The Courage to Love Her Army Doc (12 page)

‘You already knew.' The realisation hit him hard. All this time he'd been trying to impress her and she'd probably been aware of his inadequacy all along.

‘Sorry?'

‘Peter told you why I had to leave the army?'

The blush gave her away even before she confirmed his hunch. ‘Only because I thought you were being rude by ignoring me.'

‘I get that a lot.' He managed a half-smile at the thought of how riled she must've been at him for Peter to have told her. It was some consolation he hadn't simply been the subject of gossip between them but telling Emily was a big deal for him. It should have been his decision, his privilege to tell her.

‘I think that makes us even. My secret for yours.' Emily nudged him, trying to make light of the moment.

It would be easy for him to lose his rag and tell her it was none of her business but she wasn't to blame for his inability to deal with this. No one was, not even Peter. He couldn't hide away from his hearing issue for ever and if he took a leaf out of her book he'd front it out and people would simply have to accept it. The strength of her courage became even more apparent when he thought of shining a spotlight on his insecurity for the whole world to see. Still, he'd share details of his deafness before he'd let anyone in on the events of that fateful day and his responsibility for it.

‘How about a pact never to mention either?'

‘Done.'

‘And in answer to your original question, yes, I do miss it. Not the heat or the injuries my friends suffered, but the excitement and that sense of belonging. I had a role, a reason to be.' He shut his mouth before he said anything more. It wasn't in his nature to take a dip in self-pity, and especially not with spectators. Coming across as a sad sack certainly wasn't going to improve his chances of finishing what he'd started with Emily tonight. He was supposed to be the fun, uncomplicated side of this partnership. A traumatised ex-vet who needed sex to justify his existence probably wouldn't seem as attractive.

‘You have a role out here. You're needed here. But I guess that's why you don't stick around. It never gets dull for you if you're always moving from one place to another.' Emily hugged her knees against her chest as she psychoanalysed him. Joe guessed she found that harder to understand than him hiding his disability when stability and security seemed to be what she craved most in her life. Things she would never find with him.

‘Exactly. New places, new people get the adrenaline pumping for me.' The closest he came to that without leaving the island was when he and Emily were alone together. That was when he felt most alive, most validated as a person.

Once she left Yasi there would be absolutely no reason for him to stick around.

CHAPTER TEN

‘M
ORNING
.' E
MILY
YAWNED
a greeting to Peter and Miriama as she passed them in the hallway. She and Joe had managed to grab a few hours' sleep on a couple of makeshift mattresses close by when they'd volunteered to take over the early morning shift. She thought all was well since she'd been left to wake up in her own time, until she saw that Joe had already vacated his bed.

‘Morning.' Peter handed her some lemon tea, its bitter zing guaranteed to wake her up.

She cradled the cup in her hands, letting the comforting warmth spread through her weary body before she took a sip. ‘How is Nete?'

‘He's a bit brighter today. Joe's with him if you want a professional assessment.'

She trusted Peter's word but she did want to see for herself. An early morning Joe fix might just set her up for the day too.

‘Hey,' she said when she saw Joe, thinking how unfair it was that he still looked devastatingly handsome on so little sleep. No doubt she had the world's worst bed hair and panda eyes, while his crumpled clothes and morning stubble simply elevated his hunk status.

‘Hi, sleepyhead.' He had the bright eyes and cheerful demeanour of someone who'd been awake for a while, or had somehow got his hands on a shot of
actual
caffeine.

Either way, she would have preferred to have been included than not. ‘You should have woken me.'

‘You were sleeping so soundly I hated to disturb you. Besides, you probably wouldn't have heard me above your snoring.' He shared the joke with their patient, who was now sitting up unassisted and laughing at her expense.

‘I do not snore!' At least, she didn't think she did, unless a year of sleeping alone had somehow caused it to manifest. She was sure Greg would've told her if it had ever been a problem. He'd never been shy about pointing out her faults and not in such a jokey fashion either. In fact, she could see now that he'd been downright cruel at times, playing on her insecurities until she'd hated herself for not being the woman he'd obviously wanted.

At least now she was beginning to see she wasn't the only one who'd failed at that relationship. If Greg had accepted her as unconditionally as Joe seemed to, there would never have been a need to constantly belittle her. In hindsight that was probably what had made her cling to stability as much as she had. She'd needed something to make her feel safe and secure, with her husband constantly undermining her. Now that she'd moved on, found herself at peace with who she was, she didn't intend to return to that dark, uncertain place.

‘I'm only messing with you. You needed the rest. I'm used to getting by on very little sleep.'

She faked a smile as he reminded her of their contrasting lifestyles. He was always going to be the drifter, content to take life one day at a time, when all she wanted was her own bed and job security. If she was realistic they'd probably only made a connection because they'd been thrown together on this tiny island and she didn't want to be with another man for all the wrong reasons.

‘So, how are we getting on?' She glanced over the readings Peter had jotted down during the night, keeping track of his progress.

‘Fever's broken, fluid intake is steady, as is urine output, and he's hungry, which is always a good sign.' Relief was etched all over Joe's smiling face, even though he hadn't once given in to panic during their stint last night.

‘I'm so glad to hear that.' At times it had been touch-and-go whether or not they'd get to this apparent recovery phase. They'd sweated right along with the patient through every painful stage of the illness. Not that it was over yet, but Joe was right, the outcome was looking more favourable now than it had done at certain low points of the night. It had been a long shift and she had a new-found respect for hospital workers for whom the long hours and clean-up were simply part of the job. All worth it, though, if it meant the worst had passed.

‘I think it's safe for us to nip home and get freshened up, if Peter and Miriama don't mind taking over here a bit longer?' Joe was able to put his question directly to the other volunteers as they entered the room on cue.

‘No problem at all,' Miriama assured them both.

Emily would never dream of taking advantage but even a bucket of cold water seemed like a luxury right now to someone in last night's clothes who'd spent most of the last twelve hours mopping fevered brows and vomit.

‘Er...the chief might have other ideas for you.'

Peter interrupted her immediate plans with a worrying comment. If there was some sort of ceremony to celebrate renewed health, Emily hoped she could still grab five minutes' privacy for a wash and change of clothes.

‘We won't be long. Tell him we'll be back in our rightful places in no time at all.' Joe added his support to her cause, clearly with the same need to feel human again. They couldn't possibly be taken seriously as medical professionals dressed in wrinkled date-night clothes as if they'd just stumbled in from a club.

‘Yeah, yeah, you can still go and get changed. I mean he has plans for the rest of your day. He wants to throw a beach picnic in your honour for saving his son.'

‘That sounds lovely.'

‘There's really no need. Besides, we're not completely out of the woods yet.' Joe talked over her acceptance with some uncharacteristic reluctance to take part on one of the spontaneous gatherings.

Emily pouted as the menfolk battled to plan her day for her. ‘I haven't seen the beach since the day I arrived. You're the one who's always telling me to chill, take time out for me and stop stressing about deserting my post. Or is that only when it suits you?'

This was coming close to their first real argument, but while she was bracing herself for a showdown, Joe clenched his jaw and bit back whatever retort was on his tongue.

‘He really wants to show you his gratitude and we can hold the fort for you here until you get back. You both need the break.' Peter was so insistent it would be a shame to send him back to the chief with bad news.

‘We'd love to, wouldn't we, Joe?' She pushed her luck that tiny bit further. Once he had time to think about it he'd see some fresh air, a paddle in the sea and a picnic lunch might be the best medicine to revitalise two weary medics.

Neither his scowl nor his grunt were in keeping with that theory but he didn't object verbally and she took that as an uneasy acceptance. A complete role reversal from their usual power play. This time she was the one pushing him to try something different. Emily understood his concerns but the others were well versed in the treatment to give in their absence. Bar chartering a private plane to get their patient to a hospital, there was little more any of them could do if his condition worsened. The next time this illness struck the island it was entirely possible Miriama would be the only person here to treat it anyway. At least, that's how Emily justified this time out to herself.

It wasn't long before she and Joe were heading back to get ready for their lunch date, regardless of his reluctance to join the ‘keep calm and carry on' party.

‘You shouldn't have done that.'

‘Why not? I think we earned a break. Anyway, aren't you the one always reminding me how much I'll offend people by not participating in these things? It's lunch, not a mutiny. I'm still coming back to resume my doctor duties once I've been fed. It might not be up to the culinary standards of your beans on toast feast but I'm hungry, sleep-deprived and generally in need of some me time. That might sound selfish but I think a less grouchy me will benefit everyone in the long run. We'll be back before you know it.'

She could see why he was so concerned about leaving their patient but she genuinely believed Nete was over the worst of it and they wouldn't be gone for too long. It was never going to be a continuation of their ruined date with so many others in attendance but it would do them good to get out of there for a while.

‘That won't be as soon as you think.'

‘What makes you say that?'

‘Their idea of a beach picnic is on another island. It's a beautiful place but not very practical for getting back to a patient in the event of an emergency.'

‘Why on earth didn't you tell me?' She wanted to scream at him for standing back while she'd blathered on about what
she
needed. If she'd known it would come at the possible cost of their patient's welfare she never would've pursued this.

He shrugged, increasing the chances of her giving those shoulders a shake herself. ‘You didn't give me much of a chance. You seemed so determined to accept and I didn't want to worry the others unnecessarily.'

But it was apparently okay to make her more anxious by keeping the details to himself until it was too late to do anything. She ground her teeth, stifling her exasperation.

‘Now what do we do?' She'd landed them in a tricky situation, caught between offending the chief and potentially jeopardising his son's health.

‘Now we go and put on our beach clothes and graciously accept our host's invitation. We'll leave instructions for the treatment we would've carried out ourselves and keep our fingers crossed this works out.' His smile didn't travel any further than his lips and Emily knew it was only to placate her.

She'd messed up but something told her Joe would be the one to accept responsibility should the worst happen.

So much for acting spontaneously. It never ended well for her.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

A
FTER
HER
LONGED
-
FOR
freshen-up, Emily decided to go with the outfit she'd worn when she'd first arrived on the island. The maxi-dress wasn't any more practical than the last time but it was comfortable and put her back in holiday mode. The deed was done, they were leaving the island, so she may as well enjoy it.

She met up with Joe where they'd had that initial encounter at the water's edge, although there were a few more island greeters this time. He was wearing the same outfit as he had that day too, which she put down to their strong connection—or karma. Or the distinct lack of wardrobe choices available to them on the island.

At least he was smiling properly this time as he walked towards her. ‘I've left the locum doctors with enough papaya leaves to paper the room with and a promise we'll be back before nightfall.'

‘I'm sure everything will be fine.' She was trying to convince herself since it was too late to undo her mistake without causing panic.

They joined the small band of locals weighed down with armfuls of food for their day out. It seemed an age since she'd landed here with no knowledge of what she'd been getting herself into. Only a few days later she had friends who wanted to throw her a celebratory lunch, and a man who seemed to like her. If they ever found themselves alone again they might actually get to explore what that meant.

‘You look beautiful, by the way,' he said, and pressed a kiss to her cheek, drawing a few giggles from the kids in the assembled crowd.

‘I'm actually quite excited about this.' She meant about their island hopping but it worked for Joe kisses too. No matter how chaste, or not, the second his lips touched her she was on fire with desire for him. Sooner or later she was going to have to let it burn itself out or extinguish the flames altogether. In the end there would be nothing but ashes left anyway and a memory of what could have been.

‘So are they.' He nodded in the direction of their happy travelling companions who'd come together in their honour. Those who could afford to take some time out of their busy day, at least. She and Joe really were very privileged to have such generosity bestowed on them when resources were so limited out here. That kind of respect and appreciation meant more to her than monetary bonuses or finishing work on time every night. There was a definite attraction to the laid-back lifestyle out here that wasn't just about her co-worker.

‘Where is this place we're going to?' Her adventurous spirit hadn't completely run away with her. On seeing their mode of transport, a couple of dinghies that looked as though they'd been washed ashore during the last hurricane, she was suddenly keen to remain within swimming distance of Yasi. They definitely weren't in any condition to go out on the open sea but the chief was beaming with so much pride as he ushered them on board he could've been giving them a tour of the islands on his private yacht.

‘Not too far. There's a small uninhabited island just across the bay.'

‘A
real
desert island?' That was something she'd only seen in the movies, usually involving starving castaways driven mad by heatstroke and loneliness. It wasn't a thought she relished on her own but with food and company, and the means to leave again, she knew it could turn out to be one of the highlights of her trip. Once she stopped imagining falling overboard and being stranded with nothing to eat but coconuts, she was able to focus on the merits of such a setting. Sand, sea and a sexy sidekick were the makings of a very different kind of film.

They all piled into the two boats, with the majority of the islanders in one dinghy, and Emily, Joe, the chief and the food in the other. This was obviously a treat for everyone and not something they did on a whim, given the level of excitement as the engine spluttered into life. It seemed this was the Yasi equivalent of first class and she should feel honoured, not clutching the side of the boat and praying.

‘Stop worrying.' Joe prised her fingers loose and set her hand back in her lap, with his resting on top.

She closed her eyes and did her best not to imagine a watery grave as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and she knew he'd keep her safe no matter what. The wind whipped through her hair, blowing away her residual fears as they skimmed the waves towards sanctuary. It was easy to imagine this was all an illusion created by her lack of sleep but the sea spray splashed her face, reminding her this
was
real even when it seemed too fantastic to be true. Nonetheless, when they cut the engine and came ashore, she had to restrain herself from jumping overboard and kissing the sandy ground. She took off her sandals as Joe helped her off the boat so her footprints were the first to mark the untouched beach.

Not for the first time she wished she'd brought a camera to document her travels. At the time of leaving England she'd been so eager to distance herself from reality she'd left all traces of the modern world behind her, including her phone. There was something so symbolic about that single track of footprints in the sand, marking her bold journey into the unknown, she'd never forget it.

When she reached a line of trees and looked back to see Joe making his way across the beach, leaving a second set of prints alongside hers, it didn't lessen the powerful image. He'd been very much a part of this adventure with her, coaxing this slightly braver Emily to explore beautiful new vistas. She didn't want to leave any of it behind in case she forgot it, or vice versa. Everything here had made such an impact on her for the better and she hoped she'd made some sort of lasting impression on Yasi, on Joe. It didn't seem fair to be falling so heavily for someone if she turned out to be nothing more than a side note in his travel journal.

She knew that's what was happening when she was so conflicted about what she wanted from this trip and from him. If he hadn't already claimed a piece of her heart she wouldn't be overanalysing every move about how it would affect her and simply go with her natural urges. It almost didn't matter if they took that next step together when the damage had already been done. He'd breached her defences and left her vulnerable.

‘It's beautiful here.' She tried to keep upbeat even though the shock of her discovery was enough to bring her to tears. The sky might be bluer than she thought naturally possible, the white sand warm under her feet, but she was still a fool when it came to men.

Joe had warned her off against getting into anything she couldn't handle but she'd convinced herself she was tough enough to deal with whatever happened. Now, after little more than a few snatched kisses, she knew her heart had lied to her. It hadn't been broken beyond all repair after Greg, or why else would it ache so much for another man?

‘I've been here a few times. It's a good spot to unwind. Mind you, there's work to be done if we're going to eat any time soon.' He pointed down at the rest of the islanders coming ashore in single file, carrying the food supplies, like an army of ants.

‘I'm so sorry. I was so pleased to get here I didn't even think about helping to unload the boats.' She must seem so shallow and privileged to everyone else, used to mucking in and doing their bit as part of the community. She'd been living alone too long, concerned with nothing but her own survival until now.

‘It's okay. Everyone is assigned jobs to do. Ours is to collect palm leaves.'

‘Palm leaves? That's not lunch, is it?'

His laughter calmed her new food fears before they fully formed. ‘No. They're used for weaving into plates for the food and as a makeshift picnic table. It means there's no litter left behind when we're finished here.'

They carried out their new duties in silence, with Joe cutting the leaves while she gathered them. She should have known this would be more than the tartan rug and plastic accessories she was used to in a basket. Then again, lunch here was bound to be more than a soggy sandwich and a packet of crisps. Even a simple picnic turned into something exotic and exciting when it was on one of these islands.

Never more so than when she saw how they were preparing the food. The
lovo
, as Joe explained to her, was an oven built in the sand. Emily watched with fascination as the men set a fire in the small pit and stacked rocks on top until they were hot enough to cook the food on. Banana leaves were then placed on top as insulation to keep the stones hot and moisture in the food while it cooked.

Emily sat with several of the women and children plaiting the palm fronds into primitive mats for the food and Joe waded out into the water with the others for a spot of net fishing. Part of her wished he was still wearing the translucent white shirt from yesterday as his wet clothes clung to him so she could have her very own Mr Darcy moment. At least she had first-hand experience of every solid inch of that torso to enable her imagination to bypass that dark perv-proof fabric. She fanned herself with one of the long palm fronds as he strode from the sea, water sluicing from his body as if he'd just walked out of a dream. An erotic fantasy she'd take back to keep her warm at night in her luxurious, but empty, bed.

‘You'll be feasting today,' he promised her as they brought their catch in. Soldier, medic, lumberjack, fisherman—there seemed no end to his talents, or else he never grew tired of acquiring them.

She supposed she'd managed to add mat weaver and painter to her CV over the course of a couple of days too. That was the thing about the island, a person never seemed to be pigeonholed into one area of their life. It was all about working together and sharing jobs and skills to make sure the traditions never died out. One more thing she would miss when she returned home. Little wonder Joe couldn't see himself tied to a desk somewhere, shuffling paperwork, after trying his hand at so many new experiences. She wasn't looking forward to it herself after roaming free in the big wide world beyond her office walls.

It took a couple of hours for the food to cook, during which time she managed to cobble together a couple of flat mats to keep their lunch sand-proof. She was starting to see why the time frame for this meal had been such an issue for Joe. It wasn't the forty-five-minute lunch break she'd been expecting either, but it was worth it when the banana leaves were lifted off to reveal the feast Joe had promised her.

As well as the
dalo
and cassava root vegetables she'd become accustomed to, today saw the addition of fresh fish and crab. It tasted all the better knowing Joe had provided it for her.

‘At least I know I won't starve if we get shipwrecked here,' she said, scooping up another piece of crab meat with her fingers.

‘I might not be perfect but I'll always make sure you're looked after.' He grinned and helped himself to another chunk of fish, oblivious to the thrill he'd given her with a few simple words.

A whoosh of something powerful shot through her veins, immediately revitalising her previously weary body. It was only a figure of speech but deep down she knew that promise was true. Joe was the only man other than her stepbrother she could trust not to hurt her. Her soft heart was trying to convince her she should be with him even if a few days together was all that was on offer. There was a chance she'd regret missing out on that time more than walking away from him at the end of this trip.

It didn't take long to clear away the evidence of their beach invasion and, lovely though it was, she was getting kind of antsy to return to Yasi. Once they'd checked in on their patient and made sure there was no medical emergency, she and Joe might actually get some privacy. If it took barricading the clinic door with the furniture she was willing to do it if it meant getting to explore the next level with him. Although she wasn't sure if that would make it better or worse when the time came to leave.

She and Joe made their way to the boat they'd arrived in, only to find the chief barring their way. ‘I want to thank you for helping my son.'

‘You already did that. This was lovely.' Every future picnic was going to be held up to this standard. A blanket on wet grass with a basket full of cold cuts simply wasn't going to cut it any more when it would be up against an afternoon on a desert island with present company.

They tried again to step on board but the chief sidestepped in front of them again. ‘We want to give you a gift. Some time alone. You can keep the boat until you're ready to return to Yasi. There is enough room in this one for all of us.'

‘That's really not necessary—'

‘We couldn't ask you to do that—'

They stumbled over each other's words in their hurry to get back on the boat. It was a lovely gesture that would've been very welcome in other circumstances but this gift of time didn't stop the clock elsewhere.

‘It's very, very kind of you but we must see to your son.' Her heart was in her throat as she dared to refuse his generosity but she knew how anxious Joe had been about coming out here in the first place. She didn't want to prolong his agony, or have him more ticked off at her if she could help it. Their fragile relationship would splinter completely if it became the reason a patient had suffered.

The chief held his hand up. ‘I insist.'

His authority dictated they comply or run the risk of upsetting the entire tribe by declining this huge privilege bestowed on them. She was going to leave the next move up to Joe since he knew them better than she did and she didn't want to be the one to make the final call.

* * *

The rest of the group were watching them anxiously and he could see Emily's silent plea for help in her wide eyes. As doctors they both wanted to do what was best for their patient but as a seasoned traveller he understood the importance of maintaining good relations with his hosts. To his knowledge, he, Peter and Emily had been the first Westerners to ever set foot on this island owned by the Yasi-based tribe. It was a greater honour still for them to be offered use of their only transport for his and Emily's enjoyment. They were a conservative race when it came to personal relationships, especially outside marriage, but they were clearly giving them some space to be together without any interference, something he would've grabbed with both hands last night.