Take Me As I Am (30 page)

Both women had tears of deep joy in their eyes. They kissed again before pulling apart.

“We need to talk,” Jo said.

“Yes, I agree.” Thea just smiled.

“We should put our bags away and then we can sit out on the deck. What do you say?”

“Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll make us a snack.”

Jo collected their belongings then hesitated when she opened one of the bedroom doors. Should she place them both here, or... Thea did say one bedroom. Maybe it’s too early and we should talk first. Yeah, that’s what they would do.

“You open the champagne,” Thea called from the kitchen.

“Great idea, I’m starving.” Jo left the suitcases by the door and went to join Thea. She could feel the easy camaraderie they always had no matter the tension between them. Even back when they had first met, it was uncanny, but wonderful all the same.

†

Fifteen minutes later, toasting the vacation and eating the snack Thea put together, they sat close together on the swing on the deck. Joanna placed her arm around Thea’s shoulder and they settled together as close as possible.

Thea made the first breakthrough. “I’ve loved you for a long time now and you were the reason I left Danvers,” she whispered.

Jo smiled tenderly. “I can’t believe how blind I was. I was so blind that I almost made the biggest mistake of my life by marrying Lee.”

“Did you love him, Joanna?” Thea asked.

Jo shuffled uncomfortably for a few moments before settling back and sighing heavily. “I’m not surprised that you’re asking me that. I would if the tables were turned.” She ran a hand over her face. “I’ve given it a lot of thought. I was attracted to his attraction for me. At first, it was wonderful but after a time, I realized I didn’t care as much for him as he did for me. It certainly wasn’t love. It couldn’t have been,” Jo admitted.

“Why?”

Jo tightened her hold on Thea’s hand and dropped a tender kiss on the top of her head. “Because I know what it feels like to love you. Believe me, everything and every other emotion pales into insignificance. I now know what love is and I have you to thank for that, Thea. As God is my witness, I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

“I’m honored you feel that way, Joanna, because I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. I loved you so much that it hurt when you were with him.” Tears chose that moment to appear in Thea’s eyes.

Jo kissed them gently away. “I love you, Thea. I realize that I never knew what love is until you showed me,” she whispered. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. It breaks my heart to know that.”

“I think we should take this inside.”

Jo stood and scooped Thea up into her arms.

†

Their bodies, naked under the sheet, trembled as they touched.

Jo tenderly kissed Thea while running her fingers down the length of her body. “You are so beautiful, my love.” She could feel the quivering body under her touch. In the past, sex for Jo had been nothing more than to satisfy a need, yet with Thea it was different. Thea was innocent and her first time needed to be special, and she would make sure that happened.

“Is it okay if I touch you here?” Jo skimmed her fingers on Thea’s breast.

“Oh, God, yes,” Thea moaned.

“Tell me if I hurt you or you don’t like something.”

“Joanna, you aren’t going to hurt me.”

With the gentlest of touches, Jo explored Thea’s body. Her mouth took in an erect nipple and it sent pleasure coursing through her when Thea moaned. She wanted to melt into her new lover and become one with her.

The kisses began small then erupted into a passion that took Jo by surprise. Never before had she felt the all-consuming love welling inside her body for Thea. She wanted more…needed more, her body filled with electricity and desire.

“Make love with me,” Thea whispered.

“Are you sure that is what you want?” Jo wanted to be certain because she knew that once they made love there would be no turning back. Thea was forever and always had been.

“Yes. Yes, I want that more than life itself.”

For a moment, Jo gazed into the green eyes and she saw both love and desire only for her. She slid her naked body next to Thea’s and softly ran her fingers across the trembling body. Soon she felt fingers running along her body, mirroring her movements. As she bent to kiss the waiting lips, Jo gloried in the absolute, overpowering love she was feeling. It wasn’t long before she could feel their bodies begging for further exploration.

Jo lifted herself up and looked deep into Thea’s eyes asking a question.

Thea smiled. “Yes, I want you more than I ever believed possible.”

Jo took a hard, extended nipple in her mouth again and ran her tongue slowly across it.

Thea responded with low moans as she held Jo’s head in place. When Jo lightly bit the nipple, she could feel Thea’s body explode in a series of small, intense quivers. The only thing Jo wanted was to make Thea happy and show her how much she loved her. She moved to the other nipple as her hand glided downward to the inside of the trembling thighs. Once again nipping the nipple produced the ripples of pre-orgasm but this time they were stronger and longer.

Thea grabbed her head and pulled her up for a kiss.

The kiss was so passionate and long that Jo was gasping for breath before noticing tears. “Have I hurt you?” she asked, as she kissed the tear stained cheeks.

“No,” Thea managed to say. “I have never felt like this before, it is so powerful. I want more, Jo. I want it all.”

Gently brushing blonde locks, Jo smiled. “We have a lifetime.” Then she kissed the waiting lips as her fingers stroked Thea’s center lightly. She was very wet and ready but Jo waited, taking Thea higher and higher. Fingers slid inside easily and Thea instantly began moving in time.

Jo stopped her motion as she gently kissed Thea. Then she took the small hand and led it down her long body to her own center. For a moment, she closed her eyes and tried to control her overwhelming need as the fingers moved through her wetness. Soon they were moving as one in a dance as old as time.

Jo could hear Thea panting as they both bore down on the other’s fingers wanting and needing release. “Now, Thea, now,” she cried, just before they came at the same time.

Lying in Thea’s arms, spent, and incredibly happy, Jo kissed Thea tenderly. “I love you more than I ever thought possible. Never in my life did I think I could ever be this unbelievably happy.” Jo shook her head. “You were there beside me, always loving me even when I was being a bitch.”

Thea ran a finger down Jo’s cheek. “It was a rough road sometimes, but we found our way to each other in the end.” She giggled. “I never imagined that my body would react in such a primal way.”

“You were not alone in that.” Jo snuggled close and kissed Thea igniting their passion once again and their bodies danced once more.

†

“Anyone ever tell you that you are the sexiest woman in the world?”

“Hardly. Joanna, you are something else.” Thea’s laughter caused a tingling sensation in Jo’s body as she watched Thea staring as several types of birds glided over the lake.

“I’m in love, indulge me.” Placing her arms around Thea’s waist, she pulled her close. This was like a fantastic dream that she didn’t want ever to end. If they were lucky, it wouldn’t. Not for them.

“Anytime, my love, anytime. What shall we do today?” Thea looked up and kissed her lover’s chin.

“Whatever you want, I’m completely at your disposal.”

Turning so that they faced each other, Thea grinned wolfishly, “Really? Completely?”

“Yeah, for the rest of my life, if you want.”

The words spoken softly had that tone about them that meant exactly what Joanna was offering her. A total commitment. Thea was at a loss for words.

“Too much for you?” Jo asked at the startled, amazed look in her lover’s eyes.

“I...I...want—”

Swooping in to take a light passionate kiss, Jo laughed heartily. “I...want. That’s all you have to say, darling?”

Thea could feel her face heat up and knew it was bright red. “I want you, Joanna Lackerly Xianthos, forever.”

They both lost themselves once more in kisses that had them sinking to the ground at the overwhelming sensations it created within them. Another word was insatiable, but who cared.

An hour later, sated for the moment, a larger hand trailed gentle caresses on small perfectly formed breasts, partially bared from their previous lovemaking. They enjoyed the sun and tranquility of the area and the feeling that for the moment the world was just for the two of them.

“Do you think it will always be like this?” Thea asked, her voice tremulous. She moved to rest her body invitingly on top of her lover’s relishing the chance to stare, without embarrassment, at the ample breasts of the singer. She recalled doing the same thing back in Danvers a long, long time ago and the same emotions she felt then had now multiplied a thousand fold. Now she knew what it was. Her lips then gave the voluptuous globes her full attention.

A low moan escaped Jo as she felt the caress and then was lost in the reaction. Eventually strangling out a reply, “We’ll make it so, Thea, I promise.”

Unable to leave the delicious breasts that she feasted on, her hand trailed down to the singer’s trousers, which she already unfastened. Fingers quickly found their mark, feeling the soft curls and Thea reveled in the moans from her lover at her touch. Before long, they were lost inside one another, conversation not required on this journey of discovery.

†

Jo watched Thea checking everything for the tenth time before being satisfied. Thea finally looked at her and smiled, announcing, “All tidy. Just as when we arrived.”

Laughing at the comment, Jo shook her head at the woman. “Thea, trust me, no one will care how we leave it. It’s the same as a hotel, you pay your fee and that’s the end of it.”

“You forget my first love is the hotel business.” Thea had a scowl on her face.

Unable to stop herself, Jo felt her stomach heave in laughter. She tried desperately to stop it. Placing a hand on Thea’s arm they stared at one another willing the other to give in, neither did. “Did anyone tell you that you were stubborn?”

“Would anyone dare?”

Giggling like a schoolgirl, Jo gently lifted her lover’s face and snatched a kiss. “Never. I thought maybe I’d replaced your first love.”

†

Thea knew Jo was teasing her as she glimpsed the devilment in Joanna’s eyes. How she loved this woman and most importantly, how great it was that they could do this with only the boundaries of love as an obstacle. Love had no boundaries. Reaching up to caress the lines around Joanna’s face, she smiled tenderly. “There’s nothing that means as much to me as you do. You’re a part of me for the rest of my life and I’m glad that you found me.”

†

For a split second Jo considered the situation. Would she want it any other way? All the freedom and money she ever wanted, any person she wanted, too, nothing to stop her. Could she be faithful? Could she be the person who for the past four days had control of her life? Could she? For Thea, it was a no brainer. “I have only one thing to say. Please love me no matter what happens because I never want to let you go, ever.”

Thea smiled and kissed Jo deeply. “I don’t care what happened before. You’re mine now and I know it.”

 
“I’m glad because I’d die if you ever forgot.”

“Never going to happen, Joanna, never. Trust me.” They collapsed into an embrace that made everything pale in comparison. This was the truth. Nothing could change that, nothing.

Chapter Thirty-one

The hotel interior looked great and all the regular customers appeared to welcome the facelift of the old building. Strange what a little paint and tender loving care did to a place. Thea had to admit the time alone with Joanna had not only heightened her senses to the singer whenever she was around, but also made her realize that the love she felt for her could only strengthen if given time. They’d been back for a week and Jack was pressing Joanna to travel back to Nashville. He wanted her to cut the duet with Tandy as soon as possible. As usual, her lover had been less than enthusiastic…

“I’m not interested in Tandy or singing with her again,” Joanna said vehemently.

“I know, sweetheart, but she’s high on the charts and you need to get back out there for your fans. They’ve done so much for you. Just one more song. Okay?”

“Fine, I’ll go but I’ll be back on Friday. I don’t want to be away from you any longer than that.”

Thea had known that was a bravado statement. Once she was back in the studio, it would be hard to pry her away. Why would she want to? It was Joanna’s passion, second to her—she hoped—or at least they held equal footing these days. She recalled the morning waking in Joanna’s tender embrace. Joanna was wide-awake, watching the gentle breeze billow the filmy curtains at the window. Making love was a desire that both had been able to quench whenever they had the privacy. Lying in bed that morning was no different. A grin she was unable to prevent flashed across her face just as the door to the office opened.

“Dare I ask what you were thinking about, Thea?” Jo grinned wickedly. “Judging by that smirk on your face I have a pretty good idea.” She gave a knowing look. “You know earlier this morning, when I was discussing with my mother about family and friends, she told me I had the dopiest expression on my face and wanted me to explain why Aunt Marge’s gall bladder operation was something to laugh at.”

“And why the dopey expression?” Thea asked.

Joanna laughed. “For the same reason you had one on your face a few minutes ago.” Shutting the door behind her, she stood on the other side of the tidy desk winking suggestively at Thea.

“You’re bad to the bone, Joanna. Have I told you that before?” Thea stood and quickly enfolded Jo in a loving welcome followed by a long indulgent kiss that made both catch their breaths.

“Nope, you never have, others might have, but…”

Giving the woman a close look, she tipped her head to one side. “But?”

“Never for the same reasons as you probably do.” Jo grinned at the slowly dawning expression before Thea gently cuffed her on the chin for her teasing.

“Time for lunch, dear?” Joanna smiled broadly and wiggled her eyebrows.

“I can’t right now. My mom will be calling about the renovations any minute now. She thinks that while she, Grayson and Bradley are on vacation, the place will grind to a halt.”

“No worries. I just was hoping…” The phone rang.

Thea rushed around the desk to answer. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

Jo smiled and, with a wave, left the room.

Fifteen minutes later, Thea had completed her call with her mom and then taken another from the main contractor who was asking about payment. Fortunately, she had the payment ready for him, but was disappointed that Joanna had left so hurriedly. Despondently she sank down to the chair, tidied the desk, and smiled when she saw the envelope that contained the award ceremony info.

“Joanna’s going to laugh. I’ve found the stuff from the ceremony. I knew I left it somewhere easy to find.” Thea chuckled as she recalled telling Joanna that she hadn’t been able to find the packet for their trip.

Flicking through them, she smiled at several. Jack looked very handsome dressed up to the nines and she wondered if he had a wife or partner. The man was cagey about his personal life, though who wouldn’t be in that business? She pulled a face when she saw one of Tandy smiling winningly for the camera. She was one confident and showy cookie that one. “God help anyone who ever gets involved—”

The rest of the photos splayed out like an unwanted deck of cards onto her desk as she lifelessly held one photo in her hand. Her mind falling like a pebble over a waterfall, knowing that what she was seeing must be a fake. It had to be. She knew that Joanna would never act like that in public, especially with Tandy. The picture screamed at her as she scrutinized it closely. Both women appeared to be enjoying the intimate moment. Why hadn’t Joanna mentioned it to her, especially now that they were lovers? Didn’t she think it was worth mentioning? Of course it was. It didn’t look casual and it had far-reaching consequences if the media blew it out of proportion and started labeling Joanna.

“It didn’t happen. It can’t have. Someone photo shopped this or it would have been out publicly by now.”

Is what I have with Joanna temporary? She’d always said that love wasn’t for her and none of her relationships had ever worked. Could this be the reason why? Her inherent lack of faithfulness?

God, what a fool I was to believe that Joanna wanted me and only me in her life? I have, haven’t I...I’m such a fool.

As her mind played scenarios with her fragile feelings and the insecurities of old resurfaced, the door to her office opened. Jo walked confidently back into the room, her arms full of sandwiches and snacks along with a couple of Starbucks coffees. Thea melted again as she came face to face with the woman who held her heart and had perhaps already crushed it.

Thea pushed the photo toward Jo when she placed what she had on the desk.

“You might want to see this one. It’s in profile but a good shot.” Thea could hardly contain her breaking heart.

There has to be a reason. Please, Joanna, give me a reason.

Joanna frowned and picked up the photo.

“Do you want to tell me what this is all about?” Thea crossed her arms and wished she were anywhere else as she waited for an answer. She would be unable to eat the delicious food in front of her until she knew one way or the other what she meant to Joanna.

“Do I need to explain anything? It was a party and people get carried away,” Joanna retorted and sat in the chair opposite her.

Thea swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. Jealousy was driving her much like the first time she had left Joanna. Was she going to be predictable and do so again? “I guess not.”

“Good, what’s the deal with mom?”

Thea had heard that tone before and gave Joanna a long hard stare. It was her way of ending a conversation.

So, it was finished between them. But was it?

Dare she let it go and leave it to fester in the background?

No, not this time.

“Tell me one thing, please, Joanna. Do you love me?”

Joanna stood, walked toward her lover with a small smile on her face and an unfathomable expression in her eyes. “I love you, want you, need you, and most important of all, I will
not
ever cheat on you,” she said, kneeling beside Thea.

Thea gulped back a sob of happiness before flinging her arms around Joanna and whispering incoherently. Joanna was off balance making her fall backward, dragging Thea with her, both collapsing on the floor in a heap. Both women were laughing at how ridiculous they looked.

Joanna’s eyes filled with a dangerously smoldering look. “Have you ever thought about making out on the floor?”

Thea chuckled and knew her cheeks were beet red. “We can’t, Joanna, not here. Someone might come in.” Thea struggled to extricate herself from the strong, but loving arms that held her. After a few passionate kisses, Joanna released her.

Thea stood above Joanna and offered her a hand to get up.

“Someone might come, that’s true. Another time perhaps, after we lock the door,” Joanna said with a wide grin.

Unable to stop the flush from returning to her cheeks, Thea shook her head. “Perhaps.”

“Can I interest you in a little light lunch instead?” Joanna gave an exaggerated wave toward the fare on the wooden table.

Thea was giggling at the gesture. “Light lunch. Joanna, there’s enough there for five people not two.”

“Got to keep my girl well fed, can’t have anyone thinking I neglect her. Tell me how the vacation to Vegas is going. I really never suspected your parents of being closet Elvis impersonator fans.”

They both laughed and started on the food.

Thea breathed deeply, allowing her destructive thoughts to dissipate for good. After all, she had the real thing and all Tandy had was a photo. It was no contest. After picking up the offending photo, she ran it through the shredder and brushed her hands together. “Next time you are going to be around Tandy, let me know and I will be there to protect you from her advances. Then she will know in no uncertain terms that you are mine.”

“My protector.” Jo grinned as she bit into a sandwich.

Thea wriggled her eyebrows. “Damn right.”

†

Standing and watching Joanna perform her latest hit on stage from the sidelines, Thea couldn’t help but feel enormously proud of her and all she had achieved since they met that incredible fateful day in Danvers more than four years earlier. They’d had their difficulties as most people do. Perhaps theirs wasn’t exactly the conventional ones, but they’d seen the good and bad sides of one another’s characters. Perhaps that was the wrong term, their human failings would be better and they both had those, as everyone did at times. Because of the business they were in, the situations took on an exaggerated feeling, but they would cope because they cared about one another on every possible level.

The first few weeks of their flourishing love for one another had been euphoric in many ways. At first, they decided to keep it private, not even telling their closest family. However, who could have kept it from Joanna’s family, especially her grandmother? After her initial shock, she had become their staunchest supporter. Joanna let it slip that her father had doubts about them settling down as a family unit instead of always touring and roaming the world. She hadn’t known if Joanna had sown that seed on purpose because she knew how her grandmother might react. Her own mother had welcomed Joanna into the family with open arms. She knew what it meant to be in love and have obstacles in the way of that love succeeding. Anyway, as she put it, there were more important issues in the world than petty squabbles about same gender love.

As the song on stage became wistful in melody, so did Thea’s mind. She recalled lying in Joanna’s arms that morning. Life couldn’t get any richer for her. Of course, it had repercussions. Jack had been a pillar of strength when they admitted their love and agreed that for the moment they should take a private view on it. He was grateful that they told him, especially if the press caught hold of the story and decided to make a big thing of it. He assured them that if that case arose he had other avenues for Joanna to explore. The most interesting being her crossing the line from country music to pop. There had been numerous influential people asking about her writing songs for prominent pop personas.

Fortunately, for them, Tandy was making bigger waves in her own world. She had a whirlwind affair with a roadie on tour and ended up marrying him and divorcing him within the month. The kid was running at full throttle into every experience she could and although she knew, that Joanna probably had a soft spot for the girl even if she denied it. She speculated that Joanna had a desire to see the that girl didn’t make the same mistakes she had when she had first started out. The evidence was that Tandy would make her own mistakes and Joanna was there if she needed her help.

Crashing applause followed the song as it ended and she smiled. Her lover would be finished in a few minutes and they could go home and indulge in making love. Joanna, always hyped up after a concert, had lots of restless energy to expunge.

“Hey, Thea, are you in a daydream? Our girl wants you on the stage.” Pete pushed her toward the stage. “What’s going on? I never go on stage...ever,” she said to Pete who shoved her out onto the stage.

“Ah, there she is. Come on out here, Thea, the folks are dying to meet you.” Jo grinned winningly at her.

Unable to do anything else but slip out on the stage, she was amazed as the crowd applauded and she heard wolf whistles.

Wait until Joanna gets home. She’s in big trouble this time,
she thought.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I met this lady a while back and she is the other half of what makes Jo Lackerly the woman she is today. If you will indulge me, I have a song especially for her.”

Thea knew her eyes were bulging in surprise. Joanna’s coaxing eyes that led her to sit on the stool next to her mesmerized her.

“I love you,” Joanna whispered before a goofy smile filled her face.

God, what love does to you.
She strummed her guitar and began to sing…

“From the tips of your ears, fingers and toes there’s a map I have of you.

All of you with every breath and beat of your heart.

Watching you shake your head then that smile, this is just for me.