The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (130 page)

I explain everything to her, stressed about the whole situation, as she listens and then let her know that I’ll be heading home in a bit. Hanging up the phone, I start getting my things together, and about five minutes later, Michael walks into my office.

“Shit, that was fast,” I say.

“I was on my way up here when Max called. What’s up? You leaving?” he asks as he stands there watching me.

“Yeah, but we need to talk,” I say as I take a seat, and he follows suit. “I found out today that invoices haven’t been getting paid. Never, in the six years I’ve owned this place, have we missed a payment, and now we’re on COD with one of our vendors.”

“Ryan—”

“Look,” I say, interrupting him. “I’m gonna cut to the chase. This bar is my livelihood, and when shit starts going wrong, then that livelihood is compromised. Feelings aside, I gotta let you go, man. I can’t trust you to handle things up here when I’m not around, and that’s a problem for me.”

“Ryan, man. Come on.”

“Look, my ass is tired. Been up here all day trying to fix your mistakes, and I’m ready to go home,” I tell him as I grab my coat and leave. My stress is through the roof, and I don’t have time to dick around with this guy.

I find Max when I get downstairs.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.”

“What’s going on?” he questions as we step into the back storage room.

“I just fired Michael, so I want you to go up there and oversee him as he packs his shit up. Make sure we get his keys and everything—”

“Hey, I got it covered. No worries.”

“Thanks. I’m getting the hell out of here. I’ll be back in the morning. There’s a stack of papers on top of my filing cabinet. Make sure he signs them before he leaves.”

“Got it.”

I don’t waste any more time, knowing that Max will handle the Michael situation, and I head home to my girl.

Candace and I camped out downstairs with some wine and an old movie when I got home last night. We hadn’t done that in a while, so it was a perfect way to end the stressful day. I did manage to talk to her about trying to come to the bar again. I wasn’t sure if I was pushing too much, but I figured this morning would be a good time since it would only be the two of us. She took me by surprise when she said she would try. I know this isn’t easy for her, and while I’m in the kitchen fixing her a coffee to take with us, I watch her sitting on the couch, wringing her hands together. She’s a nervous wreck. I walk over and hand her the coffee, telling her, “Babe, you don’t have to do this if it’s causing you this much stress.”

“I told you that I would try, so . . . I’ll try.”

Holding my hand out, she takes it and we head to the bar. The morning is cold and the sky is dark with cloud cover. Candace is silent, and I keep my hand on her knee as I pull up and park along the curb in front of the building like I promised her.

When I open her door, she finally snaps out of her zoned-out state and holds my hand as I help her out. We walk inside, and I show her around before I take her back to the stairs.

“My office is up here,” I tell her as I lead her up.

I keep my hold on her hand when I walk into Michael’s office to grab the papers I need. Taking a few steps into his office, she jerks around, stumbling over her feet and into me.

“Babe?”

“I want to go,” she says with her head down, and as I reach around her to quickly grab the file, I see what she saw and kick myself for not thinking beforehand that Michael’s office overlooks the back lot.

I tuck her under my arm as I quickly pull her out and walk her down the hall to my office, tossing the file on my desk, and turning to hold her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” I say as she shakes under my arms—panicked.

I back us up to the desk and lean against it as I pull her between my legs. She keeps her head on my chest, and I continue rubbing her back, trying to calm her down. She isn’t speaking. I know she’s trying hard to keep herself together, and all of a sudden, being here with her isn’t something I want to be doing anymore. I hate that this was the first place I ever saw her. I hate the visions that are starting to play back through my head.

I hold her, but all I can see is her covered in blood and dirt, lying naked on the ground. My heart rate picks up as the guilt returns. I could have done so many things differently that night. If I would have just gone out there sooner . . .

I focus back on Candace when she lifts her head. Keeping my focus on her before I get too consumed, I ask, “You okay?”

She nods, placing her head back on my chest, saying, “I hate seeing that dumpster.” I hold her closer when she says this because I hate it too. I hate everything about that goddamn night. “It’s weird because I also love it in a messed up way. It’s all I had to focus on.”

“I’m so sorry.” I think about what must have been going through her head, the sheer terror she must have felt, and my stomach begins to knot up.

“When I dream about that night, it’s always taken away from me. There’s nothing to distract me.”

“I wish I knew his name.” I would find him and destroy him if given the chance. I would kill him for everything he took away from her.

She looks up at me and cups my clenched jaw, lifting onto her toes, and planting a kiss on my lips. I pull her into me and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Being here with her, I’m starting to feel like I’m lying, and the guilt is eating at me the longer we are here. I never thought that deciding not to tell her about who I am would make me feel like it is right now. Deceitful.

I’m trying to keep the memories out of my head, but I can’t help the constant flashes I’m getting each time I close my eyes. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop hearing her pleading screams from that night. It’s a part of her that I’ll always have to bear, but it’ll never even come close to all that she has had to endure.

I shift my thoughts because this is huge for her, and I need her to know that. I tell her how proud I am that she came up here with me, but I can tell she wants to leave, and honestly, so do I.

I call Max as I drive to see if he can meet me at the bar after my workout. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to getting things settled at work since I fired Michael a couple weeks ago, and the one person who knows that place inside and out, the one person I trust completely, is Max. It only makes sense to me that he would be someone that I could have complete confidence in, and knowing that he has a baby on the way, he’d be an idiot to not take the opportunity I’m about to offer him.

After a couple hours of lifting and running, I head up to Blur to meet with Max. He’s sitting at the bar, chatting with Mel when I walk in.

“Hey, man. Let’s go to my office,” I say, and he follows me up the stairs.

“So, what’s on your mind?” he asks as we sit down.

“I’m gonna be honest with you here,” I start. “Candace is graduating in a couple of months, and I doubt that she’s gonna be staying here in Seattle.”

“You think you’ll go with her?” he asks.

“I can’t let her go without me, but I can’t let this place fold either,” I tell him. “I know you have a lot going on with Traci, but . . .”

“Look, you know I’ll help out in any way I can.”

“I was hoping you could help run this place,” I say. “You know everything about the job, and you’ve always been loyal to me. Shit’s been crazy since I let Michael go, but I’d like to bring you on as his permanent replacement, which means a sizable salary increase.”

“Are you serious?” he says as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Completely. It’s yours.”

He stands up and I follow as he walks towards me and claps his hand in mine for a solid shake as he grips my shoulder with his other hand.

“So, you’re in?” I ask.

“I’m in, boss.”

“Great,” I sigh in relief as I sit back down. “You know the drill, man, so let’s get this going in the next couple days if you can manage on short notice?”

“Yeah. No problem. You still going out of town this weekend?”

“Yep. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. A week, give or take a few days. It’s Candace’s last break before graduation, and I know she wants to spend time with my mom.”

“You need an extra guy for the door?” he asks.

“I don’t think so. Chase has been doing a good job at keeping everything under control in that department. Plus people are used to seeing you down there, so I think if you can keep that gig going when you have extra time, that would be great.”

We finish up, filling out a few forms and going over some stuff I need him to take care of while I’m in Oregon next week. Having this situation settled takes a lot of stress off my shoulders, and even though Candace has yet to bring up school coming to an end, she has nothing to worry about.

When I’m all done, I head back to the loft, but Candace’s car is still gone as I pull into the driveway. I grab a quick shower and get cleaned up. When she gets home a little while later we spend the afternoon listening to a few demos from local bands. Mark is graduating with most of the guys in the band, so I need to go ahead and find alternatives for when their gig is up with me in June.

I watch Candace in the kitchen, and when she walks back into the room, I tell her,
“Something’s been bothering me today.” As she moves past me, I grab her and pull her onto my lap. “I’ve never seen you dance.”

“Oh . . . yeah, I guess not,” she says and then adds, “But you will in May when we have our production. You’ll see me a lot. I have three ensembles plus my solo.”

“It just bothers me that there is a huge part of your life that I’ve never seen.” I see her nearly every day wearing her leotards, warm-up pants, and leg-warmers. I even watch her stretch and do her ankle exercises every chance I get. But I have yet to see my girl dance.

“Well, I can grab some videos at the studio of past performances,” she offers. “They have also recorded some of our studios this year. Would that suffice for you, watching me on video?”

I grab her, flipping her down on the couch onto her back, and nip her neck before letting her know, “Nothing about you will ever suffice for me. I’m always gonna want more.”

She laughs as we continue to kiss, and when she begins tugging my shirt up, I reach back and pull it over my head, tossing it onto the floor. Her smile is big and she keeps it on her face when I take her ankle and begin kissing and sucking my way up her leg. I love these legs.

I grip her behind her knees and go in for a slow kiss. The taste of her in my mouth is something I’ll never tire of, so I take it as she runs her hands up my arms, my neck, and into my hair, fisting it in her hands.

She’s playful with me as we take our time removing each other’s clothing. My need to touch her is strong, but I know she’s still really hesitant about being touched in that way, so I don’t even try. Her light-heartedness right now is charming, and when she giggles and admits, “This tattoo is hot,” as she grazes my shoulder with her hand, I smile down at her and laugh.

“Why’s that?”

Pressing her lips together, she shakes her head, too shy to say what she’s thinking, and I tease, “Don’t let it fool you. I’m a private school prep just like you.”

She laughs at me, responding with, “Your small town private school?” poking fun.

I run my hands down her small shoulders and take both of her breasts in my hands as I say with a smirk, “That small town has a lot of money running through it, and you love it there.”

“I do love it there,” she agrees and then runs her hand down the center of my chest, before adding in a more serious tone, “But I love it here—with you—more.”