Tethered (J + P series) (3 page)

“Goodnight everyone.” I whispered as I closed my door and hopped into my bed.  I
had lain
awake reviewing the images I saw in my head, all of them with Jared in them.  I needed to quit this.  He was obviously interested in that other girl and I was too interested in him.  I should just be happy for him and let him enjoy a nice relationship with whomever he wants.  Why were the unattainable guys the ones that I desired?  I did it so many times in high school that I lost count.  I passed up so many guys that had asked me out because as soon as I had won them over, I lost interest in them.  Dan was the worst.  He was a heartthrob, a senior dating a college girl and totally unattainable.   I was just a freshman but I set my eyes on him and pursued and pursued, flirting, laughing, and lots of eye contact.  After several months I noticed his interest turned toward me and he asked me out.  This was what I had wanted the whole time.  Only now I didn't want it.  I said no and truly was not interested in him anymore.  What was wrong with me?  Why did I push guys away as they came close? I probably crushed a few egos and destroyed a few relationships with my unhealthy pursuit of love.  I couldn't do that again, not to Jared.  I vowed to not pursue Jared and allow him his happiness with Random Skanky Girl. 

Chapter 4

The next morning I was up bright and early.  I went down to breakfast on my own since I knew most of the crew would be sleeping the night off.  Apparently most of the dorm was sleeping the night off too since the dining hall was very quiet.  As I was getting milk for my cereal, Greg popped up next to me “Fruit Loops, breakfast of champions!”  I giggled. 

“Hey Greg, you like your Fruit Loops, huh?”

“Indeed I do.  Did you go out last night?” he asked.  I wondered if Jared said anything about seeing me at the party.

“Yeah, typical frat party.  How come you weren't there?”  I asked.

“I don't know, me and a couple of guys on the floor decided to play some cards instead.  It was fun – boys’ night!”

I nodded.  “Cool, well, see ya'.”  I wasn't sure if I should have invited him to sit with me at breakfast.  I was actually nervous that Jared would come in and sit with Greg, thus forcing me to interact with him.  I needed to get my brain right before talking to him.  He was an acquaintance that I had music in common with, nothing more.

After breakfast, I went back to my room and found my roommate there on the phone with her mom.  She was trying to convince her mom that the reason she hadn't gotten a hold of her was because her mom called at the wrong times.  The truth was that she was hardly here at the room to even take a call, but she did not want her mom to know that.  I grabbed my books
,
waved at her, and headed toward the study room.  Speaking of moms, I needed to call home this evening.  But first, I needed to commit to memory 100 slides for the upcoming Biology test.

After hours of studying, my brain was in a fog.  I was done and needed some social interaction and grub.  I stashed my books in my room and knocked on doors to see who wanted to eat.  At the dining hall Jen had invited Ian and Tim to eat with us.  We introduced them to all the girls.  Tim seemed to have an instant attraction to Mags.  She was so sweet and innocent.  She had beautiful long hair and a petite body.  Maybe Tim saw all those things in her too; she was the package deal – the one you would want to marry.  They would have to overcome their shyness to get anywhere though.  Ian fit right in and the occupants of our table already seemed like a little family that had known each other for a long time.  Laughing, joking, and teasing each other. 

“Perry, would you come with me to Ian's room after dinner?  I know you wanted to veg with me, but I left my notebook there last week.”  Jen asked me. 

“Sure.”  I could do this.  Greg and Jared's room would probably be closed anyway.  Why did they have to live right across the hall from our new friends? 

We put up our trays and followed Ian and Tim back to their room.  As we approached I noticed the door was open to Greg and Jared's.  I hoped we could slip in and out quickly.  I hung back in the hall and waited.

“Hey Perry.”

I turn around to see who is addressing me.  It's Jared, looking more incredible than ever.  Jared must have just showered, his hair was wet and in every direction, t-shirt and jeans, with a towel over his shoulder.

“Hi.” I squeaked out and looked toward the floor.

“Why did you hurry off at that party?” he asked curiously.

“Umm, I just needed to use the ladies' room.  Did you have fun?”

“It was OK; I am not a huge fan of frat parties.”

“Was that your girlfriend?”  My God did I just say that???  I know I thought it but I didn't mean to ask it.

“Well, she is a girl and sort of a friend, so I guess.  She kind of was a sucky date.  She drank too much and passed out.  I had to get her home and babysit her to make sure she didn't choke on her puke.  Not my idea of fun.” 

“Sounds lame, but that was nice of you to take her home.” 

“Thanks.  I don't think I will be dating her again anytime soon.  Whatcha' doin' down here?”

“Jen forgot her notebook last week and needed to retrieve it.”  I am still trying to process that he just said he was not going to date her again.  My inner cheerleader is shouting in my ear, “The skank is away, it's Perry's turn to play!”

“Cool, well, See ya'” he said as he winked at me and headed into his room.

“See ya'.” I replied and sighed.

When I got back to my room I called about the Radio DJ slots.  I was told to come to a meeting on Tuesday night in the radio station.  I felt pretty excited about learning how to DJ like my brother.

Next it was time to call home.  My parents made me promise to phone them every other day.  It was fine in the beginning but as we got further into the semester, I had fewer things to talk about.  I didn't want to talk about parties or boy drama.  And talking about class material that they didn't understand was pretty boring.  Unfortunately, the lack of talking material led us to more arguments on the phone.  There were many times I would hang up the phone frustrated or crying.  I had hoped this would not be one of those times.  My side of the conversation went like this:

“Hi Mom, I'm OK,”

“Yeah the weekend was uneventful.  I got together with a bunch of my friends one night and studied like crazy the rest of the time.”

“Yeah, I have a lot of tests and quizzes this week.  Wish me luck. Oh yeah, I am also going to start DJing at the dorm radio station.”

“Mom, relax, I am studying.  I won't let it take up too much time.  Be realistic; it's just three hours a week – that's not too much.”

“Why can't you just be happy for me?”

We ended equally frustrated with each other.  This was nothing new; we had bucked horns for as long as I could remember.  It's like we just didn't know how to talk to each other without pushing each other's buttons.

I got my stuff ready for Monday and headed to bed.

Chapter 5

November

The biology lab test was this Thursday.  I was dreading it.  We had two hours to look at and identify 100 slides.  Then we had to demonstrate our ability to stain and prep a slide and demonstrate our ability to streak a Petri dish.  I felt confident in most of the material (thanks to many hours of practice and studying) but I didn't know if I could identify that many slides.  I would have to put in more book time this week to get ready for it.  After Biology, Sarah (a girl I knew from back home), caught up with me.  “Hey Perry!  Wait up.”  I had wanted a clean slate from home.  Luckily, Sarah was not gossipy or catty enough for me to want to run. 

“What's up?”  I asked.

“Um, are you ready for the test?” she asked sheepishly.

“I'm working on it.  I need to work on my slides some more but the rest I have a good understanding of.”

“Would you mind studying with me?  I am feeling a bit lost and if I don't get a good grade on this, my semester grade will go south.” she begged.

Sigh.  I didn't really want to help, I had enough on my plate, but I am a people pleaser by nature and my mouth said “Sure, how about tomorrow night at the library?”  Darn mouth.

“Awesome!  Thanks a ton.  See you then.” and she bounced off.  She was not a flighty ditz; she was actually a decent student so she must be getting tripped up on something in the material.  Maybe it would be beneficial to us both to study together.

I ran off to my next class and went on with my day.  After lunch I had Chemistry lab. “Hey Ben!”  Ben always had a smile for me.  He was like your typical smart, hometown, nice kid.  He was cute in his own way. 

“Perry!  What's new?  How was your weekend?”

“Busy.  Lots of studying and a frat party.  Hey, I saw you at the frat!  Who were you with?” I inquired.

“No way, why didn't you say 'hi'?  That was my roommate.  His name is Dan.”

“Cool, umm, I was going to say hi but I needed to use the ladies' room and by the time I was done, I couldn't find you.” I said.

“Ahh, next time say hi to me first.” he said and teasingly bumped my hip with his.  I loved Ben.  He made Chemistry so much more fun.

“Class, today we will be titrating and documenting our results.” The lab instructor announced.

“Time to get busy I guess.” Ben said.  He gathered the chemicals we needed and I collected and set up the equipment.

“Remember to be careful with the Potassium Permanganate
.  I
t will stain your skin.” the instructor cautioned.

“Well, at least it won't melt our skin off
.  W
e can handle some stains, right Perry?”  Ben teased.

“Speak for yourself Mister.”

Once we were all set up I decided to try titrating first.  I poured the Potassium Permanganate into the burette and settled the beaker just under it.  I slowly turned the valve of the burette to let the Potassium Permanganate out and the valve broke free splashing the Potassium Permanganate all over my shirt and hands.  Ben looked at me with shock but then erupted in laughter.

“Shoot!” I spat out while running to the sink.  “Now I will look like I wiped my bottom with my hands all week.”  Ben ran over, grabbed some napkins and began cleaning up our lab table.  Our instructor had told us the truth; this stuff stained and was impossible to get off.  I dried my hands and sighed, knowing I would be the butt of Jen's jokes at the dining hall table for the next week.

On the walk back to the dorm I put on my headphones and listened to the guitars and heavy bass line flowing through my speakers.  It was 4PM and lots of students were headed back to their dorms or apartments.  The air was getting cooler and Thanksgiving break was just a couple of weeks away.  I wondered what it would be like walking to class with snow on the ground.  I wondered if they would give us more than ten minutes to get across campus when there was a foot of snow on the ground.

BUMP!

I turned around quickly to see Jen giggling at me. “Gotcha!  You were in headphone land and tuning out the world.  I knew I could sneak up on you.”

She looked all cozy and cute in her knitted sweater and scarf.  She only had a book and a pencil in her hand.  It must've been her light class day. “Only one class today?  Slacker.”

I had two labs and three lectures so I had my very full backpack on.

“Yep.  Jealous?”

“Actually, I am.  Are you doing crossword puzzles for homework tonight or is it hangman?”  I teased. 

She giggled.  She knew her homework was so much simpler than mine and she liked to poke at me because of it.

“Har har har, what's this?  What happened to your hands?  Oh wait, you must have run out of toilet paper and used your hands to wipe yourself instead.” she joked.

Eye roll, and so it begins.  “Not quite.”

“Hey Perry, it's spaghetti night!  Can't wait.  I wonder what the cooks put in that meatloaf surprise last night?  It was kinda a weird puky brown color, not unlike the current color of your hands.” Jen said.

“Maybe the surprise was that the meatloaf would slowly change all of our hands to puky brown...you're next!” I joked.  I loved spaghetti night as much as Jen.  How could you screw up spaghetti?  It was so easy to make that the cooks couldn't mess it up.

“When are you leaving for Thanksgiving?” I asked.

“My last class is Tuesday afternoon.  My parents are gonna' pick me up before dinner.  How about you?”

“I have to catch a ride with Chuck, you know, the one who grew up near my folks and has all those crazy parties you hear about.  I think he said we would leave Wednesday around lunch time.”  I said.

I really enjoyed college life and being on my own, but I could use a change of scenery.  I wanted to go home and drive a car again.  I hated being cooped up on campus with no car.  I wished I had a car here, though I probably wouldn't use it much.  Everything I needed was within walking distance.  I would have to plan a few errands back home that would require the car.

Driving meant freedom.  At home, I was so used to being watched and critiqued by my parents that I felt smothered.  I couldn't get a glass of milk without being asked what I was doing and why.  I think I was about ten years old when I realized that I would have freedom when I could drive a car.  From that moment, 90% of my dreams were of me driving somewhere, escaping. 

“I'm gonna' drop off my book and then we can go eat.” Jen said.

I nodded and opened my room.  My roommate was there, awake and giggling with her new boyfriend.  “Hey Perry, long time no see!”  Gabby joked.

“Yeah, did you come back because you ran out of clean clothes?” I joked back.  We both giggled.  “We are gonna' grab dinner soon, do you guys want to join us?”

“Nah, we are gonna' eat at his dorm.  I actually did just come back for some clean clothes.” Gabby admitted.

Now I was really laughing “
H
a! I knew it.  Well, you guys have fun.  See you next week.” I teased (but also kind of meant it).

Jen had already grabbed Mags; Lauren was at a sorority meeting and would not be joining us.  We headed to the dining hall and the smell of garlic bread and spaghetti made us smile.  We grabbed our food and found a table in the middle of the room.  “God, I am so glad they do this meal right.” Jen said.

“Is this spot taken?”  It was Tim; he was asking to sit next to Mags. “No, go right ahead” she said.  It looked like Tim was beginning to make the moves on Mags, proximity is everything.

Ian sat across from Jen and they began teasing and bantering.  You could tell there were no sparks between them, but they enjoyed each other's personalities.  I listened to them and felt like I was watching a comedy routine.  At one point Jen had ribbed him so well that Ian laughed so hard he spit his milk out.  I passed my napkins his way so he could clean up and when I turned around I noticed someone sitting next to me and across from me.  It was Jared and Greg.  I felt every hair on my body stand up.  I suddenly felt so nervous, but I couldn't understand why.  He was not my boyfriend, he was just an acquaintance. 

Jared wasn't handsome like a model, but he was attractive
,
had self confidence, and didn't get all wrapped up in everyone's business.  He did his own thing and it wasn't to please anyone.  He didn't care if he was popular or not.  That personality trait was pretty attractive.  But I needed to quit thinking about him like that.  I should just focus on being his friend.  Anytime I have put effort into a guy, I would usually win them over, but in the end I would lose interest.  I didn't want to destroy any relationship that Jared and I would have, even if that meant we just stayed friends.  I needed to cool off and switch gears.

“Hey guys, how did I miss you sneaking up to our table?” I asked.

“We heard you giggling over here and decided to join you and see what had you cracking up.” said Jared with a smirk.

“Ian and Jen were teasing each other …” I began but didn't even get a chance to finish before they began throwing food across the table at each other.  “Well, you can see for yourself.”

And we all enjoyed our meals.  From that day on we chose to sit with one another if we saw each other in the dining hall, our little gang.  And I decided that I would put away any feelings I had for Jared and focus on a friendship with him and Greg.  Love would come to me when I least expected it, at least that's what my girlfriends told me.