The Broken Parts Of Us (12 page)

T
he atmosphere has been tense; the way Jasper stiffens whenever Derek goes near him is odd. He hasn’t been acting like his usual fun-loving, anything-goes self. His blue eyes sparkle whenever they fall upon me and my heart stops, then re-beats as soon as he turns his gaze from mine.

I release the breath I was holding and go back to the kitchen where River and Derek are clearing plates, but my footing falters when I hear the muffled conversation they’re having. I hold my breath and debate going back to Sammy and Jasper, but it’s too late. The internal battle lasts too long and the knowledge I hear cannot be unheard.

“I’ve always known you feel for him, Derek. I just know Jasp isn’t like that, but I have seen subtle changes, looks traded, and the shift in atmosphere.”

“You’ve always known?”

“Of course I know.”

“And you don’t care that I like men as well as women?”

“I love you, and I’ll love whoever you choose to spend your life with—male or female. Why would you ever question that?”

“Nothing is happening with Jasper. He doesn’t know how I feel, never has and doesn’t need to know.”

“Are you sure about that? Because he’s acting different around you.”

“I think he’s just feeling weird about this whole Hannah situation.”

I
had
sensed something; I know the way Derek looks at Jasp is with deep emotion, but hearing it confirmed leaves me light-headed.

I tiptoe back into where the guys are packing away Jase’s birthday gifts. He’s staying at River and Sammy’s tonight, and I’m spending the night here, but I need a drink; I need to settle the buzzing in my mind. I pour myself a glass and gulp it down.

River emerges from the kitchen and hugs Jasp. “Thank you for getting all this ready today.” He kisses her cheek and pats her bottom while looking smug at Sammy, who just rolls his eyes.

“Let me help you load the car with your stuff,” Derek tells Jase, walking into the room and taking it from Jase’s hands.

Sammy scoops a sleeping Mikey up and follows Derek out to the car.

“It was nice to see you again, Kyra. Call me sometime.” Jase winks at me. I smile, but feel the creep of a blush. “Hey playboy, you need to grow a few inches before you can play in that pond,” Jasp jests, throwing a cushion at him.

“I’m almost as tall as you!” 

“Keep dreaming!”  He grabs him in a head lock, dragging him from the room with him struggling and landing blows to Jasper’s stomach.

I refill my glass and begin pottering to keep my thoughts from rendering me incapable of being in their presence.  I turn the TV off and put away the controllers for the Xbox.

“Hey, I can do that.” I startle at Jasper’s voice and giggle. Crap, the wine is making me giddy. His face beams down at me, his perfect teeth on display. I go sit at the table, pouring more wine. Derek comes to join me and Jasper follows suit.

“
S
o, tell me about this ex-boyfriend of yours. Der knows, but I’m curious, did you end on bad terms?” I want to know why she would think he would send her a note or be stalking her. Der was vague when sharing details. I watch her eyes dart between Derek and me before she answers.

“My mom and dad are church going folk. They believe I should marry before enjoying the… fruits of life, so to speak.” Her cheeks redden; she’s so fucking cute.

“So to speak? You mean… before having sex?” I know what she meant, but watching her bite that plump bottom lip and shift in her seat has to be done.

 She nods her head. “My high school boyfriend didn’t think the same way. He said we would be getting married, so he didn’t see why we shouldn’t be doing it. The sex.” She gestures towards me and I can’t help the grin that breaks across my face. She tugs a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looks to Derek; he smiles at her, the warmth in his eyes telling me he has feelings for her. I can’t decipher what I feel about that. His eyes turn to me and my head automatically nods.
Yes, she is something special.

“I’m not a prude or anything, but I just had a… sixth sense if you like, about him. I stayed with him for my parents. They were friends with his and we grew up together, but he changed a lot and I didn’t really feel
that
way about him. He sought sexual satisfaction from a friend of mine, giving me the excuse I needed to end things.” She shrugs her shoulders and sips the wine Derek poured for her. “He didn’t take it well and bombarded me with letters; love letters that then became hostile. He turned my friends against me and living there was unbearable in the end, so I moved.” She downs the remains of her wine and holds her glass out to Derek to refill.

My fists clench. “Hostile?”

She shrugs again. “He got a bit hands-on one night, cornering me when I was coming from the studio I trained at. That was the final straw for me. My mom and dad wanted me to stay, but I always planned to leave, anyway. I heard he married said friend he cheated on me with, but they spilt. She was having an affair with his friend. Karma.” She grins and I have to bite my lips. Fuck, she’s gorgeous.

“So you think it was him who sent the note?”

She taps her glass with her finger, “He sent them before, I just assumed…” 

“What about after him? Other boyfriends?” 

She chokes on the wine she just tipped into her mouth.

Derek leans over to pat her back. “Thank you,” she splutters. I hand her a napkin and smile. “I haven’t really dated anyone else.” She manages to answer without making eye contact. God, I knew she was innocent, but not that innocent. I change the subject to something lighter and watch her blossom; the wine has taken over and makes her giggle every time Derek or I say anything slightly amusing. I watch Derek watch her and I can’t sort through the feelings I’m having. It’s want mixed with contentment being with them. 

“I need to use the ladies room,” Kyra announces in a fake, poor English accent. Her footing is unsteady. Derek jumps up to steady her, guiding her to the bathroom; I hear her giggling to him, saying she drank too much. I move some of the cushions as she stumbles back in, closely followed by Derek. I pat the seat and hold my hands out to her. She smiles, making me inhale sharply. I want her so fucking bad. “You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

“You’re drunk,” I tell her, helping her lie back on the couch.

“So lovely, Jasper. No wonder Derek wants you, who wouldn’t?”

My brow furrows at her drunken talk. The hairs rise on my neck, and Derek has become completely still, his posture rigid. “You’re drunk, Ky,” I reiterate.

She exhales, then yawns. “Drunk or not, it’s the truth.” Her eyes close.

Derek makes a hasty exit, leaving me bewildered. I pull a blanket over her, grab the glasses, and take them through to the kitchen.

Derek leans with his palms flat against the sideboard, his shoulders tense. His head is bowed down toward the floor and he’s muttering cuss words.

“She’s out for the night,” I tell him, making him tense at the sound of my voice. I place the glasses in the sink and turn to find Derek’s smouldering gaze on me. He has a way of making me feel stripped bare with just a look. I had always been in control, the dominant participant in my sexual adventures, but Derek has me squirming in my fucking skin. I’ve lived with him for six years and never thought about him in any way other than as my good friend, so what has changed? What’s happening to me? What is he doing?

“What was Kyra talking about in there, Derek?”  I ask in an accusing tone.

He straightens to his full height, his fist clenching, and the tic in his jaw prominent. He takes a couple of steps in my direction. “I’m bisexual.” His voice is laced with a heightened energy. His eyes pin and hold me captive in their impenetrable gaze. “And I want to fuck you.”

 He continues towards me. My mouth feels sealed shut, my mind tries to process what he just said, but the blood rushes to my cock, confusing and scaring the shit out of me. He’s too close; I’m not bisexual, so why am I shaking? His breath wisps across my face, making me inhale sharply and swallow the rush of saliva filling my mouth. His body brushes against mine gently like a whisper of a promise. His head lowers, his lips next to my ear. I feel like I’m vibrating from the nerves and the electric energy filling the room.

“And you want me to fuck you too, Jasper. I can see it, feel it.” His face turns, his full lips brushing against mine. I’m frozen, my mind at war with what my body is telling me."Mmm, I can taste it.” He moves his head back and studies my face for what feels like a lifetime before the heat emanating from him leaves me and I’m standing alone in the kitchen, completely stunned.

* * * * *

Derek carries Kyra up to River’s old reading room and places her in bed. When he steps out, his eyes hold mine for a few heart stomping seconds before he goes to his room, closing the door and leaving me left to toss and turn all night. He was right when he said I wanted him too. I can’t explain it because I don’t understand what’s happening to me, but knowing Kyra is mere feet away and across the hall, and Derek is in his room thinking about me, wanting me… fuck! It’s left my blood on boil. Everything is changing; why now? This can’t be happening. I’m just going through a meltdown over the new shit in my life. This is all just about Hannah and the baby, that’s all this is. It all comes back to that. That’s all this is, that’s all this is.

* * * * *

I shower and dress quickly, and leave without grabbing the usual coffee with Derek. I can’t deal with it right now. I was up all night trying to understand what changed in me, what’s different. I want a man; I am really fucking craving him.

I drive to the office and work over the documentation Sammy wants to discuss. I lose myself in the work and it’s a relief not to be consumed by Derek for a little while.

“Hey, man. What time did you get here?” Sammy asks, entering the office.

“Not long ago. I wanted an early start. I have a lunch date with River today.” I grin at him, and he points his finger at me and raises an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t be smug; she’s on some weird River-save-Jasper mission. She keeps telling me you’re not right and you’re struggling with all this shit.” 

I roll my eyes and slap the folder on the table. “It’s all new. It’s just going to take time to get used to it all, and it doesn’t help that Hannah is looking at it like a fucking business agreement. I feel sorry for our fucking kid. This is a clusterfuck. I haven’t even told my dad yet. You know what he’s like about family and meeting the one and shit.” I swipe my hands through my hair and lean back, letting the chair tilt and take my weight.

“Listen it’s not the best way things could have gone and I really want you to settle down, Jasp, but you’re doing this all for the wrong reasons.” 

“Sammy, they’re the only reasons. You know how I feel about this stuff. I never wanted kids or marriage, but life sometimes throws you a curve ball and you just have to adjust to it. You of all people know what it’s like growing up with a shitty parent. I won’t risk her meeting some prick and letting him raise my kid, no fucking way.”  Hannah is due back tomorrow. She told me she’s staying with her parents for the night and wants to meet for breakfast in the morning to discuss things.

“Hey.” My insides stir at the sound of Derek’s voice. I don’t know where to look. I know I can’t look at him. Sammy would see it all over my face, so I lift some files and will my eyes to stare at them.

“Hey,” I manage to get past my dry throat.

Sammy greets him with a handshake. “What are you doing here?” Sammy asks, taking a seat on the corner of the desk.

“I wanted to let you know in person that we’re pretty sure we have this guy connected with the stalker cases.”

I lower the files to find his gaze on me. I shift and briefly flick my eyes to Sammy. He stands and grabs Derek in a hug. “That’s great fucking news.” Derek returns his hug with a hard pat on Sammy’s shoulder.

“Where’s Kyra?” I ask.

He fucking smirks at me. “She’s on our couch after losing her stomach contents down the john. She feels like shit and can’t remember anything she did or said since River and Sammy left.”

Sammy folds his arms and grins at Derek. “What did she do or say?” 

Derek’s eyes slowly drag themselves from me and return Sammy’s grin. “Just the usual drunken garble people say when they’re intoxicated.”

Sammy looks to me and then back to Derek. “You know what they say; truth comes out when you’re drunk. Did she declare love?”

“She declared Jasp is beautiful,” Derek informs him, making him burst into a fit of laughter.

“Fuck, you are, too.” He leans over and pinches my cheeks. “Like a little princess.”

I bat his hand from my cheek. “Prick.” I stand, jumping out of the way of Sammy’s fist coming towards my upper arm. “I’m out,” I laugh, brushing past Derek to get to the door. His scent invades my senses, sending the message to my dick that it’s him.

“Where you going?” Sammy calls out.

I stroke a hand down my face. “I have a date with your wife. She’s like Ky, can’t get enough of this beautiful face.” I wink and dodge the pen he throws at me from the desk.