Ten Thousand Lies (27 page)

Jaime didn’t come into work. An hour after we opened, I knew she wasn’t going to show up. Dead inside from the hangover and my bleeding emotions, I canceled my appointments.

“What? Am I supposed to fucking deal with everything on my fucking own today?” Ronen asked incredulously.

“Just lock up after you take in the clients,” I told him.

“What the fuck happened, man? I thought shit was going good between you two!”

“No one’s told you?” I asked, surprised.

He had the decency to flush. “Everyone fucking told me what the fuck happened, except you. Did you really do that to her?”

Shame had me tearing up.

Ronen’s jaw dropped. “Shut the fuck up.”

“I don’t know what happened,” I confessed in a strangled whisper. “All I can remember is, she laughed, and I fucking lost my shit. Ronen, man…”

I told him everything. About how I hadn’t had sex since the first time I’d fucking had sex, about how one thing had led to another, and the rage and mortification I’d felt when she laughed.

“The whole night, we were just
right there
with each other. It was the best fucking time of my goddamn life, and I don’t know why I went off like that. I was fucking embarrassed I’d come so fast, and then she laughed…I thought she was laughing
at
me, man. I thought she was taking the piss outta me.”

Ronen just stared at me, his eyes wide with horror.

In desperation, I begged, “Please tell me there’s a way I can fix this. I…” I choked. “I don’t know what to do. I’m fucking terrified that she’s never going to speak to me again.”

“Ricki—”

“She’s
everything
to me, Ronen!” I shouted. “Everything I’ve fucking waited for, and I—” I couldn’t go on.

Ronen moved, his steps coming closer to me, and suddenly, I was wrapped in his wiry embrace as he hugged me hard.

“We’ll fucking fix this, brother. We’ll get her back.
You’ll
get her back.”

“I just learned never to give second chances to assholes.”

In my heart, I knew there was next to no chance I’d ever be allowed to touch her like that again.

“I’m gonna call my appointments and cancel, all right?” said Ronen. “I want you to go to Ellen. She’ll know what to do.”

Pulling out of his arms, I sniffed and wiped my face on my sleeve. “What are you going to do?” I asked him.

“Find a way to start fixing this shit.”

The second I walked into Flight of Fancy, Xanthe’s voice hit me like a battering ram.

“You have some fucking nerve, coming in here!”

“Is Jaime here?” I asked quietly.

“No, and if she were, I certainly wouldn’t let you come within a fucking mile of her! What the fuck—”

“That’s enough, Xanthe,” said Ellen as she emerged from the back of the shop. “Come on, Ricki. We’ll take this upstairs.”

Xanthe snagged a box cutter from one of the drawers from behind the counter and waved it at me. “I should skin you alive, motherfucker,” she hissed as I was about to pass her.

Miserably, I lifted my eyes to hers. “I’d let you.”

She must’ve seen something inside me right then because her face went soft, and her eyes glazed with tears. “Damn…” she whispered. “What—”

“Leave it, Xanthe!” Ellen’s voice came from the top of the stairs.

I headed after Ellen. Up in her flat, I collapsed onto the couch. She was in the kitchen, fixing a kettle, making some tea. I stared at the photo of Xanthe, David, and Elaine on the shelf across the room from me.

“Now, tell me what the hell happened last night. I thought Xanthe was going to go on a damn witch hunt after you. She’s been sharpening her pitchfork all morning.”

“I fucked up.”

“That much is obvious, jackass.”

She pulled out a joint, lit it, and then handed it over to me. I took a few hits before I started, and then I passed it back and told her the whole of it.

“Jaime said she learned not to give assholes second chances, Ellen.”

“Yeah, this is pretty fucked up,” she conceded. “But she can’t avoid you forever, no matter if that’s what she truly wants. You hurt her bad, Ricki. If the bartender last night hadn’t called Rex to come and get her, she might have stayed there all damn night in that fucking closet.”

“What?”

“You left her drunk and crying on the floor. A douche move if there ever was one. The bartender spotted her not long after he saw you run out of there. Rex said he found her with her panties around her knees, crying her eyes out.”

I wanted to die. I wanted to march my arse downstairs and offer myself up to Xanthe’s skinning. Hopefully, she’d take her time and draw it out nice and slow.

“Holy shit, Ellen…” I whispered as I dropped my head into my hands.

“You have some serious groveling and ass-kissing to do to make it up to her.”

“Is that even possible?” I asked, looking up into Ellen’s eyes.

“I honestly don’t know. For the first time in her life, Jaime was actually thinking of being involved with a man, and it fucking blew up in her face. You need to pull out all the stops to make her see that giving you a chance wasn’t a mistake.”

“What should I do?”

“If you really want her, Ricki…I think you’re going to have to bare your soul to her and pray she can forgive you. I told you a woman was going to come along and show you what it was all about. You’ve never wanted anyone until she came into your life. Do whatever it takes.”

“What if she can’t forgive me?” I whispered.

“You’ll just have to live with it. For your sake and because I love you as much as I do…I hope to God you won’t have to.”

Jaime

Plonk!

I’d spent the whole night weeping and drunk-sleeping.

Plonk!

Now, the sun was cheerfully shining through my window, irritating the shit out of me, and the noise coming in intervals made curse the world.

Plonk!

The noise had a shadow to it on the window. I stared at it for a few seconds, and sure enough, a rock connected to the pane.

“What the fuck?” I grumbled, hefting myself off the bed.
I hate this bed.
I’m busting out the fucking cot tonight. I’m not sleeping on this thing anymore.

Walking toward the window, I opened it and stuck my head out, only to have a rock crack me above my left eyebrow.

My hand clapped to my forehead, eyes watering. “What the hell?” I shouted.

“Shit! I’m sorry!” came Ronen’s voice.

“What do you want?” I demanded. “I fucking quit. I’m not working there anymore. Just leave me alone.
All
of you assholes.”

“Shut your mouth, and come let me in.”

“Go bother Rex or something.”

“Rex is at Wurther’s.”

The name of the bar, the one I had let myself be used like a whore in, erupted flames of indignation within me. “Then, fucking go there!”

“I’m here to see you!” he snapped. “Get your ass downstairs, and let me the fuck in.”

“Is this some sort of ambush? Is that douche drip with you, hiding around here somewhere?”

Ronen’s face turned sad. “No.”

“Fine,”
I gritted out. “Give me a minute.”

Pulling on some sweatpants, I made my way to the front door, and Ronen charged in.

“We have to talk.”

“The fuck we do. You were fucking right. It went weird and not
weird
, weird, but bad weird. I’m making myself scarce, like I promised.”

“Don’t say that. Ricki—”

“Fucking say his name again, I fucking dare you!” I snapped, storming into the kitchen. Grabbing the coffee pot, I filled it with water. Taking my aggression out on the innocent coffeemaker didn’t make me feel better, but the scent of brewing coffee helped ease my headache.

“Jaime,” Ronen said, taking a seat at the small table, “I spoke to him. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s a fucking mess—”

“Good,”
I snarled. “He deserves a swift kick to the fucking balls. Why I ever thought this would be a good idea, I have no clue. I don’t even know what the fuck happened. Everything was going fucking peachy keen, and then—”

“He thought you were laughing at him.”

Spinning around from the counter to face Ronen, I yelled, “I was fucking
happy
! For the first time in my life, I had sex with a man for the pure joy of it, nothing more. It wasn’t about getting off or getting laid; it was about
him.
About sharing myself. I wasn’t thinking about how to sneak off afterward or what to say when the morning came around. I was just so happy to
be
with him…” My voice trailed off in defeat.

“Jaime,” said Ronen quietly, “he’s horrified about what he’s done. Granted, we all are, but he…he thought you were laughing
at
him. When it comes to this sort of shit…he’s fucking clueless, and that’s all I can really say about it. Even I had no idea…not until this morning. Jaime, he cried in my arms, man. You gotta let this one go. Please. I’m begging you; don’t hold this against him.”

“Are you fucking high?” I screeched. “He can go
fuck
himself! Even if I
were
laughing at him, that was some fucking unforgivable bullshit.”

“Jaime, we shut the shop down today because he couldn’t fucking be there. And I can’t do it on my own. We need you to at least come back to work. Please, don’t walk away from this, from us, and…not from him. He
needs
you more than you can possibly understand.”

“What he
needs
is some fucking therapy,” I snapped scathingly. “Talk to Xanthe. She says her therapist is a wizard. Maybe he should give her a call.”

“That’s low,” Ronen grumbled.

“I don’t care!” I shouted. “Coming here was supposed to be the right thing, and everything has turned tits up. Maybe I should tuck my fucking tail between my legs and head back to New Jersey.”

“You don’t mean that. And we won’t let you.”

“You can’t fucking stop me!”

To prove my point, I blasted my way out of the kitchen and stomped my way upstairs to my bedroom.

Ronen followed and pulled me into a huge hug that nearly squeezed the life out of me. “We won’t let you go, Jaime. You’re one of us, and to be honest…Ricki won’t ever let you go either. I know him, and I know, whatever there is between you, he’s going to fight for it.”

“He’s going to lose,” I threatened.

“I fucking hope not. I know you’re hurting right now, girl. But, once you’re over the pain and anger, just…”

“I just want to be left alone, Ronen. Okay?” I said, pulling back.

The look of sadness on his face was making it hard for me to hold on to my rage.

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Jaime.”

“Like what?”

“Like leave. Or say never again. Or any of it. Just keep an open mind, and when you let this die down, let him back in.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Ronen,” I said, turning my back and dismissing him.

I don’t know what possessed me to come back here,
I thought heatedly as I shoved my shop key into the lock and let myself into the Inkwell.

Blessedly, there was no one else here. I went about flicking on lights and making a pot of coffee, turning on the computer and looking over the schedule for the day.

It was fifteen minutes until opening time. The guys usually came in right at ten o’clock. My poor beaten-up heart was thundering madly as the thought of coming face-to-face with Ricki was racing toward reality.