The Ace (18 page)

“Look, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have taken off yesterday—” Jerry started, but stopped when Coach Brooklyn waved his hand, cutting him off.

“Let’s not worry about that right now.” Coach Brooklyn took a deep breath and cleared his throat before he sat back in his chair and looked levelly at Jerry. “What’s going on?”

“I’m good, Skip,” he said, trying to sound as positive as he could, even though he knew it wasn’t true.

“Well, I hear you say that and I’ve heard you say that, but I’m not seeing it.”

“I know, I know, but trust me, I’m good now. Last night was just a fluke.”

The coach raised a fluffy white eyebrow at him. “A fluke?”

“It won’t happen again.”

Coach Smith shifted in his seat next to Jerry and cleared his throat. “Jerry, you and I have been going over your films and trying to tweak things here and there, but for the most part, I’ve been trying to stay out of your way and let you work it out. I don’t think we can do that anymore. We need to do something more aggressive here, but before we can decide what that is, we have to know what’s going on. Is there something personal that could be affecting your game, Jerry?”

He paused, but then shook his head. “No. Nothing’s going on.”

The coaches looked at each other before Coach Brooklyn sat up and leaned his elbows on his desk. “Well, we need you back to your old form. I don’t need all the nitty-gritty details of your personal life, I’m your coach not your shrink, but when it starts to affect your game, that’s when I do need to get involved. You’re the Ace of this squad, Jerry, but you’re not performing like it. I think you need to get away for a while. Get out of the spotlight, take a break from the media and all the talk about your contract. Just get back to the basics.”

Jerry felt his brows crease in confusion. “Get away?”

“We’re sending you down to Dayton. You’ll work through whatever’s going on down there and get your form back. I think Coach Adams will be a real asset to you since he went through something similar in his own career. Once he says you’re good, we’ll bring you back up.”

“Down to Dayton?” Jerry repeated in disbelief. They were sending him down to AAA? Him? The Ace? The reality of it finally clicked and he shook his head.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. I don’t need to go down there. I’m good, I’m telling you, I can fix it up here. I don’t need them screwing with me, especially Adams. No offense, but I’m not him.”

“Now, you know it’s difficult trying to make adjustments during actual games. It’d be better if you just took a step back to recharge your battery.”

“Better?” Jerry asked. “Better for who? It’s like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“Oh, come on! Don’t give me that bullshit,” his coach said. “That’s not it, and you know it. You’re the reason the majority of the fans show up and fill this place. You know that, I know that...we all know that.”

“Then, I don’t get this. Let me fix it here. I’m telling you—”

“This isn’t up for discussion,” Coach Brooklyn interrupted, his voice rising sharply. “I know you feel like this is a demotion or something—”

“It is a demotion!” Jerry shouted, anger tinting his words. He got to his feet, unable to sit in the confining chair anymore. “This is un-fucking-believable.”

“Jerry,” Coach Brooklyn continued, trying to calm down his best player, the nucleus of his team. “We all know what an outstanding pitcher you are. That hasn’t changed and it isn’t going to change. You are and will continue to be the heart of our pitching staff. There’s just something not right at the moment and we want to help you work it out. I really think Dayton will help you with that. I have no doubt you’ll be back in no time. We can even say you have an injury if you want, spin it that way for the press.”

Jerry took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes as he hung his head. It seemed his worst nightmare was coming true and he couldn’t stop it. All at once, the rage and frustration he’d been holding at bay broke past the floodgates and he was seething.

“Nice fucking way to treat your ‘heart.’ I’m sorry I’m such an embarrassment,” he grumbled as he wrenched open the door, letting it crash against the wall. “Spin it however you fucking want.”

Chapter Eighteen

Karen sat at her desk with her head in her hands and her eyes closed. She was tired and so thoroughly confused that it hurt. She hadn’t slept, tossing and turning into the wee hours of the morning, as her mind replayed over and over the blowup with Jerry the night before, trying to figure out where she’d gone wrong. Because as much as she wanted to believe he was the one to blame, that he was the jerk in all of this, she knew that wasn’t the truth. He’d reached out to her and she’d freaked. She’d acted petty and childish, she knew that, but at the bottom of it all, she’d panicked. Even though she wanted everything to be simple and straightforward, it wasn’t, and perhaps it never had been.

From the get-go, she and Jerry had agreed that they were not entering into a relationship, that whatever was between them was just sex and fun. Nothing more, nothing less. That didn’t mean that they couldn’t be friends despite the lack of strings. He’d reached out to her in need, during a time of tremendous hardship, and she’d frozen, unable to offer any consoling words or support.

Even now, as Karen thought it through, she wasn’t sure why she’d freaked. She definitely could have sat and listened to Jerry, offered him a sympathetic ear and encouraging words, but she hadn’t even been able to do that. She was so caught up in maintaining a safe distance from him and her emotions, she was afraid if she lent a listening ear, they were somehow crossing over the point of certain heartbreak she’d invented.

She was pathetic, not to mention a bitch and a pitiful wimp. It was so obvious what was happening between them and both of them were losers for trying to fight against it. Truth of the matter was, Jerry was the best thing that had ever happened to her and she was doing all she could to ruin it just because she was scared. She would end up regretting everything if she didn’t try to fix things. This was an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity—she wasn’t ever going to meet someone like him again—and, before it all slipped through her fingers, she had to do something. She had to get past her fears and move on, just like Maddie and Shannon had been saying all along.

She really hated when they were right.

Jerry wasn’t her dad and he definitely wasn’t Brian. He could hurt her, but wouldn’t she rather take that risk than completely miss out on something wonderful? They got along great, connected on all levels, and yet she continued to peek out from behind her wall, sure that he was suddenly going to pull off his mask and expose his true, evil self. She knew without a doubt, no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, that side didn’t exist. The fact that she could never walk away from him when she knew she needed to should have been the writing on the wall. And it wasn’t because he was Jerry Smutton the ballplayer, whom she’d admired for so long. No, it was because he was Jerry Smutton the man, who was sweet, caring, fun and passionate.

Karen sighed. The problem now was he probably didn’t want to see her, let alone talk to her. He’d reached out to her, asked for her help and she’d told him where to shove it.

She shook her head. Man, she had problems with her attitude, but she could fix it and she would. She wanted Jerry in her life and was willing to work on her issues in order to make it happen. Now all she had to do was figure out a way to convince him that he really did want something more as well despite his claims otherwise.

She knew that Jerry constantly told her he didn’t want a relationship, but his actions definitely spoke louder than his words. He pretty much spent all of his time with her when he was in town. She never heard of him going out with other girls. Not to mention the offer to assist her any way he could to get her cooking again. What guy in a “casual” relationship would do that? None that she knew of. Nobody said things like that to someone whom they didn’t feel something for.

Karen closed her eyes and thought about how she could go about getting him to see the big picture, and make him stop being an idiot like her. An apology was needed first, that was obvious, and she was going to have to come up with a good grovel. Where to start, however, was the question.

Her cell phone rang, interrupting her strategizing. She sat up, hopeful that maybe it wasn’t going to be as hard as she thought, but when she saw Maddie’s number on the display, she sighed. Of course, this wasn’t going to be that easy.

“Hey, girl,” Karen said without much enthusiasm. “What’s shakin’?”

“You’ve got to get to Jerry’s like five minutes ago.”

She recognized her friend’s serious tone and immediately became concerned. She stood up, frantically patting the piles of papers on her desk searching for her keys. “Why? What’s going on?”

“Chase just called me. They’re sending him down to the minors.”

“What?” Karen finally found them under the last stack of papers she checked and raced out of the office, ignoring the curious glances of her coworkers. “Why are they doing that?”

“After the game last night, they think he needs to get out of here to work some stuff out.”

She could only imagine how Jerry was feeling. “Oh, Jesus. This has to be killing him.”

“Yeah, Chase said he was pretty worked up about it. You’ve got to get over there, Karen.”

Habit had her almost asking why Maddie was calling her, but she was tired of keeping up the facade and bit it back. She threw her purse in the car and jumped in. “I’m on it.”

Karen raced toward his place, thankful it wasn’t that far from the office. She parked behind his truck, which was sitting in front of his condo with the tailgate left open. Jerry was nowhere to be seen, so she climbed out and raced up the walkway where the door stood open. She didn’t bother knocking and walked right in, pausing to see if she could hear where he was before some shuffling sounds came from the second level.

Racing up the stairs and down the hallway, Karen found him in the master bedroom. His back was to her while he threw clothes from the dresser into a big black duffel bag without bothering to fold them.

“Jerry,” she said quietly.

He spun around and she gasped at the wild look on his face. His hair was standing up like he’d been tearing his fingers through it and his eyes were black and blazing. He hadn’t shaved, which only made him appear more dark and dangerous.

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a low voice, rough with controlled fury.

Karen took a tentative step toward him and stopped. “I came as soon as I heard.” When he continued to stare at her, she took another hesitant step. “Maddie called me.”

He studied her for another beat before turning back to his suitcase. “Well, you can go.”

She walked over to his bag and started to fold the clothes he’d carelessly tossed in. “Let me help.”

Jerry grabbed the shirt out of her hand and threw it back in the suitcase. “Leave it.”

She reached for another one. “I want to—”

“Just leave it!” he yelled.

Karen dropped the shirt and tried to swallow down the lump growing in her throat, telling herself that his anger wasn’t personal even though she was partially to blame. “I want to do something, Jerry. Let me help you.”

He stepped up and glared down at her. “Unless you came over here to give me a farewell fuck, there isn’t anything for you to do.”

She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself before trusting herself to look at him again. She would not react to his prodding. He was being purposely hurtful and she knew it. “I understand you’re hurt and you’re angry. I want to help you. Talk to me.”

“Talk to you?” he repeated with a disbelieving huff. “Oh,
now
you want to talk? Seriously, fuck off, Karen.”

“I screwed up last night. I know that. I’m sorry.”

Jerry turned away from her and went back to his packing. “You’re sorry. Yeah, sure, whatever.”

Karen stepped over to him and gently touched his arm. “Please, Jerry. Talk to me. Tell me what happened. How can we fix this?”

“How can
we
fix this?” he shouted, as he spun and shoved her hand away. “There’s nothing you can do to fix this, Karen. Nothing! You’re not a pitcher, you’re not in baseball and you’re not even my friend, remember? You don’t know shit. There’s nothing you, a little real estate agent, can do to help me. Do you hear me? Nothing!”

His words stung more than she thought she could bear, but she had to keep trying. “I understand you’re mad...”

“I’m not mad, I’m pissed and I’m embarrassed and I’m frustrated and I’m...” He broke off as he paced around and ran his fingers roughly through his hair. Jerry stopped and exhaled deeply, letting his arms fall back to his sides as he deflated. “My career, my livelihood, is falling apart and I have no fucking idea why. So, look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but I don’t want it, okay?”

Karen threw her hands up in frustration. “I can’t keep up with you! Last night you wanted a friend and now I’m here, giving you that, and you’re telling me that you don’t want it. It can’t always be on your terms, Jerry.”

“My terms?” he asked, his voice rising. “None of this is on my terms.”

“
All
of it has been on your terms.”

“Well, I didn’t hear you complaining about it.”

“I’m not complaining.” She stopped, steeling for patience. “I’m trying to help. Let me help you.”

He sat down heavily, the end of the bed creaking under his weight. “I don’t understand why you’re so willing today when last night you acted like I’d asked you to...I don’t know, but you were put out.”

“I was an idiot last night, I’ve already explained that.”

“So, what? Now you’re trying to make up for it?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Karen said as the pink in her cheeks darkening slightly.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because...” She swallowed hard under his intense gaze. “Because I care,” she managed to stammer out.

“You
care
?” he repeated with a dark chuckle.

Her spine instantly stiffened. “I don’t see what’s so funny.”

“No,” Jerry said as he stood up tiredly and shook his head. “You’re right, it isn’t funny. Look, I don’t know what this is,” he said as he pointed between the two of them, “but I don’t want it and I can’t do this now, so just leave.”

She stood silently, biting her tongue so she wouldn’t cry. Karen refused to let him see how much his words hurt, denying him the sick pleasure of seeing her tears. She’d decided to take a risk and put herself out there, apologize and try to make things right between them, but he was making it perfectly clear he didn’t want it. She’d been a fool to think that she could have anything different with him. As much as it pained her, she needed to move on.

She straightened her shoulders. “Fine. I thought I could help but apparently, I was wrong. I’m sorry for getting in your way.” Karen walked over to the door and stopped, looking back at him, even though he faced away from her. “Good luck with everything.”

She rushed down the stairs and out of the house as the tears started to fall. She had to get away from him and away from the situation as quickly as she could. Karen jumped into her car and sped off, not caring in which direction, just needing to escape, blinded by her tears. Once she’d put some distance behind her, she pulled over and let herself fall to pieces.

She couldn’t believe that she’d actually thought she could have helped him, that she could have changed the dynamics between them and that he wanted her to. She was only glad that she realized this before she’d made a fool of herself.

When she felt she had some control, she slowly pulled back out onto the road and headed home.

* * *

“And so, I left. He didn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t want any help, so I just left.”

Karen sat on the back patio at Maddie’s the next day, telling an edited version of what had transpired at Jerry’s. Chase and Maddie sat across from her, listening, and Maddie shook her head.

“I can’t believe they sent him down,” she said.

“Well, they obviously felt he needed to work on something.” Karen took a small sip from her glass of wine, playing for detachment. She noticed that Chase had yet to say anything and was eyeing her suspiciously, but she ignored it.

“What do you think is going on with him, honey?” Maddie asked him and when he didn’t respond, she tapped his shoulder to get his attention. “Chase?”

“Hmm? Sorry, what did you say?”

Maddie frowned at him. “What are you thinking about?”

He looked back at Karen. “I was just wondering what really went down.”

Karen met his gaze, but remained quiet, not certain what he was getting at.

“Why do you say that?” Maddie asked as she glanced between them. “Karen?”

“Yeah, Chase. Why do you say that? Do you not believe me?”

“How did the window get broken?” Chase asked.

Karen sat up straighter, perplexed. “What? What window?”

“The window in the bedroom upstairs. I went over to see if there was anything I could help with, but he was already gone. His room is a disaster and the window’s blown out.”

Karen sighed and closed her eyes. “That must have happened after I left.”

“What really happened when you were there, Karen?” Maddie asked.

“Okay, fine.” She let her shoulders sag, tired of all of the lies and the games. “I know this is going to come as a big surprise to both of you, but there was something going on between us.”

“No, really?” Maddie said sardonically.

“Ha-ha,” she said. “Anyways, it’s not like we were in a relationship or anything like that, it was just a...an understanding, if you will.”

“You were sex buddies,” Maddie added helpfully.

Karen grimaced. “If you want to put it that way, okay. We were fine with that, but then things just got messy like they always do. He came to me after his horrible game for help and I freaked. I didn’t know how to react because this wasn’t part of our arrangement. Well, that pissed him off, rightfully so, and when I tried to go over there and fix things yesterday, he basically tossed me out. End of story...well, my part of the story at least. I don’t know about the window.”

“Do you want something more with him?”

“Stop it, Maddie, please. We’ve been through this before—”