The Firefighter's Appeal (Harlequin Superromance) (25 page)

Her brother’s tall frame and caring blue eyes had been just the comfort she’d needed. He was tired and mussed, dark hair in a spiky arrangement on his head. The smudges beneath his eyes were a testament to how well he’d handled this latest disaster. Once again, Lincoln had spent countless hours awake and by her side to pull her through turmoil.

He took a step back and nodded for her to go inside.

“Love you,” Lincoln whispered with a wink right before she entered the shadowed room.

“Garrett?”

Goose bumps rose on her forearms as she spotted him sitting in the middle of the bed, his back to her while he faced the window across the room. He tried to turn to the sound of her voice, the movement jerky and stilted. Lily rushed to his side, taking in the cast and sling on his right arm and the bandage completely covering his left.

He reached for her without a word, drew her between his knees with a grunt as she fell against his chest. His arm came around her and Lily clung to him as hard as she dared without causing him pain. She held back tears, just absorbed the feel of his breathing and the sturdy, warm muscles beneath his soft T-shirt. Garrett pressed his cheek against her hair, the stubble on his jaw scratchy against her temple. She let her mind go blank as they embraced. Being alive, being here in his arms was enough.

“You’re okay?” His voice was gravelly and dry.

She just nodded, not willing to pull away to look at him. She leaned closer and his legs clamped gently around her thighs.

“I was so worried about you,” she whispered. “I couldn’t get through on the phone.”

He stroked her hair with his bandaged hand. “I know. Me, either. But when Chief told me you were okay, I was...”

“Relieved? Same here. It had to be enough until I could get here.”

Lily pulled reluctantly away as her back began to ache from the angle of their embrace. Garrett’s face was shadowed, the lines and dips harder than she remembered. The deep sadness in his eyes was so foreign to his usual relaxed nature.

“I realized something.” Lily cupped his face between her hands and tipped her forehead to his. “Every time I look at you, I see the man who crossed my path not once, but twice. The first time when I thought my world was ending, and the second time when I was ready to start over. I see a person who represents closure and fresh starts. I want that fresh start, with you.”

A shudder went through him, and Lily rubbed his arms with her hands as if she could stop it. He said nothing, just kept his head down. Dread filled her that maybe she’d said too much too soon. He was still recovering from the trauma of being nearly buried alive. Yet holding her feelings back had seemed pointless. Especially after what they’d been through.

“Garrett, what’s wrong?”

He scoffed a little and tried to look away, but she held him firm.

“What’s not wrong?” His tone was bitter.

Between the entrapment and the aftermath of the storm, his surgery and probably a hefty dose of discomfort, Lily had expected some change in him. But the devastation in his expression was more than she’d imagined.

“Garrett.” She tried to coax him. “I don’t know how to thank you enough for what you did.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. This wasn’t Garrett—the strong, sexy fireman who played bartender and swept humanity off their feet with a smile. This was a broken man.

“I failed you, Lily. Do you know that?” His eyes were stone when they met hers.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with a tortured look.

“I should have looked for you sooner. I was at the Ashden building less than an hour after the twister hit and never even considered anyone might be inside. I was there six hours before you finally got out.” She straightened and tried to touch him, but he pulled back.

“Why are you blaming yourself? It wasn’t...it wasn’t your fault.”

His head tilted to the side as he looked at her. “I could have saved you sooner, and Mikey, too.”

Lily’s gut bottomed out. “What happened to Mikey?”

She racked her brain, trying to recall seeing Mikey at all. Maybe she’d gotten a glimpse of him running by, but she wasn’t sure. Everything that had happened after she’d gotten out of the rubble was a blur reduced to the paramedics giving her oxygen and checking her over. She’d fallen into a tailspin of memories in that moment about the last time she’d looked up into the faces of nameless paramedics and the thought that she’d had enough disaster for two lifetimes.

“He got hit in the chest by a beam and he’s fighting for his life.” Garrett slid off the bed with a grimace and a deep, low groan. Lily stepped in to help him somehow, but he waved her off.

“See, this is the thing, Lily. This is the thing I’ve been avoiding all these years—the bad stuff that happens to the people you love. I didn’t want to take on anything more...didn’t want to add to the worry. But I did.”

A hot tear rolled down her cheek. The finality in his tone spoke for him; he didn’t need to say any more. They’d chased each other in their own ways, and came together with a passion that was more than physical. But it wasn’t enough...maybe it was too much. Either way, she knew the outcome.

“What are you saying?”

His cheeks flushed red. “That I can’t do this, Lily! I can’t worry about you...and Mikey and Brad and everyone else in this goddamn town. I can’t.
I won’t!
God, I almost lost you. Don’t you see? It’s my biggest fear—the woman I love being taken away, and there it was, right in front of me.”

He sank back onto the bed and tried to run his left hand through his hair; he cursed when his bandaged fingers couldn’t do anything.

After Katja’s death, Lily had realized she’d run purely on emotion. The high kind of emotion that could easily make a person drive into a brick wall if it wasn’t controlled, or drink a six-pack of Red Bull to avoid falling asleep. Nothing good ever came from that kind of emotion. She recognized this same emotion in Garrett now because she’d been there, just a year ago.

She stepped into him, taking his shoulders and pressing in with her fingers so he couldn’t shrug her off.

“I love you.”

His shoulders moved in a helpless shrug. “No...we got caught up in each other, Lily. It was the joy of the chase. That’s all.”

“Garrett...”

“I’ve never had a woman walk away from me, Lily. I chased you until I got you. That’s all. I never lose, remember?”

Another tear raced down her cheek, followed by a constant stream of its friends. He was hurting. So was she, but it was clear he wanted to break free. Her head knew he was lying and acting out because of stress, but her heart didn’t want to look at it that way.

“Please, just go. Now that I know you’re all right...please.”

The repetition of the word
please
did it—sent Lily over the edge from quiet tears into full-blown crying. She grabbed a tissue from the table next to him, not caring how badly her hand shook.

Garrett’s head was down, his shoulders tight. She placed a soft, simple kiss on his head and hurried to the door. She paused before she turned the handle. His body was a shadowy figure once again, but she soaked it up, committed it to memory.

“Garrett,” she said just loudly enough for him to hear. “When your glass gets too heavy to hold, don’t forget to put it down.” And she walked out.

Lincoln was there, waiting, his face displaying that he’d heard every word. Lily wanted to be angry that he hadn’t backed off the way she’d asked him to, but couldn’t. Because when he gathered her up, his comfort was exactly what she needed as her world refused to stop falling apart.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I
T
HURT
G
ARRETT
to move, to breathe and to think.
But mostly it hurt to remember what he’d said to Lily. In his mind, he’d been doing the right thing by pushing her away. It was for her own protection. It was too risky to be with a firefighter; hadn’t he just proved that by nearly getting buried alive? The problem was that the old arguments weren’t as convincing as they’d once been.

He didn’t believe his old standby reasons for keeping his heart to himself. Not after facing his fears head-on and coming out alive. Lily was fine. He was fine. They’d come through what had been thrown at them and they were okay. And really, what was the alternative? To deny that he’d ever felt anything for her? That he didn’t love her?

That was a cop-out. He just didn’t know if he could make it up to her after what he’d said.

Garrett ran a hand through his hair and groaned as he rose from the edge of the bed. A sound by the door made him hope that the nurse had arrived with his discharge papers. Roan should be here soon to drive him home. But when he looked up, Garrett saw a tall man standing in the doorway. The serious look on his face was familiar—it was the same one Doug Ashden wore.

“Garrett?” the man inquired, coming forward with an outstretched hand. “Lincoln Ashden.”

Great. Lily’s brother.

They shook hands, the simple movement sending a sharp pain through Garrett’s side. The similarities between the siblings were painfully apparent. They had the same hair, the same blue eyes. A sudden lick of panic hit him.

“Is Lily okay?”

Maybe her concussion had been worse than they’d thought. What if something had happened after she’d gone home?

Lincoln’s eyes narrowed, and, though the foot of the bed was between them, Garrett had the sensation that the other man was towering over him. He wasn’t easily intimidated, but the whole pissed-off-brother thing was getting the job done.

“Okay is relative. Physically, she’s fine. Emotionally, she’s holding her own.”

Thank goodness. Garrett had the feeling that saying the wrong thing might cause further damage to his health, so he waited. Lincoln tapped his thumb against his lips, giving Garrett a blatant once-over.

“This town is going to need Ashden Construction when it comes time to rebuild,” Lincoln said. “My father and Lily are needed here, in this community where they have roots. Yet she still insists on going to Nashville with me. Any idea why she might do that?”

The thought of Lily leaving before he had a chance to talk to her gutted Garrett.

“I have a pretty good guess.”

Lincoln nodded. “I was here the other day. I heard every word you said to her. That was a cowardly way out.”

Garrett looked away, the pain in his chest making it hard to breathe. “I deserve that.”

“No, you deserve more than that. Frankly, I’m tired of the people in Lily’s life hiding their feelings from her. She’s gone through hell with our father and with her ex-fiancé. Now you.” Lincoln stopped inches from Garrett, his big arms crossed. “Tell me—are you in love with my sister?”

He couldn’t answer that quickly enough. “Yes. Hell, yes.”

Lincoln glared at him a moment longer before a rush of relief went over his face. A small smile tugged at his lips.

“Then you need to help me figure out a way to make her stay. I have a plan, but I need to know that you’re in. All in. For Lily.”

Garrett had been all in firefighting and taking care of his uncle, running the bar and watching out for his friends and family. And as much as he held all of that close to his heart, he’d never been as committed to anything, to anyone, as he was to Lily. He knew that now.

Garrett grabbed Lincoln’s wrist, his heart pounding. “Whatever we have to do. I can’t lose her now.”

* * *

“G
OT
IT
,
GIRLIE
?”

“Yeah.”

Lily held a box and reached for the handle of a fabric bag at her feet. She wobbled a little, the movement sending a dizzy streak through her. Doug was at her side immediately, a hand on her back, the concern he’d worn since she’d been hurt deeper than ever.

She’d been surrounded by everyone she cared about both in the hospital and her new residence at Doug’s place. Everyone but Garrett. Lincoln was staying a few more days, having handed off management of the Nashville office to his assistant, and Macy made frequent stops to fuss over her. Doug had been a constant, which was almost as irritating as it was touching.

And Garrett—she felt him with her, in a strange way, though she hadn’t heard from him or seen him since leaving his hospital room a week ago. The way they’d parted was like a knife constantly twisting in her gut. Lincoln and Macy encouraged her to give it time, and there seemed to be a lot of that lately.

Lincoln had heard around town that Mikey was recovering, another thing to add to her relief pile. All the good things aside, trying not to be depressed about the town was hard.

The east end of Danbury was devastated. Homes were nothing but piles of tinder and brick, traffic lights lay like matchsticks, vehicles were crushed and tipped. The roads had mostly been cleared, allowing people the chance to get to what was left of their homes and look for treasures that had been left behind. Seeing the Ashden building was surreal. They’d found her car upside down a block away, slammed into what was left of the hair salon.

With the business destroyed and a third of the town in rubble, time seemed to go at a molasses pace in Danbury. The Red Cross had come in to offer aid. The disaster tent was set up on the edge of the Throwing Aces parking lot. Lily had made Doug drive her past, but Garrett’s truck wasn’t there. She didn’t bother going by the fire station, because torturing herself with the bar had been enough.

Maybe he truly didn’t want her and what he’d said was true—he’d chased her because he wasn’t going to lose. Maybe he was lying because of stress. Regardless, she had to work on herself, just like she had the last time. If she didn’t stay on top of her emotions and her reactions to the world, to life, she’d shut down again. She’d do anything to keep that from happening.

Lily could barely recall her time underneath the destroyed building—realized the concussion she’d had had kept her in a dreamlike state for much of it. The only thing she remembered with clarity was Garrett reaching his bleeding hand through the hole to grab her own, and how tightly he’d grabbed on when she’d pressed her palm to his.

Garrett had saved her, but he’d done so much more. In his own way, he’d brought all the things she’d needed to move on with her life. She’d give him everything she had if he’d let her. Facing his rejection after everything they’d been through...

She caught Doug’s concerned look out of the corner of her eyes. “I’m okay, Dad. Let’s go inside.”

She waited for him to unlock the door of the office space he’d rented in a strip mall on the west side of town. For blocks and blocks, this end of Danbury was exactly the way it had been before the tornado touched down. Save for some litter and trees down, everything was the same here.

Knowing that homes and businesses would need help rebuilding, Doug had found this space for them to set up shop until they could find a new building. Luckily, their computer records were hosted by a third party, so all their documents could be recovered. They’d made a trip back to Picard that morning to purchase a couple of laptops and some office supplies.

Despite the devastation, life and business had to go on. As Doug always said, work over emotions. She’d spent the past few days on her father’s couch in his tornado-untouched apartment. Despite the minor headaches she had and the soreness in every muscle, Lily was ready to get to work. Her mind needed something to do until life could resume a sense of normalcy.

Doug and Lincoln had left her in the new office yesterday while they’d met with a client, the first to call them up since the devastation. She’d spent the day setting up what few office supplies they’d had and finding things to do to keep her mind off Garrett. Knowing more work would be coming in so she could continue to do just that was a blessing.

She and Doug made a couple more trips to the truck until everything was unloaded. He sighed and glowered at the new pile of things they now had to unpack and set up.

“Where’s Lincoln, exactly?” Lily inquired with a laugh, toeing a box with a file cabinet inside. “We could use him about now.”

Doug put his hands on his hips. “Yes, we could.”

They got to work unpacking the computers, and Doug rearranged the desks and chairs she’d so carefully arranged yesterday. Lily shook her head when she realized the desks were now set so they’d be facing each other when sitting down.

“No way am I looking at your ugly mug all day, Doug.”

He stopped pulling a rolling chair across the room to look at her. “How about Dad?”

“What?”

Doug gave the chair a shove in the direction of his desk and put a hand on her shoulder. His black-framed glasses slid down his nose, but he didn’t push them up like he always did. Instead, he smiled. The first real smile she’d seen out of him in years.

“I’d like it better if you’d call me Dad.”

Lily gripped his arm to steady herself. He’d never requested that before, not even when she was a teenager and he could have put his foot down about the first-name thing. She wanted to respond, but she couldn’t. So she nodded instead.

He chucked her under the chin. “What do you say to a walk, Lily? I could use the air.”

“Sounds good.”

The recent tumultuous weather had smoothed out, leaving behind sunshine and clear skies. Lily put a few odds and ends away while her dad rummaged around. They stepped out into the sun, started down the sidewalk. She glanced at the small bag Doug had over his shoulder.

“What’s in there?”

“Water,” he replied quickly. “You know, that boy of yours has called me a couple times. I can’t figure out why he won’t just call you. Want to tell me about it?”

This was new, Doug caring. And though it shouldn’t matter, because Garrett had turned her away, she had to ask.

“He’s not my boy, Dad. Just a friend.” Heck, she didn’t even know if that was true. “What did he want?”

Doug looked up at the sky. “To know how you’re doing.”

Lily slowed her pace. “Oh. Well...how is he doing?”

Doug pulled her to a stop on the sidewalk. “Okay, look, your
friend
bailed me out of jail right before the tornado hit.”

She whipped him a look. “What?”

“See, when Rob left you, I just figured if I stayed out of it, you’d...get over it faster. You never wanted my advice when you were younger, so I didn’t figure you would have wanted it when Rob walked out, either. The thing is, I should have given it to you anyway, because then maybe you would have known how much I do love you. And maybe it would have helped you to see that Garrett is an outstanding young man with a lot going on in his head right now.”

Lily paused on the sidewalk. “Dad...”

Doug looped his left arm through her right and hugged her.

“I’m sorry, Lily. I’m sorry for not being there when you were younger, for shutting you out after Katja died. I didn’t know how... I should have done better. I know that. God, I almost lost you twice and I can’t be that man anymore.”

They embraced as traffic and people went by, and the sun warmed Lily’s back while Doug warmed her heart. She finally pulled away before the waterworks started. It took two accidents to finally get true feelings out of the man, but here it was.

“Thank you. I’ve waited years for you to open up to me.”

Lily narrowed her eyes in thought. This was it, the final closure. All the things that had been left open-ended after Katja’s death were now resolved: Rob, her father’s indifference, her own ability to deal with losing her sister. A clean slate—was that what this was?

They resumed walking, her soul so light she could have floated away. Except for one little weight. The one Garrett had planted inside her, because there was no closure there. Not yet.

“So...you didn’t say why you were in jail.”

Doug led her across the street and around a corner. “Got arrested for knocking Rob in the face when he came to get the ring.”

Lily’s mouth fell open. “You did not!”

“Should have done it a year ago.”

Lily laughed and leaned her head on her dad’s shoulder, walking in step with him for another block until she realized where they were.

Businesses faded away into a quiet stretch of street. Concrete turned to grass as they approached the old shoe factory. Nestled on an off-street half-acre plot, the historic redbrick building was flanked by trees and a small creek along the north side. Doug led her up the cobblestone walk, where she noticed the Frasier for-sale sign near the entrance had a red bow tied to it.

The door opened and Garrett came out onto the walk with Lincoln right behind. His hair shone in fractured gold tones; the fullness of his mouth curved into a smile. His right arm was in a sling. The end of a tan-colored cast covered his hand and up over what she could see of his shoulder. Lily stopped in the middle of the walk as his gaze landed on her and a tiny smile lifted his lips.

Doug met Garrett with a handshake. He reached into the small bag and produced a beer and a white envelope. “I figured I owed you a beer for your bail money. I’ll take them inside for you.”

They shook again, and then Doug and Lincoln disappeared inside the shoe factory. Leaving her alone, staring at Garrett and not knowing what to say. What to feel.

“Hey,” he said, coming down the walk to meet her, his body language betraying that he was feeling as unsure as she was. “How are you, Lil?”

His eyes raked over her. He stopped close enough to touch her...close enough to reach out and pull her against him, but he didn’t.

“Confused,” she admitted. She glanced around. “What’s going on?”

He looked good, considering. The hardness on his face was gone, replaced with the boyish good looks that got him anything he set his sights on. Including her heart.