The Darkness of Perfection (29 page)

I thought about what he was offering and weighed my options. What he offered wasn’t nearly enough.

I shook my head. “No, that isn’t what I want. I want my freedom. I want my family, William. I want my mom. I’m married to a man I didn’t choose. I did everything right in school so I could have a future and Nicholas took all that away from me. Give me that and I’ll say whatever you want.”

“Do you really hate him, Jayden, or are you just refusing to try because of what he’s done? Would you really hurt him by leaving him again and taking away his child?”

“I’m not pregnant,” I snapped. My anxiety began rising again, knowing I had to get him off the topic of me being pregnant. “Maybe if he’d introduced himself to me last summer and talked to me like a normal person I would have given him a chance. I don’t blame him for what happened before. He wasn’t responsible for me being here and he did his best to protect me and make me feel safe.” I stood and began pacing the room, my agitation making it impossible to sit any longer. “I do blame him for what he’s done to me now.”

I sighed and stared at the ceiling trying to weigh my feelings between my head and my heart and what I truly wanted. I didn’t want my baby to grow up knowing its father was in prison and that I had put him there, but I didn’t want to be a prisoner any longer, either. I hated Nicholas for what he’d done. I wasn’t lying though. If I’d met him under normal circumstances I would have given him a chance.

But we hadn’t. He kidnapped me. I had to ignore the part of me that had started to feel something for him. I didn’t understand those feelings and I couldn’t trust them. They scared the hell out of me. I had to get out before they took over and I was lost forever.

“I want out, William. I want my family back.”

He groaned and rubbed his neck in agitation. “I can’t promise you that. Nicholas won’t let you go, especially if you’re pregnant. Please be reasonable,” he implored. He looked down at his watch. “He’s going to be here any minute. What do you want the most, Jayden? Give me something to work with here.”

I thought about our fight just this morning. I hadn’t fought for freedom and if I could ignore everything leading up to my marriage, he hadn’t been horrible to me since then, either. I did enjoy our evenings rocking on my porch swing or curled up in front of the large rock fireplace in the living room listening to him talk about the people he dealt with during the day and the funny exaggerated descriptions he used. It was almost like the stories he used to make up to entertain me when I was little. When I was angry, he let me yell and I’d recently come to realize I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. We had fallen into a comfortable coexistence that I had begun to accept, but I knew my complacency was dangerous. I was becoming the mindless drone I feared I would. If I lost myself completely then would I still have the strength to fight for my baby?

I needed an anchor in reality before I was lost and there was only one person who could save me. I would say whatever he wanted but only if I got what I wanted in return.

“I want to go home,” I stated firmly, shaking my head. “I won’t raise a baby on maybes and wishful thinking and that’s all you can give me.” I pushed away from the island. “I’m sorry, William. I promise I won’t say anything that jeopardizes Katherine or Grace, but if you can’t help me then I’ll find someone who can.”

I turned away and walked quickly to the front door, mindful that Nicholas would be here soon and who knew when I’d get another opportunity? I opened the door only to have it slam again. I turned to glare at William, whose hand was against the door.

“You need to reconsider,” he growled slowly, looming over me. His threat was loud and clear. I didn’t know how far he’d go to force me, but knowing federal agents were standing just outside the door gave me courage.

“I want to know why they never found me. Tell me that much. It doesn’t make any sense that they never came or sent the police to find me.” I paused, waiting to see if he would give me the answer I sought. When he didn’t, I said the only thing I could think of. “For all I know you’ve stopped them from coming for me so it didn’t interfere with your plans to save your family. Well, I want my family.

Let me out or you’re no better than your father.” It was a cheap shot and I knew it. William was trying to save his family and put an end to everyone’s nightmare, but I had my own family, my baby, to think of.

His jaw clenched tightly and I could see the vein in his neck standing out as he fought for control, but he dropped his hand anyway.

I quickly opened the door before he changed his mind and stepped out onto the porch. I looked both ways, spying Antonio propped against the pillar at the end of the porch watching the driveway, and began walking toward him. I heard the familiar sound of Nicholas’s truck coming up the drive and knew I only had seconds to make my demands.

“They think you’re dead,” William blurted out behind me.

He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I stared up at him in horror, trying to process what he was telling me. I didn’t want to believe him, but I knew it was true. It was the only thing that made sense. My mother would have immediately suspected their family of my disappearance no matter how many years we’d been free. Nothing would have prevented her from finding me. She risked her life to save me before and she would have done it again. I was ashamed that I had begun to doubt her.

“No!” I screamed, shaking my head back and forth in denial. Pain tore through my chest and I used my free hand to slap him, causing his head to snap back. “How dare you!”

“Listen to me!” He grabbed both my arms, shaking me, causing my head to snap back painfully on my neck. I cried out from the pain in my neck and arms where he gripped me, vaguely registering the sound of tires screeching to a halt.

“What the hell are you doing? Get your hands off her!” Nicholas shouted.

I heard his boots pounding on the ground as he ran to protect me.

“Nicholas-” William began, only to be stopped when Nicholas’s fist met his jaw.

The momentum of his punch broke William’s hold on my arms and caused me to lose my balance. I fell to the rock floor of the porch, my hands scraping the rough surface of the rock.

“You stay the hell away from my wife! What the fuck is your problem? I’ve never laid a finger on Grace and yet you attack Jayden! No one touches Jayden! You bastard! No one hurts her!”

I backed away in horror at the violence that gripped Nicholas as he continued raining blows on his brother. William fought back, but only to block the worst of his punches. He didn’t attack his brother in return. He knew his actions toward me had gone too far.

Antonio helped me to my feet and pulled me back to relative safety, then waded in to break up their fight, earning a few punches from Nicholas himself as he fought against him.

“You’re scaring your wife!”

Antonio said the only thing that would possibly stop Nicholas’s assault on his brother. Nicholas hit William one more time before pushing himself up off the ground and rushing over to me.

I cringed on instinct when he reached for me, then fell into his arms sobbing and clung to him tightly.

Seeing the violence he was capable of terrified me, but I understood now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he’d never hurt me. Nicholas had always been and would always be my protector.

“Are you hurt?” he asked worriedly. “What did he do to you?” His hands brushed over me looking for injuries. He snarled seeing the imprint of William’s fingers still on my forearms. He lifted my hands and pressed his lips to my scraped and bloodied palms. He finally cupped my face in his palms, raising my face to his and kissed me repeatedly, mumbling apologies between each one. “I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I can’t believe William would do this to you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to protect you. I swear it’ll never happen again.”

“She never looked for me,” I sobbed brokenly. He rose up studying my face in confusion so I explained what William had done. “My family didn’t look for me because they think I’m dead. He told me-”

He wrapped his arms protectively around me and turned to growl at William. “You son of a bitch! I’m trying to undo it but you just couldn’t leave it alone could you? Did it ever occur to you I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want her to know? I swear to God, I’ll kill you for this William.”

I stared at Nicholas in confusion and turned to look at William. He was leaning painfully against Antonio, brushing dirt off his jeans. He was bleeding from his nose and lip and one eye was already swelling. He spat blood on the ground.

“You should have thought of that before you faked her death, Nicholas,” he snapped.

His words penetrated my brain. Even with everything Nicholas had done to me I believed he cared about me. That he wouldn’t really hurt me. I shook my head in denial. It was all a lie. Nothing was real. Everything was just another way to manipulate me.

I stared in horror at Nicholas and no longer saw any trace of the boy who was my friend. I didn’t see the man who was my husband, either. I didn’t see the man who let me throw a cherry at his face and laughed about it. I didn’t see the man who promised to give our children the world. I didn’t see the man who crawled around on the ground grumbling, helping me plant the bulbs that would bloom this spring along the sidewalk. I didn’t see the man who listened to my ideas for our home and never said ‘no’. I didn’t see the man who made love to me at night taking my body to heights I never dreamed possible. And I didn’t see the father of my unborn baby.

All I saw was the monster that lived in my nightmares standing before me.

“Tell me it’s not true.” My voice shook with the depth of my emotion. “Tell me you didn’t.”

His eyes filled with remorse and sorrow and I knew. I closed my eyes against the pain in his eyes and pushed against his chest to get him to release me, backing away.

“Jayden-”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare say you’re sorry!” I shook with rage and my voice cracked with anguish.

“Don’t you dare say you care! You’re nothing but a monster!” I started laughing. The sound was sharp and brittle with my rising hysteria. “Why didn’t you just keep me in a cage? Why even pretend?” I kept walking backward, stumbling over the Adirondack chairs behind me; another gift from Nicholas.

I held one hand up warning him to stay back when he stepped forward while I held my other to my stomach protecting my baby from the monster who was his father. I whipped my head around, searching for any escape and spied Nicholas’s truck nearby. The door was open and the engine was still running.

I ran before anyone could guess my intent.

“Jayden, no!” Nicholas shouted. I heard his feet pounding behind me, but adrenaline gave me the extra push to jump in the cab and slam the door, hitting the door locks just as he reached the door. He pounded on the glass and jerked on the handle. “Open this door, Jayden! Let me explain!” I backed the truck in reverse and the tires spun when I threw it in drive. Nicholas continued to run beside me, beating on the truck. “Jayden, please! I love you!”

I ignored him and pressed the gas pedal harder, gaining speed until I left him behind. A glance in the rearview mirror showed him running to William’s truck and climbing in the driver’s seat. William rushed to the passenger side, climbing in as Nicholas took off after me.

I reached the gate that barred my exit and grabbed my seatbelt, strapping myself in and tightening my grip on the steering wheel. I rammed the gate, causing it to twist in its frame, but still it held. I shifted into reverse and backed up several yards. Another look in the rearview mirror showed Nicholas and William almost on me. I put the truck in drive and stomped on the gas again. Tires squealed and smoked and I shot forward, ramming the gate again. This time it gave way and its twisted iron flew over the hood hitting the windshield, causing it to crack in several places before it scraped the roof

and flew behind me.

I flew down the blacktop road, Nicholas and William on my tail. He kept honking his horn at me, but I refused to slow down. If I stopped I would never have this chance again. I didn’t know how I would make it past the gate or the armed guards at the entrance to the property but I had to try.

And if I died trying to escape? Well, that was okay, too. My family had already mourned my death for over three months; nothing would change for them. They wouldn’t even know. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed to my unborn baby. “I can’t protect you from them. It’s better this way.”

I stood in front of the window of my high-rise office, not seeing the city that had always been my home. Instead I saw a pair of jade green eyes staring back accusingly against the darkening sky. We were expecting rain later this evening and the weight of the air pressure matched the tight feeling in my chest. Jayden was quieter than usual and I would often catch her unawares staring pensively into space and absently stroking her flat stomach.