Ten Year Crush (4 page)

Gabby jerks her arm, releasing my grip. “What the fuck is your problem? I was dancing. And I’m not ready to leave!”

“Cam, man, what the hell are you doing?” Josh gives me that calm-the-fuck-down-now look.

I jab my hands into my hair and blow out my breath, trying to calm down and slow my racing heart. How is he not pissed? That’s his sister that was just being fucking touched. “You just going to sit there and let some asshole grope your sister? She’s had six drinks.” I say, pointing at Gabby.

“He wasn’t groping me. We were dancing, and I’m an
—
“

“Hey, you all gotta go.” 

Looking around I see we have a crowd watching us. I nod to acknowledge the bouncer and take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I need to talk to Gabby. I know I just screwed up and probably embarrassed her too.

“Thanks for ruining my night, asshole!” She storms off, followed by Tiffany.

Guilt crashes down on me and I drop my head. Shit. What the hell was that?
You don’t want her, but you don’t want anyone else to either. You are an asshole.

“What the hell was that, Cam?”

I just shrug Josh off and head for the door. I need to apologize to Gabby.

I pause for a second when I pass the Bouncer. “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to cause trouble.” He lifts his chin and I keep walking.

The girls are already out in the parking lot by Josh’s truck. Gabby is standing stiff. She looks furious. A fist grips my insides. I’ve gotta make it right. “Gabby, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“I have nothing to say.” She turns away from me.

“Please, just a minute.” I reach out to grab her hand, and she jerks it back. Pain slices through my chest. She’s never pulled away from me or turned her back on me.

She storms to the end of the truck, I walk past her to the edge of the parking lot, far enough away that Josh, and Tiffany won’t hear us.

Huffing, she throws her hands in the air and walks the thirty feet over to me. “Talk,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“I’m sorry. I…” …was seeing red? …didn’t like watching some other guy have his hands all over you? I don’t even know what to say.

“You what, Cam?”

“I just
—
“My jaw tightens and I grind my teeth. “He isn’t good enough for you.”

She laughs and it’s not an amused laugh. She’s pissed. No, she’s furious. “Un-fucking-believable. You don’t even know him.” Oh yeah, she’s pissed, pacing, and throwing her hands in the air. “Story of my life. I’m either not good enough or too good!”

“What are you talking about?” A heavy weight settles in the pit of my stomach.

“Cam, I’ve been in love with you since I fell in your lap ten years ago.”

My heart pounds in my ears. I knew she felt something for me, but in love with me? I fight for breath.

“I’m not good enough for you. 
Obviously. 
Because you’ve never looked at me like Brandon was. Not until you just dragged me away.” She points back towards the bar.

I ball my hands in fists at the mention of the asshole and fight the urge to go back and pound his face, but I’ve done enough damage already. She has no fuckin’ clue how sexy she really is. She never notices the hunger in every guy’s eyes when she passes. I sure as hell do. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Thump
—
”

“Don’t you ‘Thumper’ me! Ten years, Cam. I have sat back. And each girl I’ve had to see you with, my heart cracked a little more. So, don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about!” Her finger is pressing into my chest and her bottom lip is quivering.

It pisses me off that she thinks that. “You don’t think I notice you?” I yell, causing her to jump back a little. “You’re wrong! I notice your beautiful green eyes. Your short legs and how damn hot they'd look wrapped around me. Your curves that make my damn mouth water. I wanna run my hands from your perfect tits, to those hips, and around to your sexy ass. I get hard every time I look at you.” I take a deep breath. “Yeah, Thumper. I do notice you. It’s just that I shouldn’t.” As I talk, my voice becomes softer, ending my spew on a whisper. I can’t believe I just laid it all out there like that, but fuck, I hate that she thinks she isn’t good enough.

“What are you talking about?” Gabby is looking at me with tears in her eyes, and like I have two heads.

“Gabby, I’ve been watching you for the past five years. I just
can’t
do anything about it. You and Josh mean too much to me. I’d fuck up. Then lose you both.” I push past the lump in my throat. The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt her.

“Who says you’d fuck it up? Why? If you feel that way, why not try?” Gabby comes up to me and grabs the front of my shirt looking up at me with her big, green, pleading eyes.

“I do. I can’t chance losing you,” I say cupping her face in both my hands. My muscles bunch tight with the urge to kiss her, but I fight it back. I swipe a tear with my thumb and my chest tightens at the pain I see in her eyes.

“Can’t or won’t?” She buries her face in my chest and I barely hear the question.

“Won’t,” I whisper, kiss the top of her head, and turn away from her
—
heart in the pit of my stomach. Gabby tries to pull me back to her, but I shake my head. “Don’t. I shouldn’t have said all of that. Nothing can happen.”

“Why even tell me all of this then, Cam?” She clutches her chest.

Fuck. She’s crying now and my heart cracks. “I don’t like you feeling like you’re not good enough.”

“If you won’t do anything about your feelings or give us a try and be with me, then you need to stay out of my love life. No dragging me away when you don’t like it.”

I ball my hands up, anger filling me once again. I growl out, “Not if you have a buzz and don’t know the guy. I’ll do it. Every. Damn. Time.”

“God, you’re so frustrating! Just leave me alone!” Gabby storms off, climbs in the back seat, and slams the door.

Running my hands through my hair, I grab a hand full and yank. “Fuck.” 
That went just fucking perfect
. 

I hope I didn’t just lose both of my best friends. Hopping up in the truck, I see Gabby in Tiffany’s arms. Tiffany is whispering something in her ear while stroking her head. Tiffany looks at me and if looks could kill, I would be dead. She mouths, “You’re such an asshole.”

A knife twists in my stomach. 
I wish I were the one holding her.
 I hate myself for making her cry.
Not yours. Will never be yours. Josh’s baby sister.

It’s a quiet, tension-filled ride to Gabby and Tiffany’s townhouse. I know once they’re home Josh will want to know what happened. How do you tell your best friend that you’re in love with his baby sister, but plan on doing nothing about it?

Before the girls are even in the house he starts, just like I knew he would. I can’t blame him, I’d do the same.

“Wanna tell me what the fuck happened back there?” Josh is gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white.

“I’m sorry. I handled things the wrong way. I-“

“Cam, cut the shit. I see how you look at Gabby.” He gives me an I’m-not-a-fucking-idiot look. 

Okay, so why hasn’t he hit me yet?

“Yeah.” I sigh running my hands through my hair. I don’t know what else to say.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” He arches a brow.

“Nothing. I can’t. I would fuck up. Hurt her, and then lose you both.”

“How do you know if you never try?”

He would be okay with that?
I always thought for sure he’d beat my ass if he knew my thoughts. Now, here he is pushing me to go for it? Nothing is worth risking him and Gabby, I won’t do it. “I guess I never will. It’s not something I want to chance. End of!”

“I think you’re making a huge fuckin’ mistake.” Josh is shaking his head, already knowing nothing will change my mind.

“Think I haven’t thought about that?” I regret my hard tone. “It’s better this way,” I mumble, dragging my hands down my face.
He won’t understand.

We pull up to a red light and Josh shoves his finger in my face. “Don’t fucking do that shit again. You either step the fuck up and make her yours, or back the fuck off and leave it be. She’s going to find someone eventually and you’re going to have to sit back and keep your damn mouth shut. You gonna be able to do that?” Josh raises his brow and the look on his face tells me he doesn’t think I’ll be able to.

“I know. I’ll deal.” I don’t have a choice, but to figure out how to keep my cool.

“And don’t you ever fucking man-handle my sister like that again.” Josh gives me an I-will-fuck-you-up-if-you-mess-with-my-sister look and I can tell he means it.

“Won’t happen again.” I hold my hands up in surrender. Damn, I managed to piss everyone off tonight. I slump back in my seat feeling defeated. I can’t wait to get home and wash away tonight.

Once we get to the three-bedroom house we share, I go straight to my room, stripping off my clothes along the way, and head for the shower.

I let my head hang and the water rush down my body. I hate hurting Gabby and that I ruined her birthday. The hurt in her eyes tonight will haunt me for the rest of my life. But I would just hurt her worse in the long run. It’s better this way. Better for both of us. She’ll realize that one day.

In my bed, I pull up my text and send one to Gabby.

ME: I’M SORRY THUMPER. I DIDN’T MEAN 2 MAKE U CRY.

I don’t expect a response so I’m shocked when my phone buzzes in my hand.

THUMPER
: U BROKE MY <3 FOR THE LAST TIME 2NIGHT.IF U WERE SORRY U WOULD DO SOMETHING 2 FIX IT! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I’m not sure about Josh, but I think I fucked everything up with Gabby. Bile rises up my throat and I push it back. 
Oh god, what will I do if she isn’t in my life at all?

*Gabby*

Throwing my phone on my nightstand, I angrily wipe my tears off my cheeks. How the hell did he not mean to make me cry? Tell me everything I’ve waited to hear for ten years, and then rip it away.

I can’t believe the things Cam said. Standing there staring up into his electric blue eyes, dark hair, and his strong jaw line, I couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth. It was like my whole body lit on fire listening to him talk about what my body does to him, and how he really sees me. It was all of my dreams come true.

Then, just as quickly, my body turned to ice and I felt like I had been punched in the gut. My heart was ripped out and torn into a million tiny pieces. I just don’t understand. Why? If he notices me, and likes me, then why can’t we be together?

I open my nightstand and pull out the card Cam got me for my eleventh birthday. I’ve always held out hope that one day Cam would realize how much I loved him. That we would be together, I’d get my happily ever after. Now, I know that it isn’t the case. I’ll never have him and he will never love me the way I love him. My heart cracks wide open, and earth-shattering pain rips through me. I hold the card to my chest and cry a little harder, because now I
know
it’s never going to happen.

“Argh!” I scream into my pillow. 
How much longer are you going to keep doing this to yourself, Gabby?

I open the drawer to my nightstand, throw in the card, and slam it shut. Slamming the door shut on Cam.

That night I promise myself it’s the last time I’ll cry over him and the love that will never be returned.

I’m done
. No more pining after Camron Taylor.

Chapter Three

*Gabby*

After a weekend of lounging around the house, doing homework, trying to keep my mind busy, and from replaying Cam’s words over and over in my head, I’m thankful for class Monday morning.

As usual, I’m one of the first ones to arrive to my Finance and Marketing class. I take my normal seat in the middle. Digging in my bag to get my book and notebook out, the seat next to me scrapes the floor. I sneak a glance over and can see it’s Brandon.
Oh great, 
no telling what he thinks after Friday night. “Hey.” I fake a smile, trying to hide my embarrassment.

“Hey, so about the other night… Was that your boyfriend or something?” Straight to the point. Not what I want to face first thing on a Monday.

“Um, no. He’s just a longtime friend.” 
Please don’t ask anything more.

“So, why did he threaten to beat my ass?” Brandon raises his brow.

Shit.
Panic consumes me and my palms begin to sweat.

“He was just being stupid and had too much to drink.” I lie. I’m not going into all of that with him. “I’m really sorry about that though. He’s normally not like that.”

Brandon stares at me for a minute, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m lying or not. “Cool. So, do you think that maybe we could go out sometime?”

My mouth drops open. 
He still wants to go out with me
? I hurry and snap my mouth shut. “Sure, um when?” I smile, a real one this time. Determination with a touch of excitement sets in. It’s time for me to move on, give up on what I know will never be, and I think Brandon is just the cure.