The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (131 page)

After I put on some protection, I make my way to the place I love the most—inside of her. She wraps her arms around my neck as we make love on my couch while the rain pours outside the windows. The beating of the rain mixed with our breaths fills the room as we take our time with each other, her eyes never straying from mine as I give myself to her.

I roll to the side, bringing her with me as I grab her thigh and drape it over my hip. Taking her bottom in my hand, I rock her into me as our heads are pressed together. Her eyes fully sated, green with golden flakes, her hands on my cheeks, sweet breath brushing my lips. Fuck, she’s amazing at this.

Running my hand lazily up and down her bare back, we lie on the floor, wrapped up in a blanket together. With her head on my chest, she’s been really quiet ever since we made love earlier.

“What are you thinking about, babe?”

“Hmm,” she hums softly.

Laughing under my breath, I say, “That’s a pathetic answer,” and then feel her chest as she silently laughs.

“Seriously though. What’s on your mind? You’ve been really quiet.”

“I ran into Kimber today. She was leaving Jase’s when I walked into his building.”

“Did you guys talk?”

“She just asked where I’ve been, and I could tell she was hurt. Jase told me she reached out to him and that she’s really upset.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I know how much this bothers you. Have you thought anymore about talking to her?”

Now that I know what the issue is between them, I tried talking to Candace about reaching out to her roommate the other week, but she shut it down, telling me that the only way Kimber would talk to her is if she told her the truth, and she didn’t want to do that. I know that she doesn’t want to say the words. She told me that she never even said them to Jase; she made a nurse tell him at the hospital, and that I’m the only one she’s spoken them to. When she explained this to me, I dropped it.

“I just can’t. I don’t trust her enough to not do something.”

“I don’t know what to tell you to do. Just try talking to her and see if you guys can move past this,” I offer weakly.

She closes her eyes before saying, “I think it would help if I went back home.”

“Candace . . .”

“Ryan, I was only supposed to be here for a week or two. I never intended on moving in like this,” she tells me. “But, we are about to graduate, and I’d like to see if this is fixable. I can’t do that if I’m not there.”

“I still want you here,” I let her know, not wanting her to leave.

“And I’ll still be here. Just not
every
night.”

Candace has been staying with me for a little over a month, and I love that she’s here and that I get to come home to her every night. But I also know that this is important to her, and even though I don’t like the idea of her no longer staying here, I won’t be anything other than completely supportive of her.

“Okay,” I respond. “We can go tomorrow and take some of your things back.”

She smiles and says, “Thanks for understanding,” and then gives me a kiss as I press her naked body against mine, fully savoring the rest of our night.

“Babe, you don’t have to pack everything,” I complain as I watch her pulling her clothes out of my closet. Truth is, I don’t like this feeling in my stomach right now as she packs her stuff up. I like seeing her things in my space.

Getting off the bed, I walk inside the closet to where she is and say, “Just leave a few things.”

With an armful of clothes, she turns to me and says, “Ryan, I live less than five minutes away from you. I’ll still be here.”

I know I’m being a pussy about this, but I don’t give a shit. I like her with me, here in my home, in my bed. So I repeat, “Just leave a few things.”

She steps to me and looks up as I fold her in my arms. “I love you,” she whispers, and I give her back the same words.

I carry her bags downstairs and out to the car before I drive her back to her house. Kimber’s car is there when we pull up, and Candace lets out a deep breath.

“You okay?”

“I know I need to be here, but it’s just so hard.”

I get out of the car and walk around to her side, opening the door. “Call me or come over whenever. You don’t even have to ask. You have the keys—use them.”

She turns in her seat as I move between her legs, grabbing on to her behind her hips, and she takes my face in her hands and kisses me. I don’t let up. I keep kissing her, taking in the feel of her soft lips as she melds them with mine. She has no idea what she’s doing to me, and I have to pull back.

“Come on,” I say. “I’ll go in with you.”

When we walk in, I take her bags back to her room and am helping her unpack her things when her roommate, whom I’ve never met, steps in the doorway and asks, “You’re back?”

“Um . . . yeah,” I watch Candace tell her nervously.

When Kimber doesn’t respond, I try breaking some of the tension and introduce myself. “I’m Ryan, by the way.”

She nods her head, saying, “I’m Kimber.”

That’s it for our exchange as she stands there. She’s tall with platinum blonde hair and has a look about her that’s very different from Candace’s.

“Well, Seth’s on his way over, so I’ll be in my room,” she says before walking out.

Candace goes over and closes the door, keeping her hands on it as she drops her head. I step next to her and see she’s crying.

“Babe,” I whisper as I hold her face.

“I don’t know what to do,” she says as she hugs me.

There’s nothing I can say because I honestly think there isn’t much of a friendship to be mended at this point. Candace chose to keep this secret from Kimber, and I don’t blame her. From what little I have heard about this chick, she’s seems like a spitfire who would probably run her mouth. But regardless, Kimber’s been out of the loop while Candace has been dealing with some heavy shit, and even Jase told me that she’s a completely different person now. Kimber’s missed all of that, so it’s not so far-fetched to safely assume that what once bonded them is no longer there.

We lie down on her bed for a while, not ready to leave just yet. She’s no longer crying, but I know she’s still upset about the whole situation, so I tell her, “I don’t want you thinking that you’re the one to blame for what’s happened with you and Kimber. This isn’t your fault. You made the best decision that you could at the time when you chose to not tell her about what happened. Nobody holds that against you, and I don’t want you too either.”

“It’s easy to say, but . . .”

“You haven’t done anything wrong here. Sometimes life just sucks, and things fall apart. Not all friendships can last forever. People change, and whether you want to admit it or not, you’ve changed. And I don’t want you thinking shit about yourself because I love every single piece of who you are—right now.”

I watch as her face scrunches up and she begins to cry. “Baby, don’t.”

Looking up at me through her tears, she reveals, “I wish every day that you knew me before. That you didn’t have to deal with this baggage. I think about how everything could have been so different than it is now. Better.”

“Who says it would be better?” I question as I smooth her hair back.

“Because it never would have happened.”

I shift to my side to face her, saying, “I wish, more than you will ever know, that this never happened to you. But there isn’t one single part of you that I would change. That night is a piece of you, but it doesn’t tarnish you. Not for me. I love us. I love what we have together and what you give me. Somehow you got inside me. No one has been able to do that before, but you did. You’ve seen shit that I’ve never let anyone see. Shit that I’ve masked for years, but with you . . . you made me want to take the mask off and in the process I fell in love with you. So I don’t know how you think we could be any better than we are because I think we’re pretty perfect.” I run my thumb across her cheek, wiping her tears.

“I don’t . . . I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything. Just know that you have me. I’m here because of you. I’m yours because I don’t want to give myself to anyone else. No one could ever compare to you.”

I can barely focus on the road as I drive to Thinkspace for the gallery showing tonight. Candace looks amazing in the lace dress she’s wearing. I never thought pencil skirts were sexy until I saw them on her. Most of her dressier outfits are of the same style and tonight, I would have rather stayed in with the dress tossed to the floor, but I have every intention of ending the night that way.

Candace hasn’t stayed over with me since she went back home, and I’ve missed not having her there with me. I also worry. There is rarely a night when she doesn’t have problems sleeping. Ever since that one horrifying nightmare, she’s been back on her sleeping pill, but she says they only help control the really vivid dreams. She still wakes often from night terrors, and I don’t like the idea of her dealing with that alone, but she insists that she’s fine.

When we arrive, I help Candace down from her seat and lead her inside. She’s been so excited for tonight, inviting Jase, Mark, and Gavin. I never took my photography that seriously until lately. I’ve been spending more time shooting, mostly Candace, and editing. I like the focus of having a hobby, and knowing that I can share that with her is a bonus.

“I’m really proud of you, you know?” she says as we walk inside.

“Babe, the only reason that photo is on display is because you’re in it. You’re perfect.”

I take her coat and check it when I hear a lady call, “Candace!”

“Stacy, hi,” Candace says and hugs a tall, slender woman who looks close to my age with short, raven hair.

“That dress is amazing,” she says to Candace.

“Thank you.”

“And this is . . .?” she asks as she looks at me.

“Ryan,” Candace introduces.

“Ahh, ‘Nubile.’ Beautiful photograph,” she says as I reach out to take her hand. “I’m Stacy Keets. I work at the Henry Gallery.”

“Ryan Campbell,” I say.

“Well, your piece is great. I saw a couple eying it a minute ago. Do you have more pieces?”

“A few,” I tell her. “It wasn’t ever something I intended to show anyone or have displayed, but Candace insisted,” I add with a smile as I wrap my hand around her waist.

“I’m glad she did. I’d love to see more of your work,” she tells me before looking at Candace and asking, “Do you still have my number?”