The Collected Novels of José Saramago (322 page)

The following morning, as agreed, Cipriano Algor took the finished figurines to the Center. The others were already in the kiln, awaiting their turn. Cipriano Algor had gotten up early, while his daughter and son-in-law were still asleep, and when Marçal and Marta finally lurched into wakefulness and appeared at the kitchen door, most of the work had been done. They had breakfast together, making the usual polite noises, would you like more coffee, can you pass me the bread, there’s jam if you’d like it, then Marçal went and helped his father-in-law complete the work and began the delicate task of placing the three hundred figurines in the boxes they used to use for transporting the crockery. Marta told her father that she would go with Marçal to his parents’ house, they had to tell them about the imminent move, let’s see how they react, but, whatever happened, they would not stay there for lunch, We’ll probably be here when you get back from the Center, she concluded. Cipriano said that he would take Found with him, and Marta asked if he had been thinking of someone in the city when he said last night that he had a possible solution for the problem of the dog, and he said no, but it was worth thinking about, that way Found would at least be nearby, and they could see him whenever they wanted. Marta remarked that, to her certain knowledge, her father had no close friends in the city, not people trustworthy enough to merit, and she used the word merit deliberately, being given charge of a creature whom they, as a family, considered to be as worthy of respect as a person. Cipriano Algor replied that he did not recall ever having said that he had close friends in the city, and that the reason he was taking the dog with him was to distract himself from unwanted thoughts. Marta said that if he had such thoughts then he should share them with his daughter, who was there with him now, to which Cipriano Algor replied that talking to her about any thoughts he had would be a waste of time, because she was as familiar with them as he was himself, not word for word, of course, as if captured on tape, but she knew the underlying essence, and then she said that, in her humble opinion, the reality was quite different, she knew nothing about the underlying essence of his thoughts and, besides, many of the words he uttered were merely smoke screens, which, in a way, is hardly surprising, since words are often used for precisely that purpose, but it’s worse still when the words remain unspoken and become a thick wall of silence, because, when confronted by such a wall, it’s very hard to know what to do, Last night I sat up here waiting for you, Marçal went to bed after an hour, but I waited and waited, while you, my dear father, were off heaven knows where walking the dog, We went into the countryside somewhere, Ah, yes, the countryside, there’s nothing nicer than going for a walk in the countryside at night, when you can’t even see where you’re putting your feet, You should have gone to bed, That’s what I did in the end, before I turned into a statue, So that’s all right then, there’s nothing more to be said, No, it’s not all right, Why not, Because you robbed me of what I most wanted at that moment, And what was that, To see you come back, that’s all, just to see you come back, One day you’ll understand, Well, I certainly hope so, but no more words, please, I’m sick of words. Marta’s eyes shone with tears, Take no notice, she said, it seems that when we fragile women are pregnant, we don’t know how else to behave, we experience everything too intensely. Marçal called from the yard to say that he had finished loading and that his father-in-law could leave whenever he wanted, Cipriano Algor left the house, got into the van, and called to Found. The dog, who had never even imagined the possibility of such good fortune, leaped up beside his master and sat there, smiling, his mouth open and his tongue lolling, thrilled at the prospect of the journey about to begin, in this, as in so many other things, human beings are very like dogs, they pin all their hopes on what might appear around the corner, and then say, oh, well, we’ll see what happens next. When the van disappeared behind the first houses, Marçal asked, Did you have a fight, Oh, it’s the usual problem, if we don’t talk, we’re unhappy, if we do talk, we disagree, We have to be patient, it doesn’t take twenty-twenty vision to see that your father feels as if he were living on an island that is getting smaller with each day that passes, one piece gone, then another piece, right now, he’s just driven off to take the figurines to the Center, then he’ll come back home and light the kiln, but he’s doing all these things as if he didn’t quite know why any more, as if he wished some insurmountable object would place itself in his path so that he could at last say, that’s it, it’s over, Yes, I think you’re probably right, Well, I don’t know if I’m right or not, I’m just trying to put myself in his position, in a week’s time everything we can see around us now will lose much of its meaning, the house will still be ours, but we won’t live in it, the kiln won’t deserve the name of kiln if someone doesn’t call it that every day, the mulberry tree will still produce its mulberries, but there will be no one to come and pick them, I wasn’t born and brought up under this roof, but even for me it’s not going to be easy to leave all this, so for your father, We’ll often come back, Yes, to our house in the country, as he ironically referred to it, Is there any other solution, asked Marta, you could stop being a guard and come and work with us in the pottery, making pottery that no one wants or figurines that no one is going to want for very long, The way things are, there’s only one solution for me, to be a resident guard at the Center, You’ve got what you wanted, That was when I thought it was what I wanted, And now, Recently I’ve learned from your father something I didn’t know before, you may not have noticed, but it is my duty to warn you that the man you are married to is much older than he seems, That’s not news to me, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing the aging process, said Marta, smiling. But then her face grew grave, It’s true, though, my heart aches at the thought of having to leave all this. They were sitting together under the mulberry tree on one of the drying shelves, opposite them was the house with the pottery beside it, if they turned their heads slightly, they could see the open door of the kiln through the foliage, it’s a lovely sunny morning, but cool, perhaps the weather is changing. They felt good, despite their sadness, they felt almost happy, in that melancholy way in which happiness sometimes chooses to manifest itself, but suddenly Marçal got up from the drying shelf and cried, Oh, no, I’d forgotten, my parents, we have to go and talk to my parents, I’ll bet you anything you like that they’ll start going on and on about how they should be the ones to come with us to the Center and not your father, They probably won’t if I’m there, it’s a question of politeness, of good taste, Well, I certainly hope so, I certainly hope you’re right.

She wasn’t. When Cipriano Algor, on his return from taking the figurines to the Center, was driving through the village toward the house, he saw his daughter and son-in-law walking along ahead of him. Marçal had his arm around her shoulders as if to console her. Cipriano Algor stopped the van, Get in, he said, and he did not send Found to the back seat because he knew that they would want to be together. Marta was trying to brush away her tears, and Marçal was saying, Don’t get upset, you know what they’re like, if I’d known how they would react, I wouldn’t have taken you with me, What happened, asked Cipriano Algor, The same thing as happened the other day, they want to go and live at the Center, they deserve it more than other people, it’s time they had a chance to enjoy life, it didn’t matter to them that Marta was there, they made the most terrible scene, and I apologize on their behalf. This time Cipriano Algor did not repeat his offer to give up his place, that would be like rubbing salt in the wound, he merely asked, And how did it end, Oh, I told them that the apartment I’ve been given is basically meant for a couple with one child, and allows for, at most, one other family member to live there, but only if we make the spare room, which was originally intended to provide some storage space, into a bedroom, but that it’s much too small for two people, And what did they say, They wanted to know what would happen if we had more children, and I told them the truth, that, in that case, the Center would move us to a bigger apartment, and they asked why they couldn’t do that now, bearing in mind that the resident guard’s own parents also wanted to live there, And what did you say, I told them that the request hadn’t been made early enough, that there are rules and deadlines and regulations to meet, but that perhaps, later on, we might be able to review the situation, You managed to convince them, then, I doubt it, but it cheered them up a bit to think that they might be able to move to the Center one day, Until the next time, Oh, yes, because they wouldn’t just let it go at that, they said that it wasn’t their fault that the matter hadn’t been dealt with earlier, Your parents are no fools, Especially my mother, because she’s much keener on the idea than he is, she’s always been a pretty tough nut to crack. Marta had stopped crying, And how do you feel, the question came from Cipriano Algor, Humiliated and ashamed, humiliated at having to be present during an argument that was aimed directly at me, but in which I was unable to intervene, and ashamed too, Why, Because whether we like it or not, they have as much right as we do, and we’re the ones who are bending the rules so that they can’t move to the Center, We’re not, I am, broke in Marçal, I’m the one who doesn’t want to live with my parents, you and your father have nothing to do with it, But we’re accomplices in an injustice, Look, I know that to an outsider my attitude must seem reprehensible, but it was a decision I made freely and consciously in order to avoid an even worse situation, I don’t want to live with my parents and I certainly don’t want my wife and child to have to put up with them, love unites, but it doesn’t unite everyone, and it could be that the reasons why some want union might be the very reasons why others want disunion, And how can you be so sure that our reasons will incline toward union rather than disunion, asked Cipriano Algor, There is only one reason I’m glad not to be your son, said Marçal, Let me guess, It’s not that difficult, Because if you were, you wouldn’t be married to Marta, Exactly, you guessed. They both laughed. And Marta said, I hope by this stage my child has taken the wise decision to be born a girl, Why, asked Marçal, Because her poor mother won’t be strong enough to bear alone and unsupported the terrible smugness of her father and her grandfather. They laughed again, fortunately, Marçal’s parents were not around at the time, they might think that the Algor family was laughing at their expense, hoodwinking their son into laughing at those who gave him life. They had left the last houses in the village behind them now. Found barked out of sheer contentment to see appearing at the top of the hill the roof of the pottery, the mulberry tree, and the upper part of one of the side walls of the kiln. Those who know about such things say that travel is of vital importance in shaping the mind, but one does not need to be an intellectual luminary to know that minds, however well-traveled, need to come back home now and then because only there can they achieve and maintain a reasonably satisfactory sense of themselves. Marta said, Here we are talking about family incompatibilities, about shame, humiliation, vanity, monotony, and mean little ambitions, and we haven’t given a thought to this poor animal, who has no idea that in ten days’ time he will no longer be with us. I have, said Marçal. Cipriano Algor said nothing. He took his right hand off the steering wheel and, as he would to a child, he ran his hand over the dog’s head. When the van stopped by the woodshed, Marta was the first to get out, I’m going to make lunch, she said. Found did not wait for the door on his side to be opened, he slipped between the two front seats, leaped over Marçal’s legs and shot off in the direction of the kiln, his startled bladder suddenly demanding urgent satisfaction. Marçal said, Now that we’re alone, tell me how the delivery went, As it usually does, I handed in the advice notes, unloaded the boxes, which they then counted, the man who served me examined the figurines one by one, and they were all fine, none of them was broken and there were no scratches on the paint, you did a really excellent job of packing them, And that’s all, Why do you ask, Ever since yesterday, I’ve had the feeling that you were hiding something, But I told you what happened, I didn’t hide anything, No, I don’t mean about the delivery you’ve just made, it’s a feeling I’ve had ever since you picked me up at the Center, What do you mean, To be honest, I’m not sure, I was waiting for you to explain, for example, the enigmatic remarks you made over supper last night. Cipriano Algor remained silent, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, as if he were deciding, depending on whether the last drumbeat was even or odd, what answer to give. In the end, he said, Come with me. He got out of the van and, followed by Marçal, walked over to the kiln. He had already placed his hand on one of the door handles, but he stopped for a moment and said, Don’t say a word to Marta about what you are about to hear, I promise, Not a single word, Fine, I’ve said I promise. Cipriano Algor opened the kiln door. The bright light of day abruptly revealed the figurines lined up in groups, blinded first by the darkness and now by the light. Cipriano Algor said, It’s possible, indeed very probable, that these three hundred figurines will never leave here, But why, asked Marçal, The buying department decided to draw up a questionnaire to evaluate the level of interest among customers, that’s what the figurines I took in today will be used for, A questionnaire about a few clay figurines, said Marçal, That’s what one of the assistant heads of department told me, The one who was rude to you, No, another one, who seems terribly nice and friendly, and who always speaks to you as if he had your best interests at heart. Marçal thought for a moment and said, Not that it makes much difference, not that it really matters to us now, because in ten days’ time we’ll be living in the Center, Do you really think it doesn’t make much difference, that it doesn’t matter to us, asked his father-in-law, If the result of the questionnaire is positive, there will still be time to finish the figurines and deliver them, as for the rest of the order, that will automatically be canceled by the irrefutable fact that the pottery will have ceased to operate, And if the result is negative, Well, in a way, that would be better still, because it would save both of you, you and Marta, the labor of firing the figurines and painting them. Cipriano Algor slowly closed the kiln door and said, You’re forgetting certain doubtless insignificant aspects, What, You’re forgetting the slap in the face of having the fruits of your labor rejected, you’re forgetting that if it wasn’t for the fact that these tragic events coincided with our move to the Center, we would be in the same situation we found ourselves in when they stopped buying the crockery, only without the absurd hope that a few ridiculous figurines could save our lives, We have to live with what is, not with what could be or might have been, That’s a wonderfully accepting philosophy, Well, I’m sorry I can’t come up with anything better, No, I can’t either, but I was born with a mind that suffers from the incurable disease of worrying precisely about what could be or might have been, And what good has all that worrying done you, asked Marçal, You’re quite right, none at all, as you said, we have to live with what is, not with fantasies about what might have been, if only Relieved now of that physiological urgency and having hared about to stretch his legs, Found came over, tail wagging, his usual way of showing contentment and cordiality, but which, in this instance, given the proximity of lunch, signaled another urgent bodily need. Cipriano Algor stroked him, gently twisting his ear, We have to wait until Marta calls us, my lad, it doesn’t look good if the dog of the house eats before his owners, we have to respect the hierarchy, he said. Then, to Marçal, as if the idea had just occurred to him at that moment, I’ll fire the kiln today, You said you’d only do it tomorrow, when you got back from the Center, Well, I’ve changed my mind, it will be a way of occupying my time while you two have a rest or, if you’d rather, take the van and go for a drive, once we’ve moved, you probably won’t want to leave the new apartment for a while, especially not to come out here, Whether or not we come out here and when is something we’ll have to sort out later, but do you really think I’m the sort of man who could go off for a ride with Marta and leave you here all alone stoking the furnace with wood, Why, I can manage on my own, Of course you can, but if you don’t mind, I would like to play an active role in this last lighting of the kiln, if it is the last time, All right, if that’s what you want, we’ll start after lunch, Fine, But remember, please, not a word about the questionnaire, Don’t worry. With the dog at their heels, they walked toward the house and were only a few yards away when Marta appeared at the kitchen door, I was just about to call you, she said, lunch is ready, I’ll give the dog his food first, the journey will have given him an appetite, said her father, His food’s over there, Marta said. Cipriano Algor picked up the pan and said, Come on, Found, it’s just as well you’re not a person, if you were, you would have begun to feel suspicious of all the care and attention we’ve been lavishing on you lately. Found’s bowl was, as it always was, beside the kennel and that was where Cipriano Algor headed. He emptied the contents of the pan into the bowl and stood for a moment, watching the dog eat. In the kitchen, Marçal was saying, We’re going to light the kiln after lunch, Today, asked Marta, surprised, Your father doesn’t want to leave it until tomorrow, There’s no hurry, we were going to have three days off, He doubtless has his reasons, And, as usual, only he knows what those reasons are. Marçal thought it best not to respond, the mouth is an organ that is all the more trustworthy the more silent it is. Shortly afterward, Cipriano Algor came into the kitchen. The food was on the table, Marta was serving it out. In a moment, her father will say, We’re lighting the kiln today, and Marta will reply, I know, Marçal told me.