The Ace (20 page)

“Who said I’m built for it? Do you not remember what I went through with Chase? I thought I would die without him, but was determined to do just that, and you yelled at me not to be stupid. Remember? I don’t understand why you’re doing the same thing to yourself.”

“Because I’m stupid,” Karen said after a few minutes of trying to think of a good excuse and coming up empty.

Maddie laughed as she grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “No, you’re not. You just punish yourself for some reason. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“He could throw me out when he gets bored with me.”

“And, let’s play hypothetical here, what if he does? What happens then?”

“I’d want to die.”

“Okay and what happens if you don’t try now?”

Karen sighed with reluctance. Maddie was right. Either way, she was miserable. “I want to die.”

“The outcome sounds the same to me, so why wouldn’t you take the option that includes him in the meantime?”

She pulled her hand out of hers and scowled. “You don’t need to get all logical on me.”

Maddie smiled at her friend. “Jerry may have his faults, but I really believe he’s a good guy. He’s true to his word and he’s very caring. He’s not going to pull a Brian on you. You just need to tell your head that you’re willing to take that risk. Your heart’s already made its decision.”

Karen pouted and closed her eyes. “Love sucks.”

“Yeah, it does,” she agreed. “But it can also be the best thing in the world. You’re the strongest person I know, Karen Bently. You’re beautiful, funny and supportive to a fault. You can do this and you deserve it. Nobody deserves it more than you. Don’t keep selling yourself short.”

She broke out in a watery grin as she leaned over and pulled her friend into a hug. “I knew you would say the right things. You know just how to stroke my ego.”

“That I do,” Maddie said with a laugh.

Karen rested her head on Maddie’s shoulder. “So what do I do now?”

“Go down there.”

She sat back. “Really? Just show up down there?”

“It would be a nice surprise for him and it might help him to feel better to know you didn’t mean what you said.”

“Okay.” Karen stood up and walked toward the door.

“Wait? You’re going now?” Maddie asked as she jumped up.

“Yeah, why not?” she said with her hand on the handle. “If I don’t do something soon, I’ll wimp out and he’ll forget how to pitch entirely. We can’t have that. We have a pennant to win, dammit.”

Chapter Twenty

“What are you going to say to him?”

Shannon turned in the passenger seat next to Karen, her eyes glittering with excitement as they began the three-hour drive down to Dayton.

Karen shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out yet.”

“I think it’s so romantic.”

Karen snorted. “Yeah, romantic. That’s me.”

Karen was thankful that Shannon had agreed to make the drive down there with her on such short notice. She’d been ready to leave straight from Maddie’s, but had stopped to quickly check the Sledgehammers’ schedule. And she was glad she did since they’d headed out on the road and were not due until a few days later. That would have been all she needed, to drive down there ready to spill her guts and have Jerry not even be around.

“What do you think he’ll say when he sees you?”

“What do you want?” Karen answered without hesitation.

“What?” Shannon frowned at her, clearly upset that Jerry wasn’t a romantic either. “He wouldn’t say that, would he?”

“Probably. Maybe, ‘What are you doing here?’ Something like that. I won’t get a ‘Hi’ or ‘Nice to see you’ or anything.”

“Huh,” Shannon said as she thought it over. “You guys are pathetic. Maybe you are meant for each other if you both suck that much at this.”

“What? And you’re the expert?”

“Well, not an expert, but I wouldn’t say ‘What do you want?’ or call him a stupid ass, if he drove all the way to see me.”

“He is a stupid ass.”

“You’re a stupid ass.”

“Well, we can’t all be perfect,” Karen said, unperturbed.

Eyeing her sister, Karen couldn’t help but notice how pretty and alive she looked, like she was just waiting to burst with giddiness. A brown headband held her hair away from her face, which was clean and fresh without a lot of makeup. Her bright blue eyes, always alive with happiness and humor, sparkled even more brightly today.

“You look good.”

Shannon narrowed her eyes. “Where did that come from?”

“Nowhere. I was just looking at you and you look good. You look happy.”

“Thank you.” She cleared her throat as she pretended to study her hands. “Um, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

“Uh-oh. I don’t like the sound of this.”

“I’m moving,” Shannon said quickly.

Karen’s eyes widened in shock. “What? Where would you move to and why?”

“Because I want to experience new things, see new things, meet new people. I was thinking Chicago. City life would be fun, I think.”

“You can’t move!”

“I have to...” Shannon broke off and stared out her window.

“Why would you have to move?”

“Well...I got a job at a big law firm there. You’re looking at the new associate at Gables and Gates.”

“What? Why didn’t you say anything?” Karen demanded. “I didn’t know you were looking to get a job out of state.”

“Because I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure.”

Karen looked steadily at her sister for a second before directing her attention back to the road. “You know, you don’t always have to do what he says.”

Shannon turned her head sharply and glared at her. “I’m not. This is what I want.”

“Your father had nothing to do with you getting this job?”

“Of course, he did, but he’s my dad, that’s what he’s supposed to do. He knew this is what I wanted, he had connections and so he helped me out.”

“Fine, fine. If you say so,” Karen said quickly hearing the terseness in her sister’s voice and knowing she wouldn’t get any further. If Shannon didn’t want to see how she was letting her father dictate her life, then Karen wasn’t going to change her mind.

A tense silence fell between them before Karen tried for a different angle with her sister. “You can’t move away from Mom.”

“You can visit anytime you want,” Shannon said with a knowing smile, clearly happy to be moving on from the touchy subject.

“This isn’t about me,” she protested, but her tone indicated otherwise.

“Of course it isn’t.”

“Well...I....” Karen cut herself off with a sulk. “Have you told Mom?”

“Yes.”

“And what did she say?”

“She was happy for me and supported my decision. She told me you were going to be the one to give me the battle.”

“Me?” Karen shook her head. “Why am I always the bad guy?”

“You’re not,” Shannon said as she grabbed Karen’s hand and squeezed it. “But sometimes you take change the hardest.”

Another thing to add to her growing list at the moment. Not only was she about to take a chance with Jerry, something she’d sworn she would never do again, but now
both
her support systems were changing, as well. She knew Maddie and Shannon would always be there for her, but the changes in their lives, with Maddie getting married and Shannon moving, would make it all
different
. As much as she didn’t like it—it made her sad even though she was happy for them—she knew she had to embrace it. Just like having to accept the fact that she
did
want to have a real relationship, feel real emotions—the good and the bad—and not hide away behind her walls for the rest of her life.

“Yeah, that’s me. Ms. Sensitive.” Karen looked at her sister and gave her a wistful smile. “I think it’s a good move. I’ll miss you like crazy, but it’s a good move.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Karen gave Shannon’s hand a squeeze before returning it to the steering wheel. “Well, enough of that. You need to help me figure out what I’m going to say to Mr. Stupid Ass when I see him.”

* * *

Standing near the dugout, Jerry watched his teammates take batting practice. He was ecstatic, having just found out that he would have only one more start with the Sledgehammers before rejoining his team in Detroit. He desperately wanted to move on and get back to the Bigs to prove himself. He felt better and it was obvious in his bullpen sessions and game outings that he was improving, able to stay consistent deep into the games, and regaining command. He’d somehow managed to push out any thoughts about Karen during the day while he worked on his pitching. It was a different story once he returned to his room for the night, however. She was all he thought about.

He wasn’t convinced things with her were over, but he couldn’t do anything about it from Dayton. He was going to have to wait until he got back up there and then he would be relentless. He’d heard the uncertainty in her voice, the hesitation. She’d all but admitted she had feelings for him, and he didn’t believe her one bit when she told him it didn’t matter. After his initial shock, Jerry decided that she was worth it and he wasn’t giving up without a fight.

It was holding on to this hope that helped him make progress in getting his game turned around. Now that he’d finally admitted his feelings for her, he wasn’t in a constant state of confusion all of the time.

Jerry missed Karen, really missed her. For the first time in his life, he’d found someone whose voice he actually missed. He missed snuggling with her in bed and watching her cook. If she wanted to be a chef, then he would send her to a cooking school wherever she wanted or help her open her own place—whatever she needed to pursue her dreams. He wanted a life with her and he wanted to give her everything she’d ever wished for. He wanted to share his success with her and he wanted her to be there whenever he came home tired and beat after a tough game or a long road trip, giving him something to look forward to. It seemed ridiculous now that committing to someone would have sent him running for the hills before when it felt so right now. He finally understood why the Kool-Aid tasted so good.

“Hey, Smutty.”

A soft, timid voice interrupted his thoughts. He turned and saw two girls standing on the other side of the railing in the stands. They were young, most likely in their early twenties, and were dressed for a night at the nearest nightclub, not a night with the family at a Sledgehammer baseball game. The blonde had stepped forward with a bright, sultry smile.

“Hi, how are you guys?” he asked simply, giving them an impersonal grin, trying to always be nice to his fans...even those who were obviously after only one thing.

“We’re really good. Are you pitching tonight?”

He shook his head. “Nah, not tonight. I pitch on Thursday.”

She pouted her full red lips. “Oh, bummer. I was hoping to see you in action.”

Jerry caught the double entendre but chose to ignore it. “Sorry to disappoint, but tonight’s not my night.”

“And how about afterward?” she asked as she stepped closer to him, placing a hand on his arm and giving him a knowing look.

Jerry gave a huff of laughter at her boldness as he glanced down where she touched him. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Come on, Smutty. It’ll be fun.”

“I’m sure it would be and I appreciate the offer,” he said. “But I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.”

Jerry glanced over the blonde’s shoulder and felt his heart kick up a notch. Karen was standing a few rows behind them, watching the scene taking place in front of her.

Convinced he was seeing things, Jerry stepped to the side and blinked. When she folded her arms across her chest and raised her brow at him, he knew it was really her. He broke out into a genuine smile, very happy and surprised to see her, but then noticed that she didn’t look too pleased as she made her way down to the field. From her vantage point, all she could see was him smiling with the girl’s hand on his arm. He could imagine that it probably hadn’t looked good and, of course, she was going to jump to conclusions.

Jerry watched her stalk down the steps with her sister trailing slowly behind her. Shannon caught his eye, giving him a little wave, which he returned. The two girls he’d been talking to took a step back when Karen stopped right in front of them, eyeing them with obvious distaste.

Karen looked them up and down before shaking her head and turning her cold, piercing stare on him. “Didn’t take you long, I see.”

He gave a forced chuckle, irritated by her assumptions, as he shook his head. “I know I’m supposed to come up with some smooth excuse or deny in earnest that nothing was going on, but it doesn’t matter. You won’t believe anything I say.”

“So, you’re not going to even try? Not going to say anything?”

“What difference would it make? Look at you.” He waved his hands at her crossed arms and deep scowl marking her face. “You’ve already made up your mind, it doesn’t matter what I try to say otherwise.”

Karen turned to the girls, who were listening to their conversation with rapt interest. “Get out of here, training bras.”

They reeled back at her tone, but then quickly scuttled up the stairs, faces blazing, ignoring Jerry and Shannon’s laughter.

“What are you doing here, Karen?” he asked finally.

Karen snickered as she looked at Shannon over her shoulder. “I told you it would be something like that.”

Shannon shook her head and glanced quickly at him before narrowing her eyes at her sister. “Karen...”

“No, no. This is how it is, Shannon. This is reality. You should see that and realize that this is how it always is and you can kiss all your romantic notions goodbye.”

“What the hell do you want me to say, Karen?” Jerry hissed, noticing that some of the fans in the stands were starting to take notice of them. One of the security guards in the dugouts had overheard and started to move toward them, but stopped when Jerry held out his hand.

“Oh, I don’t know. Something like ‘Wow, this is a surprise. It’s nice to see you’ would be nice.”

“It
is
nice to see you and this is a nice surprise, but you kind of killed it when you came storming down here with a bee up your ass.”

“Me?” she exclaimed as she pounded her chest. “I’m not the one who rushed out and tried to find the next whore to lay as soon as I hung up the phone!”

“I wasn’t...” he started, but broke off and tugged on his hat, trying not to blow up and cause a scene. He turned around and grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to him. He kept his voice low, not wanting everyone to overhear them. “I can’t talk about this now, but they were hitting on me, and if you would have been standing closer, you would have heard me tell them no thanks.”

“Really looked like that since she had her hands all over you. You looked really bothered by that, I could tell by your big ‘I know I’m so awesome’ smile.”

He shook her. “Stop it, Karen. Stop fighting with me on this.” When he had her attention, he gentled his hold on her. “Why did you come down here?”

Some of the anger fell from her expression, replaced by trepidation. “Why do you think?”

“I want to hear you say it.”

Karen swallowed as if it pained her to admit the truth. “I wanted to...talk to you.”

“And?”

He saw her eyes warm marginally, could see that she wanted to give in, before they hardened and iced over, and he knew her self-preservation was now in control.

“And I found you flirting with two girls. What the hell do you want me to say?”

“Would you get off of that?” Jerry said tightly. “I don’t want them. I don’t want anybody else. I thought I made it clear the other day that you’re the only one I want.” He stopped and swallowed deeply, preparing to say the words that he always fought so hard against, hoping it would crack her armor. “I love you.”

He watched her blanch as absolute terror filled her face and her eyes widened with fear. She shook her head quickly. “You can’t...”

“Karen, don’t...” he started, sensing her retreat.

Before he could say anything more, she went into flight mode, wrenching herself out of his grasp and leaving him feeling as if she’d ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it. Bitter disappointment washed through him and he was again left not knowing what the hell to do.

“Let’s go,” Karen said to her sister as she passed, not waiting to see if she followed as she rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Shannon sighed and looked at him. “I’m sorry.”

Jerry shrugged easily, hoping it wasn’t obvious how much it hurt. “Don’t worry about it, Shannon. We’re the only ones to blame for making the stupid arrangement in the first place. It had nowhere to end up but here.”