Surrender to Love (4 page)

    Her stomach clenched in a tight knot. Merciful heaven, was this it? Jordan wondered. Were she and Kari to be offered as a sacrifice? Had she been so difficult that Gray Hawk had decided to rid himself of them altogether? She jumped as warriors threw handfuls of powder into the fire, making it flare brightly into the night sky.
    Jordan's heart matched the beat of the drums as she watched dark male bodies sway to the music. The men moved as one, so sensual, so exotic, so unlike anything she'd ever witnessed before.
    Oddly enough, an emotion other than fear began to race through Jordan as she watched Gray Hawk. The way he danced was almost hypnotic, and at that moment, she felt as though she were under his spell. Her blood pumped wildly at the sight, filling her with a strange inner excitement as she sat riveted to the spot.
    But as the dance continued and her excitement mounted, Jordan was ready to run from her thoughts and the man they were centered around. When the music stopped abruptly, the dancers went down on one knee, except for Gray Hawk who stood tall in the middle of the circle. A cry tore from his throat that was neither human nor primal. He raised his hands to the stars and silence fell over the group.
    Jordan's pulse skittered, waiting for something, what exactly, she wasn't sure. Then the music started again, slower this time, each note romantic and stirring. Her heart beat faster as the momentum of the music gained speed and Gray Hawk's body moved to the pounding rhythm. With each motion his muscles flexed beneath his dark skin. "Oh my," she said under her breath at the sight he provoked, and the strange, disquieting thoughts that raced through her mind.
    Kari leaned forward, not taking her eyes off the warriors. "What?"
    Jordan's throat was so tight she couldn't reply. The dance continued, and with every second that passed, her skin grew warm, almost hot, as she watched the man she so hated. She ran a trembling hand down her face.
    If she hated him, why then was she so aware of him?
    He looked her way and her breath caught. His silver gaze burned into hers for an endless moment. Her skin tingled with an awareness so intense her body pulsed with it. The side of his mouth lifted the slightest bit in a smile she felt all the way to her toes. The simple gesture transformed him completely, from a man she feared, to one she desired with all her soul.
    But too soon the magic was broken as Running Deer stepped into Jordan's line of vision to dance with Gray Hawk.
    Raw jealousy ripped at Jordan's insides as she watched him move with the other woman in a dance, that from the looks of it, they'd known all their lives.
    Perhaps it was for the best. She'd been letting her thoughts wander to places it had no business going.
    "I'm going back to the teepee," Jordan said, coming to her feet when Iron Bear, Gray Hawk's half-brother approached her. His hand was outstretched, beckoning her to join him in the dance.
    She glanced at Kari, who merely smiled and shrugged. At her side, Tawanka nodded encouragingly. Iron Bear was menacing with scars running down one side of his face. The claw marks were said to be from a grizzly, who in the end, Iron Bear had killed. He was also a man whose libido was proven by his twelve children and three pregnant wives. Although he was the last person she wanted to dance with, from the expectant looks of the crowd it appeared she had no choice.
    What would it hurt? Maybe she would even gain a few friends tonight if she tried. After all, fighting with them was getting her nowhere. Perhaps if she gained their trust, it would be easier to escape them.
    Surrounded by others, Jordan at first felt awkward, trying to mirror Iron Bear's movements, but soon she found the rhythm and began to relax and actually enjoy herself for the first time since being captured. Glancing up at Iron Bear, she returned his smile of approval, hoping he wouldn't misinterpret the look.
    Feeling uneasy under his lustful stare, she quickly turned and looked toward Gray Hawk to find he was no longer dancing, but standing with the others watching her. His eyes shone like silver in the light of the fire. He was so tall, dark and handsome, his skin so smooth, that she wondered what it would feel like under her fingers. Her pulse beat madly in her throat as she continued to stare.

Chapter 5
    GRAY HAWK watched Iron Bear's gaze move slowly over Jordan's body. It was obvious by the fire in his eyes that his brother wanted her. Though the knowledge angered him, he knew he couldn't blame his brother for desiring Jordan--especially when Gray Hawk wanted her himself.
    Which was ridiculous, especially since she was becoming more difficult with every day that passed. He had little control over the woman who would just as soon plunge a knife in his back as look at him. But there was something about Jordan that also intrigued him. She was strong and independent...so much like Samantha.
    Samantha--he would never forget her betrayal. It was like a wound that never healed, despite the fact that he had only been sixteen at the time.
    He had traveled to Missouri, to a school that taught Indians English and the white ways. Having already learned the language from his mother, he'd been the prime candidate to go. Intent on his purpose, he left his people in order to serve them better. At first he took on his studies with vigor. But then he met Samantha Reeves, a young wife of a missionary who worked at the school, and his life changed overnight.
    Samantha, a petite brunette with dark brown eyes had been kind to him from the start, and he had always liked her. For the first year he'd enjoyed flirting with her, but he never took her seriously, knowing she was married to a missionary, an older gentleman with a kind smile, but a firm hand when things didn't go his way.
    One day while her husband was working out in the fields, Samantha asked Gray Hawk to help her move a dresser in her room. He agreed to help, not thinking anything of it. Knocking on the door, he waited. A few minutes passed without an answer. He almost left, but decided to try the door first. He found it unlocked, so he pushed it open. "Mrs. Stone?" he called, shutting the door behind him.
    "In here, Gray."
    He walked to her bedroom to find her lying on her bed, wearing nothing but a smile. Without thoughts of the implications, he took what she so graciously offered, and soon became oblivious to everything but her.
    Samantha loved the power she had over him, and they took chances every day, meeting, making love in places where they could easily be caught. It was a dangerous game they played, but as a young man newly introduced to love, he would take any risk. His body craved the woman who constantly told him how much she loved him, and he in turn would tell her the same, sure it was love he was feeling. She always asked about his village and talked about the day they would leave together, saying she could hardly wait to become his true husband.
    But that day never came. Instead, five months after their affair began, Samantha's husband discovered his wife's infidelity and told Gray Hawk to leave the school for good, or he would put a bullet between his eyes.
    Gray Hawk packed, his mind racing, knowing there was no way he could leave Samantha behind. Believing she was also packing, he went to get her and found her crying. Her face was red and puffy from not only tears, but her husband's rage. Gray Hawk wanted more than anything to end the man's life right then and there when Samantha stopped him with words he would never forget. Her face was filled with self-loathing and disgust as she told him how much she hated him. The final insult came when she told him she couldn't believe she had allowed "a stinking savage" to touch her body.
    Jordan's laughter brought his attention back to the present. His captive was a lot like Samantha in that both were strong-willed and usually said what was on their minds. But that's where their similarity ended. Jordan's auburn hair framed her perfect features. How different she looked now from the hostile captive he was used to seeing. Her rose-colored lips parted in a smile exposing small white teeth. Long lashes cast shadows against her tanned cheeks, making the green of her eyes that much more striking. Her slender neck led down to high, full breasts that molded against the soft doeskin of her dress. A man could span her tiny waist with his hands, and her long legs were meant to wrap around a lover's waist.
    His body tightened. What was it with the woman? From the first time he saw her, he'd found her intriguing, and he had to wonder why, especially since she'd fought him at every turn. But despite the fact she was difficult, he still desired her, his body's reaction was evidence to that.
    Her gyrating hips moved in perfect time with the music, making him wonder what kind of lover she would be. She was so beautiful it made his body turn hard with desire as her luscious bottom moved in a sensual motion. An unwanted wave of jealousy washed over him as Iron Bear's hand reached out to brush a wayward curl from her face. The fury he felt threatened to choke him.
    As though sensing his perusal, Jordan abruptly met his stare. Her own smile vanished, but she didn't look away. Instead her gaze moved down to his lips, settling there for a heart-stopping moment before turning away.
    "She is beautiful."
    Gray Hawk nodded to his friend, Young Wolf, who was standing at his side watching the dancing. "Yes, she is," he agreed, noticing the younger man's smile of appreciation as he watched Jordan. Though Young Wolf took his responsibility to guard the women seriously, Gray Hawk wondered if it may have been unwise to entrust a lustful boy on the brink of manhood as guard for two equally young, desirable women.
    "Do you want her?" Gray Hawk asked before he could stop himself.
    Young Wolf's brows lifted in surprise. "They are both beautiful women."
    "And?"
    He shrugged. "I've no wish to anger you."
    His question had been answered. Of course others would desire the white women--they were men after all. Now he wished he wouldn't have asked. He had known others would find the women attractive, but he hadn't planned on fighting his own emotions, never dreaming that he would become attracted to either one of the captives.
         JORDAN TOSSED and turned on the fur blankets. Her body was on fire. Her breasts tingled against the smooth skin of her dress. Filled with a strange inner excitement she couldn't deny, she let out a heavy sigh and turned onto her side.
    The more she tried to ignore the truth, the more obvious it became--she was completely infatuated with Gray Hawk, who was at that very moment making love to Running Deer. A picture of the two came unbidden to her thoughts and along with it came a rush of jealousy.
    What was wrong with her? Gray Hawk was a half-breed for god's sake! An Indian...just like the ones who had killed her parents. It was wrong, she told herself over and over, but still the attraction was there, and she couldn't deny it.
    Slamming her fist into the furs, she rolled to her back again, staring up at the starlit sky through the opening above her. She was completely demented, that's what she was. What kind of a civilized woman was attracted to a savage? To a man that ran around half-naked and who spent his days hunting, while his woman slaved for him.
    Kari leaned up on her elbow, startling Jordan, who thought she'd been asleep.
    "You know, I never would have admitted it before, but they are very interesting people, aren't they?"
    "Yeah," Jordan replied, hoping her attraction to Gray Hawk hadn't been obvious to her cousin or anyone else.
    Kari sighed. "Gray Hawk and Running Deer make a beautiful couple, but for some reason, I don't think he likes her as much as she likes him."
    "What do you mean?" Jordan asked, ignoring the fist that crushed her insides at the thought of Gray Hawk and Running Deer together.
    "I don't know, it's just the way he acts when he's around her. She's always touching him, and watching his every move. He just doesn't seem interested."
    Gray Hawk and Running Deer made a striking couple. They were perfectly suited--two people from the same village, and the same way of life. Then why did the thought of them together make Jordan feel so empty inside? What was wrong with her anyway? Her jealousy was completely unfounded. Unexpectedly, an image came to mind, of little dark-haired children, and among them a lighter-skinned, lighter-haired child...a child that belonged to her and Gray Hawk.
    "The dance was almost erotic in a way, wasn't it?" Kari asked. "And the music was haunting."
    Jordan's eyes went wide, not only at her thoughts, but Kari's words. Maybe that was it! Maybe it was just the dance that had excited her. After all, it was by far the most sensual thing she'd ever seen. And it wasn't every day one saw half-naked men dancing to exotic music.
    Before she could voice her thoughts out loud, Gray Hawk walked in, stopping further conversation. Jordan went completely still at his presence. Her pulse skittered realizing as he stretched out on his furs that he wasn't going to spend the night with Running Deer after all.
    She smiled into the darkness.
     Overly sensitized to his presence, Jordan's body tingled as she watched him from under lowered lids. As he stretched and closed his eyes, she took the opportunity to let her gaze wander down his long, lean frame, over his broad shoulders and well-defined chest. She glanced up quickly just to make sure he wasn't aware she was watching him. Seeing that his eyes were closed, her gaze wandered down where it shouldn't be--to his flat, muscled stomach, before shifting lower still to where his breeches cradled his manhood. What would it be like to make love to him? she wondered. No doubt he would be a wonderful lover, full of vitality and stamina. Similar to the virile men in the books Patricia hid under her mattress, completely unaware her step-daughter and niece were reading every passionate word.
    Gray Hawk shifted abruptly, his gray eyes flashed in the darkness. Jordan closed her eyes, her heart racing, hoping he hadn't noticed where her gaze had been directed.
    She released the breath she'd been unconsciously holding.
    It was going to be a very long night.

Chapter 6
    BEFORE LEAVING on the hunt, Gray Hawk had posted Young Wolf to guard Jordan and Kari again. Unfortunately for them, the young man appeared to have eyes in the back of his head, not to mention impeccable hearing.
    Blowing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, Jordan sat back on her haunches, looking up at the hills that rose around her on all four sides. Her stomach clenched in a tight knot. Escape was impossible.
    Her fingernails bit into the dirt at her feet. She was exhausted from lack of sleep, and if she had to spend one more day in the village, she would go insane. Tossing a carrot into the basket, she glanced around at the other women in the garden who went about their task with pure abandon.
    Jordan had heard a few of them talking this morning, and although she couldn't understand everything they said, she had picked up bits and pieces of conversation. Enough to know many were worried because the warriors were supposed to have arrived home by now.
    In the past Jordan had often wished Gray Hawk would come upon harm, yet now she realized that like the others, she wanted him home safely. In fact, she found herself looking toward the hills wondering when he would come, anxious to see him, yet dreading when he did.
    It had been impossible to get him out of her mind since that night when he'd danced and their eyes had met. Something had passed between them. Even his attitude toward her had changed. He no longer frowned at her, but watched her in a way that made the hair on her arms stand on end, and her pulse race with exhilaration. There was an attraction that neither one of them could deny, no matter how hard she tried.
    Looking up, she saw Kari coming toward her, her basket brimming over with potatoes. "You're getting so dark, you look like a native," she said, dropping beside her.
    Jordan looked down at her golden arms and legs in disgust. "Great. When a rescue party comes, I'm sure they'll take you away and kill me along with the locals." She dug her hands into the dirt and scooped up a glob of mud, packing it into a ball. The grim reality was that no matter how much she wished it, there was no rescue party coming to save them, and it was high time Kari realized that. "We've got to get out of here. I can't take it any more."
    Kari closed her eyes briefly, as though she was dealing with a temperamental child. "Jordan, not again. We've tried. Plus, we could never get past Young Wolf."
    Glancing up to find their personal guard watching them, Jordan glared at him with all the frustration she felt before turning her back on him. "Well, not hard enough. If the men don't return in a couple of days, they're going to send out a search party."
    "How do you know?" Kari asked, her brows furrowed in a frown.
    "Because I've heard them talk about it," Jordan said, ignoring Kari's surprised grin. Jordan had resisted picking up on the language, but in the end it was impossible not to. And actually, she was glad she had now--it would only serve to help her know what was going to happen, prior to it happening. "If they send a search party out, it will include all able-bodied men, including our shadow over there, leaving only old men, women and children."
    Kari's silence made Jordan wonder if her cousin wanted to stay in the village. Granted, their lives had taken on a certain tranquility they hadn't had on the trail, but it was still a life of servitude. Kari had adapted easily, and had actually gained a lot of strength, physically and emotionally since they came to the village.
    "Don't tell me you want to stay?" Jordan asked, making sure her voice remained calm when she felt closer to the edge than ever.
    Kari bit her bottom lip, her gaze dropped to the ground by Jordan's feet. "Of course not...but even you have to admit things could be worse."
    "I don't believe what I'm hearing!" Coming to her feet, Jordan threw the mud ball at Young Wolf's head, missing him by inches. The young brave flashed her a warning glare, but did no more. For once she almost wished he would--she was far too frustrated.
    Jordan rested her hands on her hips and returned her attention to Kari. "You told them we were trying to leave, didn't you? That's why we've been caught every time."
    "Jordan, you're being ridiculous. I never said a word," she replied, standing hesitantly.
    Narrowing the space between them in two strides, Jordan whispered under her breath, "You're lying. I know you are."
    "I can't believe you're accusing me," Kari said, pain evident in her voice. "You've been so mean lately. I don't like this any more than you do. I'm just not going to let it get to me."
    As tears brimmed in Kari's blue eyes, Jordan felt regret and remorse, making her pull her cousin into her arms. She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I just want to get out of here. I didn't mean it. I don't want to be miserable when we can't change the circumstances."
    Kari put her at arms length and dried her tears with the back of her hand. "We'll leave soon, Jordan. We just can't push it. When the time's right, we'll leave, and when we do, we'll never look back. You'll have your ranch--"
    Jordan and Kari jumped simultaneously as a jubilant cry rang out over the camp. Realizing what it meant, Jordan's heart hammered wildly.
    Gray Hawk had returned.
         GRAY HAWK'S gaze moved over the familiar faces of women and children, looking for the woman he couldn't get out of his mind.
    He acknowledged the greetings from his friends, but as the minutes ticked by and he didn't see Kari or Jordan, he began to worry. What if they had escaped despite his efforts to see otherwise? Or what if Running Deer and Jordan had gotten into another altercation and things had gone too far?
    Certainly Young Wolf would have prevented that.
    His gaze fell on Running Deer for a brief moment before they moved abruptly to Tawanka, the medicine woman, who nodded in the direction of the gardens. Seeing some of the women with baskets of vegetables, he smiled, knowing Jordan and Kari hadn't gone anywhere.
    The days had been tolerable considering the raids took all his concentration and strength. But at night, when he lay alone under the stars, Jordan's face appeared, mocking him with her beauty as he imagined her soft body lying beneath him as she gave herself to him freely.
    He'd had a lot of time to think. In all his twenty-six years, he always enjoyed the hunts and raids. Yet this time he found it no longer excited him the way it once did. He longed for something to fill this emptiness inside of him--this loneliness that threatened to eat him alive.
    Iron Bear commented just that morning on how much Gray Hawk had changed, asking out loud, in front of the others, if his white blood wasn't stirring within his veins. He should have been furious, but instead Iron Bear's words triggered questions. Questions that neither his white or red blood would be happy hearing the answer.
    As he entered the woods, he heard Jordan's excited voice mingling with Kari's. Relief flooded him at the sight of the two, carrying their baskets filled with vegetables to the teepee they shared. Young Wolf saw him first and nodded.
    Gray Hawk raised his hand in greeting, unable to keep his eyes off Jordan, who if possible, had grown even more beautiful with the passing days. Her silky hair was worn loose, falling past her hips, swaying with each step. Both she and Kari appeared at ease, laughing and smiling. He wondered if the time away had made them think any more about being here. Perhaps in time they would even want to stay.
    His thoughts were cut short when Jordan noticed him. The smile instantly disappeared from her face and she tripped, spilling the vegetables on the ground around her.
    Gray Hawk strode toward her as she scurried to pick up the carrots. He noticed how Jordan's hands trembled, making him wonder if it was from fear, or something else.
    Silence ensued for a few awkward moments. Young Wolf came to help, and Gray Hawk saw how the younger man's fingers brushed Jordan's, who didn't flinch or look uncomfortable by the contact. A horrible image crossed his thoughts. What if Young Wolf and Jordan had become lovers in his absence? They were closer in age than she and Gray Hawk, and Young Wolf was a good-looking man who had already caught the eye of many young maidens.
    "Young Wolf, could you take Kari back to camp? I would like a moment alone with Jordan."
    The younger man glanced up, and without a single word, walked with Kari back to the village.
    Dropping the last of the carrots into the basket, Jordan stood and met his gaze with a forced smile. "I thought maybe something happened to you and the others when you didn't return. "Many feared for you."
    "Did you fear for me?"
    She swallowed hard, her gaze dropped to his chest. "A little."
    The knowledge that she did care for him warmed him as much as her uncharacteristic shy smile.
    The sweet smell of her filled his senses, and desire flooded him. Unable to resist, he reached out and touched her cheek, letting his thumb run over her lower lip. He felt her stiffen beneath his touch, but he continued, his fingers moving along her jaw, before weaving through her silky hair.
    Her eyes were luminous as she stared at his mouth. It was as though her gaze pulled and invited him. He leaned forward. Encouraged even more when she made no move to stop him, his lips brushed lightly against hers.
    "You didn't leave," he whispered against her lips.
    Jordan's heart pumped furiously, wanting him to kiss her again, yet wanting him to walk away, to leave her alone to sort out her tangled emotions. She couldn't deny she enjoyed his touch. Her body tingled, wanting to experience these new sensations that rippled through her, making her forget who she was.
    But as his hands moved up her arms, pulling her closer to his hard body, she knew this was wrong. They had no future together. All they had in common was lust, pure and simple.
    She pushed against him, desperate to put some space between them. "I tried to escape but Young Wolf stopped us," she replied, instantly regretting the words when all softness left his features.
    He released her hand abruptly, stepping away from her as though she'd burned him. She almost took the words back, but knew doing so would cost her more than her pride, and she refused to give anyone her heart. "You can't possibly think that I want to stay." Even as she said it, she hated herself for hurting him.
    His eyes were dark with anger. "Do you hate me so much?" he asked.
    "No, I don't hate you. I could never hate you," she whispered.
But I should
, she thought, knowing the attraction she felt for him was a dangerous thing, not to mention just plain wrong. Her parents were surely rolling over in their graves knowing that she was infatuated with an Indian of all people.
    "Why can't you be happy? I've treated you well."
    How could she tell him that perhaps she could be happy? That all she wanted when she looked at him was to love him. But she couldn't, because if she started something with him, she wasn't sure she would be able to leave him. He made her thoughts turn positively wicked, and just seeing him made her want him with a ferocity that terrified her. She'd never known such unbridled wanting in her life, and she doubted she ever would again. But how could she when he was an Indian, the people she hated with all her heart and soul? "Please release us, Gray Hawk. There can never be anything between us."
    "I can't." He almost sounded sorry.
    Her heart beat double-time, hoping she could change his mind. "Why not?"
    "I don't want to," he said simply, his expression so intense, she thought he was going to kiss her again. For an uncomfortable moment he watched her, but when she dropped her gaze to his chest, he let out an exasperated breath, turned abruptly and walked away.
    Closing her eyes, Jordan let out an unsteady breath. Deep inside she knew that she would never find another man like him...not if she looked for a hundred years.
    Willing her heart to cease its pounding, she waited a few minutes to calm herself, then followed the path he had taken.
    The moment she entered camp she saw him. Taller than the rest, his body lean and powerful, his looks commanded attention. He was so handsome it was impossible not to stare. Worse still, her traitorous body yearned for his touch. She pressed her lips together, remembering the light kiss they just shared, and to her chagrin, she wished for the moment back.
    Why was life so unfair? For the first time in her life she felt true desire for a man, and he had to be an Indian. And not just any Indian, but the Indian who had taken her captive.
    They would never be happy, she thought, blinking back the tears that threatened. He would never leave his people, and she would never be happy living in an Indian village for the rest of her life. It was an impossible situation.
    Watching as Running Deer raced to Gray Hawk's side, Jordan's steps faltered. She felt an acute sense of emptiness and loss as the woman's hand moved up his powerful bicep, splaying against his hard muscles.
    Jordan turned away and marched toward Kari, who was sitting beneath a cottonwood tree, working on a pair of moccasins. "I'm leaving tonight. You can stay, or you can come with me, but don't try and talk me out of it."
    Kari lowered the moccasin to her lap, her brows furrowed into a frown. "We'll be caught. Especially now that he's back."
    "I can't stay here a moment longer...I just can't." Running trembling fingers through her hair, Jordan watched as one of Gray Hawk's strong arms encircled Running Deer's slim waist. When he bent and whispered in the woman's ear, a wave of jealousy washed over Jordan, strengthening her resolve to leave.
    "How long have you been attracted to him?"
    Jordan turned abruptly. "I'm not attracted to him."
    Kari smiled softly. "You could never lie to me, so don't start now. I saw you back there. The way he was looking at you, and the way you looked at him. He desires you, and if I'm not mistaken, I'd say you feel the same. That's why you've been so miserable. I'm surprised I didn't guess before."
    "How can I be attracted to him? It's not right."
    Kari stared past her to where Gray Hawk stood, her brow lifted. "Actually, I can see why. He is handsome. Definitely unlike any man I've ever met."
    Gray Hawk was unlike any man Jordan had ever met, and he was more masculine than any man she'd ever known. She shook her head, trying to convince herself the attraction was purely physical, and therefore, far too dangerous to explore. Things could never work between us," Jordan said with firm resolve.