The Bitter End (11 page)

****

“Fuck!” I yelled as I smacked at the nurses hand and she scowled at me. I know I am acting like an asshole but I am drunk as hell and in the coming down stages of it now. The pain was starting to creep in and I hate pain as much as I hate Ryker and Ryan right now. So ridiculous.

“Bethany Bittermend,” t
he doctor said as he entered the room and I looked up at him.

“Just Beth,
” I said as the tissue fell out of my nostril that Ryan had so carefully shoved in on the cab ride here.

“Well
, Just Beth.” He laughed and I did not. He then cleared his throat.

“It is just a small fracture and the tooth can be replaced no problem.

“My tooth right, not some fake one.”

“Oh, you will never know the difference and it will not come out. I will superglue that thing right in there.”

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head at him.

“No.”

“I am just kidding,” he said as he made me lay back and turned the light on over us. He touched my nose and I hissed.

Ryan stepped up and studied me and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Brother?” the doctor said and Ryan laughed.

“No, boyfriend.”

“What?” Ryker said as he stepped up and I looked at Ryan and shook my head.

“We are not, I mean…we date,
” I said and Ryker rolled his eyes.

“Well thank you for telling me
, Beth.”

“Should I step out?” The doctor said and we all said ‘yes’ at the same time so he stood up and walked to the door.

“We can start in ten minutes, just pop it right up in there.” I stared at him and he left without saying another word which was probably best.

I looked at Ryan and raised my hands. “I said space, not follow me.”

Ryan shook his head at me and then looked at Ryker.

“You said space
, not go fuck other people.”

“Whoa, listen. There was no fucking, just a litt
le grinding of the ass and shit,” Ryker said and Ryan rubbed his eyes and looked at me in disbelief.

“Ryker is an old friend,
” I said and Ryan raised his eyebrows.

“
I have tons of old friends, Beth, I don’t grind on them at a club and shit.”

“He
was grinding me….for the record,” I said in my defense.

Ryan turned to Ryker.

“Ryker right? What is that some fighter pilot bullshit?”

“No,
” Ryker said as he stared him down.

“So where did you get a name like that?” Ryan asked him and I will not lie and say watching him act jealous was not a turn on. I sat up and shook my head.

“I texted him.”

Ryan looked at me as Ryker shook his head ‘yes’.

“This was a text booty call and shit?” Ryan said and Ryker laughed.

“No, just a fun night out and shit. Where
the fuck did this guy come from, Beth?” Ryker asked as Ryan faced him.

“Wanna find out and shit?”

“Whatever, fucking psycho,” Ryker said as he stared him down.

Ryan pushed him and the Doctor returned and they stopped.

“So, we are ready,” the Doctor said as he cleared his throat and waved towards the door. “You can both step outside...please,” he added and they both walked to the door looking as pissed off as any guys can be.

****

“So, how do you know Beth?” Ryan asked him as they sat down across from each other and a nurse started to walk by. Ryker paused and then leaned back, staring him down.

“I used to hang out with Beth and Holland…a lot.”

“Oh yeah?” Ryan asked and Ryker leaned up and stared him down.

“Yes, as friends.”

“Friends with benefits?” Ryan asked and Ryker shrugged his shoulders and leaned back again.

“Shit happens, late night, alcohol…you know. I mean shit man how many times have you had that.”

Ryan said nothing as Ryker sighed.

“Nothing happened tonight. It wasn’t going to happen.”

“Sure,” Ryan said and Ryker stood up.

“Listen, tell Beth I hope she feels better and to call me whenever.”

Ryan said nothing as Ryker walked away and he could hear me yelling in the room as they started to fix my nose. Ryker stopped and turned back to him.

“You better take care of her, she is special.”

Ryan looked down at his hands and sighed.

“I know,” h
e said under his breath.

I sat hissing as Ryan touched the bandage on my nose and I shook my head out of frustration.

“I will be deformed.”

“You will look as if you have lived a little Beth.”

“I already have a scar on my lip, I should get surgery to correct it. I am just terrified of being put under.”

Ryan watched me as he let his head lay against the cushion in the cab.

“I should have had my driver take me out. I hate taking cabs and shit. No offense.” I added as the cabby glanced at me in his mirror.

“Does it smell in here?” I whispered to Ryan and he laughed and moved close to me. I stopped moving as he touched my face and stared at me.

“I can see this is going to be a pain in my ass.”

“What?” I asked him and he kissed me. I pushed back from him and he sighed as he scooted back over.

“Okay, I get it Beth.”

“You get what
, Ryan?”

He turned on the seat towards me and shook his head.

“I tried to rationalize it in my head. Once I knew his name and shit. I mean Ryan…Ryker. Easy mistake. I mean you text him on accident and then it turned into something, I get it Beth.”

“I text
ed him on purpose Ryan.”

He stopped looking so sincere and leaned back on the seat.

“Oh,” he said and I looked out the window and then back to him.

“It was not a booty text or whatever you called it. I just wanted to go out.”

Ryan glared at me.

“Don’t you have any girlfriends at all?”

I looked down and then back up at him.

“Holland, she is my friend.”

“You have to have more.”

I turned and looked out the window.

“I don’t,” I said to low for him to hear.

“What?” he said a
s he touched my arm, I quickly turned to face him.

“I don’t!” I yelled and he blinked.

“None? You are kidding me. Your family has more money than God.”

I swallowed and then leaned back and closed my eyes.

“Money doesn’t buy friends, it buys fake plastic people. I may be a bitch but I actually enjoy talking to people who have a heart and in my circles that was not happening so yeah, just Holland and she is up in that fucking hospital room dying, or waiting to fucking die or whatever,” I said as I leaned forward and felt sick to my stomach. He touched my back and then I started to dry heave and he yelled for the cab driver to stop. I opened the door up and stumbled out, throwing up like I was 16 again and unable to handle my liquor. Great. Ryan joined me and held my hair and I was mortified. Holland was the only person in the world who had witnessed me getting sick and now Ryan was here and experiencing probably the sickest thing you could with someone else. I stopped and caught my breath. Standing up and swaying a bit on my feet.

“I don’t feel that great,
” I said as I started to fall and Ryan caught me and scooped me up quickly. He walked back to the cab and placed me in it and told the driver to take us home.

****

I woke in my bed and at first it all seemed great until I sat up and my nose was killing me and my mouth was aching. I hissed and touched the bandage on my nose and remembered it all, every ugly detail and then the big finale when I threw up and passed out. That was just…

“Good morning,
” Ryan said as he walked in with nothing on and holding a tray of food. I leaned back and tried to pull my pillow up behind but he sat the tray down and grabbed it, then helped me lean back. I glanced up and saw his cock and tried to ignore the thought of it. I seriously feel like someone ran me over with a Bentley. I mean it would be a Bentley, not some cheap ass car if I was to be ran over to begin with and shit.

“I made you breakfast.”

“You did not.”

He stopped and grinned at me.

“You are right, I did not, BUT I brought it to you so can I get credit for that?” he asked me and I nodded as he slipped the silver tray over my legs and I stared at the food as my stomach grumble. I pressed on it and then looked up at him.

“I don’t eat eggs.”

“Really? Okay then you eat this and that and I will eat the eggs.”

He sat down in front of m
e and the tray blocked his dick, which was partially hard as always. I picked up my fork and he took it from me and stabbed a strawberry and placed it to my lips as I opened up and let him feed me. I don’t remember being fed since I was little and the nanny was doing it as I was finicky and ignored food most days. I closed my lips on the fork and he pulled it out while staring at my mouth and I began to chew. I stopped and hissed a bit as my tooth was sore, or whatever they popped in there. OH FUCK! I lost my tooth! I pushed myself from under the tray and ran to my vanity where I leaned in and opened my mouth to inspect it. I then narrowed my eyes, as I could not tell a difference at all as to which front tooth was busted out.

“The right one,
” Ryan said behind me and I looked in the mirror to only see his dick. I sighed.

“Do you ever wear
clothing in the house?”

“You never complained before
, Beth.” I stopped looking at my tooth and turned to face him, squaring my shoulders and feeling a bit agitated.

“I am saying it now. I would appreciate it if you would at least wear pants.”

“Oh,” Ryan said as he glanced down his flat stomach full of tightened abs and I cracked my neck and refused to look.

“Your boob is hanging out,” h
e said and I looked down and it was, the left one was just hanging out of my shirt. I adjusted and tucked it back in.

“That whole time I had a boob hanging out and you said nothing?”

“I enjoyed it like you enjoy looking at my dick.”

“I…shut up Ryan,
” I said as I walked back to the bed and sat down, I was just having a hard time enjoying his bullshit.

He walked back over and sat down next to me and took my hand, placing it on his dick and I pulled it back and he laughed as he looked forward like I was.

“Just touch it a little.”

“I need for you to stop it.”

He took my hand again and placed it on his dick and this time I squeezed it and he hissed as he leaned forward a bit.

“Why were you following me?”

“I wasn’t…I wasn’t,” he said as I kept the pressure on with my hand.

“So I go out and you just end up there then?”

“Yes, fucking bad luck and shit.”

“I need a sorry fro
m you, Ryan.”

“Me? You were out with a guy
, Beth!” he said and I squeezed harder. “Fuck, Beth…” I continued and he hissed. “Sorry,” he said through gritted teeth and I leaned up and smiled at him. I then started to ease up and he looked at me. “Just tug on it.”

I gave it one sharp squeeze and he rolled over away from me and I smiled and leaned back, adjusting my tray and looking at the food on it. I stabbed my fork into the eggs and placed them in my mouth. I actually love eggs
, but I hate to be told what I am eating.

When I was 14 the world had already changed from a magical place to one of hushed secrets and dark under currents that my family held dear and claimed as their own. My father had lost his status with me years prior when I caught him fucking the help and he continued to do so as if I had granted him permission, as my mother had also seemed to do. I guess being an asshole and rebelling is not enough to warrant suspension as to the state of my mind to him. I honestly do not know if he even fucking cares enough to ever think about the damage he caused me or my mother. I try to ignore how much hatred festers inside of me, but each time I get angry and my cruelty rises I know exactly where it came from and it may not be environmental. In fact, it may be genetically encoded in me to follow the path my Father has taken, one of selfishness and bitterness. It frightens me, I will not lie. I look in the mirror and see his eyes, same color and shape and his lips. The only thing I received from my mother is her hair color and my fingers. They are long and thin like hers were.

I stare at my hands and then slice the razor across my skin, releasing some tension and hissing
, but so enjoying the ability to control it. I get this way when too many things pile up on top of each other. I guess it is better than shoving fingers down my throat and throwing up whatever I eat, although it was interesting enough to try in High School for one semester. I ended up weakening my teeth a bit and my hair thinned so I abandoned it out of vanity. I find that a bit amusing, that something like that which is bound to vanity was the reason I stopped doing it. It did not hurt enough anyway. In fact, as I get older, things hurt less and less and I have no idea what the threshold is anymore. It makes me wonder about my mother, if that night in the bathtub she was simply pushing it further with the razor too, trying to cut at the pain deeper, control more and in the end it controlled her and took her life. I mean she was never one to kill herself anyway. I know I paint her as a saint in some ways but she was not. She was vicious and cruel to most people, but she adored me. She never once spoke one mean word to me. In fact she doted over me. I have to guess it was because it was the one thing she hurt my father with the most, seeing she only let me be born and killed all of the others not giving him a chance to receive the son he so wanted. But now, he has two and the fact that he even allowed me to visit and then restored my money is a mystery I don’t care to figure out. Maybe he wants to see me to the end too. He did with Mother and didn’t even cry at her funeral, not once with Miko waiting in the car to pick up the reigns and suck him off. Should I hate him? Or should I take him as a warning as to what I will eventually become?