Sweet Trouble (23 page)

Gabe grinned up at him, then leaned against him. A slight weight, but so special. “I love you, Daddy.”

Gabe had said that before. He expressed his feelings easily. Was that because of his age? Was it due to Jesse? Matt wasn’t sure. He’d always been wary of sharing his heart and after Jesse he’d vowed never to love again.

But this was different. His connection with his child transcended ordinary love. It was beyond anything he’d known and it mattered more than he would ever be able to explain.

He crouched on the porch and stared into Gabe’s big blue eyes. “I love you, son.”

Gabe threw himself into his arms and hung on as if he would never let go. “For always?” he asked in a whisper.

“For always. No matter what. No matter what happens. I love you. I’m your dad.”

Gabe squeezed harder.

Such small arms, Matt thought, holding him equally tight. Such a small body to hold so much life.

They released each other and went into the house. Gabe went running off to find Jesse and his grandmother. Matt moved more slowly, still feeling the emotion of the moment. Jesse found him in the formal living room no one ever used.

“Are you all right?” she asked as she approached. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” he said, looking at her move, remembering her naked. “We did great.”

“Gabe’s excited. He loves spending time with you.” She winced. “Sorry. Just had a guilt flash.”

One she’d earned, he thought grimly, trying not to get caught up in all he’d missed. The flicker of passion died as if it had never been.

“I grew up without a father,” he said. “I didn’t know anything about him and my mom wouldn’t say much except he wasn’t interested in the fact that she was pregnant. She wasn’t all that interested in having him be a part of our lives and me asking about him made her cry, so I stopped.”

Jesse nodded, looking uncomfortable. “Gabe asked about you more and more. It’s one of the reasons I came back. I knew he had to have the chance to get to know you.”

He shouldn’t have had to “get to know” his son. He should have been there from the start. “I looked him up a few years ago. My father. I had an investigator find him and let him know I was looking for him. I didn’t use my name. I didn’t want him interested for money.”

Jesse’s expression softened. “Oh, Matt. You shouldn’t have to worry about that.”

He didn’t let himself respond to her. “He wasn’t interested in me. He said he hadn’t cared about his bastard before and he didn’t care now. He told me to go away and never bother him again.”

She crossed the room and held him. He let her, absorbing her concern without feeling it. “Today, with Gabe at the park, he tripped and fell. It was like I was falling, but worse because I didn’t care if I got hurt but I didn’t want anything to happen to him. I reached for him and caught him, but in that second, I died a thousand times.”

She raised her head and stared at him, her eyes bright with tears. “I know,” she whispered. “I know exactly how that feels. It’s horrible to be so afraid and so unable to control everything that’s going on. Sometimes I can barely breathe for worrying. But he’s tough and strong and he’ll make you proud. You’ll see.”

Gabe didn’t have to make him proud. Matt’s love wasn’t conditional.

Emotions welled up inside of him. The feelings for Gabe, his rage and anger at Jesse, anger she apparently couldn’t sense. He wanted to shake her for stealing all this time from him. He wanted her punished. He wanted her to suffer as he’d suffered.

She smiled then. It was a little shaky around the corners, but happy. “Matt, this probably isn’t the time or the place. But—I love you. I probably never stopped loving you.” She laughed and stepped back. “Please don’t say anything. I just want to get this out. I’m so sorry about what happened with Gabe. I hate what you lost and if I could change it, I would. But we can’t make the past different. So we have to deal with where we are. I hope—”

She cleared her throat. Color rose on her cheeks. “I hope you can forgive me. I know it’s going to take a while, but I’ll wait. I hope you can understand why I did what I did. I hope we can come to some agreement about Gabe. Sharing him or whatever.”

Whatever? She wanted more. She wanted it all, he thought contemptuously. If she thought that was possible after what she’d done, she’d never known him at all.

She raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him. He let her, even helped by bending slightly. Then she smiled at him and left.

He watched her go. When he was alone in the room, he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through the names until he found the one he needed.

“Heath,” he said when his attorney picked up. “It’s time. I want Jesse served.”

He gave up pretending to sleep around four in the morning, got up and went into his study. There he researched schools online. Only the best for
his
son. He visited college Web sites and told himself he was doing what had to be done. That Jesse had earned her suffering, even as a voice in his head whispered that Jesse had run because she’d been hurt. That she hadn’t deliberately set out to keep him from Gabe.

“Does it matter?” he asked aloud. “The end result is the same.”

He didn’t want to be reasonable. He didn’t want to see her side of things. He wanted retribution and payback. He wanted her to know the loss he’d experienced.

But he didn’t want to hurt Gabe. And somewhere, deep inside, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hurt Jesse, either.

He swore loudly in the silence of his study. If he didn’t do this, how was he ever supposed to forgive her for what had happened? How was he supposed to get over what he’d lost? Wasn’t this the only way?

After a sleepless night, he got to his office shortly after six and cleared out his e-mail in-box. Diane arrived at eight.

“Want to talk about it?” she asked as she carried in a mug of coffee.

“No.”

“So you’re in a crappy mood.”

He glared at her without speaking.

“You sure have that body language thing down,” she murmured, standing her ground. “Talking about it will help.”

He narrowed his gaze.

She ignored his obvious annoyance. “What have you done?”

“What makes you think I’ve done anything?”

“You’re a man, you’re dealing with the sudden appearance of a child you didn’t know about. You’re not sure how you feel about Jesse. Men don’t deal well with emotion. When in doubt, you try to fix things. That’s usually a bad idea.”

He’d told her the basics of what had happened when Jesse had come back and Diane had met her once or twice. Still, he hadn’t been that specific with the details, so how had she figured it all out? Was it a woman thing or was Diane just better than most?

“I’m doing what has to be done,” he told her.

She sighed. “That doesn’t give me a lot of confidence. Matt, I’ve known you a long time. I’m going to presume on that and say something that goes beyond the confines of our boss-secretary relationship. I’m only going to say it once and I’ll never refer to it again.”

“You sure you want to do that?” he asked, confident he didn’t want to hear what she had to stay but unsure how to stop her without giving away too much.

“Yes, because I care about you. You’re basically a good guy, but you’ve been burned when it comes to love. You hold back, you don’t trust and you never put yourself out there. You can’t accept what you don’t offer. You can’t keep what you aren’t willing to give away.” She paused, her expression kind. “You still love her. Hurting her is only going to hurt you more. And you have a child to think about. How do you think Gabe is going to feel about the man who made his mother cry?”

She turned and left.

Matt stared after her, unnerved by how easily she’d read him. She couldn’t know the specifics, but she’d obviously guessed he’d set some kind of plan in motion.

He told himself her words didn’t matter and for the most part they didn’t. Except the part about Gabe. He’d come too far to lose his son again.

Yes, the boy would be upset for a while, but he’d get over it. Children dealt with moving from parent to parent all the time. They managed. Except he wanted more than for Gabe to manage. He wanted him to thrive.

“I have to do this,” he muttered as he turned back to his computer. But the graph on the screen no longer held his attention.

He stood and paced the length of his office, then sat back down and flipped through his phone book. He dialed.

“Hello?” The voice was calm, cool and very sultry.

“Jade, it’s Matt.”

“Matt? I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are things?”

“Good. I wondered if you were free for lunch.”

“I should be coy and say I have to check my schedule, but I happen to know I’m free. Buchanan’s at noon?”

“I’ll be there.”

When he hung up, he leaned back in his chair. Lunch with Jade would be good for him. She was a beautiful, brilliant attorney who enjoyed sex as long as there were no strings attached. She was the sexy centerfold version of a man. She hated emotion, played it straight and asked for what she wanted. In other words, she was perfect.

Her perfume was familiar, as was her quick smile. They’d been lovers a few months back, until work commitments had pulled them apart. He’d been meaning to call for a while but he’d never gotten around to it.

He put his hand on the small of her back as they were led to a booth and handed menus. He set his down and stared into her dark eyes.

“We should have done this a long time ago,” he said, wondering why he hadn’t made the effort.

“We’ve been busy.” She shrugged. “I haven’t been sitting around waiting for you.”

“No. You’ve been out raising hell.”

She laughed. “A little. Work has been keeping me busy.” She started talking about a twist of corporate law that had nearly doubled her billable hours.

Matt watched more than listened. He admired the play of light on her perfect skin, the way she moved her hands as she spoke. She was elegant and amusing, telling her story with just the right combination of confidence and humor. They would have been the perfect couple. Neither overly interested in romantic love, finding contentment in good sex and the occasional dinner.

Then he thought about his son, how Gabe looked when he smiled. He thought about the games and toys scattered around the house. How the kid was always sticky and happy and pure joy.

“Do you ever think about having kids?” he asked.

Jade’s eyes widened. “Dear God, no. Children? Why?”

“I like kids.”

“Since when?”

A woman with long, blond hair walked by. Thinking she looked a lot like Jesse, he turned, but it wasn’t her. Why would she be here in the middle of the day? She was at the bakery, making her brownies. He could see her there, flour on her nose, her blue eyes dancing with amusement.

“Matt?” Jade asked, her voice sharp.

What the hell was he doing? Not just here, having lunch, but with the lawsuit? He didn’t want to take Gabe away from his mother and he sure as hell didn’t want Jesse destroyed.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he stood. “I have to go.”

She glared at him. “You’re leaving? Let me be clear. You won’t get another chance with me.”

Matt didn’t even respond as pulled out his cell phone and dialed Heath’s office. His lawyer’s assistant said he was in court and couldn’t be reached.

Matt swore and hung up, then made his way to his car and drove the few blocks to Heath’s office. He had to stop Jesse from being served. He had to destroy the papers, make sure she never knew. He had to make this right.

What had he been thinking? That by punishing her now, he could change the past? He couldn’t. It was done. Yeah, what she’d done had been shitty and he had every right to be pissed at her, but he had to deal with that head-on. Not take away her kid. He didn’t want to lose her or Gabe. He wanted them both in his life.

Diane had been right. He’d never stopped loving her.

The realization crashed into him. He loved Jesse. He’d always loved her. Maybe from that first moment, when she’d called his name on a sidewalk outside of a Starbucks and changed his life forever.

He drove faster than he should, raced through a yellow light and parked illegally outside of his lawyer’s office. The elevator seemed to take forever. What if they’d already been sent out? What if he couldn’t take it back? Finally he hurried into the office and found Heath’s assistant.

“I need to find out the status of some papers,” he said, telling himself he was in time. He
had
to be. “It’s urgent. They should not be served.”

She took a couple of steps back and nodded, looking wary. “Um, sure, Mr. Fenner. Let me check.”

“They were going to Jesse Keyes and they’re about our son. I don’t want her served. Do you get that? I want every copy of those papers given to me personally.”

She went on her computer and typed for a couple of seconds. “They’re still here.”

Relief washed through him. “Good. Collect all the copies and give them to me.”

“I can’t give them to you without speaking to Heath and that won’t be for a couple of hours. Can I have them messengered to your office?”

He didn’t want to wait. He wanted to hold them in his hands and know that he was safe. That he had a chance to make everything right.

“Fine,” he said, knowing his only alternative was to take them by force. “I want them today.”

“Of course, Mr. Fenner.” She smiled tightly, as if eager for him to leave.

Matt nodded and headed out. He reached for his cell phone again, then decided to go straight to the Eastside. He could pick up Gabe from his mom’s and take him over to the bakery. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to say to Jesse, but he would figure it out. She loved him. She’d told him that and if she loved him, everything was going to be fine.