The Fear and Anxiety Solution (32 page)

     •
Meditate and connect with your inner essence
(for example, by doing the
guided meditation
to realign with your essence, from
chapter 9
). Contemplate where and in what form the qualities of your essence have been shining through in your daily life.

Remember, what defines you and your potential aren’t only your accomplishments and successes but the choices you’re making during the so-called normal and ordinary times of your day-to-day life.

In looking for your supporting evidence, you will likely gain a broader, kinder, and more complete perspective of yourself and your potential. You still don’t have to subscribe fully to your new, empowering belief. But just by realizing that you actually have the inner resources to grow into a new and more expanded self, you’ve accepted that nothing but yourself can hold you back from taking the next, final transformational step on this journey. I’m sure you’re ready for it.

The skeptical part of your mind might wonder how you could possibly take on a new, empowered version of yourself and let go of the limiting beliefs you’ve been stuck with for decades. First, as you’ve already experienced, when you work on the level of the subconscious, time is relative and rather irrelevant. Also, you’ve already met all four requirements for dislodging, releasing, and replacing your old identity. Just think, you have:

     
• Eliminated the emotional glue and attachments that held the limiting belief in place

     • Identified the beliefs at the core of your self-limiting identity

     • Defined a new belief and image of the empowered self

     • Recognized that you have the potential to become the new you

You’ve prepared your subconscious to transform your inner identity, which is what you will accomplish with the following process.

Close your eyes and center yourself with a few slow, relaxed breaths. Then think about the limiting belief and the image of your old, inner identity. Place this image on the left side of your internal movie screen. Try to get in touch with any residual feelings and sensations that you might still associate with this version of yourself.

Now connect to the new, empowering core belief and identity. Place that picture of yourself on the right side of your screen. Become aware of the positive emotions that you equate with the empowered self.

Notice the contrast between the left and the right picture—the old and the new self. Do they already look visually different—one being bigger, brighter, or more colorful than the other? To which of the subconscious interpretations of self do you feel more drawn?

Modulate the images of the old and new you to increase the contrast. Just as you’d adjust the screen of your TV or computer monitor, change the visual aspects of each image. By modulating the color, size, brightness, and distance of the old and new self, you’re telling your subconscious how you choose to relate to each of these inner identities.

Deactivate the image of the old self by:

     • Switching it to black and white

     • Shrinking its size

     • Reducing its brightness

     • Placing it farther away from you

Play with the “settings” and choose the combination that makes the image appear the least emotionally charged and real.

Now enhance the image of the new self by:

     
• Improving its color

     • Increasing its size

     • Turning up it brightness

     • Bringing it closer to you

Modify the visual aspects of the image so that it appears the most exciting and alive to you.

Add the light of your essence to the image of your new self. Use the visualization from
chapter 9
as inspiration. Imagine beams of bright light radiating from your core or a glowing field of energy surrounding and extending beyond your physical form. Although most of us can’t see energy that clearly, this visual indicates for your subconscious that you’re committed to letting your true and authentic self emerge.

Compare the two pictures and notice which one draws you in and motivates you the most. By now the new picture should definitely look much more enticing than the old one. By appreciating the enormous contrast, you’re clearly instructing your subconscious that you’ve made your choice.

Now is the time to expel the old identity and adopt the new one. To exchange the old for the new:

     
1.
Place both images in the center of your inner screen, with the new self on top of the old one.

     
2.
Condense the image of the empowered you to the size of a postage stamp and place it on the left lower corner of the old picture.

     
3.
Count “one, two, and
switch,
” and watch the old picture quickly implode and shrink to the size of a dust speck. At the same time, the new image rapidly expands until it covers the entire screen.

     
4.
Feel the positive energy emanating from the image of the empowered self and think or declare out loud three times the new core belief associated with it.

     
5.
Quickly open and close your eyes. Take a breath and then try to bring the old picture back, placing the postage-sized new image at its lower left corner. Repeat steps 2 through 5 at least five to ten times—until it’s almost impossible for you to bring back the old self.

This simple but powerful process highlights the transformational potential of the subconscious. It always amazes me how after the third or fourth time the old image starts to fade, appearing darker or more granulated until it seems impossible to bring it back. What a great visual demonstration of how the
subconscious can erase beliefs that no longer serve or fit you! At the same time, you’ll notice that your new, empowered self becomes increasingly easy and natural to access, until it remains all you can see and feel.

How do you know that this transformation will really make a difference for you? How do you know that you won’t fall back into the old anxiety and insecurity? You don’t, until you take your new, empowered identity for a test run. As you’re already well aware, your subconscious mind doesn’t bother to distinguish between what is real and what is imagined. So let’s take advantage of this phenomenon and create your future reality by rehearsing it.

Take your new identity on a walk through your life. Place your empowered self in different situations and circumstances and imagine how you, as that self, would act and feel. Move from one area of your life to another, one circumstance to the next. Don’t let this vision get stuck anywhere. Just picture and observe how your new identity enables you to respond to common anxiety triggers and pitfalls in very different ways.

By moving through those future events, you establish and strengthen the neurological pathways and patterns that will lead you to think and conduct yourself from a place of true empowerment. And even if you find yourself tempted to slip into the deep grooves of the old, limiting patterns, at the very least you’ve given your mind two scenarios to choose from—the old, limiting one and the new, empowering one. Having different options about how you can view and respond to a situation, to others, or to yourself already gives you a greater sense of choice, power, and peace.

Remember Jane, the woman who wanted out of her marriage but was too afraid to leave? When we finished our work together, Jane’s vision of her empowered, confident self was significantly different from the earlier image. She saw herself as tall and beautiful, smiling serenely, surrounded by a bright light. In this picture, she looked as though she had all the inner strength she needed to face any challenges and overcome any difficult situations with ease and grace. The moment she imagined her empowered self standing next to her husband, the proverbial light bulb went on. Grinning brightly, she told me, “He’s much smaller now, and I’m so much brighter. And there’s this energy surrounding me, like a protective light shield. I can really imagine how all his negativity, anger,
and judgments just bounce off it.” After this transformation, she felt much more confident that she could clearly communicate to her husband what her decisions were and what she needed to do to move on. While she was talking to me, her entire body relaxed. She sat upright, breathing slowly, even wearing that same serene smile that she’d observed in the internal portrait of her confident self.

Jane had taken back her power—and now, so have you. The question is, how can you keep your power, no matter what the circumstances? In
chapter 11
, you’ll learn how to do just that.

D
O YOU REALIZE
how much you’ve grown beyond the person who opened this book for the first time? You’ve utilized fear and anxiety to transform the fabric of your subconscious. Although your outer circumstances may have remained unchanged, you’ve evolved and can now approach your life and the challenges that used to trigger fear and anxiety with calmness, clarity, and confidence.

However, at the risk of sounding like a party pooper or a German taskmaster, this isn’t the time to rest on your laurels and stop working on yourself. Let’s face it, the grooves created by years of fear and anxiety are well worn and deep. At this time, after all your work, these old patterns may appear outdated and irrelevant, but chances are you haven’t completely eliminated them all yet. To maintain the positive results you’ve accomplished and avoid accidently slipping back into familiar, self-limiting emotional and behavioral patterns, you need to further solidify and expand on your new ones. The forty-day commitment program in this chapter helps you to integrate your new insights, tools, and self-empowering beliefs into your daily life. By following this program, you’ll deepen the meaning and enhance the significance of all you’ve learned. In other words, this last chapter will get you ready for the next chapters in your life.

Isn’t it interesting that it’s often easier to make a change than to maintain one? If you’ve ever tried to lose those extra pounds or get into better shape through exercise, you may have had this experience. Once you’ve reached your goal,
amnesia sets in. Somehow, all the knowledge and positive habits you acquired through hard work are pushed aside, making room for a pint of ice cream in the shopping cart or excuses for why you can’t work out that day. Lo and behold, the pounds reappear, the muscle tone disappears, and you find yourself right back where you started.

Or you work through an empowering self-improvement program such as the one you’re completing right now. At first, you’re energized, motivated, and committed to diligently applying all the insights and tools you’ve learned. But a couple of weeks later, you have a bad day, your energy dips, and your thoughts grow negative. This is completely normal and very human, but because you’ve been feeling so much more positive, it feels like a huge letdown. In that moment, you may start believing that you’re even worse off than you were before and that nothing ever works for you, which prompts you to drop all your previous efforts and intentions.

Yes, change can be difficult to maintain. Why do we stop using the tools and proven strategies that helped us reach our goals and made us feel better? I’ve already mentioned how we can fall back into the deep grooves of old, self-sabotaging behavior patterns. But another—possibly even greater—challenge is to avoid shifting into complacency mode.

A few years ago I started learning and loving glassblowing. Like all glass-blowing students, I had to learn first and foremost how to stay committed to the piece I was working on. The glassblower needs to work patiently and consistently through many processes—from heating the glass to make it soft and malleable to stabilizing the desired shape with specific tools—until the piece is finally solid enough to place in the annealing oven. Our minds and glass are very similar. They both range from clear to cloudy, strong to fragile, whole to cracked. Likewise, working with our minds and working with glass have a lot in common. By applying energy and structured guidance, we can shape both into countless forms. However, only through patient care and consistent attention can their forms become stable and solid enough to last.

One of the most common mistakes beginning glassblowers make is to start strong and focused but then, once the glass piece is close to the desired shape, to become a bit lax and neglect applying enough heat. This makes the glass rigid, impossible to work with, and stabilize—therefore more likely to break. When it comes to self-improvement, many people operate in a similar fashion. They’re “all in,” completely dedicated to the goals and changes they want to
create. Once they reach the finish line, however, they crash like a first-time marathon runner and switch their minds from “all” mode to “nothing” mode. As a result, they can no longer muster the energy and motivation to continue working on themselves.

Some give up because they feel overwhelmed and believe that, considering how much effort it took to reach their goals in the first place, it will be impossible for them to maintain the positive changes. Others become complacent or bored with the idea of a maintenance routine and succumb to the illusion that they’ve already done everything they need to do to keep their changes and improvements permanently. In both cases, excuses, such as, “I don’t have time,” “I don’t know how,” or “I’m fine” crowd out their good intentions to stay with the program.

Another common glassblowing mistake is applying too much heat and manual pressure, which makes the piece “floppy” and unstable. In such a state, the glass cannot hold the shape the blower desires. When it comes to shaping their minds, some people also approach their personal growth with too much ambition and force. Rather than appreciating and solidifying the positive changes they’ve accomplished, they become impatient or easily discouraged by small setbacks. As they prematurely jump to the next goal or self-improvement program, hoping that this new one will provide them with the breakthrough success they long for, they destabilize and dilute the results of their previous efforts.