Ten Thousand Lies (29 page)

Another enormous bouquet of lilies and sunflowers sat on my desk—this time, in a really pretty vase with a folded piece of paper leaning against it.

Sighing in defeat, I headed for it and picked up the note.

DOLLFACE,

I’D DIE JUST TO HAVE THOSE

CHINA BLUES LOOK

AT ME ONCE MORE WITH HAPPINESS.

R.

The chime sounded, and the guys’ footsteps entered the shop. Quickly, I stuffed the note in my pocket and tried to look like I was doing my job. I went about putting away the jewelry in their separate compartments, according to size and use.

No lie, I could fucking
feel
Ricki’s eyes on me. I knew he was standing there, watching me like a creeper. The tempo of my heart tripped hard, and I did my best to ignore it.

I meant what I’d said, damn it. I didn’t want fucking flowers from him or notes filled with sweetness. That was wasting my time, for fuck’s sake. I didn’t want them, and I resolved to toss the fuckers out the second I had the chance.

By the end of the day, I’d done quite a few piercings, and I had booked several more for the rest of the week. Ricki stayed the hell away from me although I’d busted him staring at me several times. Our eyes would meet, and I’d see the hope in his eyes behind the layers of brown strangeness.

Unnerved, I was always the one to look away. I kept telling myself he didn’t deserve a second chance, he didn’t deserve to tell me he was sorry, he didn’t deserve my forgiveness. My head was in it for the long haul. My heart though…not at all.

Somehow, I never got around to chucking out the flowers.

Thursday, the guys were already at the shop when I showed up. In my room were a large cup of Helmersen’s coffee and a to-go container of Belgian waffles, whipped cream, and berries. Next to breakfast sat a small bundle of purple and orange lilies. The coffee was fucking awesome, and as I took a sip, I stroked the tip of my finger over a silky petal. That weird creeper vibe shivered down my spine, and before I could help it, I looked over my shoulder to see the slight sway of the beaded curtain.

Friday, Ricki upped the creep factor.

When I walked into my space, I had coffee, flowers, and a rolled-up scroll. When opened, it revealed a stunning portrait of me. I was laughing and looking straight into my eyes—or Ricki’s since he was the one who drew it. The motherfucker was beyond talented. He was a master artist and a fucking master manipulator of my emotions.

Next to my face on the drawing was a small note.

THIS IS WHAT I SEE WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AT NIGHT.

THIS IS WHAT I DREAM ABOUT.

IT’S WHAT I WISH FOR WHEN I’M AWAKE.

Jerk!

Motherfucker was wearing me down and getting on my last goddamn nerve.

“Asshole,” I huffed while carefully rolling up the portrait and gently sliding it into my bag. “Who the fuck does he think he is?”

With an hour before we were set to close shop, I headed over to Ronen’s station.

“Hey, it’s quiet, and I need some fucking air,” I said, leaning into his doorway.

He was tattooing a small, chunky Buddha on an equally chunky man’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna head out for the evening. Everything is ready to go for tomorrow, and I’ll come in early just to double-check.”

“Sure. Just lock up behind you,” he replied, not looking up from his work.

“Where are you going?” came Ricki’s voice from behind me, making me jump.

Spinning around, I glared at him, and then I marched down the hall into my space to grab my bag. “See you tomorrow!” I called out in general, slinging my bag over my chest and hurrying for the door.

“Jaime—”

I was out the door and power-walking down the street, refusing to look back. My emotional state was in wreckage of epic proportions. The world passed me by in a blur. I was completely unaware of where I was heading or what I wanted to do.

“Jaime?”

That wasn’t Ricki’s voice.

Stopping, I turned to see Lilla standing outside a building, placing a vacancy sign on the sidewalk.

“Girl, are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” I replied.

“No, you’re not. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing important. Just irritated with a guy at work. What’s up with you?”

“I’m about to finish up here,” she said, pulling out a pack of smokes. “Care to join me?” She fished out two and handed me one.

“Yeah, thanks,” I replied.

She handed me her lighter, and I lit up the cigarette, missing Ricki.

I miss him.

It was so deep down inside me that I knew I’d never be able to dig it out and exorcise the feeling.

“Wanna talk about it?” Lilla asked.

“No. I want to forget.”

Lilla nodded. “I fucking feel ya, man. Wanna come have a beer with me?”

I smiled. “Yeah, I could use a beer.”

Ricki

“So, you saw her roll it back up and put it in her bag?” asked Ellen. “Hmm…”

“Hmm…what?”

Ellen giggled, and I had the urge to giggle, too, because Ellen giggling wasn’t normal.

“Shit, this must be a strong sativa strain. I got the giggles
and
the fucking munchies.”

“Hmm…what?”
I repeated.

“Oh, yeah. She’s not over you. Sounds like she’s doing her damnedest to stay mad. Keep it up, and you’ll wear her down to the point she’ll want to talk to you.”

Sighing, I sank deeper into the couch. “I don’t want to wear her down though. It sounds like I’m making her weak, and she’s not. She’s strong. So, so strong…”

“She’s a fucking human being, Ricki, not Wonder Woman,” snapped Ellen. “You’re not making her weak; you’re forcing her to face how she feels. There’s a difference.”

“If you say so,” I grumbled.

I
was feeling fucking weak because of how I felt about her. All fucking week, I’d hardly had the strength to leave my bed. The only reason I would get up each morning was because I’d be close to her at the shop.

When I had seen her sneak the portrait into her bag, hope had exploded in my chest. All day long, I’d been dying inside to speak with her, to tell her how I felt, that I was torn up inside for what I had done, that not hearing her laughter or seeing her smile was breaking me apart.

Jaime had run out of the shop to avoid me. She’d made it quite clear that she still wanted nothing to do with me.

“She’s killing me, Ellen.”

“The hell she is.”

“Why am I such a fuckup?”

“Because you’re a man, sweetheart.”

“You’re the coolest person in the world.”

“Damn straight.”

Jaime

“And then he had the nerve to ask me where I was going!” I snort-laughed, passing the joint back to Lilla. “I mean, seriously!”

Lilla and Xanthe were cracking up. We were chillin’ out in the back garden of the hostel with a cooler full of beer and several joints Xanthe had picked up on her way over.

“Do you have the portrait?” Lilla asked.

“Yeah, man,” I replied, fishing it out of my bag. “It’s freaking amazing. His talent is off the charts.”

I handed it over, and Lilla unrolled it, her eyes going wide. Xanthe leaned over to get a look at it.

“Oh, man,” whispered Lilla.

“Wow,” breathed Xanthe. “How does this make you feel?”

“Fuck you, man! Quit thinking like your shrink. I’m your best friend. I’m not here to analyze my damn
feelings
!”

Xanthe busted out laughing, which set me off laughing, while Lilla just gazed at me with her mouth hanging open.

“I don’t even know this guy, but I know he’s in love with you.”

I jabbed my forefinger in her direction. “And fuck you, too!”

“He’s probably sitting at home, alone in his room, listening to The Cure and going all emo,” said Xanthe. “He’ll show up for work tomorrow, wearing black eyeliner and nail polish.”

“If he does, I
will
laugh at him,” I said darkly.

“You think you want to give him the benefit of the doubt?” Lilla asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. A part of me does. I think a part of me has already forgiven him. I just don’t know if I’m ready to go down that road anymore. This whole fucking situation sucked, and I can’t bypass this sense of embarrassment whenever I think about it, which is all the fucking time. I’m in a constant state of mortification.”

“Ah…” said Xanthe.

“Well, let’s go out tomorrow night and see what’s on the market. Maybe all you need is to get laid with something pretty to move past it,” said Lilla. “I could totally go for some dick. It’s been a while. Cobwebs are forming.”

Xanthe snorted.

“Awesome,” I said.

Ricki wasn’t wearing eyeliner or nail polish the next day, but he moped around the shop like a person who had tormented himself with hours of listening to The Cure.

Coffee and fruit salad greeted me in the morning along with more flowers and a tattoo design of a breathtaking chest piece. Feminine, delicate, full of lilies and sunflowers in my favorite colors of purple and orange.

I drank the coffee and ate the fruit salad, and with the utmost care, I rolled up the design and snuck it into my bag.

Again, I served Ricki with the silent treatment. I’d decided I’d see how I felt after hanging out with my girls tonight. Lilla wanted to check out a rock show in De Wallen. There were several good bands playing in a bar. Sounded right up my alley, so I was looking forward to it, if for nothing else than some thrashing loud music and rowdy dudes to peruse.