The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (34 page)

I drew in a deep breath, trying to expel the tightness in my chest. “It was perfect. Every minute.” Julia nodded beneath my chin and my fingers brushed against her velvet cheek. “I love you, Julia,” the words fell from my lips like a prayer and I closed my eyes tightly.

“So…coffee date tomorrow before you leave?” she murmured, her voice trembling with emotion.

“What do you think? It’s
Sunday
, isn’t it?” We hadn’t missed a Sunday coffee date since we met and I didn’t plan on starting now. “It’s always been my favorite part of the week even if it was only on the phone. I won’t pass up a chance for one in person.”

“Yeah. I love our coffee dates, talking to you, hearing what’s going on…what I’m missing from your life,” she turned into my neck and kissed the point where my pulse was throbbing uncontrollably. My heart hurt. She was still my best friend. My lover. My life.

“I love talking to you, too.
Remember
?” I lowered my voice, trying to keep it even.

“That’s right,” she sniffed and laughed through her tears. “You don’t care if you touch me as long as you can talk to me, yes?”

“Uh…” I said, rolling her onto her back. I took hold of her hip and shifted her beneath me. She opened her legs so I could settle down on top of her. “Maybe I spoke too soon.” I smiled as I brushed her hair off her face. Her eyes were serious as she looked up at me and our hips moved together. “God, Julia. Mmm…much, much, too soon.”

~10~

Today was Valentine’s Day. It gave me an excuse to send something to Ryan. Not that I needed one, but hopefully, this would be the last year we’d be apart.

I smirked to myself. The sheer red chemise and g-string that I sent him along with a note asking he bring it to New York left nothing to the imagination, adding just the right amount of temptation. I’d been naughty and flushed at the thought of Ryan opening my gift. Besides wearing it so it would smell like me, I’d sent it to him at the hospital instead of his apartment. He’d be working and I couldn’t wait until he received it the next day. My heart raced with excitement. Three dozen red and white roses sat on the sideboard in my office; but it was the card that melted me.

~J

You are the love of my life…of my
forever
.

Words can’t express what you mean to me, but I’ll tell you a hundred times a day for the rest of my life. I love you.

~R

Ryan would graduate Harvard Med in June and then start his surgery and ER residency at St. Vincent’s in Lower Manhattan. It was quite a jaunt from my apartment, and we discussed moving to Greenwich Village or somewhere in the middle. I argued it was more important to be near the hospital since he’d be on call at all hours of the day and night.

Ryan’s academic advisor and clinical professor, Dr. Brighton, sent an excellent recommendation to the Chief of Staff after Ryan applied for his primary residency. Graduating at the top of his class assured he’d be accepted anywhere, but I was thankful he was willing to relocate to New York City. Pride threatened to split me apart.

I’d been promoted several times, and kept in touch with many of my friends from Los Angeles. Andrea was now my creative assistant, having moved to New York when I was promoted to Creative Editor ten months ago. I worked hard these past three years, in part because I loved the work, and in part to keep my mind off of missing Ryan. Soon, missing him would be a thing of the past and the constant ache would go away. I sighed.
Finally
.

Ryan had clinical all week but said he’d be able to take the train down on the weekend. I planned to surprise him with a concert at Madison Square Garden and then a late supper at my favorite Thai restaurant uptown. I smiled to myself;
and black forest
back at my apartment. I’d planned to go shopping tonight and make the cake when I got home so it would be ready tomorrow, then I could meet his train and take him directly to the concert. I was buzzing with excitement and anticipation.

My heart raced. Something told me Ryan was going to give me an engagement ring on Friday night. We’d talked about getting married many times, ever since our ski trip to Colorado before I first moved to New York. Three years later, we were still together and we still loved each other just as desperately. Nothing would make me happier than being married to him, to wake up in his arms everyday and someday, have his children.

I coughed and reached for a tissue; stupid damn sinus infection. I’d been sick all week, missing two days of work. I’d been curled up in bed, coughing my fool head off, when Ryan had insisted I go to the doctor.

“
Damn it, Julia. It won’t get better until you get on antibiotics. Why are you so stubborn?” he’d admonished impatiently. “I don’t want you to suffer and I’d rather have you well when I come to New York. Get to the clinic, at least.”
It was an ongoing joke between us that he was my family doctor, so why would I waste time with finding another?

The years apart were difficult. We hadn’t seen each other as much as we wanted, and less in the past two years once his clinical started. He was working at Mass General which had the best and busiest trauma department in the city. We were lucky to see each other every five or six weeks. The only thing that kept me sane was our coffee Sundays. They had to be rescheduled sometimes due to work, but it was still our time to talk. After all this time, I still missed him so much that sometimes it became a physical ache.

I ran my hand through my hair and picked up the story on spring fashion for the March issue. I was working on the look of the article and Andrea had just left with the wardrobe order and the list of talent I wanted hired. I was trying to work it in with a shoot for another article to save budget. I was paid bonus on margin, so the more money I saved, the more I earned. I was getting damn good at it, too. Ellie kept me in designer suits and shoes so I looked the part for my job. I was well established and my future with the company was secure.

I picked up the phone and dialed layout. “Hi, Grace. It’s Julia Abbott. Our creative department will leave a thirty-seven inch copy jump on page 142. What else is going on that page? Do you have enough editorial for it, or do I need to order creative fill? Yes, the deadline is in 8 days, so please let me know by Monday, close of business.”

A shadow fell across the desk and startled me. Meredith McCormick, my first boss from Glamour, walked though my door, a big smile on her face. I gasped in surprise. She looked as professional and chic as I remembered, the years not aging her at all. We had a big Christmas party each year when she and the other executives would fly in, but this time of year, a visit was unusual.

“Uh, okay. I’ll tell Andrea to get on the feature story for April. Yes. Thank you.” I put down the phone and ran around my desk to hug her.
“
What are you doing here? Why didn’t you let me know?” I asked incredulously. “I’m so happy to see you! Can I get you some coffee?”

“Sure. You look fantastic, Julia. Quite the fashion maven,” Meredith said as she sank into one of the navy blue leather chairs across from my large cherry wood desk. Her eyes roamed over my Prada suit and I rolled my eyes.

“My best friend, Ellie hooks me up. She’s a stylist in Los Angeles and gets deals from all of the big designers.” I smiled wide and sat in my chair. “She tells me I can’t be Creative Director for a major mag and look like Ugly Betty.”

“Ugh! Hardly, Julia. You were always gorg.” Meredith leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

I picked up my phone and dialed my secretary. “Susan, can you bring in two cups of coffee. The usual for me and one black,” I looked to verify with Meredith and she nodded. “Thanks.” I hung up the phone. “So?” I raised my eyebrows in question.

“Ah, Julia, you never did beat around the bush,” she sighed. “Have you heard about plans to send a few chosen ones to Paris to work on the European editions of Vogue?”

“Sure.”

“But…you didn’t put in for it?”

“If you’re heading it up, you obviously know that I didn’t.” I smirked and shook my head. Susan knocked on the door and came in with the coffee. She was young, still going to night school and very timid, and had just joined my staff. I smiled at her and she looked a little less nervous.

“Will there be anything else, Miss Abbott?”

“No, thank you, Susan. And I told you, please call me Julia.”

“Yes, Miss Abbo…um, Julia.”

“It’s okay, Susan. You’re doing a great job,” I reassured as she left quietly. “So, where were we?” I asked as I picked up my coffee and took a sip.

“You were going to explain to me why you didn’t put in for that job? It’s one hell of an opportunity, Julia. It would give you all the experience you’d need to come back and land a Creative Director position at one of our major pubs.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I thought about it, but the timing isn’t right.”

“Why not?” she asked skeptically. “These types of opportunities don’t grow on trees.”

“Um…well, Ryan has secured a residency position at St. Vincent’s after he graduates medical school in June.”

“Oh, yes…that gorgeous hunk,
Dr
. Ryan. Can’t say I blame you for thinking twice, but I need you to take this job.”

I set my cup back on the table and sighed. I couldn’t believe my ears. “Well…haven’t you had any applicants? There are several talented people you could promote. I’m flattered that you asked me, though.”

Meredith tented her hands in front of her and contemplated her next words carefully. “Yes, but…” she began and my eyes widened at her tone, “I
want
you
. You and Ryan have lived apart for almost four years, Julia. What’s one more? I’m not taking no for an answer,” she said matter-of-factly.

I considered her my friend so I could tell her the truth. “What it is…is another three hundred and sixty five days without him. I miss him. We’ve had enough.”

My heart was racing. The opportunity was more than I’d even dared hope for and here she was, offering it to me on a silver platter. “It is a wonderful opportunity, and if Ryan still had a year of school, I would seriously consider it, but he’s almost done and we’ll finally be together. He’d be devastated if I left now.” I looked her in the eyes without flinching. “
I’d
be devastated. I can’t tell you how hard being away from him has been.”

“I have forty-some resumes on my desk and none of them can hold a candle to yours, Julia. This is
your
job. I’ll let you name your own staff, though I have a few recommendations. You can’t say
no
. Ryan wouldn’t want you to. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.”

I sighed and shook my head. “I know it is, Meredith, but…I don’t want to be away from him. His graduation is so close.”

She rolled her eyes and threw her hands up. “I’ll bring you back for his graduation and at least once every three or four months.”

“Ugh!” I stood up and turned my back, pacing in front of the window in the large office. “That’s not enough.”

“Okay, once every two or three months and for the graduation, okay?”

My heart squeezed inside my chest and my vision blurred. “I have to talk to him and see how he reacts. I can’t promise at this point.” I squirmed in my seat, trying to get her to let it drop, but she was like a rabid dog with a bone.

“Look, honey, I’ve already arranged for you to take Andrea with you, and Mike Turner is being sent as the photographer on the unit. The old gang will be together again. You can pick two artists…the writers will be from Paris, due to language barriers, of course, but you can choose your assistants, production manager, a translator and secretaries. I’m giving you carte blanche on this. You’d report directly to me.”

I faced her and put my hand on my hip, smoothing the navy blue fabric of my skirt nervously. “I have to talk to Ryan before I can commit, okay?”

“Okay, honey, but this is your baby. You’d be insane not to jump on it.”

“Thank you for your faith…it’s incredible that you think so highly of me.” I stumbled for the right words.

“Bullshit, Julia. You’re the most talented person I’ve ever worked with, and I can count on you to do the job right. It’s just a fact. This isn’t a fucking favor. I
need
you for this job.” She looked at me pointedly and rose out of the chair. “I have to go upstairs and speak to John. I get to tell him I’m stealing his star right out from underneath him. This should be fun.” She laughed and then came around the desk to hug me. “Ryan will be proud. You’ve accomplished so much for one so young. If he’s everything you’ve told me, and what I’ve seen of him on the few times we’ve met, he will support you one hundred percent.”