The Boyfriend Sessions (10 page)

“Good evening, ladies,” Scarlett began. Then with a quick glance in Max’s direction, added, “And gentleman. I shall be your host for tonight’s proceedings.”

Before she could go on, I interrupted. “Really?”

Scarlett gave me a serious look. “Really. Do you have a problem with that?”

“I thought Scarlett would be better placed to lead things tonight,” Maddy said from her position beside me on the lounge. “On account of the fact that she was in the Design course with you—she had more to do with those relationships than I did.”

It was Thursday night and we were seated around the coffee table in our lounge room, awaiting the beginning of yet another of my love-life counseling sessions. I sighed. Loudly. “I take it that means we might be talking about some of my shorter term boyfriends?”

“As in one night stands?” Cate asked, not doing a very good job of masking her curiosity.

“Not exactly,” I replied tightly.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Scarlett said, which shut Cate up. They were polar opposites in that regard. Scarlett’s attitude toward men was more short term, whereas Cate wouldn’t dream of having a relationship with a guy unless it had good future prospects.

Maddy registered the way Cate and Scarlett eyed each other warily, and attempted to move things along. “It’s time to introduce the long awaited and much anticipated Handy Hamish.”

Max had been quiet until then, but now he let out a guffaw.

“Nice,” I said, narrowing my eyes in his direction.

He did his best to look chastened, but didn’t succeed. “Sorry. It’s been a long time coming that’s all.”

This time it was Scarlett’s turn to guffaw.

“What?” Max asked innocently, his brown eyes twinkling.

“All will be revealed, don’t worry,” Scarlett assured him. “Right. Bit of background before we get to Christa’s more emotional version of events.”

At my unimpressed look, she just shook her head. “So, Christa’s just returned from Melbourne battered and bruised from her break up with Troy—”

“Literally,” Cate said sympathetically, and I didn’t miss the way Max’s jaw tensed at the mention of Troy.

“Anyway, so she’s coming off the back of some pretty serious shit and it’s important that you keep that in mind,” Scarlett continued, and I found myself laughing quietly at her honesty. The same way Cate was a good friend because she was the first to be sympathetic and helpful, Scarlett was a jewel because she never held her punches. It was nice to have both.

“Handy Hamish has been making his moves in the background for a while now,” Scarlett told us. “He’s enrolled in the Design course, same as Christa and I, and he’s had his eye on her for a long time.”

“Or rather, his hands,” Maddy added quietly, after which her and Scarlett burst into fits of giggles.

“Oh honestly,” I muttered loud enough for everyone to hear. They were enjoying this far more than they should.

Despite my unimpressed glares, Maddy and Scarlett took another minute to collect themselves. Only after a long moment did Scarlett manage to speak. “To this day, Christa still claims she had no idea about his feelings for her, but to everyone else it was blatantly obvious.”

Cate leaned forward in her seat—this was all new information for her—and Max was reclining comfortably in the single-seater, a small smile playing on his lips. I was unable to tell if I was the source of his amusement or if it had more to do with Scarlett and Maddy’s immaturity.

“So, what were the signs?” Cate asked, her light blue eyes flicking eagerly between us.

Scarlett stood. This was bad. Very bad.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” she replied, indicating with a quick flick of her wrist that Max should stand as well.

Bemused, he regarded her compact form, then stood up. She only just reached his shoulders—she was still taller than me—but somehow she managed to cut an intimidating presence.

With Max at her side, she turned back to us. I recognized the glint in her eye and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable for Max. He stood relaxed and innocent by her side, unsuspecting of what was to come.

“Pop quiz, ladies. What moves do you make on a man you like?” she asked, one hand on the hip of her black jeans.

At our blank stares, she sighed loudly and turned to Max. She studied him for a long moment and he returned her gaze, unfazed. Poor guy.

Not taking her eyes off him, she spoke to us. “If it’s me and I’m keen on a guy, body language says it all. Watch. So how are you, Max?” she asked.

“Pretty good, thanks.”

Raising a perfectly arched eyebrow, Scarlett leaned in, very close. Too close in my opinion. She rested a hand on his shoulder and let it linger there. “Is that so?” she practically breathed, looking at him from under her lashes. Despite the smile on Max’s face, I noticed his body stiffen.

This only encouraged Scarlett. “You know,” she continued, her hand now traveling down his arm slowly, “we should go for a drink sometime. Exchange ideas about that assignment coming up.”

“Assignment, huh? Which one would that be?” Max looked at her hand suspiciously, which she’d removed from his arm, but I could practically feel the hot trail it had left on his skin. God, she was good.

“Principles of Design,” she said, not taking her eyes off him. “I’m not sure you have my number. How about I give it to you?”

Without a moment’s hesitation she placed a languid hand on his hip, then slowly reached into his front jeans pocket, toward the outline of his phone. The move was so smooth, so unexpected, that Max’s eyes widened involuntarily and I was pretty sure mine had too.

“Here we go.” Scarlett switched on the iPhone and with an over exaggerated pout of her ruby lips, reached out and took his hand. She turned it palm up and placed the iPhone in it. “I don’t know your pass code.”

“And isn’t that just as well,” Max said under his breath, while he entered the code. “What’s your number?”

Effortlessly, Scarlett sidled up beside him so her back was half pressed to his chest and peered at the phone. “0–4-2–4,” she began, and watched happily as Max entered the digits. “2–8-1–1-7–3. That’s it.” She angled her face up at him and gave him a flirtatious smile. “Now you’ve got mine, I’d better get yours.”

Max shook his head at the innuendo, but continued to play along. “Fine. What’s your number?”

“Here.” Scarlett took his hand by the wrist and leaned in and entered her details into his phone. “Now, how about you ring me quickly to make sure we’ve got it right?”

Max eyed her suspiciously, but agreed. “Fine. It should be calling now.”

At the sound of her ring tone emanating from her hand bag, Scarlett bent down from the hips, her bottom pressing into his thigh as she reached for her handbag.

“Scarlett!”

Obviously Scarlett making a move on her brother, however hypothetical, was making Maddy uncomfortable. I released the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

Scarlett straightened, a wicked grin on her face. “And that is how you get your point across with body language.”

“You were about as subtle as a sledgehammer,” Max informed her and I found myself relaxing when he returned to the armchair.

Scarlett rolled her eyes at everyone. “That was the point! Handy Hamish was so obvious it was painful to watch.”

“And you still had no idea?” Max’s tone was incredulous.

“I was distracted,” I replied defensively. It was true. In the weeks before Troy and I had broken up, things had been tense. Other than the rare times I’d focused on my studies, I’d agonized over things with Troy.

“Sounds like a creep.”

Maddy sent Max a withering glare. “He was actually a really sweet guy, just kind of innocent and keen, and rather smitten with Christa.”

“Alright, so a loser and a creep.”

“Because you were always so good with women,” Maddy shot back, and with that Max shut up.

Cate jumped in, eager to avoid confrontation, even if it was just brother and sister squabbling. “So what happened?”

Scarlett placed her wine glass on the table and waited until all eyes were on her. “Rebound fuck.”

“Scarlett!” Cate and I shrieked, but for different reasons. Cate hated it when things got crude and I was just embarrassed at having it called what it was.

Scarlett shrugged. “Well, it’s true. He’d hung around for at least three months and after things with Troy ended, he smelled his chance. There was a party, can’t remember whose it was now, but he moved in. Christa didn’t stand a chance.”

“Thanks,” I said, “but that’s not quite how I remember it.”

“Oh, come on, as soon as you arrived at the party he started plying you with alcohol. After about three, you were horny and angry,” Scarlett recalled.

Max choked on his drink and I avoided his eyes.

“Just a shame it was so disappointing,” Maddy added, helpfully.

“How do you mean?” Cate asked innocently. “Isn’t rebound sex supposed to be satisfying?”

I sighed. “Apparently. Not the case with Hamish unfortunately.”

There was a moment of silence, before Max spoke. “Would it be rude to ask why? Seeing you were horny and angry and all … ”

I raised my eyebrows at him.

He returned my stare seriously. “I’ve heard its good, that’s all.”

“Not with Handy Hamish,” Scarlett reported. “Even drunk, Christa was still able to realize that it was bad.”

“Why?” Cate asked.

I didn’t answer. I closed my eyes and imagined I was lying somewhere peaceful, on a beach perhaps, as far away as possible from the memory of Hamish’s confused hands. The sun was warm, but not hot enough to sting, and the sand beneath my bikini clad body was soft and cushioning. There was a light, gentle breeze—

At the sound of Cate clearing her throat I opened one eye in frustration. Everyone waited for me to speak. “He didn’t know what to do with his hands,” I finally said.

Max’s look was deadpan. “Handy Hamish? Not good with his hands? Now that can’t be right.”

Scarlett snickered at his response and I knew I was going to have to clear the air once and for all. “His hands were everywhere,” I recalled. “There was no focus. And just when you thought they’d finally hit something good, he moved on. It was like he had A.D.D.”

At my friends’ laughter, I managed a small smile. “It was truly awful. He was so eager to please and in the end it just seemed to take forever. It was probably the first time I’d truly had bad sex, because despite my previous tragic relationships, they’d always been pretty good in that department.”

Cate looked at me, her eyes sparkling from laughter. “He didn’t even manage to redeem himself during the finale?”

I groaned, not wanting to remember. “God, no.”

Everyone dissolved into fits of laughter again and I rested my head in my hands. On some level I knew this was funny, but Handy Hamish had been so tragic, it was still awkward for me after all these years. It wasn’t exactly something I was proud of. “Now that we’ve established that I had unnecessarily bad sex, can we move on?”

Maddy waved a finger at me. “Bad sex is not to be underrated.”

“Really?” Scarlett was looking perplexed.

“It provides a baseline for all other sexual encounters,” Maddy clarified.

Max eyed his sister as if she’d lost the plot. “So if it’s better than Handy Hamish, it’s got to be good? Surely not. Christa would be setting the bar pretty low if that’s the case.”

“Yes,” Maddy countered, “but she’d already had fantastic sex—apparently—so it’s good that she’s experienced both ends of the spectrum.”

“Just a shame that the bad sex came after the good,” I said dryly.

“So did you see him again after that?” Cate asked.

I winced. “All the time. He was impossible to avoid.”

“And he kept putting the moves on her, even after Christa made it obvious that she’d been there, done that,” Scarlett told us. “Which, in part, is to blame for what happened next.”

Max leaned forward. “I’m on the edge of my seat here.”

Maddy shook her head at her brother’s sarcasm. “She started seeing Jumpy Justin.”

“Oh dear God, Christa,” Cate moaned, “why not just be single for a while?”

“In my defense,” I said, “I was trying to get Hamish off my back and Jumpy Justin was nowhere near as bad he sounds.”

“Another short term thing then?” Cate asked.

“You’re asking her if she had another one night stand?” Scarlett leveled her eyes in Cate’s direction, on the defensive.

I jumped in. “No, nothing like that. I hardly wanted a repeat of Hamish, did I? I think we were together for around six months or so. Does that sound right, Maddy?”

She nodded, her dark brown eyes thoughtful. “At least six months, but it could have been longer.”

“That was because being in Justin’s presence seemed to slow down time,” Scarlett informed us seriously.

“Oh, come on, that’s a bit harsh—”

“Uh uh.” Scarlett waved her raised glass of red in my direction, the contents slopping dangerously close to the edge. “That guy was painful. I’ve no idea how you actually managed to spend longer than five minutes with him.”

“Was he really that bad?” Cate asked, looking at me with interest.

“He wasn’t that bad. Scarlett is exaggerating,” Maddy interjected, before I could answer.

I was seriously beginning to wonder if I could just leave the room and let my friends get on with my ex-boyfriend analysis without me.

“He was actually a nice, average, decent-looking sort of guy,” she continued. “He was just painfully shy, and the reason Scarlett had so many issues was because she had absolutely nothing in common with him.”

“He was an Economics major,” I told Cate. “And he took it all very seriously. Pretty sure he was on the Dean’s list most years.”

“So, what did you have in common then?” Cate asked, obviously trying to get to the bottom of my attraction.

I shrugged. “He was easy company, a good listener, and we were able to hang out together without too much effort. It was exactly what I’d needed after all the drama with Troy and Hamish.”

Cate turned to Scarlett, hands on hips. “Sounds to me like he was a sweet guy. You just couldn’t relate to him. That doesn’t make him a bad person.”