The Consequences of Forever (1) (40 page)

Chapter Forty-Seven

              The day of graduation was sunny, like the perfect post-card day. The perfect day to end one chapter in your life, and begin another.

             
Hannah made the decision to go with us, even though she and Nolan apparently hadn’t spoken since the breakup. She’d admitted to me later the night before that he hadn’t taken the break up well, that he’d actually been planning on continuing their relationship after the move. Hannah seemed surprised by this, but not full of regret. There was something different about her, like something had changed, shifted. Maybe things were worse at home than I’d thought.

             
Greg came down the morning of graduation, which surprised me, even though maybe it shouldn’t have. He and Adam had left things off badly back during winter break, but they were still family. That was something I had yet to fully grasp, that even when things were bad between family members, it didn’t mean you had to end things completely.

             
Mason was my only hope. That was the thought that came to me as I was getting ready, Adam having already left with Nolan an hour before. The Montgomerys were as much my family as anyone could be, but as far as blood went, Mason was my last hope; Mason and this baby. But I didn’t worry about my connection to Harper, because if there was anything I was sure about, it was that a daughter never stopped loving her parents, no matter how flawed they were.

             
Despite the beautiful day outside, graduation was being held inside the auditorium, due to a lack of anywhere else to have it. The auditorium was actually one of the positive things about Haven High; it was exceptionally big, with enough room to seat everyone who came for the ceremony. We arrived earlier, with the intention of getting a seat towards the front, but apparently the rest of the town thought the same, and we ended up much closer to the back than we’d anticipated.

             
I sat between Julia and Hannah, who hadn’t said much of anything on the ride over. Greg sat beside her, and I couldn’t help but notice him shooting a glance at her every now and then, as if he were interested. That amused me. He hadn’t been happy with Adam getting his sixteen year-old girlfriend pregnant, yet he was checking out my sixteen year-old stepsister.

I let it go, because it wasn’t worth the effort to think about it. Greg wasn’t Hannah’s type. He was good-looking, but something told me that after Nolan, Hannah might have higher standards than just looks alone. He was far too uptight, too serious.

              The ceremony started at exactly three o’clock, with the principal introducing the valedictorian, a girl I knew by name only. She gave a long speech about the importance of growing up in a small town and learning how to give to the community before announcing she would be attending college in New York City. The irony made me smile.

             
Then the principal gave a speech, and his voice was so monotone and it went on for so long, I stopped listening almost as quickly as he began speaking. After what felt like centuries, he began naming off the graduates, and they walked up onto the stage to receive their diploma. I felt myself beaming when it was Adam’s turn, full of pride I hadn’t known I felt, and glancing at Hannah when Nolan was called. Her face remained expressionless. It was almost enough to make me believe she really didn’t care, but how was that possible? No one could turn their emotions off that quickly, not even me. Especially not Hannah, who always seemed to feel things so more intensely than anyone else I’d ever known.

             
Julia began to cry as soon as Adam’s name was called, and I felt myself instinctively reach for her hand. She took it immediately, shooting me a grateful look.

             
“I’m such a sucker for these things,” she whispered to me. “I was such a wreck when Greg graduated, because he was my first. And Adam’s my last! I don’t know what is worse.”

             
“I’ll let you cry at my graduation, if you want,” I whispered back. “That way this won’t seem so final.”

             
She smiled a watery smile at me and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

             
After everyone had been called and received their diplomas, the principal took to the stage again to congratulate them, and make yet another speech on how the future could only be brighter from here. As soon as he was done, everyone in the audience sprung to their feet and made a mad dash for the exits, probably in case he decided to start talking again.

             
We found Adam and Nolan just out front, standing there casually and waiting for us. I blushed slightly at how handsome Adam looked in his graduation cap and gown, and immediately wrapped my arms around him, giving him a big kiss. He grinned at me when I pulled away.

             
“Best graduation present ever,” he declared.

             
“Feel any different?” I asked.

             
He considered it for a moment, and then shook his head. “Nope, not really. It won’t hit me until Monday, when I don’t have to get up and go to school.”

             
“Monday is when you start working for Paul,” Ned reminded him, walking over to him and clapping a hand on his shoulder. “That’ll make reality come crashing back real fast.” He grinned, and Adam looked a little less excited.

             
“Congratulations, son,” Ned added. “I’m proud of you.”

             
Adam didn’t get a chance to respond, because Julia threw herself in his arms then. “Oh, I can’t believe you’re all grown up,” she gushed.

             
Adam laughed awkwardly and patted her back. “It's okay, Mom. It’s not like I’m going far.”

             
“That isn’t the point,” she argued. “You’re a high school graduate! That’s an entire chapter in your life, gone.” She shook her head slowly, letting all of these facts settle.

             
“Well, it looks like he’s going to be starting another new chapter soon enough,” Greg said, clearing his throat. He stretched out his hand, and Adam hesitated a moment before accepting it.

             
“Congrats, little brother.”

             
“Thanks,” Adam replied, dropping his hand. He didn’t look convinced, as though he expected Greg to make a comment, but nothing else came.

             
Nolan, who had been off to the side, talking to his own parents, reentered the group then. His eyes immediately focused on Hannah, who simply looked away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

             
“My parents wanted to know if you all wanted to come over to my house. My dad knows a guy who owns one of the restaurants in town, and he’s willing to do some last minute catering.”

             
“That sounds wonderful, Nolan,” Julia said. Everyone, except for me and Hannah, agreed.

             
“Do you want to come?” I asked her, once everyone had started to walk towards their cars and we were out of earshot.

             
She shook her head. “Do you think Julia can drop me off at home first?”

             
“Yeah, but are you sure? I’ll be there, so it isn’t like you’ll have to talk to him or anything.”

             
“Yeah, I know, but still. I wouldn’t feel right going to his house, even if it’s with other people.”

             
I wanted to argue with her, convince her to stay with us, but decided against it. I asked Julia to drop Hannah off first once we got into the car, and noticed Greg looked slightly disappointed. Maybe it was a good thing she wasn’t going. I hadn’t approved of her interest in Nolan at first, but that was something I’d grown used to. The idea of her and Greg wasn’t something I think I could ever adjust to.

             
Nolan noticed her absence as soon as we arrived, and came over to me, grabbing my arm. “Can I talk to you?” He asked, shooting a sideways glance at Adam, who was talking to Mr. Reeves. “In private?”

             
I agreed, and allowed him to lead me to the same room where we’d had our New Year’s Eve discussion. I had no sooner gotten through the door when he began to grill me.

             
“Why does Hannah hate me so much?” He wanted to know. “What the hell did I do to her?”

             
I stared at him, wide-eyed for a minute. “I don’t know,” I said slowly. “She didn’t specify.” That wasn’t entirely true, but I didn’t think Nolan really wanted to know the truth.

             
“You don’t just break up with someone for no good reason,” he argued. “Or in her case, no reason at all.”

             
“She didn’t give you one when she told you she didn’t want to see you anymore?” I asked, hoping to play dumb. I was pretty sure Hannah had already told me she hadn’t.

             
“No, she just said it wasn’t going to work out.” He began pacing, running his hands through his thick blonde hair. “I don’t get it, Lainey. I mean, the girl practically chased me all year, you know? I didn’t even think I wanted to get involved with her, and then things with Maggie got so weird so fast and Hannah seemed so… different. I gave her a shot, and she
was
different. I was different.” He sighed, a defeated sound, and finally sat down.

             
“I think I love her, Lainey.”

             
My eyes widened at her confession, and I regretted agreeing to talk to him. This was too much right now. “Did you tell her that?” I asked, moving a step closer to him and stopping. I had no idea what to do in this situation. Should I comfort him, or keep my distance?

             
“No. I thought about it, but how do you say something like that? It wasn’t like I was going to drop it on her when she broke up with me. That would just sound desperate.” He groaned, burying his face in his hands.

             
I sat down next to him and awkwardly patted him on the back. “Yeah,” I agreed, knowing Hannah well enough to know that a guy proclaiming his love for her wasn’t enough to get her to stick around if she didn’t want to.

             
“Will you talk to her for me?” He pleaded. “Before she leaves?”

             
I considered this. It couldn’t hurt, trying to get to the bottom of it. Then again, was it my right to pry? I sighed.

             
“Okay,” I agreed, because what else was I going to do? All I had ahead of me was time, waiting for this baby to arrive, for my brother to arrive, to hopefully attend his wedding. I might as well add something new to the mix. “I’ll talk to her.”             

             
Nolan smiled at me, and it was so bright and full of hope it almost felt like I’d never seen him smile before. I returned it, feeling confident that I was making the right decision.

Chapter Forty-Eight

              I went to Bella Vista the first thing Sunday morning, my mission to talk to Hannah and get to the bottom of why she really broke up with Nolan. Personally, I didn’t think there was really much to it beyond her just being Hannah, but I’d promised Nolan, and there was nothing else to do. Ned, Adam, and Greg had decided to spend half the day together, since tomorrow Adam officially joined the work force. I felt guilty every time I thought about that, wishing he could have been able to take more of a break, but I knew there was no other way. This baby was coming, and we were going to need money when she did.

             
The front door was locked, so I had no choice but to ring the bell, silently hoping that Hannah was downstairs and would come answer it. I nearly fell over from shock when my father did. In all the years he had lived there, I couldn’t remember a single time he had actually opened the door.

             
“Lainey,” he said, looking as surprised to see me as I was to see him. “What are you doing here?”

             
“I came to see Hannah,” I replied.

             
He nodded and then gave me a quick one-over. “Wow. You’re very, um…”

             
“Pregnant,” I confirmed. “I’m very pregnant.”

             
“Due any day?”

             
“The twelfth, so yeah.” I didn’t want to think about how that was three days from now. I hadn’t felt anything close to what could be labor pains, but I assumed that was normal. I’d seen Thea just the past Thursday, and she’d assured me everything was fine.

             
“Can I come in?” I asked, feeling awkward as my father and I stood there, staring at each other like we weren’t quite sure what to say or do.

             
He blinked, and then nodded, stepping back. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little sidetracked, planning this trip and all.”

             
“When are you leaving?”

             
“That hasn’t actually been decided yet.”

             
“Oh.” I should have figured. There was no way my dad would ever plan something more than a few hours in advance. “Where’s Nora?”

             
“Over at Erin’s. One of Maggie’s old high school friends came back for a surprise visit, so she threw a little party.”

             
I felt my blood run cold. 
It could be anyone
, I told myself. Maggie was pretty outgoing, she probably had a million old high school friends. But deep down, I knew.

             
My dad seemed to be out of things to say, so I turned away from him, heading towards the stairs. He surprised me, actually calling out my name.

             
“Yeah?” I asked, turning my head but keeping my body directed towards the steps.

             
“Call me, okay? When you go into labor and everything. I know I haven’t exactly been there for you the way I should have, throughout everything… but I’d like to be there for that, even if it means I’m sitting in the waiting room waiting for news. Is that okay?”

             
“Yeah,” I replied, even though it didn’t feel okay. “I’ll call.”

             
He didn’t seem to have anything more to say, so I made the once-familiar trek up the steps and knocked once on Hannah’s door. She opened it immediately, looking surprised to see me.

             
She was dressed in a baggy white t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, her long hair messy and unbrushed. It wasn’t like her, and I was immediately concerned.

             
“I didn’t know you were coming over,” she said, her voice bland, stepping away from the door and letting me in.

             
“It was kind of last minute,” I lied. “I came to talk to you about Nolan.”

             
She rolled her eyes. “He asked you to talk to me, didn’t he?”

             
“Yes, Hannah, he did. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but he said he thinks he could love you.”
Way to be blunt
, I thought to myself, but didn’t regret it. Hannah usually appreciated straightforwardness, and besides, I was due in three days. It wasn’t like I had time on my side.

             
“Seriously?” She didn’t look surprised, or pleased. She just looked blank, uninterested. “Why couldn’t he tell me that himself?”

             
“Fear? I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

             
“Well, it’s a little too late. Not that it would have mattered, anyway. I don’t feel the same.”

             
“Since when?” I asked. “You were crazy about him forever.”

             
“Yeah, well I think I was just crazy. He’s not that great, Lainey.”

             
“He’s not that bad, either.” Never in a million years would I have expected to find myself saying that about Nolan, but I meant it, surprisingly enough. For all his flaws, he really wasn’t too bad.

             
Hannah sighed, and flung herself down on her bed. “Can we not talk about this?”

             
“What’s going on, Hannah?” I sat next to her, pleading her with my eyes. “You’re not yourself lately.”

             
“I don’t even know what that means, Lainey. Who am I supposed to be? I thought I knew, but then the world turned upside down, so I really have no idea.”

             
“What do you mean?” I asked. “How did the world turn upside down?”

             
“Seriously?” She got to her feet and began to walk around the room, circling it; picking up random things and then putting them right back. She seemed to be working up to something, and it made me nervous.

             
“Let’s see, Lainey. This time last year, we were sharing this room, and you were dating my best friend. Some people might think that’s weird or awkward, but it was awesome. It meant I always had the two of you around, and I never felt like a third wheel because I was your common factor. Then you throw that all away, to date some guy I barely know.”

             
She picked up a paperweight she’d had since before we met, tossed it in the air a few times, then put it back. “In case you didn’t notice, you kind of stopped being around so much after you started dating Adam, and I got used to it because I figured I’d be the same way. Except the guy I liked didn’t feel the same way, and you wouldn’t do a single thing to try and help me to get him to notice me. That kind of makes this entire situation unbelievable, actually. Here you are, trying to talk me into getting back together with Nolan, when you didn’t even want us together in the first place.”             

             
“That’s not why I’m here,” I argued. “I’m worried about you.”

             
“Worried about me? Have you even noticed that I’ve barely been around for the last few months?”

             
“Of course I’ve noticed! I figured you were with Nolan.”

             
“I was, but not because I wanted to be. God, Lainey. You got pregnant and everything changed. You think this only affects you, but it doesn’t. My entire life changed because you got pregnant. You were my best friend, my sister, my roommate. I know I complained about sharing this room with you a lot, but do you have any idea how lonely it’s been since you moved? All Mom and Michael do is scream at each other day in and day out, and I have no one to turn to but Scott, and I can barely even confide in him about half this stuff because he’s still in love with you.”

             
“He is not,” I argued.

             
“You have no idea, Lainey.” She stopped walking completely and shook her head. “You really have no idea.”

             
“Are you trying to say this is all my fault? That you suddenly acting strange and breaking up with your boyfriend for no good reason is all my fault? Because that’s really unfair.” I started to stand up, but decided against it. The last thing I needed was to trip over myself and make the situation more embarrassing than it was already quickly becoming.

             
“I know,” Hannah said, looking defeated. She sat back down next to me and buried her face in her hands. “I know it’s unfair. But I hate this, all of this. I hate that I stopped wanting Nolan. I hate that you’re never around. I hate that I’m going away for an entire summer with two people that barely know I exist anymore, and can’t stand each other.”

             
“Maybe you should ask to stay,” I said softly. “I can ask Julia. I’m sure she’d let you use the guest bedroom for the summer.”

             
Hannah shook her head. “That’s just the thing, Lainey. I can’t stay. If I don’t go, they’re not going to come back in one piece. It’s bad, Lainey.”

             
“Maybe it’s okay if they don’t stay together,” I suggested. “If all they do is fight…”

             
“You don’t get it. If they get divorced, Mom and I leave. She’s not going to stick around here, running a bed and breakfast for a man she hates. We’ll be back in Raleigh before you know it. I can’t do that.”

             
For whatever reason, it never dawned on me that my dad and Nora getting a divorce would mean Hannah moving away. I felt scared.

             
“I won’t let that happen,” I promised her, even though I had no way of stopping it.

             
“You can’t control what they do or don’t do,” she sighed. “Believe me, I wish you could.”

             
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, before I finally gained the courage to speak. “So then why did you break up with Nolan? Really.”

             
She shrugged. “I just didn’t feel it anymore. I felt lonely all the time, and he didn’t do anything to stop that. I thought having sex would make me feel closer to him, and it just made me feel further away. From him, from myself, from everything. And don’t you dare say I told you do.”

             
“I won’t,” I promised, smiling softly. “I’d never say that to you.”

             
“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “For blowing up with you and everything. I didn’t mean it. I mean, I did, but not really.”

             
“I know,” I laughed. “I get it, Hannah. And I’m sorry I haven’t been there as much as I should have been.”

             
“Just don’t go anywhere now?”

             
“I won’t. I wish I could say the same to you.”

             
She sighed. “You and me both.”