The Awakening (6 page)

Aurora arrived amid a blaze of publicity and sycophantic superlatives. Carmen’s book was warmly received and she spoke with wit and intelligence, charming all present. She read excerpts from her diary before handing over to Katie Cooper to talk about their collaborative process. It was clear to all present that she had made the transition from sports star to business woman and with her engagement to Andrew Adams only recently announced the assembled masses were sure they were witnessing the birth of major new force in American life. She was smart, stylish and had captured one of America’s finest young men. Yet she was one of the masses, from the country, good solid farm stock, only thrown into the spotlight because of the sudden death of her beloved father: sport the only way to heal her heart and cope with the world. Publicly she didn’t dwell on the past, it was enough for people to know snippets: she was happy with the role of a model of determination, success from effort and ability, nothing else. No hand outs or up. Just skill and determination. Victor beamed at her from the back of the room and AA gathered her into his arms as she stepped from the podium to rapturous applause. “You were just fabulous, Babe.” He kissed her warmly and found her a glass of champagne. “You can relax now. The rest of the evening is just smiling and being polite, making connections and you do that so well.”

Victor did not speak to her until late. She was sitting alone watching the lights of the Manhattan skyline. Andrew was twirling some socialite around the almost empty dance floor. Carmen was tired but elated. She hadn’t known what to expect from this evening. She’d been worried and nervous but certain she could pull off her part. After all she’d spent a great deal of the last twelve years in the public eye. Talking to a room full of strangers was a lot easier at twenty-six than at fourteen. Yes, she’d been fourteen at her first press conference. Was it really that long ago? Sometimes she felt as old as the earth, older if that was possible. She seemed to have had a lot of life all ready. Well, she smiled to herself, that was why they’d just launched a book about her.

Victor caught the smile, saw the far away look. Knew where she was. “You did well, my love,” he said quietly, kissing her hair.

“Thank you, Victor.” She looked up at him. “I wondered if you were ever going to talk to me.”

“Ah, on nights like this I must speak to everyone here. All these important people who keep Great Blizzard going. I must be pleasant and charming and remind people why they want to buy our products and support our endeavours. Your efforts tonight have helped a great deal, Carmen. Probably better than I had anticipated.”

“You had doubts, Victor?”

He shook his head. “No.”

She looked at him.

He shrugged. “I know this is not why you are here. Your destiny is not to be a great editor, or publisher. You will be very good. But it’s not your purpose.” He looked directly at her.

“I wish you wouldn’t say those things, Victor. This knowing me stuff and my destiny. All these mysteries. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. And the date on the pendant? What was that about?”

“It’s your birthday. I thought you knew.”

“Of course, I know. But how do you? How do you know these things about me, Victor?”

“You haven’t found me yet, have you?” he said quietly. “Otherwise things would be starting to make sense.”

Carmen turned back to the window. “Sometimes I wish I hadn’t met you, Victor. My life was under control until a month ago when I walked into your office and you held my hand. Nothing’s been the same since. Nothing. Before that morning I was certain about Andrew, about my career, my future, but seeing you every day just unsettles me more and more. Some times I can’t wait to see you. Some days I want you to go back from where you came and leave me be.”

He turned her to face him. “Good. Then it’s beginning. You are feeling things, sensing things. It is my destiny to help you find yours. That is why we have met. You are my higher purpose, Carmen. I have no choice but to take your hand.”

“You just frighten me, Victor.”

“Come with me. Let’s dance together. You can feel the truth in my heart as I have felt the truth in yours.”

Carmen sighed. She should be dancing with Andrew, not letting Victor sweep her along with his enigmatic way of speaking. “Why aren’t you with a woman, Victor?” She asked, her curiosity finally too much.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he smiled, a sadness there in his eyes.

“There’s a lot to you, isn’t there?” she said as they stepped onto the dance floor.

“As there is to you, Carmen.” He held her close. “Trust me, Carmen. I will never hurt you. I can only protect you.”

She should have been dancing with Andrew. He should have been dancing with her, not gripping the ass of that girl as tightly as he was. She felt a stab of jealousy – strong and hot right between her thighs.

“He’s not the one for you,” Victor said feeling her pain. “He will hurt you. As he is now.”

“I am going to marry him, Victor. He has so much to offer someone like me.” Carmen looked away from the other woman’s face. Clearly she seemed to think she was something special to AA.

“That’s Lisa, one of his exes,” Victor informed her. “She’s the one before you. She thought she was getting the ring. She thinks that pink rock of yours should be hers. Look at his face, Carmen. He’s not thinking of you.”

Carmen stood still. “Why are you doing this, Victor?”

“I’m not doing anything, Come on, dance with me. Relax. Don’t think about anything other than dancing with me. Look as if you’re enjoying it. You know how much that will upset Andrew.”

She laughed and moved into Victor’s arms. “You don’t actually like him, do you?”

“Truthfully?” Victor paused, considering Andrew thoughtfully. “No, probably not. He’s very good at what he does. He has an excellent pedigree – yes, that sounds awful. But he is terribly well connected and sometimes I need those connections for my greater purposes. He’s very sure of himself, as a young man heading into his prime should be. He’s ruthless and we need that at Great Blizzard. So, he has his charms, his purpose. But I don’t trust him.”

“And I shouldn’t either.”

“I don’t care about that. You simply can’t marry him. Or, if you do, you can’t have children. Everything will be lost if you go down that path.”

Carmen felt that wave of confusion overwhelm her again. Just as she was getting the measure of Victor he was off somewhere else: somewhere quite bizarre and disturbing. It was a shame as she was enjoying the dance. She could wear her gold Manolo Blahniks and her head could rest comfortably in the crook of his neck. She liked that and the way he held her. He seemed so strong, so big and safe. Yet he was a slender man, no fat or flab there. She liked the way her hands felt so small and safe in his as they danced. She wanted him to hold her closer, to stop talking, to just dance and be with her.

“Shut up, Victor. You talk too much.”

He pulled her close to him as the music slowed, inhaled her essence and kissed her golden hair.

Andrew saw the cloud of intimacy swathe his boss and his fiancé. Jealousy moved within him and he tightened his grip on his ex-girlfriend. She winced, but he ignored her. How could Carmen want to dance with someone old enough to be her father? How could she let him hold her like that, like Andrew did? Like Andrew was holding Lisa, thinking about how it would be to undress her and fuck her as she moaned and called out his name, just like they used to do, only a few short months ago. He snorted quietly to himself as they moved around the dance floor. Carmen was meant to be watching him with Lisa, feel uneasy and uncertain, and give up this refusal to even discuss moving in together. He wanted her see him with Lisa, let Carmen realise he could easily be with Lisa again. But Andrew was the one feeling stupid. Once more he was powerless, caught dancing with this ex-girlfriend, showing off. Yes, trying too hard to make Carmen jealous, when he really should have been dancing with her. He’d only left her alone for five minutes all evening in between his professional responsibilities. Victor hadn’t even been close. Now he was holding Carmen like
he
was engaged to her, like
he
was taking her home tonight. God, Andrew hated Victor, how the man managed to wrong foot him again and again.

Carmen felt calm. She felt a sort of peace and happiness take hold of her. She’d felt like this before. She reached back, searching for the time. For the moment. She knew this man, this embrace. She had been here before. She looked at Victor, the blueness of his eyes, the strength of that jaw line, the shaggy fringe across his eyes. He was a handsome man but she didn’t know the face from before. Her face told of her puzzlement, her search to find Victor in her memory.

“Close your eyes, Carmen,” he crooned. “Fall into me. I will keep you safe.”

She knew his voice, knew the timbre of it, recognised the cadence in his words. She was nearly there. She was nearly home, a place she had left so many years ago. She could feel the warmth, the special place growing in her heart. She was in the cave. She was in his arms. She was in the great bear’s arms. She looked up into Victor’s eyes. He was holding her up, taking her to safety. She knew him. He was her ice bear.

Carmen’s eyes flew open. He knew her dream.

“You are the bear,” she gasped.

“I am the Great Bear. Shape shifter. I am your protector, little Ursula. I know all there is to know about you.”

Carmen fought for breath. “This is fantastical, Victor. You must know how mad this sounds.”

He nodded. “Yes. You still need time. You mustn’t think. Just be.” They remained wordless, locked in a silent embrace, seeing into the heart and soul of each other. Victor knew her as he knew no other. She was his reason for being and she was back in his arms once more. He would not fail this time. This time there would be no forgiveness, no second chances. His heart was full of a deep and silent love that Carmen was not yet ready for. The time was coming but it was not yet. Victor knew he had to be patient. Simply too much rested on his getting things right this time. He needed to guide her gently, help her find the way herself. He would take her home, once she was ready to go. The connection had been made. She was receptive and warm to him. She knew him and she would come to love him too, in her own time, of her own free will. This human man would not stand in their way for long. Victor and Carmen danced until the band stopped playing and the lights were dimmed. Only Andrew remained, watching dejectedly at the edge of the dance floor.

Victor gestured to Andrew. “Take her home. She’s had a big night. She needs rest. She needs you, Andrew. Look after her.”

Victor kissed Carmen’s cheek. “We will talk soon. When you are ready.” He smiled and walked away. Satisfied. She had made her first breakthrough. Still, there were many to go before his task was done. Carmen smiled at the man, but saw the heart of the bear. “Good night, Victor.”

Victor walked out into the night. Tall, bursting with strength and life. He looked to the stars, where he believed Ursula had gone. He opened his mouth wide and roared. Like the great bear. Victor felt the change in him, felt those old familiar stirrings within his very being and allowed it to take him. Carmen’s presence had given him life again. He could recharge, remain who he was. Shuffle off this sad old man who had no place in a man’s skin, let alone a white bear’s. Victor stretched, padded out on all fours, made the city his again as he strode the night streets to his home, invisible to all but the most spiritual of beings. He was safe in the night, exulted in his old shape – his true shape. Heart and mind of a man, body and strength of the bear. The most impressive bear on the planet – the polar bear, king of the great ice.

Carmen awoke to the tantalising smell of bacon and eggs, over laid with percolating coffee. She stretched, yawned and as she opened her eyes she realised she wasn’t at home. The way the sun poured into the building she knew she was at Andrew’s. His efforts in the kitchen made her smile. Victor was so wrong about him. Ah, Victor. Her smile evaporated. She didn’t want to think about him or what he’d said last night. He’d had too much to drink. He was raving. Yes, overcome by the success of the evening. She was sure he’d be just fine when she saw him again on Monday at work, back to normal. No more silly conversations about shape-shifters and polar bears.

The memory of Andrew dancing with that woman was suddenly sharp and painful. He had been touching her in far too intimate a manner. She’d have sworn, if she hadn’t known him, that he was a man intent on bedding the woman. She had seen how he moved his hands over the other woman’s ass, pulling her into him, how he had whispered into her ear, seemed to kiss her throat. Even this morning, in AA’s bed, she felt nasty stabs of jealousy. Little pricks of heat in her groin, a catching in her breath. Would he have really slept with that woman had Victor not asked AA to take her home? Was he seeing anyone else? Suddenly she felt all at odds with herself. She’d been so overwhelmed by Victor’s bizarre revelation to think too deeply about Andrew’s potential betrayal but here, in the cold light of day, she was confronted with his blatant desire for another woman. Shit, they’d only been engaged a month. What happened when they’d been married for years, with three children and she was fat and tired all the time? What happened then?

She looked around the room, searching for signs of female occupation. She was never here, so anything was possible on those nights Andrew wasn’t with her. She peered in his closet, rifled through his drawers and bathroom cabinet but there was nothing. Not even a handkerchief or spare toothbrush, let alone lingerie or some forgotten personal effect. And Andrew
was
at her place most nights. He was at home only one or two nights. And now they worked together. How much more committed could he be? She was sure Victor was wrong. What did he know about passion and love? She was being silly. She was being a teenager, some hysterical, jealous sixteen year old. She sighed with relief and threw herself back on the bed, inhaling the wonderful smells coming through the half open door from AA’s granite and steel kitchen. Now, they had the weekend before them and she was going to do exactly what Andrew wanted. Spend a casual weekend in his company, being in love, being together. No stupid thoughts about Victor or potential rivals. She was here, in Andrew’s bed. They’d spent the night together, what greater affirmation of her place in his life did she need?