Ten Thousand Lies (25 page)

“You can just go,” I told him at the halfway mark.

“He wants me to walk you home,” he replied.

“Do you do everything he tells you to?” I asked, amused.

“Ricki doesn’t ask for much. When he does, I fucking deliver.”

I appraised Ronen’s face for a few seconds. “He’s the leader, isn’t he? Of your…group.”

Ronen nodded curtly. “He’s a natural. He was raised—” He shut his mouth, his eyes widening.

“What is it?”

He shook his head.

“Ronen.”

“Don’t ever fucking tell him I slipped, Jaime. Forget I said anything along those fucking lines, you got it?”

“Okay.”

“Ricki’s fucking smart; his head is organized. He’s good like that. Over time, the Locals saw what he was made of, and he’s always been the head of our operations.”

My brain chewed over this bit of insight into the man I was now flat-out adoring.

As we approached my house, Ronen draped an arm over my shoulders and gave me a friendly squeeze.

“I want this for you both, Jaime. Mostly for him because, if he can find someone who makes him happy, then that’s just awesome. But I want you to be happy, too, and I get the feeling you’ve hardly been happy in your life.”

“I was always happy when I was with Xanthe and Rex and David. And Ellen. You can’t
not
be happy when you’re around her.”

Ronen gave me a huge smile. “Are you happy with us being in your family now, too?”

I smiled back. “The happiest.”

Me: Should I dress up?

Ricki: Just dress normal.

Me: So, nothing fancy tonight.

Ricki: Do you want fancy?

I thought about it for a minute.

Me: No. I think being us would be better. Fancy can come later.

Ricki: :D

Wearing a swishy beige maxi skirt, brown suede flip-flops, and a dark blue T-shirt, I wrapped up my newly dreaded hair in a dark brown sheer scarf and arranged my fringe around my face. I put on a little more makeup than I normally wore. It was a date, fancy or not.

Then, the doorbell rang, and my entire body busted out in the sweats.

Holy shit, I’m nervous.

Making my way downstairs, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

“It’s cool. It’s just Ricki. We know each other, man. It’s gonna be awesome,” I kept telling myself until I swung open the door.

Oh, man…

Ricki looked fucking
delicious
. He smelled fucking delicious, too. His hair had been cut and styled, his beard trimmed and shaped. He was dressed nice but casual in a pair of dark denim cuffed jeans, black boots, and a button-down blue-white-and-beige plaid shirt.

“Wow,” I breathed, stepping over the threshold. “You look great.”

“So do you.”

With me wearing flats and him in his big-ass boots, we were almost the same height. Leaning over, I placed a quick kiss to his cheek, sniffing something wonderful in his beard.

“What is that?” I asked, pulling back.

Through his grin, he asked, “What?”

“That smell.”

“Oh. Deo put some sort of shit in my beard.”

“Can I sniff you again?”

His smile did funny things to me. “Sure.”

I went in for round two, but Ricki turned his face just as I was about to stick my nose in his facial hair, brushing his mouth over my lips. Pulling back in surprise, I stared into his eyes for a few seconds.

Then, I grabbed him and pulled him in for a proper fucking kiss. His hands shot to my face, holding me there. It was raw, hot, wet, and bursting with some seriously pent-up sexual frustration. The first taste of his mouth had me weak in the knees. Mint and tobacco. My tongue had a mind of its own and pushed past his lips. Gently, he sucked my tongue into his mouth and made love to it with his own, groaning softly.

Breaking the kiss, Ricki pressed his forehead to mine. “I thought that was supposed to happen at the end of the date.”

“We’ve gone about this all ass-backward from the get-go. Why change it up now?”

Laughing, he let go of my face and took my hand. “Your chariot awaits, Dollface.”

The pea-green Mini squatted next to the curb. Tugging gently on my hand, he led the way, even opening the door for me.

“Thanks,” I said as I got in.

Nervousness now gave way to excitement. Getting the first amazing kiss down had me wanting a hell of a lot more. I was tingling for Ricki in all the right places, and when he got in behind the wheel and his sex-scented beard perfumed the air, I wanted to get the formalities over with and jump his hot ass.

“Hungry?” he asked.

I wasn’t, but I nodded anyway. “Where are we going?”

“Wherever you want.”

“Hmm…”

“Do you want me to decide?”

Smiling, I replied, “Yes.”

He smiled back. “I’m bloody dying for these calzones they got at this one place. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.”

He pulled the Mini out into the street, and we whizzed our way across De Jordaan. Halfway through the ride, I placed my hand on his thigh, and he smiled the rest of the drive.

The restaurant was small and cozy, and we were seated in a dark corner toward the back. It wasn’t particularly busy, but Mondays weren’t raging date nights. We ordered two calzones; I got the vegetarian, and he got one with everything. Then, we sat back and watched each other in a strange silence.

After a few minutes, I simply couldn’t take it anymore. “So…how’d it go today?”

“Fine,” he replied.

Reaching across the table, he took my hands in his. They were big, strong hands, inked with
STAY TRUE
on his fingers.

“Stay true to what?” I asked.

“To who I am,” he replied.

“And just who are you?”

He smiled. “I’m not sure I know anymore.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because…I met you. And everything I thought I was kind of went out the window.”

“Who were you before you met me?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I was just existing. I had my friends—my family, really—and then you showed up. Suddenly…I wanted more out of my life.”

The most wonderful safe, loving warmth spread throughout the whole of me. From the roots of my hair—which were actually aching from being dreaded—to the tips of my toes, it was as though I’d been filled up with bright sunshine. I’d say I was glowing.

“Who were you?” he asked.

“A lonely woman waiting to join her family. I was so excited to finally come here, and when I got here…” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed to talk to him about this. It had driven me insane since I’d arrived. “I thought you hated me. It kind of killed me. For so long, you had been the source of my happiness, what I was looking forward to the most, and then…you just took it all away.”

“I never hated you, Jaime. I just didn’t know what to make of how I felt. I was so excited to meet you, and then I panicked. I was scared I couldn’t be what you wanted or needed. I’m still struggling with it. But I can’t stand the thought of…”

“What?”

“Right now, I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. When I’m with you, I’m chuffed to bits.”

Looking down at our clasped hands, I smiled. “Me, too.”

“I’m nervous as all hell.” He laughed. “I don’t know what I should say or what’s considered inappropriate or fucking whatever. So, if shit starts to go weird, just tell me what to do, okay? Because I really don’t want to fuck this up.”

“I was nervous, too,” I told him.

“You’re not anymore?”

I shook my head. “After that kiss, I’m way more excited than nervous.”

Ricki’s cheeks glowed a gentle shade of pink as he smiled. “Yeah, that was hot. I’d like to do that again.”

“I think we can count on it, buddy.”

“Yeah? Bloody fantastic.”

Fighting off the giggles, I turned the conversation. “Can you at least tell me what you did today as a tattooist? Were you anxious?”

“Yeah, a little bit. I had every piece of bloody equipment with me I could think of. When I got to the hotel room, I was searched for weapons.”

“That must’ve been fun,” I said dryly.

“And then I gave Lenny my portfolio, and he was impressed.”

“Lenny?”

“Yeah. Just roll with it. Anyway, he had this idea in his head of what he wanted, so I drew up a quick sketch. Just the bust of the Grim Reaper with black angel wings. It goes across his whole chest, shoulder to shoulder. Most of my time was spent drawing the fucking thing on him. He’s a huge motherfucker, almost as wide as fucking Deo. The centerpiece I did with trace paper, and I drew the wings directly on the guy.”

“Did he talk a lot?”

“At times. He kept asking me about my childhood, and I gave him enough to leave me alone after a while.”

“Did you tell him about your actual childhood?”

Ricki’s eyes dropped to our hands once more. “I did. If you can keep something as close to the truth as possible, it’s easier not to fuck it up later.”

“Can I ask you about your childhood?”

“Sure. I’ll answer what I can.”

“You grew up in England, right?”

He nodded. “In London.”

“What was that like?”

“It was…London. Have you been there?”

“Yeah, a few times. After Xanthe moved here when we were kids, David would fly me out during the summers.”

“How did you meet Xanthe? You’re from New Jersey, and she’s from Boston.”

“Summer camp,” I replied, smiling. “We met when we were seven. We were instant best friends, and when camp was over, we called and wrote to each other for the rest of the year. I’d go to her place for spring break, and I even spent a Christmas with them. When her mom passed away, it was like I’d lost a parent, too. Elaine was such a cool person.”

“Wow…that’s awesome—that you knew Xanthe’s mum. I’ve only heard stories from David and Xanthe.”

“Hanna was pretty cool, too. Not Ellen cool—”

“
No one
is Ellen cool.” Ricki laughed.

“True. But, even though this tragedy happened, David never forgot me, you know? Maybe, at first, he did it so that Xanthe would have a friend, no matter what, because she became really introverted after that had happened. But I like to believe that David loved me enough to want me to have some sort of family who gave a shit about me.”

“What do you mean?”

I’d never really come right out and talked about my own family life. Not with the men I’d slept with, not even with my friends back in New Jersey. Sure, they’d known my home life wasn’t the greatest, but it wasn’t like I’d had this horrific life either.

“It’s just…I was fed, clothed, housed, but I didn’t grow up in the best of homes.

“My parents had a rocky marriage, and my mom kicked my dad out for cheating. A week later, she found out she was pregnant with me. I’m the youngest with two older brothers and a sister. Obviously, I was not planned. Mom let Dad come back, and they decided to work on it. It lasted for a few years, but my dad is an alcoholic and was heavily into cocaine at different times in our lives. He’s as clean as he’s ever been now, but for a long time, it was bad.

“She was working two or three jobs at a time to keep our house and put food on the table, and Dad would take her money and spend it on drugs and other women. My mom gave him chance after chance to get his shit together, and finally, the last time was really the
last time
. My parents finally divorced when I was in junior high.

“I think, if my father had been a better human being, then maybe my mother would have been a better parent. When I was eighteen, she was done with people depending on her. She was ready to move on and have her boyfriend at the time move in, so she kicked me out. I had just finished high school, and I had no money. She gave me enough time to find a job and a place to live, and that was it.”

“Fucking hell, Jaime.”

“Look, it is what it is. There are kids who have it a hell of a lot worse than what I had. At least she was there while I was growing up.”

“But not your dad.”

“He was around when it suited him. It was just fucking dysfunctional. After seeing what my mom went through with him, what we all went through…I just learned never to give second chances to assholes.”

Ricki’s gaze bore into mine. Beneath it, I still felt his eyes weren’t
right
. There was something off about them.

Then, he shifted his gaze back to our hands. “I’m sorry you had to live like that,” he stated quietly. “For the most part, I was treated like a prince. My brother and I both. My parents had a strange marriage. Me mum is from the Ukraine, and my father was very powerful, very…I guess fucking
sadistic
is an accurate term to describe him. I grew up wealthy. I had everything I ever wanted, so long as I did everything I was told.”

“Oh.”

Ricki sat back, releasing my hands. Without them, a strange coldness seeped into me. Fear that he was taking away his warmth and light prickled through me. I let it go though. Maybe he needed the cold to tell his story.

“When we fucked up, we’d get beaten. Me mum got beat, too. So, we did what we were supposed to not to end up in that position. For some reason, I was the favorite. I guess because I was the baby. I didn’t understand why Dad loved me as much as he did. He hated that I loved art, that I loved to make it. My father destroyed all my artwork. I wasn’t allowed to go to university because he didn’t want me turning queer. I was forced to learn the family business while my brother went off to study.”