The Consequences of Forever (1) (19 page)

             
“Okay, but why?”

             
“I do this with all my patients. In a few months, I’m going to be helping you do one of the most important things you’ll do in your lifetime. I think that calls for something a little more personal than a doctor/patient relationship, wouldn’t you say?”

             
“I guess.”

             
“You’re not much of a talker, are you?”

             
“I’m scared,” I admitted.

             
Thea nodded. “I know you are. But you’re not alone. You’d be scared even if you were thirty-six instead of sixteen. But in the end, it’ll all be worth it, I can promise you that. Do you really not have any questions?”

             
“How often do I have to come here?” It was the only one I could think of to ask.

             
Thea chuckled. “Once a month. When it gets closer to your due date, we’ll discuss having appointments more often. Is that all?” I

I nodded and she turned to Adam. “What about you, Adam?”

              “How soon can we find out the gender?” He asked. I hadn’t even thought to ask that question.

             
“That depends. In my experience, I’ve been able to detect if you’re having a boy a little earlier than with a girl. I usually leave when my patients get ultrasounds up to them, unless I have a reason to want one.”

             
“Are you going to be doing the ultrasound or is someone else?”

             
“I am. Everything that happens to you during your pregnancy and through labor is going to be me. I’m certified in every aspect of prenatal care so that I can give my patients their full treatment myself, instead of having to deal with multiple different people every visit.”

             
I felt somewhat relieved. “Good.”

             
We didn’t have any more questions, so Thea advised me to lie down. She lifted my shirt up lightly, and pressed her fingers against my lower stomach.

“What are you doing?” I asked anxiously.

              “Just feeling around,” she assured me. “Making sure everything feels normal, and that you’re where you need to be.”

             
“Am I?”

             
“Yes, everything feels right. Are you ready to hear your baby’s heartbeat?”
No
, I thought, but nodded. Adam walked over to the table, standing beside me and taking my hand in his.

             
Thea took something from her desk that looked a bit like a walkie talkie with a tiny microphone attached. “This is a fetal Doppler,” she explained. “We use this to hear the heartbeat, and determine the heart rate. Now, don’t be concerned if you don’t hear anything. Twelve weeks is still a little early.”

             
She pressed the Doppler against my stomach, and a few seconds later, a faint sound filled the room. My eyes widened and I looked up with Adam, who looked as shocked as I felt.

             
Thea smiled, looking pleased. “Well, Mom and Dad, how does it feel to hear your baby for the first time?”

Part II

In a Family Way

Chapter Sixteen

              “Lainey?”

             
I blinked at the sound of my name. Julia Montgomery came into focus, standing before me, looking concerned. A quick glance told me that I was at her house, standing on her doorstep. I couldn’t remember if I’d knocked.

             
“Hi,” I said, trying to force a smile. It felt more like a cringe, so I stopped.

             
“What are you doing out here?” Julia asked. “And without a jacket! Honey, don’t you realize it’s barely forty degrees?”

I hadn’t realized that, but I didn’t say anything. Instead I allowed Julia to usher me into the house, where it was noticeable warmer.

              She led me to the living room and to the couch where I’d spent much of my free time this past month, with Adam. It had gotten to be awkward, being at Bella Vista when I didn’t have to be, knowing the truth about how Nora felt. Knowing that one mistake, maybe the only one I’d ever made in my life, had cost me her love, possibly forever.

             
This was the first night I’d been home before curfew in a month. And what a big mistake that turned out to be.

             
I felt Julia wrap a blanket over my shoulders before sitting down beside me. She grabbed both of my hands and began rubbing them in hers, warming them. December had caught everyone off guard, becoming much colder much faster than it had in previous years, breaking records on some days. Now it was four days before Christmas, if you wanted to count the day that was mostly already done, and colder than ever.

             
“Adam isn’t here,” I heard Julia telling me. “He isn’t coming back tonight. He told you that, didn’t he?”

I felt myself nod. I’d talked to Adam earlier that day, when he was getting ready for the Reeves’ anniversary party. It was being held on a yacht, out of cell service so I couldn’t reach him if I needed him. I’d been invited, but declined. My nausea had been missing in action for a few weeks now, but I didn’t want to risk enticing it to return.

              “I know,” I whispered. I started to stand up, realizing I had no idea why I was there. “I should go.”

             
“No, honey, sit,” Julia insisted. “I didn’t mean for you to leave, I was just reminding you in case you forgot. You aren’t looking too much like yourself tonight.”

             
I didn’t need a mirror to know that was the truth. “Okay.” I eased back into the couch. It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go.

             
“Did something happen?” Julia asked.

             
I felt myself laugh, surprising both her and myself. “You could say that.” I could hear the bitterness in my voice, and hated it.

             
“Is it the baby?” There was a touch of anxiety in her voice, and I quickly shook my head, instinctively placing my hand over the lower part of my stomach. There was the tiniest bump there now, only visible if you knew to look for it.

             
“No, the baby’s fine,” I reassured her.

             
Julia looked relieved and I offered a small smile. “I’m going to get you some tea, okay?”

             
I nodded. Julia left the room, leaving me alone and feeling completely drained. I’d walked there, a walk that might have normally taken close to a half an hour, but it certainly hadn’t felt like it. I could still remember leaving Bella Vista, hurrying out the door as quickly as my feet would carry me, like it had happened just moments before.

             
I leaned back against the soft cushions of the couch and closed my eyes. This was bad. I didn’t even need to overanalyze it to know that. In some ways, this was even worse than when I found out I was pregnant. At least then I knew my options, knew the possible outcomes of every one of them. This time, I had no answers, and no way of finding any.

             
Julia returned, two cups of tea in hand. “It’s lemon balm,” she explained to me. “I did some research on teas that are safe for pregnancy, and this was one of them. I’ve never tried it before but it’s supposed to be pleasant, and helpful with anxiety.”

The jittery feeling in my stomach was back, the feeling only anxiety could cause. I eagerly took the cup from her and sipped tentatively. It was too hot, but I was still so cold it didn’t matter. I drained the cup in a matter of minutes.

              “Do you want more?” Julia asked.

I shook my head. What I really wanted was a nice warm bed to fall asleep in, but the thought of going home brought the jittery feeling back, so I quickly dismissed it.

              Julia took my cup and placed it on the table, her still-full one beside it. She reached for my hands again, this time just holding them gently in hers. They were already warm, I realized. As if they’d never been cold in the first place.

             
“Lainey, you do realize you can talk to me about anything, right? You’re my family now, I’m here for you no matter what.” J

ulia’s
voice was gentle; loving, even. I felt my eyes fill up, and quickly blinked them away.
Family
, I thought. What did that even mean anymore?

             
“Nora and I haven’t spoken since Thanksgiving,” I found myself saying, almost against my will. I didn’t want to talk about that anymore, I was so tired of dwelling on it. “Literally. She hasn’t even yelled at me, or pushed any adoption pamphlets on me. She just ignores me and acts like I’m not even there.”

             
“Is that what’s bothering you?” Julia asked gently.

             
I shook my head. If only it were just that. “No, it’s not. But it’s why I shouldn’t be so upset about this.” I took a deep breath. “My dad is cheating on her.”

             
Julia’s eyes widened slightly. I looked down at our hands, still tightly clasped together. She showed no signs of wanting to let go. “Are you sure?” She asked, her voice low and calm.

             
I nodded. “I walked in on it, on them. I wasn’t supposed to be home and neither was she.” The memory blooded back, and I tried to blink it away, but to no avail.

             
“Nora?” Julia asked, looking confused.

             
I shook my head again. “Teagan.” I replied. I pictured her in my head, blonde hair and bright blue eyes, all smiles and carefree attitude. My dad’s perfect woman, wrapped in the package of a girl barely older than me. Why hadn’t I seen this coming?

             
“Teagan?” Julia repeated, growing more confused with every word I spoke. “Is that the young woman that’s been staying with you?”

             
It had been four months since Teagan came to stay with us, almost to the exact day. I’d become friends with her. She’d invited me into her room, allowed me to borrow her clothes; I hadn’t knocked because she wasn’t supposed to be home, and she’d given me permission to go in and get whatever I needed when she wasn’t there. What did I need? I couldn’t remember now.

             
“That’s her. She’s twenty-one. My dad is forty-five. I don’t even know what he’s thinking.”

             
Julia sighed. “Well, he wouldn’t be the first married man to do something like that, but I don’t think that’s what you want to hear right now. I thought he and Nora were happy together?”

             
I wanted to say that I’d thought so too, but deep down, I knew better. No one argued as much as they did and could still claim to be happily married and in love. “Actually, it makes a lot of sense. The way he kept disappearing all the time, and how he took Nora’s side whenever we argued. He must have been feeling guilty about cheating on her.”

             
“You don’t think is a one-time thing?”

             
“No. This is so typical of my dad. He cheated on his first wife, Kathryn. He admitted that to me. He probably would have done it to my mom eventually, if they’d stayed together long enough for his eyes to wander.” I felt myself starting to get angry, and Julia must have sensed it, because she removed her hands from mine and began rubbing my back instead. It was such a motherly gesture, I wasn’t sure whether to scream in frustration or cry in gratitude.             

             
“People make mistakes, honey. Maybe you should confront him about this, let him know what you saw and how it makes you feel knowing that he’s betraying Nora.”

             
“He already knows what I saw. I walked right in; they both saw me as much as I saw them. And he didn’t exactly chase after me to make sure I was okay. And besides, what loyalty do I owe Nora, after the way she’s treated me?” I wished the memory would leave my mind, but it stayed on, wanting to be remembered. My dad, locked in an embrace with Teagan. They had been kissing, but it was obvious they were planning on going much further.

             
“None,” Julia replied. “But she’s still the closest thing you’ve had to a mother. That has to count for something.”

             
“It doesn’t.” I sounded stubborn, but I didn’t care. Every parent I’ve ever known had betrayed me in some way. My mother by leaving, Nora by disclaiming me, my father by cheating and risking the only family I’ve ever had.

             
“They all suck,” I added. I knew it sounded immature, but after everything I’d been through in the last few months, maybe I deserved a few immature moments here and there. At the end of the day, I was still sixteen. Nothing was going to change that.

             
“They do,” she agreed. “But you won’t. That’s what matters right now, Lainey. You can’t own your parent’s mistakes, but you can make sure to never make the same ones, for your child’s sake.”

             
“I’m going to be the worst mom ever,” I predicted. “I don’t even know what a mom is, other than someone who leaves because they want their old life back, or publically disowns you at Thanksgiving dinner.”

             
“I’ll help you,” Julia promised. “I won’t claim to be the best mom ever, but I think I’ve done a pretty decent job.”

             
I let Julia embrace me, resting my head on her shoulder. It felt warm and safe in her arms, something I don’t think I’d ever experienced before. Adam made me feel safe, but it was different. I’d read somewhere that there were all different types of love, never two the same. I’d always felt cheated out of a mother’s love, but maybe, at least in this moment, I didn’t have to be.

             
“I think you should stay here, at least for tonight,” Julia said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “I don’t feel right sending you back tonight, after everything that’s happened, and how you’re feeling.”

             
“What about Hannah?” I asked, lifting my head up.

             
“What about her?”

             
“I don’t want to leave her alone.”

             
“Hannah will be fine, honey. Does she know?”

             
I shook my head. “I don’t even know if I should tell her.”

             
Julia brushed a few strands of hair from my face. “That’s your decision to make, Lainey. I can’t make it for you and honestly, I don’t even know what I’d suggest. It’s a tough one.”

             
“I just want to protect her,” I admitted.

             
“I know, but you can’t forever. It’s better you learn that lesson now, before this baby is fourteen and in the midst of their first big crush; you can’t protect the ones you love from everything and everyone that might be out to hurt them.”

             
The words rang true, but hurt, nonetheless. I wanted to protect Hannah, I had since the moment we became sisters. I was only a few months older than her, but those few months felt more like years sometimes. I wanted to protect this baby in the same way, but at the same time held onto a fear that the only protection they would need would be protection from me.

             
But as much as I wanted to protect Hannah, I knew I couldn’t tonight. I couldn’t go back to that house, to that family that felt so broken. I let Julia lead me upstairs and into the guest bedroom, a room I’d only seen maybe once or twice, when Adam gave me a brief tour of the house earlier in our relationship.

             
Julia brought me some of Adam’s clothing to sleep in, and a few towels in case I wanted to shower. She sat at the edge of the bed, and asked me if I needed anything else. She was going to call my dad after she went back downstairs, let him know where I was and that I was safe. It hurt to know that he probably wouldn’t even care, that he’d probably be relieved he didn’t have to deal with me tonight. I wondered what would happen if Julia didn’t call him, if he’d bother trying to search for me, or just assume I was fine.

             
“Thank you for everything,” I said to Julia as she prepared to leave. Part of me wanted to ask her to stay, at least until I fell asleep, but that seemed like an odd request, even if I kind of believed that maybe she would agree to it. She seemed like that type of person, willing to do whatever she could to ease someone else’s sadness or anxiety.