The Cost Of Love And Sanity (10 page)

“Sure. Absolutely. Noon Thursday it is.” She leaned forward to shake his hand. When he walked out of her office, Alex slid down in her chair.
Great. I wanted this one so badly.
She racked her brain for a solution to this problem. She desperately needed employers to sign on as soon as possible. Lost in thought, she jumped when her extension ring.

Flustered, she grappled with the receiver.

“Yes.”

“Ms. Carter? You have a delivery downstairs,” the receptionist, Betty, said.

Alex jerked her head back. “Oh, okay.”

She walked out of her office and headed for the elevator. When she saw Courtney, she rolled around to the other elevator. She stepped into the vacant elevator with her mind wondering. What kind of delivery did she have? She hadn't ordered anything.

When the elevator opened up on the first floor, Alex walked toward the front desk. The closer she came to the receptionist's desk, she could see a massive object setting on it. Sticking out of an elegant Couture vase, Alex saw two dozen long-stemmed red and pink roses mixed with smaller white and light pink spray roses and fresh green bupleurum.

Alex crept up to the desk, looking around. “Uh, hey, Betty. You said you have a delivery for me?”

“Right here.” Betty motioned toward the large display of flowers.

Alex rounded the flowers and saw the card with her name on it. She started to open it but happened to glance up and see Betty sitting with her hands folded, waiting for Alex to open the card. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, she tucked the card back into the bouquet and grabbed the vase.

“Thank you, Betty,” Alex said, moving away from the desk.

“Sure thing.” Betty watched her round the corner.

Alex's palms were getting sweaty. She darted her eyes back and forth, looking to see if anyone noticed the large display of flowers eclipsing her. So far, people in the building seemed to be minding their own business. She relaxed a little and relaxed even more when she pushed the elevator button and it opened right away.
It looks like I'll get this upstairs without any fuss.

She stepped on and pressed the fifth floor. Right before the door closed, Romero put his hand in the way and strode on in. He
smiled when he saw Alex but his smile dimmed a little when he saw the flowers.

“Hey. What you got there?” he asked.

Alex shrugged. “Flowers.”

He nodded. “They're beautiful. From someone special, eh?”

“Well, I don't know about that. Someone decided to surprise me.” She nodded. “I'm surprised.”

They both laughed a nervous laugh.
C'mon, floor five.

“So, have you been seeing this friend for awhile?”

“Uh, no.”

The elevator door finally opened up on her floor. Grateful for an escape from this uncomfortable conversation, she hopped at the opportunity to leave it behind. She always hoped that Romero got the hint—that they would never be a couple but, moments like these, she wasn't sure. She really didn't like to hurt anybody's feelings. She also couldn't lie. Handling her interactions with Romero poorly could lead to real problems for her at work, something she wouldn't tolerate.

“Have a good day, Romero.” Alex stepped off the elevator.

“You too, Alex.”

Alex rushed to her office before anyone else asked her about the flowers. She bolted through the door and bumped it closed behind her. After leaning against the door for a few seconds to catch her breath, she carefully escorted the vase over to her desk. She sat it down and parked herself in the chair to read the card.

I hope you accept these flowers as an apology. I kick myself for not catching up with you and I would like for us to try again. I accept responsibility for my part in destroying our first attempt. Please let me make up for it with a date (yeah, I said it). Promise you won't be sorry.

Sincerely, Nathan

Alex leaned back in her chair, as the card dropped to her lap.
Nathan had never sent her flowers before and he'd certainly never written anything like this to her. Before she could think about the card any deeper, someone knocked on her door. Alex rushed the card in her desk drawer.

“Come in!”

“Hey. Hey! You got flowers.” Stanley walked in the room.

“Yeah. Just a friendly gesture.” Alex waved it off.

“Some gesture. Listen. We need some help with the new outline. You gotta minute.”

“Sure. I'll be right over.”

As Stanley walked out the door, Alex made sure she'd tucked the card away in her drawer under several pieces of paper. As if sensing the card's presence, her phone vibrated. She looked over and saw Nathan's number—again. Something in her grew excited, despite her attempts to be level-headed. After a moment of standing still, the phone finally stopped and rung once signaling a message. Satisfied with her composure and self-control, she smoothed her skirt and walked out of her office.

“Oh! So, he bought you flowers, huh?” Izzy teased.

Alex shook her head.

Izzy had a couple of hours to kill between hair clients and Alex left the office an hour and a half early. The two met up and walked through the mall that afternoon. Alex munched on a chocolate chip cookie, while Izzy licked her Rocky Road ice cream off the waffle cone.

“Yeah. It's no big deal.”

“Alex? Please. Men don't spend money on a woman because it's no big deal. Okay? I mean, rich men might but the average Joe will not spend extra money on a woman unless he's really into her. I don't care how nice he is.”

“All right. So, you have a point. That still doesn't mean anything.”

Izzy quickly licked the ice cream oozing down her cone. “You know what your problem is?”

“No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me.”

“Your problem is that you're too negative. You're not willing to believe in anything. Every time Nathan does something nice for you, you figure out a reason to dismiss it.”

“Can you blame me? I gave him my number. He took a week to call. We make a date. He doesn't show up. Every nice gesture is not cause to call a wedding planner. I'd rather be realistic about what's happening. He's already proven to be unreliable.”

“How do you know that? He told you he had to help a friend fix his car. Is it so hard to believe that he may have actually done that?”

Alex thought about the possibility that Nathan had told the truth. She also thought about their break up a decade earlier. She could still remember how she felt when she heard that Nathan had a little too much fun at a friend's party. She confronted him about it and he admitted to getting oral from a dancer there. Heartbroken, she split up with him right then. For those next few days, he called her day and night, trying to see if they could work things out but her anger and hurt would not allow her to hear him absent of judgment.

After numerous calls and emails from Nathan, Alex grudgingly agreed to listen to him in person for two minutes. He said he would call her that night to let her know when she could expect him. That night came and that night went. Not only did he not call but he never came by. She hadn't seen or heard from him again until…the gas station. He seemed so happy and cheerful, walking over to her car—as if that night never happened.

Thinking about the breakup took her breath away and made her eyes sting. She steadied herself on the inside and responded to Izzy.

“What if I can't trust him?”

Izzy stopped mid slurp. “Then, I guess you have a decision to make. Either you're going to give this a chance wholeheartedly or you're going to run the other way.” Izzy pointed at her. “But be careful which way you go, Alex. You really need to follow your heart.”

Alex grimaced. Gerard said follow her gut, while Izzy was telling her to follow her heart. These seemed like two different ideas. Trying to do both would certainly cause her a lot of distress. Since Nathan sent her the flowers, she didn't even know what her gut
wanted her to do. She only knew she didn't want to look like a fool.

Her heart, however, was another story. Sometimes it seemed that it had stopped reacting. Like maybe it only sat in her chest for decoration, while it allowed her head to take over all her decisions. It wasn't that she opposed letting her heart lead but she really didn't know where to begin. Her heart hadn't done much for her in a long time. It had become much easier to think her way through life—making practical decisions along the way. All things emotional and romantic took a back seat. How was she supposed to all of a sudden start thinking with her heart now?

She looked over at Izzy licking the ice cream off the back of her hand. The two women lived very different lives and, in some ways, Alex couldn't imagine being Izzy but she had to admit one thing: she admired her friend's resilience. Over the years, Izzy had become the poster child for heartbreak and romantic disenchantment but no matter how hard she'd get knocked down, she got right back up on the same horse all over again. Alex considered herself a strong woman but she didn't know if she had Izzy's type of strength.

“What do you propose my heart is telling me to do?” Alex asked.

“I don't know. Only you can answer that question. But the fact that we're having this conversation must mean something.”

Izzy faced Alex. “You only talk about a man when he means something to you. You should give this thing with Nathan some more thought.”

Alex took a deep breath to overcome the wave of anxiety that hit her at the thought of talking to Nathan again. She swallowed it down and gave Izzy a weak smile, while nudging her along.

“Why?”

“Let's say I have a good feeling about this.” Izzy smiled wider.

“Better than you had about Phillip,” Alex said.

“Ha! Way better than I had about Phillip.” The women laughed and walked into Donovan's shoe store.

•••

After her girls' day out with Izzy, Alex headed home. Darkness set into the Southern sky. As she approached a grocery store, she remembered there were a few things she needed to pick up. She made a quick turn at the next light into the store parking lot. Once parked and inside the store, she reached into her purse and grabbed her brief list. She walked in the store and picked a shopping cart. Before she could get down an aisle, her cell phone rang. She shuffled through her purse for the phone and finally reached it at the beginning of the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Whatcha doin?” her mother asked.

“I'm in the store picking up a few things.” Alex placed her purse in the basket and started to walk.

“At this time of night? What did you have to get?”

“Only a couple of items. I missed some things the last time I came.”

“That's because you don't write a list. I've told you to sit down and create a list before you go to the store. Like talking to myself.”

Alex rolled her eyes. As usual, it never took long for her mother to start nagging her about what she should have been doing.

“Anyway, Ma…I have a list now and I'm here to pick up a few things. Did you want something else?”

“Yes. I was planning to go to the movies this weekend. Do you want to go?” her mother asked.

“I guess. What were you planning to see?”

“I'm gonna see
The Arc
with that actress, Roxie.”

“You usually don't go to see her movies,” Alex said, surprised at her mother's selection.

“I heard it received good reviews. I hope they're not exaggerating because she's in the news right now.”

“I don't know but that's fine. Let me finish grabbing the things I need.”

Alex ended the call with her mother and continued to stroll down the aisle. She ended up on the condiments side. Alex saw the salt and stopped. Flashbacks of her last argument with Phillip ran through her mind.
Gosh, have I really waited three weeks to buy the salt?
Alex's brow furrowed. How could she expect herself to manage taking care of a child, when she couldn't even remember to buy a seasoning?

Alex reached over and picked up the salt. On top of the weight of her sadness, the twenty-six-ounce box felt heavy. Yet, she managed to hold it in her arms long enough to place it in the basket. After picking up a few more things that were on her list, she went to the register and paid for the merchandise, barely noticing the friendly cashier's greetings.

Once she reached her car, she threw the plastic bag holding her few items in her passenger's seat and dropped into the driver's seat. Alex cranked the car but stopped short of shifting into drive. A tear welled up and spilled over the rim of her eyes. She blotted it with the back of her hand only to have another tear fall over. This time, she reached into her arm rest and pulled out a napkin. For a minute, she buried her face in the napkin, allowing the tears to flow.

Something was happening to her. For the first time, she felt a pull toward change. She could not accept Phillip as the end of it all. She needed someone more supportive and he wasn't even a
nice guy. She had to refocus and create some type of improvement in her life. She hated feeling sorry for herself.

When she dabbed the rest of the water from her face, her cell phone rang. She sighed and picked it up without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello,” she mumbled.

“Alex? It's Nathan.”

Alex sat up and cleared her throat. “Hello, Nathan. How are you?”

“I'm good. I'm glad I was able to reach you. Did you get the flowers I sent you?” Nathan asked. His voice harbored a mixture of panic, concern and relief. Between the busy work day and her chitchat with Izzy, she didn't think to call him back about the flowers.
Ugh, that's real polite, Alex.

“Oh, yes. I did receive the flowers,” she said.

“Good. Did you like them?”

“Yes, they were very lovely. I meant to call you back but—”