The Comeback Kiss (42 page)

He smiled and released her arm. “
You know what I mean.”

“
Oh, what?”
she asked, her voice full of mock innocence. “
Are you talking about how, not two hours ago, we stood right in
this spot and I told you I love you and you gave me some line about tomatoes? Is that what you
’
re talking about?”

“
Yep.”
He felt like a fucking idiot. “
That
’
d be it.”

There was a long moment of drawn-out silence, and Tessa made a move toward the stairs ag
ain.

“
Tessa
—”
he started.

“
What?”
she snapped, stamping one foot. “
What, what,
what
? Are you going to say something or are we going to dance around this all night? Because I
’
m too tired to dance anymore, Finn.”

Why was it so hard for him to say the words?
The verbal always came so easily to him, but when it really mattered...

“
It doesn
’
t matter,”
he said finally. He raised his eyes to hers. “
I could tell you everything, but there
’
s really no point.”

“
No point?”
Her voice hit a weird, high pitch. That couldn
’
t be good. “
No
point
? Did you just actually stand there and tell me there
’
s no
point?'

Finn went quiet. Based on the look on her face, it was probably his safest choice. She advanced on him, stopping when they were only inches apart.

“
Let me tell you some
thing,”
she said. “
Even if you run off like a coward in the night, and even if this thing between us never goes further than this moment right now, there
’
s a point. The point is that I said it, and you didn
’
t. Take it from me, as the one who gets left beh
i
nd, there
’
s a fucking point.”

She turned her back on him and started toward the stairs again. Yep. She was pissed. Well, in for a penny...

“
What if I
do
say it?”
he said. “
What good is that gonna do you?”

She stopped, but kept her back to him. Finn moved c
loser to her. He wanted to touch her, to pull her to him, but instead he tucked his hands in his pockets and spoke to the back of her head.

“
When I leave, the only thing you should be thinking is
‘
good riddance,
’
and if I tell you what being with you does
to me, how the thought of leaving you tears me up inside, how is that gonna help you when I
’
m gone?”

Tessa let out an angry laugh, then went silent. When she turned around, her face was filled with revelation.

“
That
’
s why you stole the Thing,”
she said, a
touch of amazement in her tone, although Finn didn
’
t know if it was at his wisdom or his stupidity. If he were a betting man, though, his money would go on stupid. “
You took the Thing so I wouldn
’
t miss you? So I
’
d think I was better off without you? Am I
getting this right?”

Finn ran his fingers over his eyes but didn
’
t say anything. She stepped forward, closer to him, until he allowed his eyes to connect with hers. The amazement was gone, and he could see she
’
d doubled back to fury.

“
You arrogant son of a
bitch.”

He allowed a small smile. “
Well, that
’
s another topic entirely
—”

“
Don
’
t joke!”
she said, giving his shoulder a rough shove. “
Don
’
t you dare joke with me right now!”

Finn threw up his hands in frustration. “
Don
’
t joke? That
’
s what I do, Tessa. I do
n
’
t take things seriously, I don
’
t think about anyone other than myself, and I don
’
t have conversations like this.”
He swallowed hard. “
Which is why, when you think about it, you
’
ll realize you
’
re better off without me.”

He could see her eyes brimming with
tears and it killed him not to reach out to her, but he stayed put.

“
You
’
re so stupid.”
She swiped angrily at her face. “
You
’
re so stupid, and I love you, so what does that say about me?”

There was a long moment of painful silence. Finn ran a hand over hi
s face and laughed lightly. “
You know, there are very few moments in life when I
’
d be relieved if someone came at me with a bayonet...”

“
I loved you.”
Tessa
’
s voice was quiet, but sharp. Finn met her eyes, saw how much pain he was causing her, and felt his
gut torque violently. “
And here
’
s a news flash, Finnegan. You protected me from
nothing.
I spent ten years missing you, wondering what the hell I did wrong to make you do that to me.”

“
That
’
s crazy,”
Finn said. “
How could you possibly think it was your fa
ult?”

“
I was an eighteen-year-old girl,”
Tessa said. “
I thought global warming was my fault. And even when I got over that, I still knew what I
’
d lost, Finn.”

Finn took a step forward, leaning his face down close to hers so she was forced to look at him, t
o understand what he was saying.

“
What did you lose, Tess? Some stupid kid with no future who was gonna drag you down with him.”

“
You...”
She blinked against the tears in her eyes. “
You were the one who made me laugh when I had a crappy day. You were the o
ne I vented to when I was mad, the one I shared all the good stuff with. You always knew when I was full of crap, and you always called me on it. You were smart, you were funny, you were good-looking. You were mine. And then, suddenly, you weren
’
t.”

He sta
red at her, not sure what to say. He thought he
’
d done her a favor. And he had.

He was sure he had.

Hadn
’
t he?

“
I knew every day exactly what I
’
d lost,”
she continued, her voice tight and quiet, “
and I missed you every day and I believed in you every day,
and my heart broke
every day.
That
’
s the big favor that you did for me. Thanks so much.”
Finn kept quiet, kept his focus on the door. Tessa took a step closer to him, their bodies practically touching as she spoke in quiet tones.

“
Here
’
s the kicker,”
she s
aid, a bitter laugh in her voice. “
You weren
’
t even protecting me. You were protecting yourself. If you
’
d given half a thought to me, you would have said good-bye.”

He looked at her, could feel the emotion curling around his neck like a noose, and somethin
g inside him urged him to say something, to do
something.
Reach out to her. Hold her. Tell her everything. Instead, he stood there and did nothing.

“
I have to get out of here,”
she said finally. He watched her as she snatched her coat and keys and fled, le
aving the door open behind her.

Finn wasn
’
t sure how long he stood there, frozen in the hallway. It was long enough that the chill finally snapped him out of it, and he walked over to the door and shut it. He ran his hands over his face, closed his eyes, h
eard her voice.

You weren
’
t even protecting me. You were protecting yourself.

All he
’
d wanted to do was return the stupid car. How had he managed to fuck everything up so monumentally in the process? Every instinct he had was wrong, every word he said was
an exercise in stupid. Yet, as he stood motionless in Tessa
’
s hallway, his gut told him to go after her, to say more to her. To say everything.

“
God,”
he said under his breath, running his hand over his face. “
All I wanted to do was return the fucking car.
”

He plodded up the stairs and made a beeline for Izzy
’
s room, knocking gently twice.

“
Come in,”
Izzy said.

He opened the door to see Izzy, Margie, and Vickie sitting around the PlayStation, stricken expressions on their faces. He pulled on a tight smile.

“
Guess you guys caught the show, huh?”

Izzy shook her head. “
We heard, you know, voices.”
She paused for a moment. “
She
’
s really mad, huh?”

“
You could say that,”
he said. “
If you
’
re into understatement. Look, I
’
m, uh... I
’
m gonna go after her, try to talk
to her.”
He looked to Margie and Vickie. “
Can you guys stay with Izzy until Babs gets home?”

Margie nodded, smiled lightly. “
Sure. You bet.”

Izzy huffed. “
I don
’
t need babysitters.”

Finn walked over to her, knelt down in front of her.

“
I know,”
he said. “
I
need them. I made a promise that I wouldn
’
t let anything happen to you, and it
’
s a promise I intend to keep. Think you can humor me on this one?”
Izzy smiled. “
Yeah. Okay.”

“
Okay,”
he said. He straightened up, kissed her on the top of her head, and let hi
s leaden feet carry him downstairs, out the door, and into the cold in search of Tessa.

Chapter Twenty-one

Finn sat down at the bar in Riker
’
s and checked his watch. Tessa had been gone for over an hour, and every minute that went by without her made hi
m edgier. She wasn
’
t skating at the lake, she wasn
’
t hiding in the shack. She wasn
’
t on the swings in the park, and she wasn
’
t wandering around town. He knew; he
’
d cruised every street in town twice looking for her. She probably had just taken the Thing f
o
r a long drive.

“
Let me guess,”
Surly said, settling a bar napkin in front of Finn. “
Pepsi?”

Finn shook his head. “
Get me a Jameson
’
s.”

Surly raised one eyebrow but didn
’
t say anything as he pulled the whiskey off the shelf. Finn knew he shouldn
’
t drink. H
e got stupid when he drank. Then again, given the events of the night, it wasn
’
t like he could get much stupider.

Surly set the Jameson
’
s down in front of Finn. Finn tossed a ten on the bar and slammed the drink back. It was sharp and hot going down, and i
t reached out into every corner of Finn
’
s being, pushing away the crazy that Tessa had put there.