The Complete Burn for Burn Trilogy: Burn for Burn; Fire With Fire; Ashes to Ashes (65 page)

I want to. I want to suck in a deep, cool breath, but all I can
feel is the burn of the rope around my neck. I’m dizzy from
lack of oxygen. That and the way I’ve been swinging, to and
fro from the beam in my ceiling, before she cut me down.

“My beautiful baby!” Mom sobs. She leans forward; she
kisses my face. Hers is wet with tears. “Why? Why would you
do this to yourself?”

I turn to Rennie and am finally able to choke out, in a strained
whisper of a voice, “Reeve.” Rennie’s eyes go wide. “Reeve did
this to me. This is his fault.”

I watch her hands tighten around the steering wheel. She
can’t look at me; she’s too frightened. “I . . . I’m taking you to
the hospital.”

I try to do what she wants, but it’s hard. I feel myself slipping away. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. But that’s
exactly what’s happening.

And then, with one last rush, I’m pulled out of my body
and up to the ceiling. I can see my mom holding me as the
ambulance arrives. I see them grab at me, but my mom won’t
let me go. She knows. She already knows.

“What are you doing!” Rennie screams. She’s terrified. She’s
scooting over as far as she can away from me. She’s not looking
at the road, not looking at the turns.

I feel myself heat up, a fire. Hotter than any other time
before. I close my eyes and everything goes white, like the
center of the sun.
CHAP
TER SIX
T
Y - T
W
O

Reeve and I drive around in silence, except for
a few times when one of us says, “Oh my God,” because of
how crazy this all is.

I don’t ask where he’s going. I just let him drive.
We end up parking in the woods. It’s so dark and quiet. Reeve
pulls to a stop and clicks off his headlights, but leaves the car
running so it can stay warm.
Not that it matters. For once I’m not even cold. It’s like we’re
in our own real-life snow globe.
He unbuckles his seat belt and then I unclick mine, too. And
in a second we are completely going at it. I am pressing my lips
as hard as I can against his, and his arms are around me, squeezing me so tight. I feel a rush of everything I’ve been trying so
hard to hold back. And I can tell he does too.
I can’t kiss him enough; I can’t hold enough of him in my
hands.
I pull his coat off his shoulders and then I wriggle out of
mine. Reeve lifts me clean out of my seat and puts me in his lap,
my back pressed into the steering wheel. The horn keeps honking, but neither of us cares.
He pulls his face away from mine and says, in a panic, “After
I left your house that day, I went up to my room and lay in my
bed listening to depressing music.”
I keep kissing his face. His eyes, his cheeks. “Like what?”
His eyes roll back in his head. “Like . . . um . . . damn.”
He laughs nervously. “Radiohead . . . Beck. I don’t remember
now.”
I plant kisses on the side of his neck, up to his ears.
Reeve shivers. “If I had known you came over, I would have
run downstairs. I would have showed you off to my whole family.” He pushes me away suddenly, so he can stare me straight
in the eyes. “I want you to know that I didn’t invite Rennie. She
came on her own.”
I drop my head to his chest and cling to him. I don’t want to,
I don’t want to do anything to ruin this moment, but I have to
confess. I have to be true to him. “That stuff she was saying at
the party . . .”
He lifts my face to his. “Forget it,” he says.
“Reeve, please. Let me finish. I—”
But his mouth comes up my neck and over my lips and
then we’re kissing again. His lips are urgent, like all we have is
tonight. And I don’t even remember what I was going to say
anymore, it’s that good. We kiss over and over and over again.
This time there’s no one around to stop us.
CHAP
TER SIX
T
Y - THREE

It’s easy to get the pictures. I sneak in to the
gallery, grab them out of the bathroom sink cabinet, and sneak
straight back out. And then I go find my brother.

Pat and all his friends are camping. I know roughly where
the spot is, a wooded clearing near the bluffs that he found
on one of his dirt-bike rides. I park as close as I can get, on
the side of the road, and head through the woods in my dress
and my heels. The trees are so dense the snow barely hits the
ground.

I find them. They’ve got a fire going, and everyone’s festive
and drunk and cold as shit.
“Kat,” Pat says, standing up from the log he’s sitting on.
“What’s up?”
I walk straight up to the fire and toss the stack of Rennie’s
photos on the flames. “Someone pour me a whiskey.”
Ricky passes me his bottle. I down what’s left in one thick,
smoky gulp.
I sit quietly for a while, while everyone else parties. Every
few minutes I send Rennie a text like,
Where are you?
and
Let
me know where you are?
and
Rennie, WTF?!!
Then, through the crackle of the logs and the conversation
and the Led Zeppelin, I think I hear a siren. Like a fire truck or
an ambulance. I can’t tell. But it sends a shiver down my spine.
I glance down at my cell. Rennie hasn’t answered my texts, not
a single one.
I’ve got a feeling. A bad feeling.
“Everyone shut up a second!”
Pat laughs at me. He’s sitting across the fire on his sleeping
bag, cooking some nasty-looking hot dog on a stick. “You hear
Big foot out there?”
The rest of the group either laugh at his lame joke or ignore
me and keep talking.
I take a few steps away from them, pull off my ski hat, and
strain to hear. Now it sounds like two sirens. Maybe even three.
I run over to the radio someone brought and shut it off in the
middle of a killer Led Zeppelin guitar solo. Someone whines. I
say, “I’m not kidding! Shut up.”
I guess something in my voice tells them to take me seriously.
They shut their traps. And then we all hear it. Like every fire
truck in Jar Island is on its way to something bad.
“Ricky!”
I’m running over to his bike and putting on a helmet
as fast as I can. No one knows what to make of this, but
Ricky, bless his heart, doesn’t hesitate a second. He roars the
engine and we peel out, sending a spray of dead pine needles
and snow.
We drive toward the sound. It’s not far off. But we can’t get
close. One of the fire trucks has blocked off the road. I climb
off the bike and run to the side of the road where a fireman is
pulling caution tape across the pass. A few hundred feet away,
around the bend of the cliff, I see a bright orange glow. Like
a fire.
“What happened?”
He gives me this look, like I’m some stupid rubbernecker
wanting the gory details. “There’s been an accident.” And then
he turns his back to me.
I grab his arm. “Who? Was it a car? Was it a white Jeep?”
As soon as I say the white Jeep bit, he spins around, his face
completely different.
I fall to my knees and let out a howl like a wild animal.
CHAP
TER SIX
T
Y -F
OUR

When I wake up, it’s just getting to be light
outside, and I’m leaning against Reeve’s chest and his arms are
around me. The clock on the dashboard says 7:07. Oh God.

I try to sit up, and Reeve stirs but doesn’t wake up, and he
doesn’t let go. He holds me tighter, and for a second I let him.
My parents are going to kill me.

Was it worth it? I look up at Reeve; his eyes are closed and
his lashes are long and his hair is all mussed in the back. He
looks like a little boy. Yes, it was worth it. I know now that I
can’t not be with him. It will be hard, but I’m going to have to
explain it to Mary and Kat so they understand. They’ll have to,
they just will.

He opens his eyes, and he smiles. Then his eyes widen. “Oh
shit. It’s morning. We overslept.”
“My parents are going to kill me. I was supposed to be home
by two.” I slide away from him and start looking for my clutch.
I find it on the floor by my shoes. I check my phone—eighteen
missed calls, all from home. “Oh no.”
Reeve starts up the truck, and reverses out of the woods and
onto the main road in one swift move. “I’ll get you home in six
minutes. We’ll explain that we fell asleep; it’ll be fine.”
“You’re not explaining anything,” I tell him. “You’re just
dropping me off. I’m talking to them alone.” I check my hair
in the mirror. A mess. I start running my fingers through it,
trying to untangle the ends. I’m starting to feel queasy, and
it’s not just my parents. Every time I think of Mary, I feel an
ache inside. And the way I left things with Rennie . . . it’s all
such a mess.
Reeve reaches over and grabs my hand. He laces his fingers
around mine and says, “Ren will get over it eventually. I’ll talk
to her. She can’t stay mad forever.”
I let out a laugh. “Do you know Rennie at all? Of course she
can.”
Confidently he says, “Not at me. We’ve known each other
for too long.”
“Okay, then, she’ll forgive you and she’ll go on hating me.”
As soon as I say it, I know that’s exactly how it’s going to go.
Reeve’s just a guy; he’s not her best friend. He didn’t betray her
the way I did.
“I won’t let her hate you, Cho,” Reeve says, and I start to
smile, but then stop.
“And Mary. Mary’s going to be so upset,” I whisper.
Reeve asks, “Who’s Mary?”
“She’s my friend.” We’re pulling into my neighborhood
now. “Reeve, there are a lot of things I need to tell you. Not
now, but later.” I’m going to tell him everything. The revenge
pact with Mary and Kat, the ecstasy at homecoming, the plan
to make him fall in love with me—all of it. It’s the only way.
And when he understands how badly he hurt Mary, he’ll go to
her, and he’ll apologize. He’ll want to make things right.
Reeve pulls into my driveway, and about two seconds
later my front door opens and my dad’s standing at the door.
Worriedly, Reeve asks, “Are you sure you don’t want me to
come inside with you? Blame it all on me.”
I’m already opening the passenger door. “Just go. I’ll call you
later.” I hop out of the truck and run for the front door. I don’t
look back, but I hear his car drive away.
Breathless, I run up to the door. “Daddy, I’m so sorry, I fell
asleep—”
I stop talking because my dad has the strangest expression
on his face. He grabs me in his arms and hugs me to him tight.
“Thank God you’re okay.”
“What’s happening?” I ask. Then I look over his shoulder
and see my mom and Nadia on the couch. My mom’s crying; so
is Nadia. She’s smoothing the top of Nadia’s head and rubbing
her back. Then my mom sees me, and her face crumples.
“Lillia,” she chokes out, and holds her arms out to me.
I’m scared. I’ve never felt so scared. “Daddy?” I pull away
from my dad and look up at him. “Tell me what’s happening. Is
it Grandma?”
My dad closes the front door and tries to maneuver me
toward the couch. “First sit down, honey.”
I’m shaking my head. “No. Tell me now.”
He puts his hands on my shoulders. The lines around his eyes
look deep in this morning light. He looks so tired. “It’s Rennie.”
My heart drops.
No no no no no.
“She’s been in an accident. She—she died, Lilli.”
I feel my legs go out from under me. My dad rushes to lift
me up, but he can’t. I can’t move. This isn’t happening. This is a
dream. Rennie can’t be dead. It’s not possible.
CHAP
TER SIX
T
Y -FIVE

At dawn, I wake up to find myself in a ball on
the ground. Frosty green grass, dirt, and a touch of snow. But I
don’t feel cold. I don’t feel anything. I lift my head.

I know where I am now. I’m in the big graveyard in the center of the island.
I crawl closer to the gravestone I’m lying in front of. I just
need to see the name. If I see the name, I’ll know it’s not true.
This has all been a nightmare, every minute.

I let out a sob. No. Not Daddy. It can’t be. It says he died
a year ago. That’s not possible. He never said good-bye. How
could it be? I rack my brain, trying to remember the last time
I saw him. It had to have been before I left for Jar Island. But I
can’t remember anything about that day. I can’t hear his voice,
or see him put me on the ferry. It’s like someone erased my
memory, wiped it blank.

I’m still choking back tears when I see it. The gravestone
right next to his. It looks old, like it used to be white and now
it’s grayish.

My fingers reach out. Elizabeth. I say it and I know it’s my
name. With a shaking hand, I try to trace my birthday. Thirteen
when I . . .

I stumble to my feet and start backing away from the grave,
without leaving a single footprint behind in the snow. I spin and
run as fast as I can back to my house.

The front door is open. I run inside, up the stairs, to my
room.
There aren’t any boxes. None of the clothes I packed
away. My dresser is covered in a sheet. My bed has no linens. I step into the bathroom. The shower curtain’s gone.
The towels, too. I look down into my bathtub. It’s full of
dust, even though I showered right before Mom came.
I force myself to look up at the beams in my ceiling. At where
I looped the rope, so many years ago.
I squeeze my eyes shut, throw back my head, and scream a
scream that doesn’t end.
CHAP
TER SIX
T
Y -SIX

It’s dinner time and I’m parked a half block
away from Lillia’s house, chain-smoking with my car windows
rolled up tight. The snow hasn’t stopped falling since last
night, and my windshield is almost completely blanketed
white.

I’ve been waiting an hour for her to come home. I’m not sure
where she is. Maybe at Rennie’s mom’s apartment, comforting
her. Maybe with Ash, or some of the other girls from the cheerleading squad, holding each other and crying.

My heart hurts bad. Rennie and I were friends for a long time.
Even with our break during high school, I know our friendship
was deeper and longer and eclipsed anything she had with anyone else.