The Ace (16 page)

“Not surprised at all, I imagine,” Maddie said dryly.

He put his hands on his hips and shook his head again at Karen, his dark eyes lit with humor. “Not at all. What the hell was that about?”

“What was what about?” Chase asked as he walked up. He leaned down to kiss Maddie before grabbing Bree’s other hand in his.

“Our own Joe Louis here,” Jerry said as he put up his fists and nodded at Karen. “She was fighting some girl in the crowd.”

“What?” Chase exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock, as he stepped around Jerry to look at her.

“Oh, jeez. I did not fight her,” Karen insisted. “She was being a bitch and so I just told her where to go.”

“What did she do?” Jerry and Chase asked in unison.

She glanced at Maddie over their shoulders and, seeing her give a small shrug, Karen sighed. “She was saying things to Maddie that I didn’t like, so I just told her off. It was nothing really.”

“Aunt Karen called her a skanky ass,” Bree offered.

“Bree!” Maddie exclaimed. “Do not repeat anything that comes out of Aunt Karen’s mouth.”

“What did she say to you?” Chase turned and asked Maddie.

“Nothing really. It was stupid,” Maddie said, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Maddie,” Chase said with a frown. He obviously wasn’t buying it. “What did she say to you?”

“Fine,” she said, giving in. “She was just telling me that you hit on her the other night at some bar, made some suggestive comments to her. That’s it.”

“You didn’t believe her, did you?”

“No, of course she didn’t,” Karen interjected. “But I still wanted to punch her in the face for being so pathetic.” She stretched her arms over her head, feigning boredom. “Whatever, no biggie. Not like Mr. Shut-Out here. One hit, no runs, pretty good, Smutty.”

“Thanks. It felt good tonight.”

“Of course it did. I was here. I bring good luck to every game I attend.”

“Obviously,” he said in exaggeration.

“I want to ride home with Chase,” Bree announced, pulling her mother and Chase over to his truck.

Karen and Jerry hung back, smiles toying at their lips as they eyed each other.

“I’m glad you finally came to one of my games,” Jerry said. “Even if you did get into a fight.”

“I did not get into a fight!”

“Oh, I’m never gonna let you live that one down!” he said as he started chuckling again, clearly replaying the scene in his head. “That was classic.”

Karen rolled her eyes. “You’re entertained too easily then.”

“I can think of another way I like to be entertained.”

She swallowed thickly. “I bet you can.”

“So what would happen if I came over?”

Even as the words ran through her head telling him no thanks, that they needed to go their own ways, Karen wasn’t shocked when her mouth opened and she asked, “What would you like to happen?”

He leaned down and whispered in her ear all the things he wanted to do with his tongue. As a hot flush covered her skin, she told herself one more time. Just one more time and then she’d end it.

She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. “I think we might be able to make that happen. Be there in a half an hour and don’t be late.”

Chapter Sixteen

With a spread of cheese and fruit between them, Karen and Jerry lay intertwined on her bed. When he’d arrived, their clothes had been off in a blink of an eye, tossed in a scattered path from the front door to her bedroom. She’d managed to retrieve his gray T-shirt from the trail and put it on, and he’d reclaimed his boxers.

“This is good cheese. What is it?” Jerry asked as he inspected a small white cube.

“Babybel.”

“Hmmm...” he said as he popped it into his mouth. “I’m learning all this new stuff with you, Karen.” He gave her a quick kiss before reaching for his glass of wine and taking a sip.

“You’ve never had Babybel cheese? The round, red package?” she asked as her fingers formed a circle.

He shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s not important.”

“What’s important?”

“Baseball, chicks...baseball...” He laughed as she swatted his arm. “What? I’m being honest here.”

“You’re an ass, is what you are.”

“Oh, the sweet terms of endearment you call me.” He reached over and pulled her so she lay across his him. “I have a question for you.”

“Uh-oh...” she said, afraid of what he was going to ask.

He ignored her. “Why didn’t you believe that girl tonight?”

She felt a cool wash of relief bathe her hearing that it wasn’t a personal question before she settled her chin on his chest, getting comfortable. “Who? Oh, the whore in the crowd?” At his nod, she scowled. “Why would I believe her? I know Chase wouldn’t cheat on Maddie. He’s over the moon with her.”

“And? That was enough to convince you? Chase could be a dog for all you know. I am his roomie on the road and the stuff I see him do...” He dropped off, shaking his head in mock disgust.

She snorted, not concerned with sounding unfeminine, and lightly slapped his chest with her hand. “Right, nice try. It’s probably the other way around. All Chase could be is a puppy dog the way he follows Maddie around.”

“True. What else did she say?”

“She said you hit on her too.”

Jerry raised his brow. “She did? Wow, she must be pretty hot if we all can’t keep our hands off her.”

“So she thought.”

“And how did you know that I didn’t hit on her?”

“Because...you were with me.”

“Ah,” he said, nodding in understanding before a glint shone in his eye. “How do you know that I didn’t do her and then come here and do you?”

Karen laughed. “If you did, then you’re made of steel—everywhere.”

He gave a crooked grin and raised one brow as he put his glass down. “Well, I have been called Superman.” He rose over her as she rolled her eyes at him. “Stop rolling your eyes at me all the time.”

“Then stop being stupid.”

Jerry gave her a quick kiss before shifting back to look at her. “I have another question for you.”

“What is this? Twenty Questions? When’s my turn?”

“When I say it is. If you wanted to be a chef, what stopped you?”

Instant irritation mixed with panic consumed her, and she tried to sit up. “Get off me.”

“No. Not until you answer the question.”

“Why do you care? I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about this. I’ve moved on from it, you should do the same.”

“What stopped you?” Jerry repeated as he held her in place.

“Stop,” she begged quietly, trying to calm the churning storm inside of her.

“You’re an awesome cook and I can tell that you love doing it. If you love it so much, that’s what you should be doing. Not selling houses.”

“We’re not all as lucky as you, Jerry.”

“Is it money? Do you need money to go to school? I can help you with that if that’s all it is. I want to help.”

“Get the fuck off me!” she hissed, unable to take any more.

“Just answer the question, Karen. It’s a simple question.”

“No, it’s not!” she yelled.

Karen was so furious that she was seeing red and all she wanted to do was get him to shut his patronizing ass up. She turned and eyed the wineglass that was sitting on the nightstand next to them and started to reach out to grab it, when his hand snaked out and snatched it away.

His eyes were hard and fierce, but his voice was steady and cool. “You need to calm yourself down. I’m not going to let you pour a drink on me just because you don’t like what I said.”

After a few minutes, he put the glass down and looked patiently at her, waiting for her to respond.

She imagined stabbing a knife through his eye before letting out a frustrated grumble.

“Fine. You want to know so badly, here it is. Now you can truly appreciate how fucked up I am.”

She shoved him off her and sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees in front of her chest. “I had an apprenticeship set up with a chef in a pretty well-known restaurant in New York. That’s where my ex-fiancé had gotten a job. We had it all planned out. We’d graduate together, get married and then go to New York. We’d get an apartment in the city and I’d do my apprenticeship while he worked his way up in the accounting firm. After a bit, we’d have enough money stashed away to open my own little bistro somewhere.” She paused and took a deep, trembling breath. “What I didn’t count on was his cheating ass to come home one day right before graduation and tell me that he’d been screwing around. That he was going to marry his whore, take
her
to New York with him.”

She gave a sad laugh. “I was devastated; I didn’t know what to do. I was hurt, embarrassed, humiliated...but for some reason, I wasn’t angry. Not yet, at least. I was convinced that if I went to New York, I’d run into them at every corner, see them happy together, living the life
I
was supposed to be living, and I just couldn’t face that. So I backed out. I called the chef and told him I had accepted another offer. He tried to convince me otherwise, but I wouldn’t listen. It wasn’t until I told Maddie what I had done and Shannon...boy, did they both ream me out. They called me stupid in every possible way and it was hard to hear, but I was glad they did because it woke me up and made me realize what an idiot I was being. That was when I finally got angry. So, I tried to call the chef back, but by the time I did, they already had someone else lined up.

“As my luck would have it, I ran into my prize of an ex one day at the store a few weeks before he moved and he had heard what had happened. He assured me it was for the best because not only was I just a ‘mediocre’ cook, as he so eloquently put it, but I can’t take any criticism and I’m not a people person, so therefore I’m highly un-trainable. In other words, I’m a fucking mess.”

Jerry’s eyes had turned dark and she could see the anger in them. When he finally spoke, his tone was furious. “And you let that dickhead get away with that?”

Karen shrugged weakly as she glanced down. “Maybe he’s right, I am pretty messed up,” she said softly.

“What? I can’t believe I’m hearing this from
you
, of all people.” He grabbed her shoulders and made her look at him. “Karen, he’s wrong. Not to mention an asshole, but he’s also completely wrong. You know he’s wrong. You’re so strong and confident, there’s no reason why you couldn’t be one of the best in the business. I have no doubt about that, not one. You’re amazing.”

Looking in his liquid brown eyes, so earnest and sincere, she wanted to believe him, but she could still feel the gut-wrenching pain when Brian had not only dumped her, but then had been belittling and condescending, as if the humiliation from his cheating hadn’t been enough. And this was coming from someone who had supposedly loved her, had wanted to spend his life with her. Sure, sometimes she could be a little rough and say things better left unsaid, but she didn’t think she was that much of a mess.

* * *

Logically, Karen knew she shouldn’t waste any of her time thinking about him, especially now so many years later, but she’d loved him with all of her heart, had trusted him with her soul, and he’d ripped it apart as if it meant nothing. She couldn’t get his voice out of her head, replaying how he’d destroyed everything with one declaration—
I’m in love with someone else.

She hadn’t wanted to believe that all men could be like her deceiving father, but after being treated like dirt by two of the most important men in her life, being respected as much as garbage, she’d given up. No man was worth feeling insignificant for and Karen had vowed then that she would never let one make her feel that way again. She was through putting her emotions out there, exposed and vulnerable, and so she kept them hidden behind a solid wall, heavily clad with multiple padlocks, which was where they needed to stay. It was the only way to survive.

She could feel her eyes filling up and that only made her angrier—she wasn’t a sappy crier. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She wanted to move on from it and leave her dreams behind, as painful as that was, because whenever Karen thought about being a chef, she relived Brian’s deceit. She couldn’t separate the two in her head, no matter how hard she tried.

She blinked slowly, causing some tears to overflow and spill down her cheek. She figured once Jerry saw her crying he would be up and out of her house in a flash, unable to deal with any deep girly emotion, and she was fine with that. In fact, she wanted that.

What Karen didn’t expect was for him to gently wipe away her tears with his fingertips and kiss her softly on the forehead before sitting up and pulling her into his arms. He had no idea what he was doing to her heart.

She shook her head as the tears fell. He was too sweet and caring, and he was taking things too far. She wanted to fall into him, let him comfort her and make it all better. Somewhere along the line she’d lowered her defenses, and he’d worked his way right in and started to thaw her heart. Karen could only be mad at herself for allowing it; she’d known that irrevocable heartbreak waited for her at the end of this road, and yet she’d continued down it, but that didn’t mean she had to accept it. Before Jerry utterly destroyed her, she found a small reserve of energy to push him away. She couldn’t pretend anymore that she wasn’t falling for him.

“Stop.”

He frowned in confusion. “Stop what?”

“Just stop! Stop this,” she said, waving her hands around.

“I’m not following you.”

“Jerry, do you think that you’re acting like someone who’s in a carefree, casual relationship?”

“Yeah.”

“You do?” Karen asked, not bothering to hide the disbelief in her voice. “You don’t think that things you say or do might cross the line?”

Jerry didn’t say anything for a second, but she could see his throat working as he tried to figure out what to say. “I don’t understand how me being a nice guy is crossing the line,” he finally said.

“A nice guy? Jerry, it’s more than that and don’t try to tell me otherwise.”

“I can’t be in a relationship right now,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I’m not asking for one.”

“Then what are you asking?”

“What are you doing?”

* * *

“What I’m doing?” Jerry repeated as he ran his hand through his dark hair while his eyes darted around the room. He thumped his head against the wall behind her bed as one excuse after another tumbled through his mind. She was calling him out and Jerry knew it, but he refused to admit to it. Once he admitted it to her, he was done. He just couldn’t go there but, as unfair as it was, he couldn’t lose her either.

Jerry knew he was going to come out of this looking like a complete asshole, especially considering that she’d just laid out her soul to him at his insistence. As much as he felt himself starting to bend,
wanting
to bend, he needed to stop it and so he had to say whatever he could to regain that safe distance between them.

He turned back and found her watching him intently. She looked so vulnerable that it tore at his heart, but he forced the harsh words past his lips. “I’m doing what we agreed to. We’re having fun. That’s it. That’s all we are, Karen, a good time. Nothing more.”

She swallowed tightly. “Then why do you continue to push? Why did you have to know why I wasn’t cooking? Why couldn’t you just leave it?”

Frustration bubbled up inside him and he was a jumbled mess. She was right, he knew she was right, but goddamn, he just couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to be there for her, wanted to help her, wanted to do things for her, but at the same time he desperately needed to keep that line in the sand between them. And as screwed up as it was, as much as he didn’t want to be in a relationship, he didn’t want to be without Karen more. “I don’t know what to tell you, Karen. I can’t do anything more than what we agreed to right now. My game is shit and I’ve just got too much on my mind.”

“Your game is shit?” she repeated, taken aback by his admission.

He stopped, unable to believe he’d actually uttered the words that had been rattling through his brain for longer than he wanted to admit. Jerry certainly hadn’t intended on saying anything, but now that he had, he realized he needed to get it off his chest. He needed to tell someone else his troubles and his worries. If nothing else, maybe it would help to relieve some of the burden of keeping everything bottled up.

He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself to trust someone enough to say the words aloud, something he never would have done before. “It’s not where it should be. Things just haven’t felt right from the get-go, and I have no idea what the issue is. I’ve been fighting something for the past month or so and trying to work it out. Tonight was the first night that I’ve felt normal in a long time.”

“Why was tonight different?”

Because you were there
, Jerry almost said before stopping himself and shaking his head. “I don’t know, but it just was. Something’s not right and it’s been getting worse before getting better. I’ve never dealt with this before, so I’m struggling a bit with how to fix it. My coaches and I have worked on some things, mostly mechanics, but so far we haven’t been able to figure it out. We can’t find anything on the film showing what it is that I’m doing differently.” He gave an irritated laugh as he thought about how he now stressed before each game, something absolutely foreign to him. “It’s pretty fucked up—it’s almost getting to the point where I wonder before every start how bad it’s going to get. I can’t have that; I’m the Ace of this squad. I’m supposed to be the best pitcher on the team, not this shit I’ve been bringing lately, especially this year with the contract that everyone wants to hold over my head.”