The Cost Of Love And Sanity (7 page)

Up came the basic demographics for donors, along with a code number. She clicked on the African-American donor who was six-one and 185 pounds. She immediately saw a list of information on his hair type, blood type and other profile information. They even provided a description of his personality. On the right side of the screen, she saw the price for the donor's sperm.
$565.
Alex leaned back in her chair, floored.

Instinct led her to pick up the phone to dial Izzy's number. She had to tell somebody about this. Izzy picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Girl, you will never believe what I am looking at.”

“What?”

“I am looking at an online sperm bank.”

“What? Why are you looking at that?”

Alex gasped. She remembered that she hadn't told Izzy about her thoughts of pursuing motherhood on her own. She placed her hand over her mouth, trying to think fast and figure out what to say.

“Oh. I happened to be on Google searching for something else and you know how other stuff pops up on the search engine? Well, it was there.” Alex crossed her fingers, hoping that her friend bought her excuse.

“Oh! Whew! You scared me for a minute there.” Izzy laughed.

“Yeah. Well, I had to click on it to see what it was about. It's like a catalog,” Alex said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. They got prices and all.”

“OMG! I gotta see this. What's the website?”

“www.theasibank.com.”

“Hold on.” Izzy disappeared from the phone. A few minutes later, she came back.

“Wow! I am blown away. Who knew it was this deep?” Izzy asked.

“I didn't,” Alex said.

“Well, thank God we don't have to do this. Paying for what should be free is not the way to go.”

Izzy's comment felt like an arrow piercing Alex's skin. She winced a little.

“Yeah, but I guess it helps a lot of people,” Alex said.

“Sure but it's also a business. Someone is making money off of what should be a part of nature. Selling our blood on the corner. It's an abomination.”

“What?” Alex looked at the phone.

“Okay, maybe that's going a little overboard but it's definitely unnecessary,” Izzy said.

Mixed emotions ran through Alex's body. On one hand, she was happy that she hadn't told her friend that she'd been thinking about doing this on her own. As free-spirited as Izzy had always been, she never expected her to be so judgmental about this but she
guessed everybody had an opinion. On the other hand, she was disappointed that her best friend opposed another woman's choice. Sure, she didn't know that Alex had considered this choice but it still stung to know that in this decision—the most important one of her life—she may not be able to count on her friend.

She supposed she might have received a different reaction had she told Izzy that Nathan had stood her up. Sympathy, perhaps. But Alex wasn't in the mood to talk about that disappointment. She looked up at the ceiling as if expecting some reassurance from God.

“Well, I saw that and had to share. Let me get back to work,” Alex said, seeking to end the call before she began to show her true feelings.

“Okay. I'll call you later,” Izzy said.

“All right. Bye.”

After Alex hung up the phone with Izzy, she went back to searching the bank website. She spent forty-three minutes looking at the donor descriptions. There was only one that stood out but he cost $700.
Why in the world does sperm cost so much?
These people really were trying to get rich off a delicate situation.

She clicked on the
X
at the top of the site's window. She didn't see anyone on the website that was worth $700, even if he was a Ph.D.

Alex turned back to the window she originally opened. She needed to get back to work and focus but the words on the page seemed to run together. Baby thoughts were still occupying her mind. She had searched the bank, hoping she would find answers to help clarify her direction. Instead, she had more concerns. She didn't know how Roxie was able to reach such a happy destination, but the road Alex occupied seemed to twist and turn, leaving her as confused and lonely as before.

T
he meteorologist on Channel 14 predicted a sixty percent chance of rain. So far, the sky only had a slight overcast. Alex almost cancelled eating dinner with her mother. Between the weather and her unexpected letdown from Nathan, she didn't feel up to it but she decided she still craved some good food and hoped the sky would stay clear. Maybe her mother wouldn't notice her distraction.

Alex turned onto Robin Avenue with her mother in the passenger seat. As she approached the red light, her mother held out her hand.

“Wait!”

“What, Mama? I was stopping. What do you think, I'm gonna run through the red light?” Alex asked.

“Well, I don't know. You kept going,” her mother said.

“I wasn't going to run a red light, Mama.” She couldn't wait to reach The Seashore Restaurant. She really hated driving her mother anywhere. She complained even without anything to complain about. She tried to insist that her mother drive but she climbed into Alex's passenger seat and refused to move.

Alex finally pulled into the restaurant parking lot. As soon as they walked in, she noticed a long line of people waiting for a table. They approached the chipper, young hostess.

“Hi. Welcome to The Seashore. Will there be two?” the hostess asked.

“Yes,” Alex said.

“Okay. It's going to be about a fifteen-minute wait. Is that okay?”

“Not really,” Alex's mother mumbled.

“Ma,” Alex said. “That'll be fine,” she said, turning back to the young girl.

The hostess nodded and handed Alex a beeper. Alex looked around the waiting area for a place for her and her mother to sit but all the seats were taken. She remembered seeing empty chairs outside. When she peeped through the window, she noticed that they were still available.

“C'mon, Ma. We can sit outside.”

Alex opened the door for her mother and they walked over to the empty, wooden chairs. She sat down and crossed her legs. Her mother plopped her stocky frame down in front of her.

“Ooh. These chairs are too low,” her mother said.

“Well, I didn't see anything higher, Ma. Unless you want to go back to the car or sit on those bricks over there.” Alex pointed to the stack of bricks that were holding the greenery close to the building.

“Then, I won't be able to enjoy the dinner for itching.” Her mother tooted her lips up. “I guess I might as well stay here.”

If the Olympics made complaining an event, her mother would win a gold medal. Alex prayed that she didn't spend the whole lunch complaining. She didn't feel like hearing it today. She had too much on her mind. She frowned.

“What's going on in your life?” her mother asked, peering at her daughter. She leaned forward to hear what she had to say, seeming to sense something wrong.

Although Alex knew what her mother wanted to hear, she chose to give her what she wanted to give her: work talk.

“Well, my company is undergoing a lot of changes. Executives say we aren't doing as well as usual and someone will lose their job soon.”

Her mother's eyebrows shot up. “Who?”

“They haven't said but we are all instructed to be on our Ps and Qs.”

“You do not need to lose your job, especially with that big house you're living in. Who ever heard of a single woman living in a house that big?” Her mother shook her head.

“It's a two-story house. Not a mansion.”

“Still. It's too big.”

Just like her mother to see the negative. She couldn't be happy she had a successful daughter. She had to find a means to point out Alex's shortcomings. It never failed. “Anyway, I don't think I'm going anywhere,” Alex said.

“I hope not.” She scanned Alex. “Anything else going on? Met anyone new?”

“No, Ma.”

“Why not?”

The beeper flashed and buzzed. Grateful for the distraction, Alex stood up and led her mother inside the restaurant.

The hostess sat them in a booth near the window, offering full view of the busy intersection and a Babies “R” Us store across the street. Alex immediately thought about the sperm bank she found on the Internet. She quickly turned away, hoping that the baby longing she felt in her heart didn't show in her eyes.

The women ordered and within twenty-five minutes the server brought their food to the table. Alex ordered a Wood-Grilled Shrimp Fest. Her mother had a full plate of pasta and a side of broccoli.

“Enjoy your meal, ladies,” the server said.

Alex nodded. As she picked up her glass of water and took a sip,
her eyes fell back on the Babies “R” Us store and she began to ponder the bank again.
Was it really all that bad of an idea?
Maybe she needed more than one opinion.

“Ma?”

“What?”

“Have you watched the news lately?”

“A little bit but I don't listen to the radio shows anymore because I don't work. So now I only catch the evening news, except for last Wednesday. I had to wash my car. It's been so cold outside but I couldn't take looking at that car another day. It had dirt spots all over it. You know the kind that look like they've been on there for days, accumulated from when it spot-rains? That's how mine—”

“Ma,” Alex said, sighing. “I asked because I wanted to know if you saw the story about the actress, Roxie Miller.”

“I'm not sure. What about her?” her mother asked, digging into her plate of pasta.

“She recently had a baby.”

“Oh. They were talking about her this morning. Who's the daddy? Some big Hollywood hot shot?”

“No. Actually, she had artificial insemination.”

“What?”

“You know, where they insert the sperm manually.”

“Ugh. I know what it is. Why in the world would she do that?”

“I guess because she wanted a baby.”

“Then, why didn't she go out and get a man like everybody else?”

“She did get a man. Many men but none of them worked out. So, she did it on her own,” Alex said, blowing on her shrimp.

“Nonsense. No woman has to do it on her own, unless she wants to. There's always a man around. You have to pay attention and stop making excuses.”

Even though Alex knew that her mother was talking about Roxie,
she couldn't help feeling like those words were for her. She seemed to always struggle with relationships and men. It had become a sore spot for her. She and her mother had discussed it several times. The conversation never ended well. Alex hesitated to even mention her break up with Phillip. From the way her mother talked, it wouldn't be any easier than previous conversations. She opted to wait a little longer to tell her. Maybe her mother had even forgotten about him. She'd only mentioned him a couple of times.

“Whatever, Ma.” Alex's eyes wandered down to her mother's half-empty plate. “So, how's your diet going?”

Her mother almost choked on her pasta. Alex laughed.

“It's been going good until today.”

Both chuckled. “That's okay. There's always tomorrow,” Alex said.

Alex's phone buzzed from her purse. She pulled it out and saw Nathan's number. She frowned, muted the ring and threw it back into her purse.

“Who was that?” her mother asked.

“An unknown number.”

“Oh.” Sandra glanced through the window and spotted the place that made Alex think about Roxie. “Babies “R” Us. That reminds me. Gerard called me yesterday and said that he and your cousin Nikki are having a baby shower Saturday. We can go across the street and get the gift out of the way.”

Alex rolled her eyes.
Another baby for Cousin Nikki.
“I don't know if I'm going to this one.” This would be number four for Nikki. Alex bought her a gift last year. She didn't feel like doing it again.

Her mother stretched her eyes. “Oh, you're going. Or I'll tell the family where you live so they can randomly stop by your house to say hello.”

Alex grimaced. Sometimes her mother could be so cruel. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you need to be more supportive of your family.”

“Well, if you want to go to the store, you might want to hurry up cuz they may close soon and I have work to do.”

She could feel the nightmare coming. The store alone gave her mother way too much space and time to torture her. She could see her pointing out all the things Alex should be buying for herself. She felt bad enough already. She didn't need help.

Her mother took her time with her meal, despite Alex's warning. She not only got a couple of refills on her drink, she ordered dessert: chocolate cheesecake with a side of vanilla ice cream. She took a bite and rolled her eyes in taste bud heaven. Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“Umm. This is good. You want some?” Her mother pointed her fork at the cake and ice cream.

“No, thank you, Mama.”

“Are you sure? This is really good.”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Why not? Are you watching your weight again? What for?”

“Ma.”

“I mean, that would be fine if you were watching it to catch a man but since there doesn't seem to be one in sight, what's the point?”

“Ma?”

“It's not like you're gonna make me a grandmother this century.”

Alex saw red. She'd had enough. She grabbed her Dooney & Bourke purse straps. “Ma, I'm gonna go ahead and go to the store. You can come over once you're finished with your cake and ice cream. Okay?”

“All right, all right. I'm almost done.” With that, her mother wolfed down the remains on her plate and took one last sip of her drink. “Okay. I'm ready to go.”

Alex waved for the waitress. After she paid and left a twelve-dollar
tip, the women exited the restaurant and rode across the street to Babies “R” Us.