The Go-Between (The Nilaruna Cycles Book 1) (21 page)

I have to snap out of this, but I can’t make myself. Yesterday was the
most terrifying experience of my life. I thought I was going to die.

My body shudders with the memory
of the blade at my throat, the ice-cold blade…

“I’ve brought you some water,”
Faaris says, holding the cup to my lips. “Try to drink a bit.”

He tilts the cup and I let the
water fall into my mouth. It tastes sour and stale.

“Talking about it might help,” he
says. “It gives you power over the memories.”

“It just…it reminded me, you
know?” I stammer. “Of so many times…being helpless. Of having no control…oh,
gods!”

I put my face in my hands.

Faaris rubs his hand comfortingly
down my back.

“Never again, Saphala,” he
whispers. “I promise you, you will never again be at someone else’s mercy. I
will make sure of it.”

I drop my hands and peek up at
him. “You will?”

“I will.”

I lean closer to him. “Do you
swear it?”

“I swear it.”

I close the distance between us
and place my lips on his. Faaris startles and leans back.

“My lady, I was not suggesting
such liberties,” he says. “I require no payment for my oath.”

Damn it, I’ve miscalculated. I
thought Faaris would be receptive, but he’s more conventional than I surmised.

“I’m sorry, my lord,” I say,
dropping my eyes. “All the men I’ve known…nothing is given freely. I did not
mean to impugn your honor. I do not know any better.”

“It’s alright,” he says, climbing
to his feet. “But I meant what I said. Your health, your honor, and even your
body…all are safe with me.”

“Is it because of my caste?” I
ask. “You deserve better than an untouchable.”

“Don’t do that,” he scolds me.
“I’m giving you my respect as the lady you are. If you wish for me to treat you
as a whore, I can do that, too.”

“Faaris,” I say, “it was only a
kiss.”

“A kiss to tempt me like no
other,” he says. “Don’t do it again, because I won’t be able to resist, and
then I’ll hate myself. I don’t wish to associate with people who make me feel
like an ass.”

I nod.

Faaris gives me a bow and walks
away.

I allow myself to smile. He wants
me, but he’s trying to do the honorable thing.

I do so love a challenge.

When we’re five leagues from Indrapur, I send Manoj ahead to alert
our servants and to send a litter. I do not want to ride into the city proper
with Nili and Saphala clinging to our backs. Too much opportunity for gossip
and misinformation.

We make camp in a copse of trees,
and the first thing I want to do is get a look at Nili’s stitches.

“It can wait, Kai,” she says.
“We’re almost home.”

“Humor me,” I say. “You don’t
have to get undressed. Just pull your trousers down a bit and let me see.”

We wander off to a private place,
and Nili pulls her tunic up and her trousers down half her rear.

I gasp silently. The bandage is
soaked in fresh blood, and blood stains her clothes as well.

“It’s bleeding again,” I say.
“Here. Help me unwind it.”

Underneath, a couple of the
stitches have torn through her skin, and the wound is hot and inflamed.

“It’s infected,” I say. “We can’t
wait for the litter. I need to get you to a healer.”

Nili bites her lip. “You’re sure
it’s infected?”

I put the back of my hand to her
forehead, and it feels as though she’s on fire. “You have a fever,” I say.

“I don’t feel hot,” she says. “If
anything, I’m chilled.”

“That’s how fevers work,” I say.
“You should know that.”

Nili puts her hands on her
cheeks. “I do know that. What’s wrong with me?”

“You’re sick.” I rewind a fresh
bandage around her, and pull her clothing into place. Then I pick her up.

“You don’t have to carry me,” she
says. “I’m not helpless.”

“Faaris!” I yell, and he comes
running. “Nili has a fever and the wound is infected. I’m going to get her to
the palace as soon as possible.”

“Shall we follow?” he asks.

“Might as well. Have Saphala wear
a veil. I want to keep them both anonymous for now.”

“You go,” Faaris says. “I’ll pack
up and catch up with you. Go.”

I settle Nili on the horse and
climb up behind her. “Hang on,” I tell her.

And I spur the horse into a run.

***

Less than a league outside the city, we run into Manoj and the
litter. I slow my horse and wave him over to meet us.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

“She’s got a fever. The wound is
inflamed. I couldn’t wait.”

My horse is lathered and blown,
but we don’t have much farther to go.

“Let me take her,” Manoj says.
“My horse is fresh.”

“Like hell,” I say. “Trade with
me.”

We trade horses. Nili is awake
but fading fast.

“Hold on, my sweet,” I tell her.
“Hold on.”

I have dreamt of seeing the great city of Indrapur.

In those dreams, I was mounted on
a white steed, surveying the pointed turrets and spiraling steeples from a hill
on the city’s outskirts. The sun’s rays bounced off the ocean beyond and lit
the city from behind.

I would enter the city and
dismount, preferring to walk to take in the sights and sounds. I imagined
color, jewels and silks and fruits and trinkets all the glorious hues of the
rainbow. I imagined spices, hot cinnamons to wrinkle my nose and peppers to
make me sneeze and breads and sweets and meats whose smell alone could fill a
hungry belly. I imagined people of every color and shape and size, from every
land, mingling and haggling and smiling, and I would blend right in.

My dream did not become reality.

I was near senseless with fever
when we raced down that shining hill, blurred down the roads and through the
marketplace, and finally entered the palace compound.

I remember none of it.

“How long was I out of it?” I ask
Zara, a girl who’s been cleaning my room for the last hour I’ve been awake.
She’s young, but seems to be a hard worker.

“Two days, my lady,” she says. I
notice she doesn’t look directly at me, and I wonder if that’s because of my
caste or because I’m so grotesque.

“And you said Prince Kai is
coming?”

“He’s been told that you’re
awake, my lady.”

“Yes, but is he coming?”

Zara twists the dust cloth she’s
holding in her fingers. “The king always comes at his leisure, never when
summoned. I do not…I have not been around the prince much, so I cannot say.”

I frown. I suspected things would
be different when we reached the palace, but I didn’t think about how
different.

“Do you know where he is?”

“I heard he was at the docks, my
lady.”

“And how far away are the docks?”

“It depends, my lady.”

I huff a frustrated breath and
struggle to sit up. The healer left me a brew of herbal tea when I first woke,
and I take a sip of it. The bitter concoction is ice cold and vomit-inducing. I
set it back down.

“Zara, could you help me stand?”

She finally looks at me and
quickly averts her eyes. “Oh no, my lady, the healer said you should not. You
need your rest.”

“I also have to work my scar
tissue or I’m going to become a corpse.” I swivel my legs off the side of the
bed and my hip burns. A wave of dizziness passes over me, but I push my
blankets to the side and get my feet flat on the floor. “I’m not going to run
around the palace. I just need to walk a few steps. Please.”

She takes a step closer. “What do
you need?”

“Just a hand.”

She holds out her tiny hand, and
I give her my healthy one. No need to cause a panic.

I push myself upright, and Zara
helps. I’m a little shaky, but I’m up.

“Tell me about yourself. How long
have you worked here?”

“About myself?” she asks.

“I need a distraction,” I say as
I limp heavily, breathing hard though I’ve barely gone ten paces. “This is
painful for me, but necessary. How did you get here?”

“My mother works in the
kitchens,” she says.

“And what of your father?”

“He’s a soldier, my lady.”

“A soldier’s daughter works as a
maid?” I ask, surprised.

“He…I am not acknowledged, my
lady,” she says.

Oh.

“And how old are you?”

“I’m—”

Suddenly the door to my chamber
bursts open, and there’s Kai, sweat pouring down his beet-red face, a smile
wide on his lips.

“Nili!” he says, running to me.
He collides with me so hard Zara’s hand is torn from mine, and I cannot help
but grin back at him. “You’re awake! Thank the gods you’re awake.” He crushes me
against him and buries his sweaty face in my hair.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I say.
“When I woke up and I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t know who to talk to or
what to say…I’m just so glad you’re here.”

The door creaks. I peek over
Kai’s shoulder and see Zara trying to edge out of the room.

“Zara,” I say.

She stops, eyes wide, like she’s
been caught doing something naughty.

“My lady?”

“Thank you. Thank you for helping
me.”

She smiles, gives me a nod, and
slips out.

***

“Your cheek is finally pink rather than fever-red,” he says. “But you
should be in bed. Why are you up?” He’s already guiding me back to the
mattress.

“I have to walk. You know that.
Just a few more steps. I’ve only been up for a few minutes.”

Kai guides me about the large
room, which I’m only now noticing. It’s bigger than my entire house in Dabani.
And pinker.

Pink silk lines the walls and is
even draped from the ceiling. A sparkling crystal chandelier dangles from the
center of the room. A bowl of pink lotus flowers sits atop a gold chest of
drawers. Even the blankets on my bed have been dyed a deep pink.

“Do you like your room?” he asks.

“I haven’t had much time to take
it in,” I say. “It’s like I’m living in a rose petal.”

He laughs. “It is a bit pink. We
can change the colors if you wish.”

“I love the colors,” I say. “I
don’t want you to change a single thing for me.”

Kai stops and brushes a lock of
hair from my scarred cheek. “This is your home now. You can make it whatever
you wish.”

I blush. “I think we have more
important things to do than decorate.”

“Actually,” he says, “you have
one task and one task only: to get well. Once you’re back on your feet we can
discuss other duties.”

“I’m on my feet,” I say.

“And you’re already perspiring
from head to toe,” he says.

I rub the back of neck, and it’s
damp and sticky. He’s right. “That’s because my fever just broke.”

“Two days, Nili. You were out for
two days. You need more time to recover.”

Reluctantly, I let him guide me
back to bed.

“Will you at least tell me what
I’ve missed?”

“Not much,” he says, sitting
beside me. “Faaris and Saphala are inseparable. She’s doing well. We gave her a
noble suite, and Faaris has been doting on her. I think he’s close to
proposing.”

“Already?” I gasp. “He barely
knows her.”

“She’s been conducting herself
with grace and humility. Since our discussion, I’ve tried to keep a discreet
eye on her, and I cannot find any fault. Maybe you need to give her a chance.”

“She’s my oldest friend,” I say.
“Of course I’ll give her a chance. I don’t even know what I was thinking. The
whole situation just has me paranoid, I guess.”

“All of us are feeling that way,”
Kai says.

“So what happens next?” I ask
him. “When will our engagement be announced? What do I have to do?”

“My father will issue a royal
proclamation in a few days. We would have done it sooner, but he wanted to meet
you first.”

I grip the edge of my blankets.
“When do I meet him?”

“When you’re ready,” he says. “I
didn’t think you’d want to meet the king while sick in bed.”

I blow out a breath. “Thanks for
that. I definitely don’t want to meet him here.”

“Then we’ll arrange it for
tomorrow, if you’re up for it. We can have dinner together.”

I nod, my head wobbly. “Okay.”

Kai laughs. “Don’t be nervous.
Yes, he’s the king, but he’s also just a man. My father. Nothing scary.”

“Does he know about me?” I ask.

Kai nods. “I’ve told him. He has
no problem with your caste.”

“It can’t have been that easy.”

Kai shrugs. “Nothing is.”