The Bitter End (14 page)

“What?
” I said and she raised an eyebrow to me.

“You really must speak up when you talk
, Bethany.”

I leaned back a bit and she went on.

“Holland, tragic really. Such a beautiful girl. I know you were close to her, Beth.” She waited as if she was baiting me and I sighed.

“People die, it is life.”

My father clapped his hands and laughed and we all looked at him in confusion. He stopped and then waved his hand for us to go on like he was at a fucking play.

“Yes, death is a part of life and life is a part of death.”

“Deep,” I said as I took another drink and she watched me closely.

“When I was young…”

I held my hand up to her. “I know, you lived at palace with gold ribbons in your hair…” I started to say and she slammed her fist on the table and I jumped a bit and Father cleared his throat. I stared her down for a moment as she looked so angry a vein showed through on her forehead, she soon took a breath and then relaxed.

“As I was saying. When I was
very young, my Mother told me the story of a young woman who fell in love.”

I stopped her and started to stand.

“Sit!” She screamed at me and slowly sat down as Miko seemed a bit more angry than usual…she went on.

“This is the legend of
Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai of the Eastern Jin Dynasty.

Zhu Yingtai was
a beautiful and intelligent young woman, the ninth child and only daughter of the wealthy Zhu family of Shangyu, Zhejiang. Although traditions of that era discourage females from going to school, Zhu manages to convince her father to allow her to attend classes in disguise as a young man. During her journey to Hangzhou, she meets Liang Shanbo, a scholar from Kuaiji. They chat and feel a strong affinity for each other at their first meeting. Hence, they gather some soil as incense and take an oath of fraternity in the pavilion of a thatched bridge.

They study together for the next three years in school and Zhu gradually falls in love with Liang. Although Liang equals Zhu in their studies, he is still a bookworm and fails to notice the feminine characteristics exhibited by his classmate.

One day, Zhu receives a letter from her father, asking her to return home as soon as possible. Zhu has no choice but to pack her belongings immediately and bid Liang farewell. However, in her heart, she has already confessed her love for Liang and is determined to be with him for all eternity. Before her departure, she reveals her true identity to the headmaster's wife and requests her to hand over a jade pendant to Liang as a betrothal gift.

Liang accompanies his "sworn brother" for 18 miles to see her off. During the journey, Zhu hints to Liang that she i
s actually a woman. She compares them to a pair of mandarin ducks, a symbol of lovers in Chinese culture, but Liang does not catch her hints and does not even have the slightest suspicion that his companion is a woman in disguise. Zhu finally comes up with an idea and tells Liang that she will act as a matchmaker for him and his "sister". Before they part, Zhu reminds Liang to visit her residence later so he can propose to marry her "sister." Liang and Zhu reluctantly part ways at the Changting pavilion.

Months later, when Liang visits Zhu, he discovers that she is actually a woman. They are devoted to and passionate about each other and they make a vow of "till death do us part". The joy of their reunion is short-lived as Zhu's parents have already arranged for her to marry a man from a rich family called Ma Wencai. Liang is heartbroken when he hears the news and his health gradually deteriorates until he becomes
critically ill. He dies alone later as a county magistrate.

On the day of Ma and Zhu's marriage, mysterious whirlwinds prevent the wedding procession from escorting the bride beyond Liang's grave, which lies along the journey. Zhu leaves the procession to pay her
respects to Liang. She descends in bitter despair and begs for the grave to open up. Suddenly, the grave opens with a clap of thunder. Without further hesitation, Zhu throws herself into the grave to join Liang. Their spirits turn into a pair of beautiful butterflies and emerge from the grave. They fly away together as a pair of butterflies and are never to be separated again.”

I sat there a watery eyed and sniffed as I sat back and shook it off.

“I am so sorry you lost your butterfly, Bethany.”

I then stood up and looked at Father.

“I need to be excused.”

He waved his hand at me and I walked out quickly, closing the door behind me to the dining room and I kept my hand over my mouth as I started to cry. I could not help myself, the story could be for me and Holland, but it was also for Ryan. I did love Holland, I loved her more than I expected to feel
, but Ryan had broken my heart. Holland tried to take it with her. Should I be happy that Ryan was here to stop me from throwing myself into the grave with her? I don’t know. I almost don’t care to know. I cannot bring myself to thank him for anything. I don’t know if I ever will.

I stood up and wiped my eyes as I looked across the large entryway and saw my Father
’s study door cracked open and I walked towards it, pushing on the large door and opening it up to his room. This was the only place in this house he had fully claimed as his own. It had rows of books high on the walls, sliding ladders flanking both side and an upper level with seating as if it was a fucking library and I guess that it is. Just as sterile and quiet as any you would find in the largest cities. I then spotted his ivory ashtray on his desk and approached it fingering at the smoothness of it and then dipping my fingertips into the ash and smelling it, closing my eyes and pretending to be five again. I turned when I heard the door close and the lock click and then saw Ryan standing there watching me as the fire in the large fireplace lit up the room in the color of yellow and gold.

“You can leave,
” I said to him and he started to walk towards me, ignoring what I said.

“I said you can…”

He grabbed me and held my arms out as he kissed me and I pushed on him. He let go and I slapped him once and then twice, on the third he caught my hand and held it to his heart.

“You can hate me forever Beth, I will be right here, flesh and bone, not some fucking grave in China with butterflies and shit.”

I shook my head and he stepped up close to me and I looked away.

“I would die for you. I would fall into the grave, would you do the same for me?” he asked in a whisper and I said nothing to him, the tears on my face lit by the light of the fire. He rubbed his thumb on my cheek and caught some of my tears.
“Beth,” he whispered and I said nothing. “Beth,” he said as he turned my face to look at him.

“Tell me what I am to you.”

“The end,” I said to him and he stepped back from me and stared in disbelief.

“What?”

“The end, Ryan. This is what I was destined to be, a soulless bitch, heir to an empire I could never control due to sexual orientation. I am not male and I always wished I had been. I felt like if I was a boy my father would have loved me above all others.”

“He loves you, in his own way.”

I laughed and placed my hands on my head.

“Since when do you fucking know anything?”
I yelled.

“Since he became family
, Bethany,” Father said as he stepped in and looked at me. I stared him down in disbelief.

“Family?”

“Yes,” Miko said as Father followed her and smiled.

“Well look at this!” he said as he held a drink out and it sloshed in his glass, spilling onto the floor a little bit. He started to walk towards me, swaying back and forth and I watched him as Ryan and Miko did too.

“Bethany,” he said as he stopped in front of me looked me over.

“You look so much like your mother,
” I took a deep breath as he turned and smiled at Ryan.

“Just had to do it huh
, Ryan? I mean nothing is enough for you is it?”

Ryan remained silent and I looked at him waiting for anything to be said that could possibly make sense to me.

Father turned back to me and grinned.

“You have two beautiful brothers upstairs.”

Miko stepped up and rubbed her temples. “Thomas, stop. You have had too much to drink. You should go to bed now.”

He turned to her and pointed a finger at her.

“You are a vicious whore, Miko.”

“Exactly as you wanted Thomas, now go to bed.”

“It was not arranged like that!” he screamed as he slammed his fist on the desk and everyone stood silent.

“What is going on?” I asked and Father turned to me and touched my face. He looked older, tired
, and I didn’t know how to take it and then he pulled me too him tightly and held me as I struggled a bit. He rubbed my hair and I looked at Ryan as he took a step towards us. Father pulled a gun from his pocket and placed it to my temple as I sucked in my breath and he held me still.

“If she dies, and I die
, everything dies…dies, dies,” he said and I started to cry as he clicked the gun in his hand.

Ryan held
his hands up and looked at my father calmly.

“Thomas, you have had too much to drink and you need to sleep. Bed would be a great idea right now.”

Father turned the gun on Ryan and grinned.

“You,
you fucking stain on society, defiling my name, my lineage, my daughter. You fucking perverted waste of my semen.”

I suddenly felt ill, more so than any time in my life as Father hinted at something so horrifying it could not possibly be true.
Ryan could not be…he could not, there was no way. Miko laughed and stepped up in front of Ryan and stared my Father down.

“Thomas, you are being dramatic.
Ryan is not your son, he is the father of your sons.”

Father let me go and started to sob
, as did I. I looked to Ryan and he looked ill as Miko stood by him, a perfect pair of fucking snakes. Evil twins in a game to take everything we had. Father started to slam the gun against his forehead as he muttered my mother’s name and Miko watched him, as did I. He then slowly pointed the gun at Ryan again and smiled.

“You can’t have my crown,” h
e said and I reached behind me and I still have no idea how I did it but I picked up his ivory ashtray and smashed it against his skull. He stumbled forward as the gun went off and I screamed. He then fell forward and twitched a bit before he lay still and I looked up as Miko swayed on her feet with a bullet hole in her head. She actually blinked and reached up to touch the hole, pulling her gold fingernails down and looking at the blood. She gave me one last smirk and dropped too as I dropped the ashtray to the floor and cried out as it echoed in the house.

****

We buried Miko in the woods behind the house. The rain began half way through it and I sat next to the body wrapped in plastic as Ryan and the butler dug the hole. The staff was light that night, two maids and the butler so with checks written for substantial sums we buried her knowing that the story would be completed with no trouble at all on our end. Miko had left him, Father was distraught but since he had his head bashed in we could not exactly let the police show up and find him. There isn’t enough money to buy that story, not when I was suddenly the heir to this fortune and in the house.

We then decided to place Father in the trunk of one of his many cars and make an accident happen. You know, they happen all of the time when people have been drinking and all, tragic and not unknown to happen. Especially in our circles, people die and life goes on. So we set out to finish what we started.

*
***

I looked down at Father in the trunk of the car and then reached over him and grabbed the umbrella. The plan was to fucking set it up and run the car off of the road but of course the fucking car died, big surprise seeing that Father always liked the old sports cars for the look and not for the reliability, so fucking typical of him to do. I mean he had chosen Ryan to be his thoroughbred to me and then Miko happened and Ryan fucked her, producing twins of all things, two boys. So like Ryan to have two of them. One to say FUCK and one to say YOU to me.

Cas and Auggie. Ryan watched me as I walked by him and then I stopped.

“We should do it here.”

“What?”

“Push the car over the edge.”

“How am I supposed to do that
, Beth?”

“Ryan, place your fucking hands on the trunk and push.”

“How will it steer?”

“Oh my God, you are a fucking idiot.” I said as I walked back and popped the trunk. “Get him out.” I said as Ryan watched me.

“My Father, get him out of the trunk and place him in the fucking front seat.”

Ryan walked back to the trunk and started to moan as he pulled him out and the body dropped like a rock. He then complained and cursed as he dragged him up and I waved a hand in as he struggled to get
him in the front seat. I then stepped back as Ryan placed Father’s legs into the car and I sighed.