The Bitter End (10 page)

“Come on baby,” h
e said as he pulled me along with him and I glanced back at the last vision I would have of her.

We sat in the coffee shop and I fingered at my drink and kept opening up my mouth and then closing it as nothing I could say would have any meaning at all. I find myself at a loss for words and Holland was the last person on earth I thought I would be seeing in a bed like that from an overdose of some stupid shit she bought at a party. I looked up when Ryan placed his hand on mine and I smiled at him.

“Death is a part of life Beth.”

I laughed. “I know Ryan. My m
other died.”

“I know, but Holland was your friend.”

I stared at him and then sat back, pulling my coffee with me and taking a drink of it.

“Heroin,
” I said as I sat there and shook my head.

“Dragon,” h
e said and I looked up at him.

“Holland never did narcotics like that, not with me.”

“People are not always what they appear to be, Beth. She was probably embarrassed and not able to tell you about it. I mean that is a serious drug habit.”

“Exactly, I mean it was serious and Holland told me everything.”

Ryan smiled and looked around the room and I leaned up towards him.

“What?”

“You, Beth. You always think you know it all when sometimes you just know what you want to see and shit.”

I shook my head at him as he leaned up too.

“Your friend was a fucking junky. I have known people like her. I have lived in an ivory tower my whole life.”

I placed my hand on his as he looked down.

“Ryan. I am just shocked I didn’t know. I mean I have known Holland my whole life. I just thought I knew everything about her.”

He stood up and held his hand out to me and I stared at him for a moment. He moved his fingers and I took his hand as he pulled me up and we walked out of the coffee shop onto the sidewalk. He waved at the
driver and the car pulled up as Ryan pulled me along with him. I got in wondering what he was up to but too curious to protest it. We drove a few blocks and the driver stopped as Ryan opened his door up and stepped out, once again reaching in to me and I took his hand and he pulled me out. I stood there and covered my mouth a bit as the smell hit me first. He started to walk with me, pulling me along more than me walking on my own, and then he stopped as he looked up at a building that looked as if it needed to be torn down. I pulled on him as he started to walk up the steps with me and turned and stared at me.

“Beth, come with me,” h
e said and I took my hand from my mouth as we entered the building and it smelled like bags of trash sitting in the sun. I wrinkled my nose as he walked us to the elevator that looked rusted with a large gate you had to pull down. We stepped in and I stayed clear of the walls which looked dirty and it disgusted me. We rose a few floors until finally the elevator jerked to a stop and he pushed the gate up and stepped out, once again reaching back for me and I had no choice but to go with him as I would not be here alone in this filth.

He walked with me down the hallway as I heard a baby crying and then gunfire somewhere off in the distance but close enough to disturb me. We walked by a cracked door as I looked to my right and saw a girl giving a man head and he held her messy hair with one dirty hand. She looked like a teenager and then I hurried along as Ryan continued on until he stopped at a door with old police tape on it. He ducked and
pushed the half open door and I followed him in as the smell was terrible, even worse than it had been in the hallway. He walked to the wall and stopped, placing a hand on it and then stepping aside so I could see it and there it was a dark stain, about the size of a dog on the wall towards the bottom of it. I leaned down and he touched my back and spoke to me.

“When I was little we lived here. This was the only home I ever knew. M
y father was a drug addict, my mother…well, you know she cleaned toilets or so you said. She actually did that and much more. We would come to houses like yours during the day and then she worked at an all night diner and I would go there too. My dad was always high or fucking someone here for drugs. He sucked a lot of dick I am sure. I never saw him doing that, I mean I caught him fucking women many times and my mother just allowed it to go on. I always hated her for that. I mean as I got older because he wasn’t kind at all. In fact he was a fucking dick with a belt and he loved to beat you with the buckle, not the leather. The buckle itself so it would bruise and you would bleed. Well, when I was nine my mother was in a hurry and I was in bed. I refused to get up and she begged me to but the minutes dragged on and she had to get to work…to your house. Your father was an asshole about punctuality but anyway she was in a hurry and she left me here with him.” He paused and I stared at him as I had never seen him look this way in his life. Something was so raw about him it pulled at my heart and I could feel him. He took a breath and looked at me.

“I felt him pull my hair, and I felt the buckle against my skin. It wasn’t until I was choking that I realized
he was making me suck his dick,” he added and I sucked in my breath and tried to touch him. He moved away from me.

“
I don’t remember pulling the trigger, but I do remember lying and telling the police that it was someone who he owed money to.”

“Ryan,
” I said in a whisper as he stared at the stain on the wall.

“So you see Beth, you don’t know everything about people. You never do unless they want you to know.”

With that he walked out of the apartment and I stood there as tears streamed down my face. I stared at the stain on the wall and realized for the first time in my life that I did not know shit and I didn’t know if I ever would.

I tried to sleep but of course I could not. Ryan haunted me, the way he spoke, the way he looked. I could remember him as a child, all skinny and stealing food from our kitchen. He was a mess and now that I know he was treated that way just tells me more than I ever wanted to know. He was right. You do not know people unless they want to fucking tell you everything and trust me, my family has plenty of fun skeletons in the closet too, but not holding a gun to someone’s face and pulling the trigger. That took true hatred, and for Ryan to say he did not remember bothered me. I mean he remembered everything but murdering his father and he lives with that daily. I thought I was fucked up…right.

I rolled over
and sighed as the thought of lying here was killing me. It was only 10 pm, I mean it is early and here I am trying to sleep on a Friday night. I sat up and hit my bed, then again and a few more times until I found myself screaming. Carson flipped on and started asking me if I need to have security help me. I had him off most days, especially when Ryan was here because makes me say all kinds of shit that would warrant a 911 call and resuscitation to be performed. I mean I passed out on occasion from belts on my neck and shit, anyway. I stood up and stared at the ceiling.

“Carson, I am fine.”

“Okay Miss Beth,” he said all proper and shit.

“You know what Carson? I am going to have you reprogrammed to cuss and s
hit, it is liberating. Say fuck,” I said and he said nothing back to me.

“Carson, I am ordering you to say Fuck.”

“I am not programmed for slang.”

“Just have some fun already…say fuck. I mean shit, you won’t ever be able to fuck so just say it.”

Again nothing and I dropped down on my bed and bounced a couple of times.

“Fuck this shit all to hell, I am going out.”

I scrolled through my phone and kept rubbing my neck until I landed on a name I had not seen in fucking forever. I smiled and leaned back, closing my eyes for a second and a flash of Ryan’s face went through my mind and I shook it off. Trust me I love Ryan, what I and the rest of family is not good at is accepting that we love or need anything hence the reason Ryan is not here. I told him to go home, that I needed to rest, I needed time to be alone after Holland and it was partially true. I needed time to let it soak in and for Ryan to dissipate a bit. It was all too serious, all too fast and it was overloading my senses just when my Father had given me my money back. Fucking Ryan was the one thing he had asked me to NOT do and I had gone against it and lied to Ryan. I need a fucking drink.

I looked back at my phone and started to type into it and then waited until I heard a small chime and smiled and I looked down and he had responded to me…
Ryker Veilo. I laughed too when he told me his name, I thought he was kidding but he is not. His dad is some big Fashion Designer from Greece and his mother is a high socialite or should I say psychopath here in New York. Ryker is my go to fuck buddy, I mean I don’t want to fuck but going out and acting like shit is normal would be fabulous, so I am going.

“S
eriously bitch?”

I
smiled and looked at his text then responded only as I could.

“Y
es bitch, I want to go out.”

“W
here the fuck have you been?”

“N
one of your fucking business.” I typed.

I waited for a few seconds and wondered if how we used to be was still true then my phone chimed.

“Fair enough.”

I sighed and smiled at the phone knowing I was going to go out and have what I considered a normal fucking night in my life after things had gotten way too serious.

*
***

I smiled, as the music was too loud to even yell and be heard. Ryker had met me here and on cue he went to the bar to get our favorite drinks, that of a concoction of black cherry rum, sprite and mint leaves. We called it the Jack Sparrow, after my favorite hottie pirate. He returned, dancing a bit as he moved past people and made his way back to the half-moon open booth we had claimed. He sat down and handed me my fifth drink as I grinned at him and swayed to the music. I placed the glass to my lips and sipped it, wincing a bit as this club always made the drinks strong as hell and I used to love it when drinking was the game. Not so sure I am still up to speed to race Ryker to see who gets fucked up more. He leaned over and yelled into my ear.

“Dance now.”

I nodded and set my drink down as he took a huge gulp and set his down on the black table with lights sparkling inside of it, spilling a little but pulling me along with him. We reached the dance floor and the song thumped in my ears and throughout my body as if it was made to hypnotize me and I needed that. I need to sweat and dance and be 21 again, be young…forever. I placed my hands above my head and swayed my hips until I felt Ryker close in behind me and before I knew it he was swaying too and rubbing his shit against my ass. I don’t so much mind, I mean we had been here before, many times actually when club prey did not work out and we found ourselves horny as shit and needing to get laid. We had been doing the club scene since we were 18 with fake IDs and even though I knew that people recognized me, I got away with it anyway as everyone knew who my Father is and gave me a pass to play. It was always me, Ryker, and Holland back then and then this weird shit happened and Ryker got a girlfriend and disappeared. I remember being shitty about it for a few days and then Holland and I just went on without him. But here he is now, behind me and looking older, bigger, and hotter than he even did before. Not so good when you can feel rum start to inch its way towards your pussy and making you hum.

I felt him place his hand on my stomach as my arms remained above my head and I turned as he pulled me to him and we moved back and forth to the music. He leaned in to kiss me and I turned my head to see Ryan standing off to the side like some fucking cop. He did not look happy at all to
see me and before I could think, “what the fuck is he doing here?” he walked up and grabbed my arm pulling me back from Ryker, who was less than happy about. Ryker grabbed my other arm and a small tug of war occurred until I yelled and jerked my arms form both of them and headed back to the booth to drink. Fuck this shit.

I sat down and Ryan stepped up with his hand up in the air and he was bitching
, but the music didn’t allow me to hear him at all, then Ryker stepped up and tried to pass him and Ryan decided that was not happening. I started to drink and when I say “drink” I mean I gulped it all down and stood up as they shoved each other for a minute and then I smashed the glass on the table and cracked it as they both stopped and looked at me. Ryker stepped up and touched my face as Ryan lunged at him and they both hit the booth behind me and rolled onto the floor as fists flew with men doing that man thing I have no interest in. Then one of them hit the table and it flew out a bit, hit the back of my legs and I fell, face first and busted my nose on the floor as I screamed and rolled over holding it. Security came and assisted me and broke their fight up and as they both saw me bleeding the look on their faces changed from hate to worry. I rolled my eyes and stormed away from them both, so sick of trying to forget and pissed for even thinking I could go out and just be me again.

I stepped out of the club and then Ryker went flying by me and hit the curb and Ryan was tossed on the other side of me. I rolled my eyes and looked down to see blood had dripped on my white dress and it
pissed me off, more for the sheer fact that I probably had a broken nose, which was ridiculous. I had never really broken anything, even though I fell all of time when I was growing up. Father called me blessed, which I still doubt but I really thought a broken nose would hurt more. I then pulled my compact and screamed as I was missing a tooth, a front one and I started to fall as Ryker caught me, and Ryan grabbed me too.