The Bright Side (24 page)

I glanced towards the open door, hoping Melissa hadn’t heard him
.

“Of course I’m angry!” I barked. “What kind of a question is that? Jesus, Robert, do you really think –
”

“Sorry, sorry. That was a stupid thing to say. But what are you going to do?
”

“Well, in the short-term, I’ve wrecked the jeep – in the long-term, I don’t know.
”

I could tell by Robert’s face that he had heard and understood the sentence but couldn’t quite grasp the meaning. His features rippled and contorted as he struggled to bring the concepts of
Jeep-wrecking
and
My
mother
together. It looked as if his whole face was chewing. I tried not to feel pleased about his reaction, but I couldn’t help myself
.

“You did
what
?”

“Wrecked the jeep. Well, damaged it, anyway. Scraped it against a pillar. Both sides.
”

A grin slowly formed. It was the same grin that his alter- ego, Valentine Reilly, used on vulnerable young girls who knew better but couldn’t help themselves
.

“Good for you,” he said. “Fuck him. What about her? Lisa? What are you going to do to her? She’s got that nice Beamer, hasn’t she, you could have swiped Dad’s yoke up against it. Two birds.
”

“I’ve got no intention of doing anything to her, Robert. She’s not worth it.
”

“No. Suppose not. The
bitch
.
”

I
drifted
away
for
a
moment
to
the
alternative
universe where
Robert
was
telling
Gerry
that
there
was
no
point
in
taking
revenge
on
Tony
–
the
bastard
. “Does
Chrissy
know?”
I
asked. “Yeah.
I
phoned her.
”

“At work?
”

“Yeah, well, I thought she should know right away.” “And?
”

“And what do you think? She went nuts. Roaring and crying. I had to hang up on her in the end, there was no point to it.
”

“Robert! For the love of –
”

“It’s all right, I called her back a few minutes later. She was still bawling, though. I’m sure she’s stopped by now. She’ll be winding down anyway.
”

“She’s her daddy’s little girl. This will hurt her very badly.
”

He did another jaw-rub, then picked at his jeans. “Yeah, well …” Just for a moment, his man-on-the-up persona dropped away and he looked like what he was, a twenty-one- year-old who’d taken a kick in the guts. I tried to think of something comforting to say, but the words didn’t come easily. I was no longer used to comforting Robert, that was the problem. If he’d thrown one of his patented jibes at me, I’d have had a comeback to hand in a flash
.

“And you too, of course. I’m sure you’re not exactly thrilled.
”

His recovery was immediate and total. “Don’t mind me, I’m grand.
”

“Two pieces of bad news in two days though. First Jemima and now this.
”

“Shit happens. It happens quite a lot, I’ve noticed.
”

“Do you want to talk about it? About her, I mean. What went wrong?
”

“No. I don’t want to talk about it. And I don’t want to tell you what went wrong.
”

“You never know, Robert, I might be able –” “
No
, all right? It’s not … Just, no. Leave it.
”

He’d raised his voice to the level he usually used when snapping at me about this or that. The experience was so familiar, it was almost comforting. I lowered my eyes and felt my head dropping, my shoulders getting rounder. It was the reaction of an animal that has been mistreated in the past and has learned to fear a certain tone
.

“Ah, Christ,” Robert said, “I didn’t mean to shout at you.” He sighed. “She said I was too young for her. That was her reason. I don’t know how it took her four months to work it out, but there you go.
”

This was the most personal information, in both quantity and quality, that he had given me in an age
.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I really am.” This wasn’t even a lie. At that particular moment, I actually
was
sorry. “But she’s right. You were too young for her. Or rather, she was too old for you. I said as much, didn’t I? Plenty of times.
”

For a moment, Robert seemed ready to go for me again. But he swallowed whatever he’d been about to say and changed the subject
.

“So,” he said. “How come you came to stay with …” He cocked his head towards the door. “I would have thought you’d be straight over to Nancy’s.
”

Robert
and
Chrissy
both
knew
that
Melissa
and
I
had
fallen
out
after
Mum
and
Dad
were
killed,
but
they
didn’t know
the
specifics.
Gerry
had
once
told
me
that
they assumed
it
was
something
to
do
with
the
wills.
We’d
agreed not
to
correct
them
.

“Nancy’s
in
Paris,”
I
told
him
in
an
unnecessary
whisper. “Right.
I
knew
there
had
to
be
a
reason.
And
how
are
you
getting
along
with
Rumpole
of
the
Bailey?
”

This was a nickname that he and Chrissy had come up with years ago when Melissa was still practising law. It shouldn’t have worked. She was a delicate Irishwoman, not a beefy British man and as far as I knew had never even seen the outside of the Old Bailey. Still, it had always cracked me up
.

“Shhh. She’ll hear you. We’re getting along fine.” “Yeah?
”

“Yeah. I mean, y’know … all right. So far.
”

At that moment, La Cucaracha came weedle-eedling from my bag
.

“Text,” I said and hopped off my stool. “Might be from Chrissy.
”

It wasn’t. It was from Gerry.
FOUND
THE
JEEP
, it read.
I
UNDERSTAND.
I’M
SORRY.
I
LOVE
YOU.
PLEASE COME
BACK
.

My knees buckled and I only just made it back to my stool upright
.

“What is it?” Robert asked. “Mum?
”

I showed him the message. He read it without expression. Then he said, “Wow. He
must
be sorry. He loves that fucking car.
”

“Christ … “ I said mournfully
.

“What? Don’t tell me you feel guilty?
”

I wanted to deny it, but I found that I just couldn’t
.

Robert became very animated. “Now listen. Between the pair of you, there’s only one who should be feeling guilty and, lemme tell you, it ain’t you.
”

“I know that,” I said, each word sticking in my throat like a cowboy’s spur. “He’s the one who … I didn’t …
”

“Shhh. Don’t upset yourself.
”

But it was too late. I’d upset myself. “Please don’t cry,” Robert begged
.

I tried to stop, but the tears kept coming. Robert reached across, patted my knee and sat back again. It was quite obvious that he hadn’t a clue what to do or what to say. I felt sorry for him, which made me cry all the harder. After a minute or so, during which time he just sat there wringing his hands and staring at the counter, he suddenly leaped from his stool and more or less ran from the room. He returned seconds later with Melissa
.

“What is it now?” she said as she arrived at my side. “What happened?
”

“She got a text,” Robert said. “From Dad. About the car. Saying he understands.” Now that he had a woman on hand to help, he was all chat. “She feels guilty. She’s pretending she doesn’t, but she does.
”

I thought,
Melissa’s
going
to
say
I’ve
done
nothing
to
feel
guilty about
.

“That’s silly,” Melissa said. “What have you got to feel guilty about?
”

I sobbed my biggest sob to date
.

“So you damaged a car!” she went on. “Big deal! He had an affair!
”

“It wasn’t an affair,” I blubbed. “It was a one-off. He made
a
mistake
. People do that! He’s a good man!
”

She
took
a
tentative
step
towards
me
and,
ever
so
slowly, as
if
afraid
she
might
get
scalded
or
pricked,
she
placed
her hand
between
my
shoulder
blades.
When
she
had
satisfied herself
that
she
was
in
no
physical
danger,
she
started
to
rub up
and
down,
as
if
she
was
trying
to
burp
me.
It
was surprisingly
pleasant. She
stopped when
I showed
her the
phone
message
and
then
she
started
again,
harder
than
ever. “Now,
Jackie.
Let’s
not
take
any
backwards
steps.
No excuses,
no
get-out
clauses.
You’re
entitled
to
your
anger.
If he
‘understands’,
well,
good
for
him.
That
shouldn’t
make
you
feel
any
differently
about
it.
”

“Yeah,” Robert said, emphatically. He moved closer and put his hand on my shoulder
.

“Okay,” I said, miserably
.

Melissa started her strange rubbing again. I cried on for another few minutes, not sure if I was doing it because I felt bad about Gerry or because I felt good about having Melissa and Robert’s sympathy. Either way, I wasn’t proud of myself
.

* * *

I
expected
Chrissy
to
call
over
that
night,
but
she
didn’t.
She phoned
instead,
not
long
after
Robert
left.
It
wasn’t
really
a
conversation,
as
such.
I
did
all
the
talking.
Chrissy
just
cried. In
the
end,
I
managed
to
arrange
a
time
for
us
to
meet
by making
suggestions
and
then
interpreting
her
sniffs
and moans as yeses or nos. The time and place we settled on, as far
as
I
could
tell,
was
the
café
in
Arnotts
at
two
the
next
day. I
didn’t
like
hearing
my
child
so
upset,
but
it
was
nice
to
be the
one
doing
the
comforting
for
a
change.
It
was
honest work
.