The Broken Parts Of Us (15 page)

 “Why do you let her make you feel that way? And why didn’t you just tell me this shit?”

“Because. Now are you okay with me being gone a little longer?”

“Yeah, take as long as you need. Just make sure you’re looking after yourself and our baby.”  She’s silent for a few beats before saying goodbye and hanging up.

I hadn’t really thought about what a big change this is for her. She always seemed to just be okay with it and treat me like a sign-on-the-dotted-line business associate. I put my cell away and drive home.

I really love this place, and I’ll miss the luxury, familiarity, and home comfort it offers when I finally have to move out.

 Sammy’s car is parked up front, so I have no more time to hide my internal conflict; I need to put on my game face.

I push the door open and hear Mikey’s laughter. I drop my keys in the bowl on the console table and follow the sound. I round the corner and nearly collide with Kyra. She smiles, then bites her lip; my eyes watch intently at her subtle innocent reaction to me and straight away my brain fires off positions I want her in.

“I’m playing hide and go seek with Mikey,” she says. I hear a giggle and look over at the Mikey-shaped bulge in the curtain.

I shake my head and hold my hand over my mouth, leaning down to whisper in Kyra’s ear. “He’ll stay there all day if he thinks you haven’t found him. Kid free afternoon?”

She gapes at me and slaps my arm. I feel a slap around my head and know Sammy has heard me.  “You’re a mean uncle. You can do that with your own kid. Mine has an out of control mother who wants him to wash up and get ready to eat.”  Mikey’s giggle attracts Sammy’s attention and gives me a second to look over Kyra’s outfit, another summer dress stopping above her knee, displaying those toned beauties for my viewing pleasure. It’s red today; she seems to coordinate her wardrobe with her eyes and hair. I chance a look at the sliver of cleavage showing and feel another slap around the head.

“River’s in there waiting for us. Stop eye fucking Kyra and move it!” he whisper shouts at me. I look around to make sure Mikey didn’t hear him, but he’s bolted. Kyra’s eyes widen, the green orbs big. She’s stunned by Sammy’s comment.

“Fine, a twofer suits me.” I grin at his scowl.

“What’s a twofer?” Kyra asks, and Sammy raises his brow at me, then leans around me to answer her.

“Oh, he just means he gets to eye fuck you both, rather than just you.”

I hear her little gasp and I chuckle. They know I don’t see River that way. I’m a man and can still appreciate her beauty, just more in a brother kind of way. 

“Hey, baby, there you are.” River grips me in a hug and squeezes.

I feel him. I can feel his eyes on me, searing into my skin. When she releases me, my eyes hit his. How can he make me feel this way? It’s just Derek, I berate myself.

 I can’t hold any of the conversations at the table. I can’t taste the little bit of food I’ve forced down my throat. I know his eyes are on me. I can’t concentrate on River and Kyra telling me how well Ky is doing and how quickly she picked up the business side of things at Twinkle Toes. I can’t focus on the details because Derek has ensnared me in this fucked up game he’s playing.

 I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t work. Derek has infected my brain. Every thought is of him and how he’s fucking with my head, my body.

Does wanting him make me gay? I look over at Sammy; he’s a really good looking guy. Women love him, but I feel only brotherly love for him, no sexual tension, no fucking ache in my stomach telling me having him is a necessity. It’s just Derek.

Kyra comes into view; her beautiful face holds such purity. Her laugh, so light and airy, breaks into my inner thoughts. She’s free, a free soul. If I was gay, I wouldn’t be getting hard right now just watching her. I wish I was more than the guy just looking for a good time, then maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess with Hannah. Maybe I’d have Kyra. I’ve seen the way she watches me. I can see the need and want in her eyes for me. I know it because it’s reflected in mine, but she needs more than I can give. She
deserves
more than I can give. Derek’s the same; what could I offer either of them? Sex, that’s it.

I need a drink; I can’t deal with this shit. How fucking dare he, all of sudden after six long years, decide to tell me he’s into dudes. Why am I feeling this way now? Is it a game? Trickery of some kind? Fuck I’m losing it; I’m boarding the crazy train.

“Jasp, we’re heading home. I need to go over the other contracts tomorrow with you, okay?” Sammy says, putting a stop to my internal war.

“Sure, I’ll come into office tomorrow.” I smile and wrap River in a hug. I watch Derek whisper something in Kyra’s ear and a twinge in my stomach makes me hate myself for feeling these things. I refuse to care about them other than as friends, and I refuse to be jealous of what they could be working towards. I don’t do emotions. I just need to get laid. I just need to get him out of my head. When I move out, it’ll all go back to how it was.

 “Jasp! Jasp, you coming in or what?” I look to Derek, then to Sammy’s car pulling off the drive. I had been thinking so hard I zoned out
again.

 “You okay?” Derek asks.

“No, I’m not okay.” I barge past him back into the house, his heavy footfalls following behind me. He’s close and I can’t think straight.

“Jasp?”

I turn, pointing my finger at him. “Don’t, Derek. I can’t fucking deal with this shit anymore. I’m going out. I need to get laid,” I say, walking back the way I came, towards the front door. 

I gasp for breath as my back impacts against the wall, the air leaving my lungs on contact. Derek’s frame crowds my body, his brown eyes searching mine. I can smell him. I can feel his body pressed against mine, and my dick hardens, a rush of saliva feeding my mouth at the sight of his lips so close to mine.

“You won’t leave this house to go fuck some slut just because you want to fuck me and you’re feeling weird about it.”

“I don’t want to fuck you,” I lie. His smirk makes me squirm
, fucking squirm! Me?
I’m the one who makes people squirm. How has he turned the tables on me like this?

“Oh, God,” I breathe when his hand grasps my erection through my jeans. My body stiffens.
Derek is holding my dick, Derek is holding my dick.

“Tell that to your cock, Jasp.” His smirk grows with satisfaction at the effect he has on me.

I push him away and he lets me. “Fuck you!” I nudge past him and head for the door. I find myself pushed up against the wall again, face first this time. His hand rests on the back of my head, pinning my face, my body covered with his. I feel his erection push against my ass.

“Yes, Jasp. Fuck me.” He grabs the hand I try to use to push myself from the wall and pins it behind my back like he’s arresting me. “You need me to take the lead and show you what you want? Then I will because there’s no way you’re giving this lust and anger to some cheap unworthy slut. It’s mine and I want it!” he growls in my ear, his teeth grazing the lobe. My heart races, my breath coming in fast gasps. I’m propelled around to face him; he overpowers me with ease. I can’t look away from him once our eyes meet; the intensity in his gaze leaves me breathless.

“You want this and I know you’re struggling, so I’ll make it easier. Don’t fucking move.”

I couldn’t even if I tried. I’m frozen with the confusion of what’s happening; from the built up tension making my cock ready to explode. He reaches for my zipper and my hands dart out to stop him reflexively.

“Put your fucking hands back on the wall, Jasp, palm flat.”

I comply. The vibration of nerves wrack my body, the anticipation driving me to embrace what’s happening. His hands flick the buttons open on my jeans and the cold air hits my sensitive cock, making me inhale sharply. I don’t wear underwear so my dick is exposed to his greedy gaze. His eyes gloss over with a glassy sheen. The look makes me so horny, I want to roar like a fucking beast. He slips my jeans down below my ass cheeks.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

He reaches out, his warm, huge hand grasping and closing around my heavy cock. I can’t look away, I can’t move. All I can do is watch and feel. It’s like I’m here, but I’m not. My mind can’t comprehend what’s happening and my dick doesn’t care, it just wants relief from this build up, from teetering on the edge of this fucking lust it’s been feeling for Derek. He strokes upwards, gaining a groan from the back of my throat. “You have a pretty cock, Jasp,” he tells me, licking his lips. Fucking pretty? Is he mocking me? No man wants
pretty
associated with them.

He laughs at the distaste clearly apparent on my face. “It’s divine, Jasp. So fucking pretty. I want to lick every impressive inch of it.”

Fuck me!
I can’t take much more if he keeps talking like that with his firm grip stroking up my shaft. I’ll blow.
Oh God, he’s dropping to his knees, oh God
.

I swallow the objection wanting to roar from my mouth as my mind tells me this is not me, but when his full lips kiss the tip of my cock, words aren’t coherent, thoughts disappear and reasoning flies out the window. Nothing else matters except him opening up and taking me into his mouth. My hips jerk forward, nudging his lips, and he grins and opens his mouth wider, his tongue swiping out to taste the pre-come glistening on the head. He moans and sucks me into his mouth; my head falls back with a thud against the wall as he takes my full nine inches down the back of his throat.

“FUCK!” His suction and depth is the best I’ve ever felt; his hands massage my balls as he sucks up and down my shaft, tasting, teasing and driving me insane. I can’t control my urges, I’m going to blow. I try to pull out.

“I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come,” I moan, trying to warn him. He grips me by the ass cheeks and sucks at me like a starving man being given food for the first time. My balls tighten up, my stomach contracts, and my cock empties down the back of his throat. He moans in pleasure, in sync with my own moans.

The knock at the door brings reality speeding into my brain at a rapid rate, leaving me feeling dizzy and sick. 
What the fuck did I just let happen?

I push him away, more aggressive than I should. I whip my jeans up and rush towards the stairs, taking them two at a time to my room. I slam the door and throw myself on the bed.

What the fuck?! Derek just sucked me off and I liked it. Ha! Like is a fucking understatement. I have never been that turned on in my whole life. God, will Sammy know? Will he see it on my face? Will he still want to be my family, my brother?

Shit!
I’m a twenty-eight-year-old and acting like a mixed up teen.

I hear Kyra’s laughter and my body tenses. I jump from the bed to see what’s going on. When I come down into the lobby, she’s standing with Derek, whispering shit to her again.

 “What the fuck? I thought you left?” She starts and looks up at me. He glares at me for my tone, but I don’t care. He has me all twisted up, and two minutes ago had me throat deep in his mouth. My dick stirs when he drops a small kiss to her lips.

Fuck, will she smell me on him, taste me on his lips? She blushes and offers him a timid smile before looking back to me and holding up her purse.

“I forgot my purse. Sammy just brought me back to grab it.” I nod my head. “You okay? You look a little flushed,” she asks, stepping towards me.

I react without thinking, jumping backwards, nearly falling on my ass when I stumble up the step I’m on. I just can’t have her look at me too closely. She’ll smell the sex on me, see the glint, the flush, the guilt. It’s all there in my eyes, I know it is.

She steps back, holding her hands up. “Wow, maybe you should go lie down.”

I chew my bottom lip with my teeth and turn to go back up the stairs. I hear muffled voices talking, but I just need to be away from them both.

I
see Kyra out and wave to Sammy, then close the door and collapse against it. I can’t believe what just happened. I’ve never been that turned on in my life, and to finally just taste him succeeded any fantasy I ever had. Kyra turning back up should have been taken as a sign. We’re heading towards dating, yet here I was with Jasper, and I can’t regret or feel bad about it. I’ve wanted him for too long to deny myself when I know he wants me, too. Granted, my feelings run deeper than his ever could, but the lust, so powerful in his eyes, was magnetising.

I take the stairs in a hurried pace only to stand outside Jasper’s door for a good five minutes before knocking.

“Jasp?” 

The silence is deafening. I know he’ll be freaking out. What if he moves out sooner? What if he’s packing now?

 “I’m going to bed, Derek. I have to work early tomorrow.”

I exhale, holding my hands against the frame and resting my forehead against the door. “You don’t want to talk about what happened?”

I hear him shuffling around before the door springs open without warning, making me nearly stumble forward. His hair is in disarray and the look in his eyes tells me there’s a war raging inside him. I don’t want to push him into discussions he’s not ready for as much as I want him. I love him enough not to demand things he’s struggling with; he needs to come to me.