Surrender to Love (8 page)

    "Should I tell her, or do you want to?" Shane asked, as Kari and Rebecca approached.
    "Go ahead," Jordan said, her spirits lifting immediately realizing she was free at last. "And thank you." She knew this was for the best. They would all be leaving together and having a man along gave her more peace of mind. That way Jordan could see for herself how life would be for Rebecca, and she and Kari would just have to keep their plans about Fife a secret for now, until she felt it was safe to tell Shane the truth about them.
         KARI'S BREATH caught in her throat realizing the cowboy looked better every time she saw him. She was almost irritated he was so attractive.
    "Good afternoon, Kari," Shane said, her name rolling off his tongue like a caress, causing a shiver to work its way up her spine. It was a skill he no doubt used in luring women to his bed. And with his looks, it probably wasn't too difficult, she thought, her gaze moving down to the dark blue shirt he wore, the top buttons undone exposing a V of crisp black hair. His faded jeans rode low on his hips, an empty holster even lower. Kari heard herself swallow.
    "What do you want?" she asked, hating how defensive she always sounded when talking to him.
    An arched eyebrow indicated his humorous surprise at her question.
    The man probably was married anyway. Her gaze instinctively strayed to his left hand. There was no ring, but that didn't mean anything. Men were notorious when it came to hiding the fact they were married. Well, not her husband, he'd wear his wedding ring like a flag. If he refused to wear one, well, so would she.
    "I told your cousin that Rebecca and I will be leaving soon. You both are welcome to come with us. From there you can return to wherever it is you came from, or you can stay in Brogan."
    "We're leaving?" she asked, not sure if that was good or bad news. No wonder Jordan had looked so stunned.
    They were free! For a moment she couldn't quite grasp what she was feeling.
    "Brogan is a good size town. I own a lot of businesses, and we have a real shortage of women."
    She wondered exactly what it was he had in mind.
    As though reading her thoughts, he smiled. "To work in the restaurant or mercantile. There are people who need help with their children, too, or housekeepers."
    A relieved smile came to her lips. "I thought for a minute--"
    "I know what you were thinking. It was written all over your face." Stomping the cigarette beneath his boot, he grinned boyishly. To her chagrin it made him even more attractive. "You don't have to go to Brogan, but at least you'll have someone to travel with. Why don't you give me an answer by tomorrow."
    What was there to think about? This is what she and Jordan had been hoping for from the very moment Gray Hawk had taken them. Not only would they be leaving with a man, a protector of sorts, but they would be going to a place where they could find work. A place they could put down some roots for a while. "All right," she said, hating the way her cheeks burned whenever he was around. "I'll talk it over with Jordan."
    "Good, I'll be waiting for an answer."
    Walking away she felt his gaze on her back the entire way to the teepee.

Chapter 11
    GRAY HAWK met Jordan's gaze over the head of the young warrior he was teaching to use a bow and arrow. It was obvious that she had something on her mind by her serious expression, an expression he was getting used to since the day they'd argued and he'd gone to Running Deer.
    What Jordan didn't know was that he'd regretted going to the other woman the moment he entered Running Deer's teepee, because all he could think about was Jordan. Before things progressed too far, he'd left, and spent the evening beneath the stars, thinking about what all the strange emotions he'd been feeling of late meant.
    Telling the boy to practice on his own for a while, he walked toward her. She stared at him unblinking, not moving a muscle. "You wish to speak with me?" he asked, stopping a few feet away.
    "Why didn't you tell me?"
    He feigned surprise. "Tell you what?"
    "That you're letting us go."
    "Are you telling me the news doesn't make you happy?"
    Instantly her gaze slipped from his to the ground. "Yes, I'm happy." Even though she said the words, he could hear the lack of conviction. His pulse skittered like a young boy's. Could it be she wasn't as happy to leave as she would have thought? Her reaction told him more than words ever could.
    But he wouldn't get his hopes up. She would leave. Within days they would be gone, and he would never see her again. His eyes moved over her, memorizing every feature, every detail.
    Though he had told Shane Jordan could go, the last thing Gray Hawk wanted to do was release her, especially since his every waking thought was consumed by her. Even in his dreams she was by his side, loving him, swearing she'd never leave him.
    He didn't want her to go. How he wished he could take the words back.
    Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the others had stopped practicing and were watching the two of them. Gray Hawk motioned for Jordan to follow him. When they were completely alone, he reached out and caressed the soft smooth skin of her cheek, before moving over her full lips. Her eyes turned dark, then drifted shut as his lips claimed hers.
    Jordan was drawn up against his hard chest, her arms encircling his neck. His tongue played along the seam of her lips, nudging them apart. Her mind screamed what they were doing was wrong, but her body willed all negative thoughts away. She wanted this man, more than she ever wanted anything in her life, and she wasn't about to deny herself any longer, especially when she would be leaving soon.
    A moan escaped her lips as she opened up to him, relaxing, knowing that what was about to happen had been a long time coming. Hypnotized by his touch, her body tingled where his fingertips stroked her skin. Inching her dress up, his hand splayed against her thigh. The breath caught in her throat as he came dangerously close to the core of all her passionate need.
    Gray Hawk's entire body was hard as her fingers played along his back. Her breathing was coming in short gasps, and he knew at that moment the attraction had never been one sided. His heart rejoiced with the knowledge that she wanted him, too.
    As Gray Hawk's fingers moved closer, Jordan's breath caught in her throat. No one ever touched her in such a way...and shouldn't be now. She gasped when a finger slipped inside her.
    She couldn't deny it didn't feel good, and as his finger moved in and out of her, a warmth began to build, growing stronger with every second, penetrating her very soul, making her ache for something she didn't understand. As he continued the onslaught, she pressed her hips against his hand, wanting more of what he was doing, and then it happened. Her world shattered into a million tiny pieces...and nothing had ever felt so good.
    His lips crashed down on hers, and as he pulled her up against him, his swollen manhood jutting against her belly, she somehow pulled out a thread of sanity. Dear lord what had she done? Did she have no shame?
    Gray Hawk pulled her close, but when she stiffened and her arms dropped to her sides, he put her away from him with a heavy sigh. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her eyes still bright with desire. She stepped away, her mouth open as though to say something, but she didn't, she just stared in disbelief.
    He hated the condemnation in her eyes. Eyes that a moment ago had watched him in wonder as he'd brought her to climax. He remembered Samantha looking at him the same way before he'd left her. What exactly was she thinking? Maybe it was for the best that he didn't know.
    "I...I can't do this," she said, and without another word, she ran.
    As Jordan ran for the teepee it took every ounce of willpower Gray Hawk possessed not to follow her, tie the flap down, and make long, leisurely love to her. She wanted him, even if she pretended she didn't. But he wasn't a fool. Her actions spoke louder than any words of protest. Even though he could tell her body yearned for his touch, her heart forbade it. Was it because he was an Indian--like the ones who killed her parents, or was it because she felt he'd betrayed her with Running Deer?
    Maybe he should tell her the truth--that he hadn't been with Running Deer or anyone else since she'd come into his life. But would it matter? She was leaving and he would never see her again. They'd both be better off if they kept a distance.
    "She's gotten under your skin."
    Gray Hawk turned at the sound of his brother's voice, surprised he hadn't heard his approach.
    "She has dulled your senses," Iron Bear said with a sly smile. "When you look at her, it is with lust in your eyes. Everyone can see it." He spit on the ground by Gray Hawk's feet. "You are making a fool of yourself, brother."
    "Do you say this only because you're jealous, or because you feel it in your heart?" Gray Hawk asked, his eyes narrowing. Iron Bear said nothing. He didn't have to. The jealousy he felt was clearly written there for Gray Hawk to see. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore. She's leaving."
    "What?"
    "She's leaving with Rebecca and her uncle tomorrow."
    Iron Bear's sardonic laughter pierced the air. "So she prefers the white eyes over you--just like your mother."
    It was a taunt: one to anger him. Iron Bear never let him forget that his mother had willingly left the tribe. Although he didn't react to his brother's knowing smile, or the words that were barbed and direct, they hurt all the same. "Yes, all three will go with him."
    "Two beautiful women--what a nice diversion for him."
    "Shane Catalono is a trustworthy man. He will see no harm is done to them."
    Iron Bear's smile widened.
    "You are a fool. He will probably have both women in his bed the first night."
    Before he could stop himself, Gray Hawk lashed out at Iron Bear with a solid right, and Iron Bear landed in the dust with a thud. Dropping one knee on his chest, Gray Hawk pressed his knife to his brother's throat. The entire village went quiet, but neither man took notice. Iron Bear grabbed his wrist in a quick viselike grip. Gray Hawk increased the pressure of his knee between Iron Bear's ribcage.
    Gray Hawk ignored their father's stern voice as he yelled their names from a distance.
    Iron Bear's grip on his wrist relaxed. A small rivulet of blood ran down the side of his neck to the dirt from where the knife punctured the tender skin of his throat. Gray Hawk lifted the knife high above his head, ready to thrust the blade home when their father's voice rang out again. Iron Bear's fathomless eyes stared into his, daring him to strike the fatal blow. Even now, those eyes were so full of hate and loathing. How easy it would be to end the continual smirks and taunts that reminded him constantly that he teetered between two worlds, belonging to neither one. A fact that had bothered him since he was old enough to understand that he was different.
    With a curse, Gray Hawk threw the knife aside as though it burned his fingers and came to his feet, leaving Iron Bear to lie in the dirt. Ignoring everyone he marched toward his teepee and the woman he wanted more than anything...the woman he had just let go.
         JORDAN HAD watched it all. She had seen the hatred between the brothers, and though she didn't understand completely what the fight was about, she had a feeling it had been about her.
    From the moment she'd arrived in the camp, she knew many didn't want her or Kari there. One of those people had been Iron Bear. Despite his leering smiles and lewd glances, he despised her. Despised her because she was white.
    A shiver ran down her spine.
    Did he hate his brother because he was half-white? The thought was incomprehensible, yet it couldn't be ignored. Gray Hawk had gone to live with the white man. Did he have yearnings to be like them, or did he want only to serve his people? Her first instinct told her to comfort him, yet how could she?
    Her gaze followed him to where he sat off by himself, sitting on the hard ground, staring at the fire. What had passed between them had shaken her to the core. Did he feel the same? Was he at this moment thinking about her?
    How she yearned to go to him, wrap her arms around his waist and hold him tight.
    "Did you see that?" Kari asked, coming up from behind her, nearly scaring her out of her skin.
    Jordan nodded. "I did."
    "What do you think it was about?"
    Jordan turned to her cousin. "It was about us. We're leaving."
    The sides of Kari's mouth turned up in a smile. "I know, Shane told me. Oh Jordan, we're leaving. We'll be gone and soon all of this will be behind us."
    Her excitement was obvious, and Jordan knew thinking about Gray Hawk wouldn't help her now. He was part of her past, and that's where he would stay.
    "Shane said he wanted an answer from us whether to go to Brogan or not. What do you think?"
    "Well, since we have little money, it only makes sense to go with him. He said we could get work."
    Kari's smile widened. "Just think, in a few months we'll be able to pay the taxes on the ranch."
    Her ranch. That was the one thing that had to keep her going. And now Shane Catalono was escorting them out of Indian territory to a town where they could get jobs and work toward her goal of getting the ranch back.
    With a final glance at Gray Hawk, she turned toward the teepee. "Come on, let's tell Shane we're ready to leave."

Chapter 12
    JORDAN WOKE with a start. Today she was leaving. Last night she and Kari had gone to Shane and told him they were anxious to get started. His answer had come by way of a wide smile, and a promise that they leave at sun-up.
    She glimpsed the first gray light of day through the smoke hole. Rebecca was curled up into a ball beside Kari. She turned to Gray Hawk, only to find his furs empty.
    She wondered if he'd slept here at all last night, or if he'd spent the night with Running Deer. An image of the two lying together was like a poison inside her. "Stop it," she muttered under her breath, coming quickly to her feet. She had to stop these destructive thoughts. Gray Hawk could do whatever he wanted. After today he would be nothing but a memory anyway. Yet even as she tried to convince herself she didn't care, she knew it would be a long time before she could forget about him.
    Heading toward the river, she was glad to see that only a few people were up. She needed the peace and solitude to mentally prepare herself for their departure.
    Pulling the soft doeskin from her body, Jordan dove into the water. Making quick work of soaping her body and hair in case someone else had the same idea of an early morning bath, she tried not to think of Gray Hawk or the hours ahead of her, but it was useless. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of the cool water lapping against flesh that felt strangely alive, as though she were now aware of new sensations.
    She swam for the riverbank when she heard a snap of a branch overhead. Twisting around, she looked up and her heart lurched madly seeing Gray Hawk stood on the ledge above her. The sight of him was everything she was trying so hard to forget. How tall, dark and handsome he was, standing there as though he owned the world. His lean body tense, every muscle flexed. For a moment she took pleasure in just staring at him, letting her gaze shift to where it shouldn't be, knowing she would never see another like him for as long as she lived. Her gaze slowly worked back up his length to find silvery eyes watching her with such intensity, she could feel his desire all the way to her soul.
    Gray Hawk was both stunned and delighted to find the woman who plagued his dreams become a live vision as he stood on the rocks above the river. Jordan's eyes were huge, like a doe staring at a hunter. She stepped tentatively back into the water, depriving him of the view that he so hungrily devoured with his eyes. But he had seen enough, and his body was responding.
    Knowing the river well, Gray Hawk gauged the distance it would take and without a second thought, jumped from his precarious position on the cliff into the cold water below. He heard her frightened yelp, and wondered if her fear was for his safety, or for herself. As he came out of the water, he watched as her face registered horror, then relief.
    Although her body was submerged, Jordan wondered if he couldn't see right through the water, because his eyes were so dark with desire. "What are you doing?" she asked in a tight voice. When he said nothing, she took a step backward. Her teeth chattered, and it had nothing to do with the cold.
    His gaze moved from her lips to her breasts. There was no doubt he could see through the water. Covering herself in a lame attempt at modesty, she quickly looked around, hoping someone would come and interrupt them, because right now she wasn't sure if she had the strength to resist him.
    He moved so quickly, she didn't have a chance to react.
    Pulling her against his chest, his lips crashed down on hers. Her hands pounded against his chest, but instead of releasing her, he held her tighter and nudged her mouth open, plunging his tongue inside.
    Jordan tried not to respond to his passionate demands, but it was no use when every inch of her was pressed against his hard flesh, the desire that surged through her was more than she could fight. A second later all resistance fled as her tongue met his.
    Fire raced through her veins. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once. When his hard arousal pressed against her stomach, her mind screamed for her to run, but her body refused to obey, wanting the release she craved.
    Gentle fingers moved down her back, spanning her waist, then moved lower to cup her buttocks, raising her closer to the part of him that could end her torment. Suddenly he lifted her higher, his lips raining kisses over one breast, then the other. Holding onto him like a lifeline, Jordan tried to catch her breath and ease the mad pounding of her heart. His tongue flicked out, laving her nipple. A warmth flowed from her breasts, down to her belly and even lower. Her fingers wove through his hair, pressing his mouth closer.
    He heard her groan low in her throat and it was his undoing. Ignoring the warning signals going off in his head, Gray Hawk continued his seduction. If this was all he could have of her, then he would take what she offered. The memory of this day would be all he would have left of her, and it would have to be enough.
    Jordan's breath left her lungs as he continued his onslaught. As her head fell back, her body quivered with a need denied for far too long. Waves of pleasure washed over her, building an ache in that most private part of her.
    His hand slid from her hip and moved between her thighs, achingly close to her throbbing center. Jordan's heart stilled when his fingers moved over the sensitive flesh of her womanhood. A delicious sensation began to grow in the pit of her stomach until it spread to every nerve ending.
    Climbing higher and higher she reached for some unknown pinnacle. A part of her wanted him to stop, knowing what they were doing was wrong. Yet, his lips and fingers were working magic over her body, until she was sure she would burst.
    Gray Hawk didn't know how much longer he could hold on. Her fingers clawed at his back as she found her release. Pulling her closer, he claimed her lips once more, swallowing her cry of passion.
    With every intention of making love to her on the river's edge, he lifted her in his arms. Yet as he set her on her feet, he realized that if she gave herself to him, it would make separation more difficult. It wouldn't be fair to either one of them. A woman's maidenhead was a gift, and he had no right to take it, just as he'd had no right to take her captive.
    She clung to him, her face pressed against his chest, her heart beating heavily. Gray Hawk fought the emotions that raced within him. He bent his head and kissed her slowly, knowing it would be for the last time.
    It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but he finally put her at arms length. Her brows were furrowed into a frown as she stared up at him.
    He smiled softly as his fingers traced the outline of her jaw, and then her full pink lips as he memorized every detail. "I'll miss you," he said, watching as her desire cooled, turning quickly to rejection.
    Unable to handle the hurt he saw in her eyes, he turned and left her, before he could change his mind.
         KARI OPENED her eyes to find Shane Catalono standing at the entrance to the teepee, his hands planted on his hips. "Get up, sleepy head, it's time to go."
    She sat up slowly, surprised to find Rebecca was wide awake and dressed in a pair of buckskin breeches, shirt, and moccasins.
    "You have something other than that dress?" Shane asked, his gaze moving quickly over her. By the expression on his face, he obviously found her leather dress repulsive.
     Kari threw the furs off and grabbed her worn pants and blouse that she'd put out for their ride to Brogan. Forcing a smile, she passed the cowboy, knowing she had to make an effort to be kind. After all, it was because of him they were leaving the village, and although he constantly taunted her, she mustn't let him nettle her. He was doing them a favor, and she owed him.
    Heading toward the river for a bath, Kari kept her excitement in check. A small part of her was sad they were leaving, yet she could hardly wait to get to Brogan. Finally she and Jordan would have the independence they have craved for so long. If what Shane said was true, they would have jobs and make money in no time. Months ago she would have doubted she would like domestic work, but being in the village taught her she could do anything she set her mind to. In fact, she found she enjoyed the work, sewing especially.
    Jordan passed by her, saying nothing more than, "You ready?" By the tone of her voice, it was obvious she was very ready to leave. A moment later Kari had her answer to Jordan's strange mood when she saw Gray Hawk coming toward her in long strides. His hair was wet, and water clung to his body. Kari smiled, but he did no more than nod.
    Indeed, it was a good thing they were leaving today.
    Kari didn't linger in the river, knowing if she didn't hurry, Shane would come looking for her. Bathing quickly, she put on the clothes she'd worn when Gray Hawk had captured her.
    Shane was readying the horses, and when she approached he turned around. One dark brow lifted, and she swore she saw appreciation there. "Looks like they've seen better days."
    Her shoulders slumped. "Believe it or not, these garments were new six months ago."
    "A little testy this morning, Miss Hoffman?"
    Folding her arms over her chest, she lifted her chin a notch. "Not at all, Mr. Catalono."
    One side of his mouth lifted. "Could have fooled me?"
    She'd been ready with a retort, but it died when she saw his gaze wandering down her body. To her horror, her skin tingled as though he touched her with his hands. Instinctively, she checked the buttons of her blouse to make sure they were fastened. Meeting his gaze again, his grin was so wicked, it suggested more than words ever could. "Don't worry, Miss Hoffman, I only take willing women to my bed."
    His words brought an outraged gasp from her lips, loud enough to turn heads. The nerve of him to say such a thing!
    "You think all women will just drop at your feet, don't you, Mr. Catalono?" Her voice was trembling, but that didn't stop her from voicing her thoughts out loud. "It's men like you who give all males a bad name."
    He took the steps that separated them until she was forced to look up into his handsome face. "You wouldn't know how to handle a man like me, Miss Hoffman."
    Was it her imagination or was he challenging her? "Don't flatter yourself," she replied through clenched teeth.
    "Have I angered you, Miss Hoffman? Your color is a little high, considering the coolness of the morning."
    She could feel the warmth of his breath against her face. The blue of his eyes were startling, so light, so full of--what exactly? Oh, but he was so sure of himself! No doubt he was used to women throwing themselves at him. Well, not her!
    "We could be friends?" His voice was deceptively soft.
    Kari took a step backwards. "Fine, friends then." His hand was extended, and it took her a minute to realize he expected a handshake. Although she didn't want to, neither did she want to look childish. She grabbed his extended hand. It was rough, callused, strong, and lingered longer than necessary.
    "You've rough hands for a woman."
    She ripped her hand from his grasp, leveling him with a hostile glare. "I'm a woman who's used to hard work, Mr. Catalono. Yes, my hands are rough from the work I've endured. I'm sure that even the best of women, who I'm sure you know personally, should they have been in the same situation would find their hands as dry, cracked, and rough as mine."
    He regarded her with amusement. "I wasn't comparing."
    "Oh, yes you were."
    She was flustered...and he loved it. Even though he'd told her that he wanted to be friends, she had to wonder if he was serious. He was constantly sarcastic to her, and friends weren't that way.
    Turning her back on him, she missed the appreciative stare as he took in the sight of her feminine curves in pants.
    Shane's mocking smile died on his lips as he watched her. Gone were any traces of the woman who lived among Indians and survived it...perhaps except for her work worn hands. He truly hadn't intended to criticize her, but when they were together, he couldn't help himself, and all his good intentions were buried in the dust.
    He watched as she walked around the camp, talking and laughing with the Indians as though they were friends, and not the people who captured her. She shook each of their hands, her smile serene and peaceful by the time she returned to her horse ready to leave.
    "Well, it looks like all we have to do now is wait for Jordan," she said, as she walked toward Rebecca. His gaze lingered on her derriere that was so clearly defined in her pants. A coincidence because his pants had grown uncomfortably tight in the last few minutes. He shifted on his feet, wondering why in the world he hadn't just offered to buy them tickets on the next stage out of the territory once they reached Brogan, instead of inviting them to stay with him.
         AS JORDAN prepared to leave, a few friends came by to wish her well, while others showed their obvious delight she was leaving--none more so than Running Deer.
    Having learned her nemesis would soon be out of the way, Running Deer was pleasant, almost taunting, and although Jordan tried not to be jealous, she was.
    The woman would have Gray Hawk to herself, and Jordan would never see him again.
    The thought ripped at her insides. It was crazy to want a future with him--impossible. But in her dreams lately she'd done just that. They'd been together and were so happy, living at the ranch, raising horses, having children. How happy and at peace she was in those dreams. Despite their differences, she and Gray Hawk had made things work between them.
    But this was harsh reality.
    There would never be anything between them, and she would never see him again. She told herself that she should thank her lucky stars that he hadn't taken her virginity, especially when she'd been so willing to give it.
    Yet what frightened her more than anything was the fact that she wasn't thankful. She'd wanted Gray Hawk with a ferocity that scared her. And worse still was the fact she still wanted him.
    Taking a deep breath, she headed toward the corral where Kari and Shane were on their horses packed and ready to go. Jordan helped Rebecca up, then looked around at the villagers who came to say goodbye. Not so very long ago she feared these people and now she was sad knowing she'd never see them again.
    Gray Hawk wasn't among those who came to say farewell as they mounted up, and it hurt, especially with all they'd been through. She was hoping for at least one last look, to memorize his features, although they were already etched in her memory.