina.

As I mentioned earlier, many women are not able to maintain control over their PC muscle so that they can have an orgasm in the presence of a penis, dildo, or other object in the vagina. In the next series of exercises, you will insert objects into your vagina in order to build more strength and a greater sense of control. On your SSO quest it is important to know that you are physiologically in charge and in control of what is happening in your genital area during intercourse.

Now don’t get me wrong. You will not be required to

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be “on duty” during intercourse in the future, surveying the territory to make sure your body is functioning according to plan. The whole point of these exercises is to make the feel and activity of your toned PC and uterine muscles so comfortable and recognizable to you that when you are with your partner you will not be thinking but rather will be experiencing everything in the realm of the senses. Let’s borrow a phrase from the world of dance and say we are working to train your sense memory here. Once the imprint is set you will be able to move into ecstasy without thinking about a thing. So let’s get on with this intimate dance right now!

You want to start this next exercise and every exercise that follows in this chapter with the sensate focus genital caress you learned at the beginning of the chapter. Some women prefer to preface each exercise by doing a fullbody caress, using oils, lotions, or baby powder, working their way slowly toward the genital area. The thing I like about this approach is that it puts each exercise in a fullbody context. And that is what you want to remember at all times. This is not a sexual fix-it book nor is the aim of these chapters how to do “it” quicker, faster, better. What I am hoping to bring you is thoughtful, heartfelt information, instruction, and support to help you enrich yourself sexually one hundred percent, drawing on your own inherent sensual body beauty and intimate orgasmic power.

Relax. Lie on your back, sit up, use whatever position allows you to breathe easily, deeply, and restfully. Making sure you

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have cleaned your hands in advance and are not wearing any perfume, rings, or bracelets that will slide up and down your arm, insert the tip of your little finger into your vagina just one-half of an inch (about one knuckle’s worth). Sensuously tighten your PC muscle around your fingertip and then relax it again, just as you did the flex and release in the previous exercises. Do twenty repetitions in this manner. See if you can insert your fingertip up to an inch (up to the second knuckle). Again, tighten and then release the PC muscle twenty times. Now see if you can insert your finger all the way up to the last knuckle. Again, flex and release for a series of twenty flexes.

Work your way in this three phase per finger process through each finger on your band. If at any time you get nervous, stop, focus on your belly breathing, remind yourself that what you are doing is good and natural, and see if you can start again. If you feel pain or if these actions stimulate any fears or uncomfortable memories you might have of an incident in your past, stop immediately and do not start again until you have consulted with a physician, a therapist, or both.

Babes in Sexual Toyland

Before I started working as a professional sexual surrogate in the early 1980s, I had never used, let alone seen, a dildo. And neither had many of my surrogate peers, or nonsurrog-ate peers for that matter. Times have changed, however, and dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys are a part of many wo-men’s sexual lives. I don’t want to assume, however, that they have become part of yours so

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I am going to take this opportunity to tell you about them. This is not a digression though, because afterward you are going to proceed with your exercises, this time incorporating the use of a dildo into your learning plan.

When I was in high school, there was one boy in my class whose life was made a living hell because his father manu-factured sex toys. I must say that while I was not one of the active participants in the teasing that continually went on, I certainly did my share of snickering. Wherever that boy is today, let me tell you now, my dear I’m really sorry I ever laughed at you. Because what your father did, I’ve discovered in later years, was of immeasurable service to all of us who want to enjoy full sexual lives.

Why am I telling you this anecdote from my childhood? Well, in spite of the various sexual revolutions that have transpired since my teens, many people today still do not understand the function of items like dildos and vibrators. You can just do an informal test with people you know if you want. I guarantee you will get many giggles at the mention of the subject, along with some pretty wacky explanations of what value sex toys have in our everyday lives. Some of the misguided beliefs I’ve heard in my time include:

(1) sex toys are for “perverts,” (2) if your sex life was good you wouldn’t need sex toys, and (3) using sex toys will re-move the need for having sex with other people. Maybe you even believe, on some unconscious level, that one or more of these opinions are true. Let me give you some information, then, that might help you change your mind.

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Show and Tell

I’m going to tell you about both dildos and vibrators, even though the exercises to follow only make use of a dildo. I just think that because you may want to explore vibrators on your own, it would be good if you had some knowledge of their function and potential. Both dildos and vibrators are used to stimulate areas deep in the vagina that cannot be reached by hand. If you have never experimented with sex toys before, you will be surprised at what using them can do for you. While it is true that they can be used for individuals who are experiencing doubts, difficulties, and dilemmas about their sexuality, sex toys are a great boon to those whose sex lives are good but have the potential to become even better. Mind you, you may even hesitate to call dildos and vibrators toys because they perform so well.

A dildo is a man-made object shaped like a penis that can, but does not necessarily, vibrate. They are available in a variety of sizes. Some are made out of hard plastic but the newest models are made out of soft rubber or a gel-like substance that feels more like a real penis. They are made from molds of real penises and so have details like realistic heads and veins. The flexible kind can also be bent into different shapes. Some dildos come with the added feature of having suction cups on the base so they can be freestanding, affording women a greater variety of positions in which the dildo can be used.

For the purposes of the exercises you will be doing in this chapter I recommend you look for a dildo that:

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is shaped like a realistic penis

is similar in size to your partner’s (or the average size of the partners you have sex with)

has a suction-cup base

is flexible enough to be bent into a gooseneck shape to stimulate your G-spot

vibrates at both a high and low setting (not for the purposes of this exercise, but for future use).

If you encounter difficulty finding all these attributes in one dildo, make sure that at a minimum it is realistically sized and is flexible. You might end up buying two dildos, each of which incorporates some of the attributes you are looking for. You might want to get a smaller dildo, say a four-inch one, and a larger one to work up to, particularly if you are new to using them.

A vibrator can be penis-shaped, but can come in other sizes as well; some are as tiny as a triple-A battery while others are as big as your forearm. These large vibrators are not meant to be inserted in the vagina and have instead ex-terior massage uses. Vibrators differ in the strength of the stimulation they provide and some contain different levels of intensity settings.

There are now many pleasant and professional stores across the country in which you can buy sex toys like dildos and vibrators. If there isn’t a store near you, Appendix B contains a sample listing of mail order firms from which you can order products. I list them as

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a service to you, not as an endorsement. You should examine the catalogues carefully to determine if the items fit your needs and whether the prices are reasonable.

Everything Old is New Again

The sensual squeezing, holding, and releasing exercise you did in the previous exercise is exactly what you are going to do in this next exercise. Only this time you are going to have a dildo in your vagina as you do the process. Start with a four-inch dildo—it can be smooth or have a pronounced head, it doesn’t matter.

Now, you are not pumping iron with your PC muscle. Gentleness is the order of the day. Your aim is to accustom yourself sensually to the looseness and tightness of your PC muscle around an object inserted in your vagina. By increasing your PC muscle’s sensitivity in this way, you are increasing the muscle’s ability to spasm and trigger orgasm during intercourse.

Begin with a sensate focus body caress. Keep close tabs on your breathing at all times. Lubricate your dildo well. Now give yourself a genital caress with the dildo, rubbing it softly against your labia and clitoris. The first time you insert it, go only as deep as an inch. Start your PC squeezes. Squeeze, hold, release. After you have done the twenty repetitions, in-sert the dildo another inch and do twenty more squeezes. In-sert the dildo a third inch and repeat the cycle of gentle squeezes, holds, and releases for the last time. If you start to have an orgasm,

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while it is not the goal of the exercise, enjoy it and keep the dildo inserted in your vagina as your PC muscle starts to spasm.

See G-Spot Run

The G-spot is not the focus of this book, yet G-spot awareness can vastly enhance your capacity for super sexual orgasm. So let’s take a few moments to go over the basics here. Located on the upper wall of the vagina, about two-thirds of the way in, the G-spot feels rough to the touch. Insert a finger into your vagina and see for yourself. If you hook your finger back toward yourself and give an easy pull, you should experience a powerfully pleasurable feeling. You may find it difficult to do this maneuver, so if you don’t manage to, don’t worry. You will soon use a flexible dildo to achieve the effect. Before we move on with the exercise, however, let me say a few words about this much described and misdescribed facet of the female anatomy.

The G-spot is an area of extreme sensitivity for women. Stimulating it often produces an intense orgasmic response which is sometimes accompanied by an ejaculation called a “gusher.” A large amount of thin, clear fluid is expelled, often running down a woman’s legs in warm rivulets. The fluid is composed of a substance similar to semen but without the sperm. Contrary to old wives’ tales, the fluid is definitely not urine.

Many women have had a “gusher” once and then never again for a variety of reasons:

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